IF YOU'VE BEEN WONDERING... READ THIS
Im not sure how things are going between Ken and I.
The more I sit here with no word from him, the more I think about what could be going through his head. I dont want to lose him and I don't want to be without him
I already lost one man in my life who meant this much to me, I can't lose another one, I wont. I cant go through all this heartache and shit all the time.
I hate it!!
And my mom is finally taking my cutting seriously after 4 years of it. She is finding me a theripist and talking to my doctor about getting me on anti-depressents. Also, lately I have not cared wat I've been saying to people. So my mom brought up the fact that she would kill me if I got pregnent and I said something along the lines of "if you dont want it to happen cut it off at the pass and take care of it!" so she is putting me on the pill, I have an apointment next month to get a pap and prescription.
On top of all that I have some bad news about a close friend of mine... well actually a few friends of mine.
One will be left unnamed and they might be going away for a while... behind and iron gate and bars. It's not even their fault, they didnt do anything, they should be charged with anything and I'm hoping she doesnt chage my friend but it could happen. I have cried myself to sleep thinking about it for the past couple of days.
A family friend of ours, Liz, tried to commit suicide and is now in a mental home but is being released thursday... tomorrow... SHE TRIED TO KILL HERSELF! She is in Vegas, no one is there for her, we are all in MI including family and they are just letting her go! WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE?!?!
And a friend of mine, DJ, had a sesure right in front of me at the fair on sunday and I had to assist him to the medical tent at the fair where he was taken to the hospital. It freaked me out, and I didnt know what to do... I was so worried about him.
I have seen so many things happen to my friends, I have seen one get hit by a car, two have died in accidents, 1 killed himself... I cant take anymore. I love my friends and hold them very VERY close to my heart! I worry for them and when I see things like these happen, it kills me that all I can do is sit back and hope for the best to happen. I will be ther for all of you, know that. Even if I seem mad or depressed, if you need to talk just call me.
I am just so depressed right now, I dont know what to do with myself. I can't cut cause my mom took my wrist bands and tools, and I almost dont want to. I would love a cigerette right now but I hate my mom's brand. I want to talk to someone but the only person who knows EVERYTHING thats been going on lately and understands me well enough is up north and I'm awaiting his arival anxiously. I dont want to lose anyone, no friends, family, boyfriend... no one
but I feel like I am slowly losing myself
I am slowly losing grip and I dont know how much more strain I can take. I am losing feeling and emotions, I dont care about how what I say makes people feel or how I feel. I just dont know what to focus on or what to put first and I'm
SCARED!
I have been depressed before but not like this... I dont know why but I'm losing people and they are taking me with them.
no sleep, lost dreams, hopeless nights, drowning in tears
And all I have been doing is hiding behind forced laughs and faked smiles.
No one's noticed but I cant fake anything anymore
~Haley Renae VonSeggern
The more I sit here with no word from him, the more I think about what could be going through his head. I dont want to lose him and I don't want to be without him
I already lost one man in my life who meant this much to me, I can't lose another one, I wont. I cant go through all this heartache and shit all the time.
I hate it!!
And my mom is finally taking my cutting seriously after 4 years of it. She is finding me a theripist and talking to my doctor about getting me on anti-depressents. Also, lately I have not cared wat I've been saying to people. So my mom brought up the fact that she would kill me if I got pregnent and I said something along the lines of "if you dont want it to happen cut it off at the pass and take care of it!" so she is putting me on the pill, I have an apointment next month to get a pap and prescription.
On top of all that I have some bad news about a close friend of mine... well actually a few friends of mine.
One will be left unnamed and they might be going away for a while... behind and iron gate and bars. It's not even their fault, they didnt do anything, they should be charged with anything and I'm hoping she doesnt chage my friend but it could happen. I have cried myself to sleep thinking about it for the past couple of days.
A family friend of ours, Liz, tried to commit suicide and is now in a mental home but is being released thursday... tomorrow... SHE TRIED TO KILL HERSELF! She is in Vegas, no one is there for her, we are all in MI including family and they are just letting her go! WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE?!?!
And a friend of mine, DJ, had a sesure right in front of me at the fair on sunday and I had to assist him to the medical tent at the fair where he was taken to the hospital. It freaked me out, and I didnt know what to do... I was so worried about him.
I have seen so many things happen to my friends, I have seen one get hit by a car, two have died in accidents, 1 killed himself... I cant take anymore. I love my friends and hold them very VERY close to my heart! I worry for them and when I see things like these happen, it kills me that all I can do is sit back and hope for the best to happen. I will be ther for all of you, know that. Even if I seem mad or depressed, if you need to talk just call me.
I am just so depressed right now, I dont know what to do with myself. I can't cut cause my mom took my wrist bands and tools, and I almost dont want to. I would love a cigerette right now but I hate my mom's brand. I want to talk to someone but the only person who knows EVERYTHING thats been going on lately and understands me well enough is up north and I'm awaiting his arival anxiously. I dont want to lose anyone, no friends, family, boyfriend... no one
but I feel like I am slowly losing myself
I am slowly losing grip and I dont know how much more strain I can take. I am losing feeling and emotions, I dont care about how what I say makes people feel or how I feel. I just dont know what to focus on or what to put first and I'm
SCARED!
I have been depressed before but not like this... I dont know why but I'm losing people and they are taking me with them.
no sleep, lost dreams, hopeless nights, drowning in tears
And all I have been doing is hiding behind forced laughs and faked smiles.
No one's noticed but I cant fake anything anymore
~Haley Renae VonSeggern