it's been awhile...
i just want to look at someone with love in my eyes and see that same feeling reflected back in theirs... all of my life that has been something that i could only dream about... that unconditional, passionate, gentle, kind, caring romantic love... is there such a thing? is it out there?
i am feeling too much in my heart, my soul, my spirit, to study or do much of ANYTHING right now.. yes, this IS a problem where the 'real world' is concerned... but i sort of don't care. for once i am listening to myself, my body. fuck the real world. sometimes i think there is nothing out there for me. sometimes i am overwhelmed by how much there could be out there for me... sometimes i just dont want to grow up, or get up. this is a feeling that is foreign to me in the past couple of years. what has happened to me? what transformation is occurring? whatever this is, it is probably an end result of too much time spent in the stifling captivity of conformity. damn that full scholarship. now my first taste of freedom in years has made me want to fly with the birds... far far away from here...
"good night"
you and me
we embody
the perpetual chase
and usually
the preference for me
except this time
i cannot wait
to get my hands on
your beautiful face
to take your chin
with your laughing grin
into my hands
to understand
the meaning within
and inside
of your ever-gazing eyes
to know what is there
behind your stare
you inside of me
knowing my heart
me inside of you
finding the truth
every moment of this agony
excites
confuses
infuriates
me
but baby
you're worth every wink of sleep
I've lost lately
'cause you always come to visit me
finally
in my dreams
then, the next day
to be awake
is to play
our little game
over and over and over again
is to say our names
all over again
and that's the way
we like it
today
still, for tomorrow,
i cant wait
i cant wait
for your embrace
so strong
and tight
but not tonight
no, not tonight
our futures
still too far out of sight
so for now
i bid you
"good night"
**
so.. where are you? why do i need you? why cant i be happy alone.. maybe its because i have always been happy alone. i'm ready for you now. reminds me of that ani song (anyday).. "i just wish i knew who you were, i wish you'd make yourself known... you probably dont realize I'm her, the woman you want to call home"
there's something- some assignment- i should probably be doing right now. but there's always something else i should be doing other than listening to myself. loving myself. living. fuck that. i'm using my time left on this earth the way i please. hopefully that involves finding the right balance of selflessness and selfishness, of freedom and acceptable constraints.
what's next? i guess it's time to admit that i'm not as headstrong, motivated, or independant as i once thought i was. you know, sometimes the thought of life after school scares me to death.
after all, school and perfectionism have been my life since i was old enough to really care about how i spend my time and "own" this life as "mine".. if that makes any sense...
fucking scary
i am feeling too much in my heart, my soul, my spirit, to study or do much of ANYTHING right now.. yes, this IS a problem where the 'real world' is concerned... but i sort of don't care. for once i am listening to myself, my body. fuck the real world. sometimes i think there is nothing out there for me. sometimes i am overwhelmed by how much there could be out there for me... sometimes i just dont want to grow up, or get up. this is a feeling that is foreign to me in the past couple of years. what has happened to me? what transformation is occurring? whatever this is, it is probably an end result of too much time spent in the stifling captivity of conformity. damn that full scholarship. now my first taste of freedom in years has made me want to fly with the birds... far far away from here...
"good night"
you and me
we embody
the perpetual chase
and usually
the preference for me
except this time
i cannot wait
to get my hands on
your beautiful face
to take your chin
with your laughing grin
into my hands
to understand
the meaning within
and inside
of your ever-gazing eyes
to know what is there
behind your stare
you inside of me
knowing my heart
me inside of you
finding the truth
every moment of this agony
excites
confuses
infuriates
me
but baby
you're worth every wink of sleep
I've lost lately
'cause you always come to visit me
finally
in my dreams
then, the next day
to be awake
is to play
our little game
over and over and over again
is to say our names
all over again
and that's the way
we like it
today
still, for tomorrow,
i cant wait
i cant wait
for your embrace
so strong
and tight
but not tonight
no, not tonight
our futures
still too far out of sight
so for now
i bid you
"good night"
**
so.. where are you? why do i need you? why cant i be happy alone.. maybe its because i have always been happy alone. i'm ready for you now. reminds me of that ani song (anyday).. "i just wish i knew who you were, i wish you'd make yourself known... you probably dont realize I'm her, the woman you want to call home"
there's something- some assignment- i should probably be doing right now. but there's always something else i should be doing other than listening to myself. loving myself. living. fuck that. i'm using my time left on this earth the way i please. hopefully that involves finding the right balance of selflessness and selfishness, of freedom and acceptable constraints.
what's next? i guess it's time to admit that i'm not as headstrong, motivated, or independant as i once thought i was. you know, sometimes the thought of life after school scares me to death.
after all, school and perfectionism have been my life since i was old enough to really care about how i spend my time and "own" this life as "mine".. if that makes any sense...
fucking scary