fuck the world
I'm not normally an angry girl, so dont mind the obviously furious title... Some things, you need to get mad about, some things you need to rant about, scream about, just to know you're human and feeling and not so calloused by the world that preventable tragedies like abuse still upset you.
A 12-year old boy walked into the hospital yesterday- no, he limped. His brother beats him all the time since their dad used to beat all of them, until he "changed" but now has left them in squalor in the low-income neighborhood around my university. Since his 18 year old brother returned home a few months ago, he is routinely thrown off the couch into the TV so his brother can sit there. He doesnt have a room to find solace in. He sleeps on the living room couch. Mom works the night shift so he never sees her. Dad is gone. He has no interest in school. All I could do was ask him to search for happiness inside himself. He told me he wouldnt repeat the cycle. I breathed a sigh of relief and my eyes flooded with tears. How many years does he have left for this life to harden him? He needs to be saved before that changes and he continues the cycle of violence. Ironically, his brother just returned from CSB that day only to send his little brother (who looks 8 rather than 12) into the hospital. And we wonder why people in America are fucked up.
So three friends of mine recently confided in me about years and months of long-term physical and/or sexual abuse- all by a male perpetrator. All but one were family members. One of these friends lost her older sister because she shot herself with her father's gun and pleaded with her father in her suicide note to leave her two younger sisters alone. All three of these friends are gay.
Did I mention the countless exes I have had who have had to deal with abuse by their ex girlfriends or family members? I am not trying to make a case for lesbianism or any form of gay or gender-queer being CAUSED by these incidences... I am merely trying to point this out: Society creates fucked up people. Maybe gay people have problems, just like other victims of abuse have problems, but for FUCK'S SAKE, dont alienate the very products of your own wrath. Society has created diversity, problems, fucked up people, barely sane people. Gay people are among these. Don't fucking tell us we have less rights than the rest who may have been delt a different hand.
I am not sure exacly how I believe abuse and being gay are tied, but everything is in this world. So does anyone want to start an organization with me? I seriously want to start one that gives solace, care, and support to victims of abuse- or at least join up with any such agency. Michelle and I talk about starting a non-profit organization all the time, and I would love for my best friends who are like-minded to come on board if you guys ever felt it was the right time and circumstance.
On a positive note, the UA LGBTU had a drag show a few nights ago that was phenomenal. Carter and Shelle performed. Carter as N Sync and Shelle as a dominatrix Annie Lennox, and a multitude of Queens. They were so fucking hilarious- it was the best drag show I have ever seen in my life- and there were so many straight people there who were ok with it, and yearbook came and took pictures! We raised an insane amount of money for Violet's Cupboard (locak HIV positive individuals support organization)... and UA LGBTU is stronger than ever. We arent going to let this election tell us whats what. Society has the problem- not gay people.
One thing I am really looking forward to is counseling training that LGBTU will be getting in the Spring (I can still participate as a nonstudent) to care/support for people who call our office asking for support (like a coming out/gay issues crisis line). I dont know what it will develop into, but I'm fucking excited. Lately I want to help this group of people that I am such an integral part of... and abuse cases in particular have been a huge presence in my life- which has made an impact on my future goals. I dont know if someone with my degree can do anything about it. I might have to get a master's in social work and non=profit organizing, but I'll do whatever it takes. I just need to figure out what the fuck I'm doing with my life and how to get there. That's the biggest question: the HOW.
Other shocking but wonderful news:
1) For the first time in history, our University is offering a Queer studies class in the fall- I cant believe it- we didnt even have a class let alone a minor! Our university is so freaking backwards... but hopefully this will be a pathway for a major/minor in Queer Studies! I just wish I was taking classes next semester so I could support the movement. Way to go UA (finally!)
2) Michelle and I are back together. Yeah thats a story. But I'm really happy actually. We can talk about this in person/on the phone if you want details. I love you!!
I'm serious about organizing to fight society's injustices. For once I dont want to completely save the world, I just want to change the fuck out of it. Help me people. Share ideas, feelings, thoughts, reactions. Much love and best of luck to those I havent talked to in a while. XO.
A 12-year old boy walked into the hospital yesterday- no, he limped. His brother beats him all the time since their dad used to beat all of them, until he "changed" but now has left them in squalor in the low-income neighborhood around my university. Since his 18 year old brother returned home a few months ago, he is routinely thrown off the couch into the TV so his brother can sit there. He doesnt have a room to find solace in. He sleeps on the living room couch. Mom works the night shift so he never sees her. Dad is gone. He has no interest in school. All I could do was ask him to search for happiness inside himself. He told me he wouldnt repeat the cycle. I breathed a sigh of relief and my eyes flooded with tears. How many years does he have left for this life to harden him? He needs to be saved before that changes and he continues the cycle of violence. Ironically, his brother just returned from CSB that day only to send his little brother (who looks 8 rather than 12) into the hospital. And we wonder why people in America are fucked up.
So three friends of mine recently confided in me about years and months of long-term physical and/or sexual abuse- all by a male perpetrator. All but one were family members. One of these friends lost her older sister because she shot herself with her father's gun and pleaded with her father in her suicide note to leave her two younger sisters alone. All three of these friends are gay.
Did I mention the countless exes I have had who have had to deal with abuse by their ex girlfriends or family members? I am not trying to make a case for lesbianism or any form of gay or gender-queer being CAUSED by these incidences... I am merely trying to point this out: Society creates fucked up people. Maybe gay people have problems, just like other victims of abuse have problems, but for FUCK'S SAKE, dont alienate the very products of your own wrath. Society has created diversity, problems, fucked up people, barely sane people. Gay people are among these. Don't fucking tell us we have less rights than the rest who may have been delt a different hand.
I am not sure exacly how I believe abuse and being gay are tied, but everything is in this world. So does anyone want to start an organization with me? I seriously want to start one that gives solace, care, and support to victims of abuse- or at least join up with any such agency. Michelle and I talk about starting a non-profit organization all the time, and I would love for my best friends who are like-minded to come on board if you guys ever felt it was the right time and circumstance.
On a positive note, the UA LGBTU had a drag show a few nights ago that was phenomenal. Carter and Shelle performed. Carter as N Sync and Shelle as a dominatrix Annie Lennox, and a multitude of Queens. They were so fucking hilarious- it was the best drag show I have ever seen in my life- and there were so many straight people there who were ok with it, and yearbook came and took pictures! We raised an insane amount of money for Violet's Cupboard (locak HIV positive individuals support organization)... and UA LGBTU is stronger than ever. We arent going to let this election tell us whats what. Society has the problem- not gay people.
One thing I am really looking forward to is counseling training that LGBTU will be getting in the Spring (I can still participate as a nonstudent) to care/support for people who call our office asking for support (like a coming out/gay issues crisis line). I dont know what it will develop into, but I'm fucking excited. Lately I want to help this group of people that I am such an integral part of... and abuse cases in particular have been a huge presence in my life- which has made an impact on my future goals. I dont know if someone with my degree can do anything about it. I might have to get a master's in social work and non=profit organizing, but I'll do whatever it takes. I just need to figure out what the fuck I'm doing with my life and how to get there. That's the biggest question: the HOW.
Other shocking but wonderful news:
1) For the first time in history, our University is offering a Queer studies class in the fall- I cant believe it- we didnt even have a class let alone a minor! Our university is so freaking backwards... but hopefully this will be a pathway for a major/minor in Queer Studies! I just wish I was taking classes next semester so I could support the movement. Way to go UA (finally!)
2) Michelle and I are back together. Yeah thats a story. But I'm really happy actually. We can talk about this in person/on the phone if you want details. I love you!!
I'm serious about organizing to fight society's injustices. For once I dont want to completely save the world, I just want to change the fuck out of it. Help me people. Share ideas, feelings, thoughts, reactions. Much love and best of luck to those I havent talked to in a while. XO.