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[pat_man23]

Hey all,

It's been a while, as I don't know if anyone is actually reading this in LiveJournal anymore, seeing as i post in her thrice a year at most (hence the Facebook and MySpace x-post), but here goes....

I'm in the throes of my usual winter depression.  This go-round (my second year being medicated for it, albeit medicated year-round), I'm on 40

Comments

[coco_cutie85]

Hey Pat, I too felt compelled to reply to this also, not sure how much help I will be but here goes . .

First and foremost - you are most certainly NOT a "burden" to people, not to Tanya or your friends, this is what friends are for, to bounce ideas and advice off of each other and create a network of support for those in need. I have come to realize that life, at our age(s) comes in waves . . there are gentle waves that you barely notice and just coast by on and barely splash you, such as a Birthday celebration, sure it's nice and happy but it may not be the event of the year . . then there are larger waves such as a long-awaited and an imprint of your success so far in life - moving into a house, which I can only imagine how amazing that would be, or of course an engagement, to your best friend, the person who often knows you better than yourself, a person to share your innermost thoughts, desires and fears, the kinds of waves that you want to let flow over you, and although you may be soaked to the bone, you'll be dry in an instant as the sun is blazing and nothing could stand in your way and destroy such precious moments, and you will remember it forever. Then, there's the Tsunami, titanic, humongous (if you will) waves, that almost don't even classify as waves as you might aswell be drowning in the middle of the ocean, while the rain torrents down on top of you.. moments, events that if you could forget them, you'd give up anything in order to do that. . trouble is we can't always do this as they consume our every day life and your best hope is to pray for extreme, super evaporation.

Now, I say this NOT to cause you further depression, weakness or feelings of despair but to define what it is that life is about. I guess, or most of us life is paved in such a way that if you receive a piece of good news (or a few, if you infact keep a horseshoe up your ass - good for you, whoever you are!) life is almost scheduled to then send bad news your way also, and we being human, have really only learned how to accept the good because it is positive it is happy, it causes less drama - like at the award shows, sure you ACT or ASSUME happy because your colleague won Best Actor instead of you .. but on the inside, we all have a green demon and we are jealous and we did wish for it to be us, and we end up wallowing. The winning Actor, goes out gets loaded, gets it on with his wife and that's the extent of it, it has passed. I believe we ALL are still learning and may never learn how to truly accept and understand good news with bad.