life is for living, we all know.
My fear about coming back, perhaps subconsciously, is that now I don't want to have to leave again. I feel like I'm taking a shower in memories of the past and it is refreshing and suffocating at the same time. But as with all good showers, there comes a point where you're clean and essentially wasting water (and soap). I guess my metaphor stops working there, or does it? Wasting memories. Maybe not wasting them, but wasting time harping on them in the light of the inevitability of the progression of time.
I've spent the past three days with Jet (lol sorry he generally gets priority) and they have been a combination of disappointing, tiring but happy days. I guess you could say it's same old same old. But it's noticeably different; we hold hands more, he looks out for my interests more, almost everything I do is paid for (oops, i will pay him back!) and I'm driven around. Knowing that he is making the effort for me makes me feel better when things don't necessarily go the way I wished they would.
I've learnt that in life there is no such thing as cutting off ties with people. No matter how we say we've stopped talking to this person or that, or that we're over someone, it doesn't really happen. There is some part of us who will remain connected to the people who have meant something to us. I have to learn to let go, and to understand that sometimes, really, what's past is past and I should just let bygones be bygones.