Well, So Now What?
Hey all,
How has your weekend been? I hope good. Mine has been all right. I mean, several positives, but some negatives, also. So here's a rundown (I know, not very interesting...)
Well, started the weekend off by staying in my room all night Thursday night and read the Awakening. I figured that it was the best thing to do, you know, be anti-social. At least that way, I wouldn't have to run into any people that I didn't want to.
Then, on Friday, went to the University of Illinois English Graduate Library to research for my literary criticism paper on Ernest Hemingway. After that, I spent the rest of the afternoon with my mom. It was nice. She and I haven't spent that much time just the two of us, so that was nice. We went around Champaign picking up things at Borders and other places. Came home and went over to Blake's house. That was a lot of fun. We watched The Godfather, Par II, and was great. I hadn't watched that movie from beginning to end for a long time. It's long, but it was great.
Saturday, I didn't do much of anything. I finished The Awakening, and actually read 135 pages this weekend to finish it off. But other than that, I didn't do anything. Oh, watched Ron Turner pack his bags as Illinois lost to Indiana.
Ok, this is the main part. Sunday, today, I didn't do much. However, I was talking to some people and it brought up a lot of things I've been trying to put behind me. I was talking to a friend, who has a little "crush" on a certain someone I'm trying to get over right now. And as he was talking to me about her, it kinda made me upset. Not with him, cause who am I to say they can't like this person. But, it was just weird talking about her. I know I really don't have any right to feel like this cause it's not like we dated or anything. But, it was just kinda hard.
When we first started talking about her, I thought that maybe I could help him coupe with it; and at first, it didn't really affect me in any way. But after we started listing all these great qualities about her, I kinda felt that yearning or liking of her. And then, all those great memories of the fun we've had in the last 3 months. I've had some great times, and a lot of fun with her.
Well, I thought, ok, I'll just forget about her. Then, another friend starts talking to me and mentions her. He said something about her, and it got me thinking about her more. I was like, Crap, what do I do now? I kept going back and forth in my mind if deciding that we should be friends was the best thing. But, I guess it is. Look at it this way, it's better for me to move on now instead of torturing myself for months thinking I still had a chance and then being forced to move on. I guess that's the smarter move. But what about all those sayings, like "It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved before"? I mean, is it really better for me to just move on as friends than to possibly have something, even if for a very short time? I don't know.
So that's where I am now. I keep thinking, maybe I shouldn't completely move on and maybe something will happen. But who am I kidding? I can't just drop my promise to myself. I figure it's for the best to move on, for me. I mean, why should I torture myself, and keep thinking about her and try to trick myself into thinking I had or have a chance. It's cool though. It's just hard to see a bunch of my friends liking someone or having someone, knowing that I don't have someone. But I'm still gonna try to stand strong. However, I might have to go the nerd route and be anti-social for a month or so. Hey, maybe that'll work! Probably not, seeing it'll only make me think of someone more. I don't know.
If anyone has suggestions that are WORTH WHILE, then go ahead a suggest them. Ok, I'm outta here. Have a good week. I hope I will too.
How has your weekend been? I hope good. Mine has been all right. I mean, several positives, but some negatives, also. So here's a rundown (I know, not very interesting...)
Well, started the weekend off by staying in my room all night Thursday night and read the Awakening. I figured that it was the best thing to do, you know, be anti-social. At least that way, I wouldn't have to run into any people that I didn't want to.
Then, on Friday, went to the University of Illinois English Graduate Library to research for my literary criticism paper on Ernest Hemingway. After that, I spent the rest of the afternoon with my mom. It was nice. She and I haven't spent that much time just the two of us, so that was nice. We went around Champaign picking up things at Borders and other places. Came home and went over to Blake's house. That was a lot of fun. We watched The Godfather, Par II, and was great. I hadn't watched that movie from beginning to end for a long time. It's long, but it was great.
Saturday, I didn't do much of anything. I finished The Awakening, and actually read 135 pages this weekend to finish it off. But other than that, I didn't do anything. Oh, watched Ron Turner pack his bags as Illinois lost to Indiana.
Ok, this is the main part. Sunday, today, I didn't do much. However, I was talking to some people and it brought up a lot of things I've been trying to put behind me. I was talking to a friend, who has a little "crush" on a certain someone I'm trying to get over right now. And as he was talking to me about her, it kinda made me upset. Not with him, cause who am I to say they can't like this person. But, it was just weird talking about her. I know I really don't have any right to feel like this cause it's not like we dated or anything. But, it was just kinda hard.
When we first started talking about her, I thought that maybe I could help him coupe with it; and at first, it didn't really affect me in any way. But after we started listing all these great qualities about her, I kinda felt that yearning or liking of her. And then, all those great memories of the fun we've had in the last 3 months. I've had some great times, and a lot of fun with her.
Well, I thought, ok, I'll just forget about her. Then, another friend starts talking to me and mentions her. He said something about her, and it got me thinking about her more. I was like, Crap, what do I do now? I kept going back and forth in my mind if deciding that we should be friends was the best thing. But, I guess it is. Look at it this way, it's better for me to move on now instead of torturing myself for months thinking I still had a chance and then being forced to move on. I guess that's the smarter move. But what about all those sayings, like "It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved before"? I mean, is it really better for me to just move on as friends than to possibly have something, even if for a very short time? I don't know.
So that's where I am now. I keep thinking, maybe I shouldn't completely move on and maybe something will happen. But who am I kidding? I can't just drop my promise to myself. I figure it's for the best to move on, for me. I mean, why should I torture myself, and keep thinking about her and try to trick myself into thinking I had or have a chance. It's cool though. It's just hard to see a bunch of my friends liking someone or having someone, knowing that I don't have someone. But I'm still gonna try to stand strong. However, I might have to go the nerd route and be anti-social for a month or so. Hey, maybe that'll work! Probably not, seeing it'll only make me think of someone more. I don't know.
If anyone has suggestions that are WORTH WHILE, then go ahead a suggest them. Ok, I'm outta here. Have a good week. I hope I will too.