Wishin' and Hopin'
and thinkin' and prayin'
And of course waiting...
I emailed my ideas for the new job last night, cheered on by Amy and Colin. It was a scary moment, sending off something that determines if I get a job or not. I put a lot of work into this. More work than a lot of things. It was well thought out, creative, nicely executed and designed. Though really at some point I thought I should stop designing covers for packets and mocking up the website with new things. I realize this is actually what I do every damn day: convince people to hire, well not me specifically, but us. I'm a pro at this. But still. The moment I hit the 'send' button I put my immediate future out there for judgement with somebody unpredictable, hard to read, and maybe once in a meeting when he was my client I said that he has an ego his lack of experience can't support (which actually convinced him I might be right to work for him after all, because I can stand up to him).
I'm honestly a nervous wreck. For lots of reasons. I really want this, I really want to leave here. And there's some panic that if I get this, can I do it? There's the weird feeling of leaving - finally! - this company and all of the benefits which actually feel at this point that they exist only on paper.
But the inside of my desk has been cleaned out for weeks. It won't take that much to clean out the rest.
It's time.
Will Fleetwood Mac help me now?
I think, actually, that NOT thinking about this right now is going to be most helpful.
And of course waiting...
I emailed my ideas for the new job last night, cheered on by Amy and Colin. It was a scary moment, sending off something that determines if I get a job or not. I put a lot of work into this. More work than a lot of things. It was well thought out, creative, nicely executed and designed. Though really at some point I thought I should stop designing covers for packets and mocking up the website with new things. I realize this is actually what I do every damn day: convince people to hire, well not me specifically, but us. I'm a pro at this. But still. The moment I hit the 'send' button I put my immediate future out there for judgement with somebody unpredictable, hard to read, and maybe once in a meeting when he was my client I said that he has an ego his lack of experience can't support (which actually convinced him I might be right to work for him after all, because I can stand up to him).
I'm honestly a nervous wreck. For lots of reasons. I really want this, I really want to leave here. And there's some panic that if I get this, can I do it? There's the weird feeling of leaving - finally! - this company and all of the benefits which actually feel at this point that they exist only on paper.
But the inside of my desk has been cleaned out for weeks. It won't take that much to clean out the rest.
It's time.
Will Fleetwood Mac help me now?
I think, actually, that NOT thinking about this right now is going to be most helpful.