the other side of the coin.
seventeen lines
thats all
i need
each just
two words
long. Eventually
my need
for sleep
will overcome
but now
I'm strong
reluctant words
spill from
my pen
but they're
still mine
to keep.
Seventeen Lines by Nick enders
---------------------
It's amazing what was still unknown
some truths as harsh and cold as stone
over such things I shall not weep
for every to every man comes time alone
I will cry out in hunger and in pain
for brothers lost on bloody plain
but this time I quietly retreat
for this time my loss was my own aim
To thee I give my one true friend
days of solitude come to an end
tonight my own company I keep
a grateful loss ne'er come again.
One Mans Treasure by Nick Enders
-----------------------
Across the living room
he better be losing sleep
or I'll kick his ass
-----------------------
The room is hot but
my cold bed is no comfort
will I die this way?
-----------------------
It's funny how this comes today while I'm still in a funk
Melancholy, soft and week, while he's banging her trunk
I sit alone for once and while it's funny but it's true
my thoughts they wander blindly but meander o'er to you
It's selfish and so cowardly because comfort you do bring
and from the bitter past unfold will phoenix anew sing?
It's doubtful, I'm far too old, cruel and bitter malice hold
it's grip on me as wedding bells do chime their toll
my private hell.
Private Hell by Nick Enders
-------------------------
The mundane for me
is a blessing for some
and as my thoughts
keep me company
and wander my head,
a flower blooms on
distant star trying
to keep the beat
of solar flares to
race the night when
comes to dawn.
Return to my bed
it's both snug and wide
repressing the sound
down the hall
my fan is on and blowing
away creeks and foot falls
as ravens cry "oh never more"
I know it is not true.
I'll find my rose
on far off sun
and make it bloom anew.
A Solar Garden by Nick Enders
----------------------------
We are walking a broad tightrope
dancing on a dulled razors edge
strolling the highway median
three blocks wide.
hand in hand, eyes closed
not thinking of a goal
thinking behind, we make us whole.
Love? Maybe, but some words
break the spell. there are things
that wish to be told
by holing back we both hold on.
unspoken bond
Not broken strong.
Left Unsaid by Nick Enders
-----------------------------
a soldier at attention
rifle set in hand
boots laced
locked and cocked
waiting the command
I find myself wondering
whither I am this man
put through battle school
long as memory serves
Rifflemans Creed by Nick Enders
-------------------------------
I'm done writing poetry no more rhymes. I keep wondering weather I am crazy that those foolish delusions are just that. Why would I have a fate and what would it be? Am I being Prepared? Is my whole life a game of some greater meaning? WHO cares? Maybe I am being prepped, I really think that I am. It really makes sense. I mean come on...
Thats bullshit. I don't know whether I would have a break, a vacation, reward or just the next step in my training. Should I take it all in and just relax and let my guard down or should I be ready to start over because I know it will all end soon?
Reluctant Martyr by Nick Enders
--------------------------------
Am I such a beast? Does it really matter WHO it is that listens? as long as some chick is there to give me comfort, I'm fine. God, I'm such a heel. I deserve nothing. I hope that thats not true, but if I am so foolish as too keep falling like this, isn't that just using them? who is the doctor? Who is the patient? while everyone is moving I'm stuck in the past wanting either to stay or be dragged out. I wish I could decide. But I still wonder whether I'm just isolating myself by saying that they don't understand? I ask why I cant be loved but want to give nothing back. But I wonder. Is it so wrong to open up to people? I'm being forced to jump in relationships . I'm so addicted to something and I just can't get it. Why am I miserable? I'm not built for endurance, I can't run this long. I'm so tired.
Sprinter by Nick Enders
--------------------------------
How can I say "I love you" if All i think about is how foolish I am. If all i can say is I love the comfort that you give to me. What kind of man am I? But what do you think? My question was never answered. But that doesn't really matter. It was never meant to be. But the one that did answer me, the one that i tried to have kill me. But FUCK. But she's the only one that I think about. Dammit girl why can't you grow up so I don't have to? But why can't you see that I'm better for you even when I can't? And THAT is why I can't love. Because I fear that i am still stuck living in the past. clinging to the something that never mattered in the first place. But I'm afraid that all I'm doing is using you.
And you.
and you.
But damn I suck.
Interjection by Nick Enders
--------------------------------
I put you in a situation, asked you to lie. Things are hard enough between you. I'm sorry. I suspect that this might be the straw of broken camels back. I really want you to be happy, even with him. I have no problem with you seeing people, Just don't be like my last. I know how you will awlays be my frind. I really hope for nothing more. relationships can die, but true friendships can never be killed. All that I've said is that I'll leave. Which is true. You've said that you would too. Maybe we can leave together? No that would be foolish. How would we run from out past if we follow each other? I now wish that I'd have thought things through better. I don't know if I should act or if I do act. How should I? Mayhap I should (I wanna say call thing off, but I'm too selfish) No. I can't do that. I'll just talk to you. I will. Today.
One More Straw by Nick Enders
--------------------------------
I'm selfishly waiting for you.
Waiting if the halls for you to see me.
I'm waiting for you at my house,
at your house, we both know each others
schedules. Our numbers...
Standing at Home by Nick Enders
--------------------------------
A tragedy must have roles
one of the key elements
first the role model
shift local, shift schools
the the role of time
again, two shifts
role model replaced
Roles by Nick Enders
--------------------------
Her body's bare
her hips, they flair
her pinched nipples tells
that she's ready down there
she whispers hotly in my ear
"do anything you want"
She slides my hand down to her fount
I ask her if she's sure
as we roll in the hay
she wants all the way
I say no not yet
although she's wet
she pumps me
I do the next best thing
College Futon by Nick Enders
---------------------------
I pull her panties round her toes
under the covers no one knows
as I grab her by her nude seat
Oh god I feel the body heat
as I lick beneath her hair
I pray to god a humble prayer
asking if all this is right
Oh god her body is so tight
and as i play with her
I feel like such a cur
And I feel so bad
because she looks so sad
so I raise my head
to see her cheeks so red
I lay my head upon her chest
I close my eyes as if to rest
she lays her hand upon my nape
so careful as if I might break
I think she knows me all to well
and after that I think of hell
is there such thing as consented rape?
and only on our first true date!
you always hurt the ones you love
her breasts are creamy as a dove
we sit there still for over and hour
oh god I love my desert flower.
Sad but True by Nick Enders
-------------------------
It's about the pain now
it's about how much
I can give,
How much
I can take.
I'm dead inside but
growing back fast
it's only a matter of how
long I can last
before I realize
before I make known
How much you can hurt me
I'd given you my heart
I'd given you my soul
and you took them.
you took them selfishly
you took them whole
you took all I had to give
and lost control.
I never wanted anything
which was good because,
you never gave.
I don't want to be spiteful
or just live for revenge
I want you to get better
but I need for you to cry
you should be thanks though
you taught me a good many
things.
how to love,
how to lie,
How to abuse,
how to die,
Now I'll use you,
now you'll fry.
the question remains
which will hurt worse?
I could say it to her
i could give her back
her lace (in front of her
friends or folks?)
I could write her in a letter
saying what I always knew
I could spread it to all your
friends, the true rumors
and never end, as your new
found social status just explodes.
but no that wouldn't work
that wouldn't bring the hurt.
because all that, you
already know your
"friends" think you a slut
your mind is full of smut
you leave your body far
too far exposed. The
public eye has seen
your every inch.
and I was dumb enough
to join the throng.
you said that you needed
to hear somethings
I'll stay by your side,
I'll live out your liel
I'll use you the way
you taught me to.
I'll fix you, I'll heal you
I'll be there forever
subtly remind you of
all that you've lost.
Everyday with you'll see
you were happy with me.
but thats a lie
how can i get close enough
to hurt you if you keep
pushing me away?
Witch Hurts Worse? by Nick Enders
-----------------------
Don't touch me!
get the fuck away?
your taint corrupts
my virgin soul
has any hole
of yours not been
fingered, fucked, foiled?
you rot, you reek
you rape the minds
and bodies of everyone
you meet, everyone
pays the price
to you, everyone dies
you cry out for change
then abuse yourself
the lose yourself
don't get me involved
in your slut fest
nothings changed
but you act different
i don't see anything
different in you. I
just know I can't change you.
Back Off by Nick Enders
thats all
i need
each just
two words
long. Eventually
my need
for sleep
will overcome
but now
I'm strong
reluctant words
spill from
my pen
but they're
still mine
to keep.
Seventeen Lines by Nick enders
---------------------
It's amazing what was still unknown
some truths as harsh and cold as stone
over such things I shall not weep
for every to every man comes time alone
I will cry out in hunger and in pain
for brothers lost on bloody plain
but this time I quietly retreat
for this time my loss was my own aim
To thee I give my one true friend
days of solitude come to an end
tonight my own company I keep
a grateful loss ne'er come again.
One Mans Treasure by Nick Enders
-----------------------
Across the living room
he better be losing sleep
or I'll kick his ass
-----------------------
The room is hot but
my cold bed is no comfort
will I die this way?
-----------------------
It's funny how this comes today while I'm still in a funk
Melancholy, soft and week, while he's banging her trunk
I sit alone for once and while it's funny but it's true
my thoughts they wander blindly but meander o'er to you
It's selfish and so cowardly because comfort you do bring
and from the bitter past unfold will phoenix anew sing?
It's doubtful, I'm far too old, cruel and bitter malice hold
it's grip on me as wedding bells do chime their toll
my private hell.
Private Hell by Nick Enders
-------------------------
The mundane for me
is a blessing for some
and as my thoughts
keep me company
and wander my head,
a flower blooms on
distant star trying
to keep the beat
of solar flares to
race the night when
comes to dawn.
Return to my bed
it's both snug and wide
repressing the sound
down the hall
my fan is on and blowing
away creeks and foot falls
as ravens cry "oh never more"
I know it is not true.
I'll find my rose
on far off sun
and make it bloom anew.
A Solar Garden by Nick Enders
----------------------------
We are walking a broad tightrope
dancing on a dulled razors edge
strolling the highway median
three blocks wide.
hand in hand, eyes closed
not thinking of a goal
thinking behind, we make us whole.
Love? Maybe, but some words
break the spell. there are things
that wish to be told
by holing back we both hold on.
unspoken bond
Not broken strong.
Left Unsaid by Nick Enders
-----------------------------
a soldier at attention
rifle set in hand
boots laced
locked and cocked
waiting the command
I find myself wondering
whither I am this man
put through battle school
long as memory serves
Rifflemans Creed by Nick Enders
-------------------------------
I'm done writing poetry no more rhymes. I keep wondering weather I am crazy that those foolish delusions are just that. Why would I have a fate and what would it be? Am I being Prepared? Is my whole life a game of some greater meaning? WHO cares? Maybe I am being prepped, I really think that I am. It really makes sense. I mean come on...
Thats bullshit. I don't know whether I would have a break, a vacation, reward or just the next step in my training. Should I take it all in and just relax and let my guard down or should I be ready to start over because I know it will all end soon?
Reluctant Martyr by Nick Enders
--------------------------------
Am I such a beast? Does it really matter WHO it is that listens? as long as some chick is there to give me comfort, I'm fine. God, I'm such a heel. I deserve nothing. I hope that thats not true, but if I am so foolish as too keep falling like this, isn't that just using them? who is the doctor? Who is the patient? while everyone is moving I'm stuck in the past wanting either to stay or be dragged out. I wish I could decide. But I still wonder whether I'm just isolating myself by saying that they don't understand? I ask why I cant be loved but want to give nothing back. But I wonder. Is it so wrong to open up to people? I'm being forced to jump in relationships . I'm so addicted to something and I just can't get it. Why am I miserable? I'm not built for endurance, I can't run this long. I'm so tired.
Sprinter by Nick Enders
--------------------------------
How can I say "I love you" if All i think about is how foolish I am. If all i can say is I love the comfort that you give to me. What kind of man am I? But what do you think? My question was never answered. But that doesn't really matter. It was never meant to be. But the one that did answer me, the one that i tried to have kill me. But FUCK. But she's the only one that I think about. Dammit girl why can't you grow up so I don't have to? But why can't you see that I'm better for you even when I can't? And THAT is why I can't love. Because I fear that i am still stuck living in the past. clinging to the something that never mattered in the first place. But I'm afraid that all I'm doing is using you.
And you.
and you.
But damn I suck.
Interjection by Nick Enders
--------------------------------
I put you in a situation, asked you to lie. Things are hard enough between you. I'm sorry. I suspect that this might be the straw of broken camels back. I really want you to be happy, even with him. I have no problem with you seeing people, Just don't be like my last. I know how you will awlays be my frind. I really hope for nothing more. relationships can die, but true friendships can never be killed. All that I've said is that I'll leave. Which is true. You've said that you would too. Maybe we can leave together? No that would be foolish. How would we run from out past if we follow each other? I now wish that I'd have thought things through better. I don't know if I should act or if I do act. How should I? Mayhap I should (I wanna say call thing off, but I'm too selfish) No. I can't do that. I'll just talk to you. I will. Today.
One More Straw by Nick Enders
--------------------------------
I'm selfishly waiting for you.
Waiting if the halls for you to see me.
I'm waiting for you at my house,
at your house, we both know each others
schedules. Our numbers...
Standing at Home by Nick Enders
--------------------------------
A tragedy must have roles
one of the key elements
first the role model
shift local, shift schools
the the role of time
again, two shifts
role model replaced
Roles by Nick Enders
--------------------------
Her body's bare
her hips, they flair
her pinched nipples tells
that she's ready down there
she whispers hotly in my ear
"do anything you want"
She slides my hand down to her fount
I ask her if she's sure
as we roll in the hay
she wants all the way
I say no not yet
although she's wet
she pumps me
I do the next best thing
College Futon by Nick Enders
---------------------------
I pull her panties round her toes
under the covers no one knows
as I grab her by her nude seat
Oh god I feel the body heat
as I lick beneath her hair
I pray to god a humble prayer
asking if all this is right
Oh god her body is so tight
and as i play with her
I feel like such a cur
And I feel so bad
because she looks so sad
so I raise my head
to see her cheeks so red
I lay my head upon her chest
I close my eyes as if to rest
she lays her hand upon my nape
so careful as if I might break
I think she knows me all to well
and after that I think of hell
is there such thing as consented rape?
and only on our first true date!
you always hurt the ones you love
her breasts are creamy as a dove
we sit there still for over and hour
oh god I love my desert flower.
Sad but True by Nick Enders
-------------------------
It's about the pain now
it's about how much
I can give,
How much
I can take.
I'm dead inside but
growing back fast
it's only a matter of how
long I can last
before I realize
before I make known
How much you can hurt me
I'd given you my heart
I'd given you my soul
and you took them.
you took them selfishly
you took them whole
you took all I had to give
and lost control.
I never wanted anything
which was good because,
you never gave.
I don't want to be spiteful
or just live for revenge
I want you to get better
but I need for you to cry
you should be thanks though
you taught me a good many
things.
how to love,
how to lie,
How to abuse,
how to die,
Now I'll use you,
now you'll fry.
the question remains
which will hurt worse?
I could say it to her
i could give her back
her lace (in front of her
friends or folks?)
I could write her in a letter
saying what I always knew
I could spread it to all your
friends, the true rumors
and never end, as your new
found social status just explodes.
but no that wouldn't work
that wouldn't bring the hurt.
because all that, you
already know your
"friends" think you a slut
your mind is full of smut
you leave your body far
too far exposed. The
public eye has seen
your every inch.
and I was dumb enough
to join the throng.
you said that you needed
to hear somethings
I'll stay by your side,
I'll live out your liel
I'll use you the way
you taught me to.
I'll fix you, I'll heal you
I'll be there forever
subtly remind you of
all that you've lost.
Everyday with you'll see
you were happy with me.
but thats a lie
how can i get close enough
to hurt you if you keep
pushing me away?
Witch Hurts Worse? by Nick Enders
-----------------------
Don't touch me!
get the fuck away?
your taint corrupts
my virgin soul
has any hole
of yours not been
fingered, fucked, foiled?
you rot, you reek
you rape the minds
and bodies of everyone
you meet, everyone
pays the price
to you, everyone dies
you cry out for change
then abuse yourself
the lose yourself
don't get me involved
in your slut fest
nothings changed
but you act different
i don't see anything
different in you. I
just know I can't change you.
Back Off by Nick Enders