(no subject)
I am in my new apartment. Second one in Orlando. First had a fire in the kitchen.. literally exploded in my face, but no harm done... except the sprinkler went off and flooded the apartment kitchen and living room and all the hallways 2 inches...
Well yea , new roomates as well. They never leave their rooms. Well one is never home, always at his girlfriends house. The other works all day and well whenever he doesnt have classes and gets home at 11. And finally the other one I do see sometimes, but only when cooking food... he studies like crazy and just stays in his room. So yea... all secluded here.
I have been having a lot of fun here. Meeting a lot of new people. Made new friends who are really nice and cool, ha only guy friends.. but yea they're really cool. I also found some smoking buddies, quite a few really... and well girls. Ha what can I say? Many girls!!!! Many , many , pretty ones!
Umm things are cool with Lissa. She's a girl I have been talking to for a while now. She was my valentines!!! She is such a sweetheart, very nice , such a great person...really nice and oh so cute!
She is very pretty, great taste in music and very cool. Into film and is comming to Valencia for film.
Well yea classes are going well. I took my Gov test, screenwritting paper, Eng paper, and my Film test. Have like a B or A avg in my classes thus far.
Job search is good, I'm actually leaving in an hour for an interview! thun thun thun! Hope all goes well... it's sale. 10 an hour guaranteed. hmmm I hope so.
Umm yea I went down south for V-day weekend. Where yea I got to spend the whole weekend with Lissa, got to see samantha, Jairo my homeboy!!! Umm mary, and skirtgirl... but I didnt get a chance to see melissa , which sucks. Nor anjel... but they were both at the same place , ha.. irony?
It was nice seeing everyone, and running up behind people and surprising them , and having them shreik , lol
I was also supposed to go to a strip club with Bethany, :)
but didnt get to see her either
Umm yea... well speaking of which , i read her lj and my ex replied to her journal. OUch.. like its weird. I saw her little icon and i felt such a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Daria still gives me butterflys- or makes me nervous.
I was bakin some sausages and fries, and they got done just as I saw daria's reply.. and i completely lost my appetite. I wrote a reply to daria's reply just aying hi and stuff. Why do I want to befriend her so badly?
Well i've actually I've thought about that really... well mostly just on my drive back down south in which i was alone for 4 hours listenin to emo music. and well
I still love Daria.
I have yet to have a girlfriend after her.. its been what , nearly 9 months now, and me w.o a g/f by choice. Sure there's been sex, and interests and fooling around-a-plenty but not a steady girlfriend. My love for Daria was so deep and so true, that I still feel for her till this day, and is the reason why I am not ready for/ or dont want a girlfriend. I don't think about her anymore though... I really dont... I just did on the drive and today. My dreams about her stopped... GOD knows those beautiful dreams in which i was hugging her , plagued my mind while awake. I would yell in anger when i woke up when I realized that it was a dream. Weird, but thats all gone.
Maybe I just yearn for acceptance by the first girl I've ever loved and fell in love with. Maybe I still want her to love me?
Ha... no matter what goes on in my mind, 3 things stay constant
1. I will always love her.
2. I will never be with her.
3. I just don't want her. Not as a girlfriend anyways... but would love her as a friend!
Yea.... she always weighed heavy on my mind.
I was even thinking about reading her on-loine journal... something I havent done in like 7 months or so. Being that the last time it made me cry and weep till no end.
So I didn't.
And I guess while writting this entry I remembered why I stopped talking to her, IMing her, e-mailing her and calling her. Because she told me to stop...
And aint that one of the biggest pains, when you'll do anything for the one you love... but the one you love wants nothing to do with you...
------------------------------------
Because of me , things remain unffair to all these girls who wanted/want something with me , but that I turned down... that I swayed away from and just walked away from...
Not fair to Lissa... not fair to myself... and its all on me , but please dont think this is easy.
I am still happy though... all-in-all I am out of my depression , thank you LORD GOD! and slowly moving on... though love will always be there... I'm moving slow but speeding...
I know someday I'll have a beautiful life.
I know someday I'll be a star, but in somebody elses sky, why...why..WHY?
I love so much, it's crazy and literally unbelievable.
Well yea , new roomates as well. They never leave their rooms. Well one is never home, always at his girlfriends house. The other works all day and well whenever he doesnt have classes and gets home at 11. And finally the other one I do see sometimes, but only when cooking food... he studies like crazy and just stays in his room. So yea... all secluded here.
I have been having a lot of fun here. Meeting a lot of new people. Made new friends who are really nice and cool, ha only guy friends.. but yea they're really cool. I also found some smoking buddies, quite a few really... and well girls. Ha what can I say? Many girls!!!! Many , many , pretty ones!
Umm things are cool with Lissa. She's a girl I have been talking to for a while now. She was my valentines!!! She is such a sweetheart, very nice , such a great person...really nice and oh so cute!
She is very pretty, great taste in music and very cool. Into film and is comming to Valencia for film.
Well yea classes are going well. I took my Gov test, screenwritting paper, Eng paper, and my Film test. Have like a B or A avg in my classes thus far.
Job search is good, I'm actually leaving in an hour for an interview! thun thun thun! Hope all goes well... it's sale. 10 an hour guaranteed. hmmm I hope so.
Umm yea I went down south for V-day weekend. Where yea I got to spend the whole weekend with Lissa, got to see samantha, Jairo my homeboy!!! Umm mary, and skirtgirl... but I didnt get a chance to see melissa , which sucks. Nor anjel... but they were both at the same place , ha.. irony?
It was nice seeing everyone, and running up behind people and surprising them , and having them shreik , lol
I was also supposed to go to a strip club with Bethany, :)
but didnt get to see her either
Umm yea... well speaking of which , i read her lj and my ex replied to her journal. OUch.. like its weird. I saw her little icon and i felt such a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Daria still gives me butterflys- or makes me nervous.
I was bakin some sausages and fries, and they got done just as I saw daria's reply.. and i completely lost my appetite. I wrote a reply to daria's reply just aying hi and stuff. Why do I want to befriend her so badly?
Well i've actually I've thought about that really... well mostly just on my drive back down south in which i was alone for 4 hours listenin to emo music. and well
I still love Daria.
I have yet to have a girlfriend after her.. its been what , nearly 9 months now, and me w.o a g/f by choice. Sure there's been sex, and interests and fooling around-a-plenty but not a steady girlfriend. My love for Daria was so deep and so true, that I still feel for her till this day, and is the reason why I am not ready for/ or dont want a girlfriend. I don't think about her anymore though... I really dont... I just did on the drive and today. My dreams about her stopped... GOD knows those beautiful dreams in which i was hugging her , plagued my mind while awake. I would yell in anger when i woke up when I realized that it was a dream. Weird, but thats all gone.
Maybe I just yearn for acceptance by the first girl I've ever loved and fell in love with. Maybe I still want her to love me?
Ha... no matter what goes on in my mind, 3 things stay constant
1. I will always love her.
2. I will never be with her.
3. I just don't want her. Not as a girlfriend anyways... but would love her as a friend!
Yea.... she always weighed heavy on my mind.
I was even thinking about reading her on-loine journal... something I havent done in like 7 months or so. Being that the last time it made me cry and weep till no end.
So I didn't.
And I guess while writting this entry I remembered why I stopped talking to her, IMing her, e-mailing her and calling her. Because she told me to stop...
And aint that one of the biggest pains, when you'll do anything for the one you love... but the one you love wants nothing to do with you...
------------------------------------
Because of me , things remain unffair to all these girls who wanted/want something with me , but that I turned down... that I swayed away from and just walked away from...
Not fair to Lissa... not fair to myself... and its all on me , but please dont think this is easy.
I am still happy though... all-in-all I am out of my depression , thank you LORD GOD! and slowly moving on... though love will always be there... I'm moving slow but speeding...
I know someday I'll have a beautiful life.
I know someday I'll be a star, but in somebody elses sky, why...why..WHY?
I love so much, it's crazy and literally unbelievable.