Ummmm ...
I hate to say it ... but I agree with the mother-in-law.
news.ninemsn.com.au/world/8267198/mother-in-law-to-be-slams-bride-in-viral-email
I mean, she really shouldn't interfere in her son's life like that ... but if this bride-to-be really is behaving like that, she needs taking down a peg or two.
Edit: news.ninemsn.com.au/world/8267981/brides-dad-blasts-scathing-mother-in-law - the bride's father retaliates.
I mean, okay, I'm sure there's more to this story than meets the eye, and it's hard to judge who's right and who's wrong without knowing these people, but here are my thoughts so far:
*Carolyn (the mother in law) is correct in that you do not do certain things. Lying in bed until late morning when you're in another person's household, a household which rises early, is unacceptable. Obviously, you make exceptions in certain cases - if someone works at night, is unwell, is jetlagged, etc. I would also forgive this as a one off if they'd simply had a late night or been out on the town the night before, as long as it was clear that it wasn't to become the norm. The reverse is acceptable - it is okay to get up early in a household that rises late, provided that you don't make noise and disrupt anyone's sleep, or comment negatively about others sleeping in.
*Remarking that she (Heidi) doesn't have enough to eat/will not eat certain things, is unacceptable. Allergies or dietary requirements (and that is requirements, not preferences) are to be discussed discreetly with the host before the meal. Food portions for adults are served equally, and it is improper to suggest that you are entitled to more. You can ask for a smaller portion if you happen to be helping dish up the food, but not a larger one.
*The part about getting married in a castle is one I'm not clear about - from the sound of the original email it seems as if both sets of parents are contributing to the wedding, and I can absolutely understand if Carolyn doesn't want to be paying more than their share. I know traditionally it's the bride's parents who are supposed to pay, but in modern times it's often a shared cost, or it's paid by the couple themselves. If Heidi and Freddie are the ones who are paying, it's really none of Carolyn's business how much each of them contribute, though I can understand that she doesn't want her son to foot an expensive bill just because Heidi wants an extravagant wedding. It's Freddie's decision to spend what he wants, but Carolyn is right in that the gracious, ladylike thing to do is to live within your means, and if that means a modest wedding, then Heidi has no right to a castle. I don't agree that getting married in a castle is only for those who own the castle (or celebrities), but I do think it's only for those who can afford it, and from the sound of the email, Heidi can't.
*The comments about Heidi drawing attention to herself seem sort of personal and uncalled for, but then again, I don't really know the situation. Saying that she's an ideal candidate for "Ladette To Lady" seems a bit catty, but if Heidi really does behave the way Carolyn describes, I can't say it's innaccurate. (And sidenote - my issues with Ladette To Lady are mainly that it's slightly sexist. Ladette style behaviour is disgusting if it's constant, but that's true for both men and women. There's nothing wrong with going out once in a while and getting piss drunk, as long as you understand that there's a time and a place for it, and know how to behave with proper etiquette and decorum in other situations - and that applies to people of both sexes. I certainly don't think that women should be arranging flowers while men go to the pub, whiich is sort of what the show seems to encourage sometimes).
*On one hand, Carolyn sounds kind of like the stereotypical fussy, overbearing mother in law who would hate any woman that her precious son brought home. She really has no right to interfere in his life, but then again, if the couple intend to be a part of Carolyn and Edward's life/family, then she certainly has the right to address Heidi's inappropriate behaviour, particularly if Freddie isn't aware of it/is unwilling to say anything. If either of my brothers were engaged to a woman who behaved like that, I would make sure something was said about it - if it were my stepbrother, then my stepmother would probably handle it, as she and my father would recognise the issue and talk to my stepbrother about it. If it were my brother, he would probably be oblivious to it, and my mother tends to be quite a people-pleaser most of the time, so she'd probably rather accept the behaviour than cause a conflict. i wouldn't allow anyone entering my family to behave like that, so I would probably send a similar email to Carolyns - well, actually, I'd probably talk face to face, but the message would be the same.
*The comments from the father of the bride - I'm glad that he defended his daughter, and I can only hope that he did so because Carolyn's claims were exaggerated. If not, well, he should be thanking Carolyn for doing him a favour and teaching his daughter the manners and propriety that he and his wife clearly failed to impress upon her, and he should be mortified that it needed doing in the first place.
*Considering that the original email was criticising Heidi's uncouthness, using the words "arse" and "fart", as well as the term "fancy pants", really doesn't help his case.
*As soon as you say that someone "thinks they're better than me", they are. Nobody goes on the defensive like that unless there's something they feel they have to defend, and if the father of the bride is promoting himself and his family as being just as good as the groom's family, it's because he's afraid that they really might not be.
news.ninemsn.com.au/world/8267198/mother-in-law-to-be-slams-bride-in-viral-email
I mean, she really shouldn't interfere in her son's life like that ... but if this bride-to-be really is behaving like that, she needs taking down a peg or two.
Edit: news.ninemsn.com.au/world/8267981/brides-dad-blasts-scathing-mother-in-law - the bride's father retaliates.
I mean, okay, I'm sure there's more to this story than meets the eye, and it's hard to judge who's right and who's wrong without knowing these people, but here are my thoughts so far:
*Carolyn (the mother in law) is correct in that you do not do certain things. Lying in bed until late morning when you're in another person's household, a household which rises early, is unacceptable. Obviously, you make exceptions in certain cases - if someone works at night, is unwell, is jetlagged, etc. I would also forgive this as a one off if they'd simply had a late night or been out on the town the night before, as long as it was clear that it wasn't to become the norm. The reverse is acceptable - it is okay to get up early in a household that rises late, provided that you don't make noise and disrupt anyone's sleep, or comment negatively about others sleeping in.
*Remarking that she (Heidi) doesn't have enough to eat/will not eat certain things, is unacceptable. Allergies or dietary requirements (and that is requirements, not preferences) are to be discussed discreetly with the host before the meal. Food portions for adults are served equally, and it is improper to suggest that you are entitled to more. You can ask for a smaller portion if you happen to be helping dish up the food, but not a larger one.
*The part about getting married in a castle is one I'm not clear about - from the sound of the original email it seems as if both sets of parents are contributing to the wedding, and I can absolutely understand if Carolyn doesn't want to be paying more than their share. I know traditionally it's the bride's parents who are supposed to pay, but in modern times it's often a shared cost, or it's paid by the couple themselves. If Heidi and Freddie are the ones who are paying, it's really none of Carolyn's business how much each of them contribute, though I can understand that she doesn't want her son to foot an expensive bill just because Heidi wants an extravagant wedding. It's Freddie's decision to spend what he wants, but Carolyn is right in that the gracious, ladylike thing to do is to live within your means, and if that means a modest wedding, then Heidi has no right to a castle. I don't agree that getting married in a castle is only for those who own the castle (or celebrities), but I do think it's only for those who can afford it, and from the sound of the email, Heidi can't.
*The comments about Heidi drawing attention to herself seem sort of personal and uncalled for, but then again, I don't really know the situation. Saying that she's an ideal candidate for "Ladette To Lady" seems a bit catty, but if Heidi really does behave the way Carolyn describes, I can't say it's innaccurate. (And sidenote - my issues with Ladette To Lady are mainly that it's slightly sexist. Ladette style behaviour is disgusting if it's constant, but that's true for both men and women. There's nothing wrong with going out once in a while and getting piss drunk, as long as you understand that there's a time and a place for it, and know how to behave with proper etiquette and decorum in other situations - and that applies to people of both sexes. I certainly don't think that women should be arranging flowers while men go to the pub, whiich is sort of what the show seems to encourage sometimes).
*On one hand, Carolyn sounds kind of like the stereotypical fussy, overbearing mother in law who would hate any woman that her precious son brought home. She really has no right to interfere in his life, but then again, if the couple intend to be a part of Carolyn and Edward's life/family, then she certainly has the right to address Heidi's inappropriate behaviour, particularly if Freddie isn't aware of it/is unwilling to say anything. If either of my brothers were engaged to a woman who behaved like that, I would make sure something was said about it - if it were my stepbrother, then my stepmother would probably handle it, as she and my father would recognise the issue and talk to my stepbrother about it. If it were my brother, he would probably be oblivious to it, and my mother tends to be quite a people-pleaser most of the time, so she'd probably rather accept the behaviour than cause a conflict. i wouldn't allow anyone entering my family to behave like that, so I would probably send a similar email to Carolyns - well, actually, I'd probably talk face to face, but the message would be the same.
*The comments from the father of the bride - I'm glad that he defended his daughter, and I can only hope that he did so because Carolyn's claims were exaggerated. If not, well, he should be thanking Carolyn for doing him a favour and teaching his daughter the manners and propriety that he and his wife clearly failed to impress upon her, and he should be mortified that it needed doing in the first place.
*Considering that the original email was criticising Heidi's uncouthness, using the words "arse" and "fart", as well as the term "fancy pants", really doesn't help his case.
*As soon as you say that someone "thinks they're better than me", they are. Nobody goes on the defensive like that unless there's something they feel they have to defend, and if the father of the bride is promoting himself and his family as being just as good as the groom's family, it's because he's afraid that they really might not be.