feeling anxious like i'm waiting for something to happen that i know won't
well things are royally fucked up..and once again it's my fault....i don't understand why he yelled at me, but thats ok...we're talking again..but it's not the same. i feel anxious all the time..like i want to puke. my heart beats extra fast all the time...which can't really be healthy. i miss him. i miss the way he talked to me. he says he's till pissed and most people don't understand why i care. i don't even understand why i care..but i do and i can't help it. i love him and i don't want to. i want to get over him. i want to be ok without hearing his voice. i want to be ok without a phone cll from him everyday. but i'm not. and i can't even pretend i am. usually shit happens and i just brush it off and pretend i'm ok. pretend i'm happy. but with this i can't. i can't pretend anymore. he has affected me like no one ever has before. i love him more than i've loved anyone in my entire life. and it's not fair how shit has to work out. but what can i do? nothing. absolutely nothing. he did call and apologize for yelling at me. but he said he was still pissed, but he was trying to get over it. and that he missed me still even though he didn't want to. i didn't think it was going to be that easy for him to just let go and not talk to me anymore. and i was right. but i still have to get over him. and i will. i guess it'll just take longer than i expected. which sucks b/c it's emotionally and physically tearing me up inside.....but like i keep saying...i've been through a lot of shit in my life and if i can get over all of that other shit than i can get over this. hopefully!!!!