why can you read me like no one else?
wow. where to start. so i'm enjoying school. i'm excited to pump out some awesome stuff. i'm also contemplating experimenting with mind altering substances. just to get the creative juices flowing. i've been watching some student reels, and the videos and concepts are so fucked up. how do they think of that shit. and the only conclusion i have came to is that they're clinically insane, or they do some drugs. well i'm not insane, so that only leaves the other option. i'm joking though. but seriously, i should. speaking of schools. i was really set on full sail. then i was turned on to savannah college of art and design. and well thats an option that i am considering. i feel like i need to get out of here, and be on my own. i think. i think that i don't know what i'm thinking half of the time. i'm scared that if i go away, i will go away to all the people around me. and i dont' want that. but then i'm sure i'll meet new people, but just because i'm meeting new people, doesn't mean that they are going to replace the people that i love back home. i sometimes just wish i could go back to when i thought i had everything figured out. life seemed so much easier back then. but thats just life i guess, and things change, people change, plans change. as much as it hurts, i see it happening right before my eyes. i feel like i have no control, but its the complete opposite. i have all the control. i hate that i am comfortable with settling. but the thing is, i'm not comfortable with that at all. thats what i've been doing. and i don't want to do it anymore. i'm scared of regret. i don't want to regret a thing. i don't want to look back years from now and think of all the what if's and what coulda beens. so don't get me wrong. i am happy right now, with some aspects of my life. i just want to be completely happy with all aspects. but that is so much harder than it seems. i'm really just ready and waiting to fall. and i don't think anyone will be there to catch me. a year used to seem like a long time. now it just doesn't seem long enough.
so work has been slow, some days better than others but in general slow. i have been getting there late. like at 8:58 and we open at 9. I wake up on time, i just move so slow in the morning. i can't figure it out. and i try to wake up earlier, but that just isn't happening. i hope last week was weird people week, because i just don't think i can handle them again this week. every possible weird customer came in last week, so hopefully they got that out of their systems. and i hope i don't encounter Quasimodo Mongoloid freak stalker guy. he really just creeps me right out.
so my mom is funny. and not hip at all. husher&rick springstein and thats what makes her funny. we've been hanging out, cooking, laughing, talking. and i just want her to be happy too. she is amazing, and brave, and so strong, i wish i could be half of what she is when i'm on my own. but i won't be on my own at all because she'll always be there for me. i'm her spoiled little brat, but she loves me.
so i haven't been hungry at all lately. its so odd. like i'll be starving, and i'll get food, and i'll take 4 bites and i am oh so full. its not bad, but its just weird. and i'm so done with fast food, and burger king. i think it was my favorite. i could have it my way, plus hair. and i'm just not feelin' the hair in my food anymore, so i'm done with that. plus i'm feeling good from the gym, so why ruin that. i'm trailing off. rambling, and i should be sleeping. i'm just not tired. my mind is going 100 mph. and i just don't know what to do. so i'll go to bed. but i won't be sleeping.
so work has been slow, some days better than others but in general slow. i have been getting there late. like at 8:58 and we open at 9. I wake up on time, i just move so slow in the morning. i can't figure it out. and i try to wake up earlier, but that just isn't happening. i hope last week was weird people week, because i just don't think i can handle them again this week. every possible weird customer came in last week, so hopefully they got that out of their systems. and i hope i don't encounter Quasimodo Mongoloid freak stalker guy. he really just creeps me right out.
so my mom is funny. and not hip at all. husher&rick springstein and thats what makes her funny. we've been hanging out, cooking, laughing, talking. and i just want her to be happy too. she is amazing, and brave, and so strong, i wish i could be half of what she is when i'm on my own. but i won't be on my own at all because she'll always be there for me. i'm her spoiled little brat, but she loves me.
so i haven't been hungry at all lately. its so odd. like i'll be starving, and i'll get food, and i'll take 4 bites and i am oh so full. its not bad, but its just weird. and i'm so done with fast food, and burger king. i think it was my favorite. i could have it my way, plus hair. and i'm just not feelin' the hair in my food anymore, so i'm done with that. plus i'm feeling good from the gym, so why ruin that. i'm trailing off. rambling, and i should be sleeping. i'm just not tired. my mind is going 100 mph. and i just don't know what to do. so i'll go to bed. but i won't be sleeping.