happiness only exists for a moment
just when you think you're happy something happens to take it away. the decision i have to make is life altering. it effects everyone, not just me. and i have no idea what to do. i'm so lost. i'm so confused. i love him, but this changes everything...what do i do?? i think i know what the "right" thing to do is, but i don't want to do it. i keep justifying my thoughts...and just the fact that i have to justify them makes it wrong. why do people lie to me? i didn't tell him one lie. not one, and he leaves this HUGE fact out. what the hell? do i have a sign on my forehead that tells you it's ok to use me, lie to me, and hurt me? does it say that it's ok b/c no matter what you do to me i'll still be there? i'll still stand by you and love you? what the hell is wrong with me? why do i attract nothing but assholes and liars?? why do people hurt me? i didn't do anything to him but be completely honest and nice. i was myself around him, i didn't hide anything from him. what do i do?? where do we go from here? there are so many questions and very little time to come up with answers. i think i won't know for sure until i go see him. this changes everything...i don't think i can act like nothing happened. i can't pretend i don't know, b.c i do know. there is so much more i need to know before i can make a final decision. i have to see him again before i can make a final decision. i just don't know anything anymore. one thing i do know is you can't trust anyone. and happiness is always followed by some form of pain. life just will not let you be happy for too long. but i guess without the pain and sorrow we wouldn't enjoy happiness so much.