The More Things Change: Chapter Nine
Title: The More Things Change
Rating: T
Summary: “Hours later Callie felt her best friend slip away silently into the cold and inexorable night while they were all still trapped amidst the wilderness. She held onto him, tighter now; somewhere a slight distance away Kepner was being mauled by the sinister gifts of the wild.” In a world where Arizona wasn't in Seattle when the plane crashed. Three years & PTSD, can she get Callie back?
Author: Pasha
Canon Till: 7x07
Pairing: C/A
Disclaimer: All characters and the show belong to SR and ABC. I make no profit. No copyright infringement intended.
A/N: Glad to write a chapter that is not a flashback!
Also, sorry for the slightly depressing opening short piece titled 'When the Hand & Glove...', but I thought it simple but befitting. It, I think, sets up one part of the polemics I'm kind of working with here.
Thoughts, sarcastic comments, Calliesque word jumbles are in 'single quotes.'
Dreams and Flashbacks (& sometimes tonal emphasis in narrative and dialogue) are in Italics.
Some spellings may differ on account of me being Indian and growing up with the Queen's English.
Beta: Darkwlight7 on FF
Read, Review and Enjoy!
Onward
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter Nine
The Friendship that Never was: A Quandary for the Ages
When the Hand and Glove have had Enough
Ice can only be so cold,
Fire, only so warm.
I can only love you this much,
And only for so long.
- Pasha D.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The spot on the wall was interesting…so very…interesting. It was unique in that, it wasn't like its other brethren; it didn't taunt her or make her skin crawl or push her to breakout the industrial strength cleaner neatly tucked in her hallway closet. She was staring at it, especially because everyone else? Every other person in the entire hospital had been kind of starting at her. And in the lounge, staring at the spot, she was taking a break from being stared at.
"Your coffee?" - asked Yang with a tone that was meant to bathe the entire exchange with an air of indifference. But, Callie knew Cristina.
"What about it?" - She asked with a practiced apathy as she still almost prayed to the spot on the wall.
"It has a stethoscope drawn on it." - Yang droned, although a note of amused curiosity made its way into her voice.
Callie turned the cup, squinted at it, and there it was. 'That squiggly bastard!' She took a sip form it, sighing at the fact that spot-watching had led to her coffee becoming lukewarm - "yes, that would be a stethoscope" - she noted - "by some standards…low standards…poor standards."
"The girl at the coffee cart crushing on you, Torres?!"
"Ummm…" - her eyes shifted from the wall, and were now stuck on the cup as she started turning a little red.
"What's happening right now?" - Yang lent forward on the table between them, trying to get a closer look at the other woman - "Is that… fuck me! Are you blushing?"
"Huh… as if!" - The Orthopod scoffed unconvincingly - "no! Hell no! Hell to the no!" - She said, feeling lame immediately after.
"Hell to the no?!" - Yang scoffed - "What is wrong with you today?" - She asked mirthfully - "Oh my god! - "Did coffee cart girl ask you out?! Did she?"
"What? No!" -
- "Don't even Torres!" - She pointed to the cup - "that is nerd love! You know that right?"
- "It's… it's just whimsical…" - Callie defended lamely.
"Dude! You have to get on that!"
"What are you channeling Mark now?!" - Callie asked both amused and incredulous.
And just like that, the wide playful smiles they were sharing, the light conversation; the sense of normalcy… it disappeared like a puff of smoke into thin air. Their smiles were slow to dissolve into a shared sense of guilt and defeat as the two women looked away from each-other.
Cristina took to scratching the label off of her flavoured water as she slumped forward, making sure to avert her eyes from the woman in front - "You…uh…miss him, at all?" - She asked shakily, not sure if it would set Callie off; hoping that it wouldn't.
Callie took in a sharp breath and paused, letting the impulse to snap pass as she quietly replied - "sometimes more than others…" - she said - "of course, I miss him."
Cristina shook her head a little in understanding - "I'm…" - she waved her hand around a little, how awkward She felt becoming more and more apparent - "it was a stupid question."
Callie put a hand on Yang's wrist, the gesture prompting the other woman to look up at her - "it's okay… I mean… we could talk about… about Mark… and… and April too" - she gave her a thin tremulous smile as she quickly added - "sometimes" - while taking her hand back.
Yang gave a nod - "I guess" - she said hesitantly, looking sceptical.
"Besides…" - Callie began as she brought the cup to her lip - "the coffee is fromArizonaAnyway…" - she mumbled quickly.
Yang scrunched her brows, 'she was sure she heard her say the coffee was from the child-whisperer! She also made sure to rethink the nick name… it sounded all paedophile-like' - "back up a little?!"
"Hmm… what?"
"Goldielocks is buying you coffee now?" - She sounded indignant. She had no clue why she was sounding indignant!
"Don't call her that!" - Callie lightly chastised - "and, it's just coffee!"
"Yeah" - Yang scoffed - "with a side of let me do your doughnut!"
"Ehhh-wwww!" - Callie laughed, couldn't help herself -and FYI? We're friends… well… I guess trying to be… a little…" - she huffed - "sort of friends…" - she tapered off, confused by Yang's blank, impassive stare.
In reality, Cristina's brain just kind of imploded, a tiny bit - "You've got to be…" - she shook her head - "Callie?"
"Yeah?" - It seemed they were being serious again.
"Are you…" - Yang hesitated, almost completely unwilling to show her concern, almost - "are you absolutely sure?!"
"About what?" - The Orthopod asked with a shrug of her shoulders; she was the picture of calm obliviousness.
"That you have a brain!" - Yang barked, infuriated by Callie's… well… blasé blankness with this whole thing - "About Her! About, Robbins! Who else would I be referring to?!"
"I don't get" -
- "Pft! That much is evident!"
"Don't get testy with me…" - Callie said with hint of irritation in her voice - "you want to say something, Cristina? Just come out and say it…" - she nodded encouraging the other woman.
"Alright" - Yang huffed - "I don't like her" -
- "Cristina" - the other woman sighed, only to be cut off before she could say much -
"I don't!" - Yang put up her palms as she went on to speak in a matter of fact tone - "for whatever it's worth… I don't hate her… but, I don't like her either" - she finished.
Callie waited for her to say more, but it seemed like Yang was going to play it close to the vest for now.
"I'm not going to just fall into bed with her, you know?" - She said, thinking how weird a conversation this was, especially considering who she was having it with.
"I don't care if you bang her!"
"Okay."
"I don't!" - Yang insisted a little too loudly for both their liking.
Callie looked back over her shoulders to see if anyone heard them - "I believe you."
"I just… you know what; it's not the falling into bed thing that has me…" -
- "worried?" - Callie cut in - "that's so…" - the brunette smiled mirthfully - "that's so sweet!" -
The younger surgeon suddenly looked like a bullet about to leave the barrel of a gun, brim full of potential energy, ready for a kick in the butt - "alright! That's enough talk for this week, wouldn't you say?!"
She was almost out of her seat when the Orthopod changed her tune -"hey!" - She was doing an excellent job of keeping a straight face - "I'm sorry! Okay?"
Cristina kept walking towards the door as Callie turned around in her seat and called back to her - "Yang! Look, I'm sorry…" - something in her voice was entirely different - placating, insistent, vulnerable; whatever it was, it made Yang turn back and silently sit down in the chair again.
Callie's eyes tracked her every move as she noted Cristina's winning smirk, it pissed her off some… but she got that beggars and choosers, make winners and losers, although not quite in that order.
"Okay, enough" - Callie glared.
"What?"
"The thing… that thing your face is doing? Make it stop…" -
- "Okay… okay…" - Yang replied, trying to school her features.
"So?" - The Orthopod droned, trying to sound disinterested
"So what?"
"The… the - it's not an issue of whether or not I fall into bed with her? - thing" - she kept tapping her coffee cup for emphasis and also for partially distracting herself from the conversation she was voluntarily having - "explain that… more."
They let a few beats pass as they were slowly and increasingly beginning to realise just where this entire conversation was going. Callie was feeling pretty hot under the collar, whilst Yang was hoping the ceiling would fall on Callie, or something less dramatic… like one of them would get paged.
"You've had just sex, right?" - Cristina hedged; 'Yup, this was happening… they were talking… like actually talking!'
"No!" - Callie squeaked - "I haven't… I'm not going to!" - She struggled - "I'm… I haven't slept with her!"
"I know that… sort of…" - Yang said, a little frustrated at being misunderstood - "I mean in general… You've had sex for… you know?" - Her hands flapped around a little for emphasis - "just sex!"
"Yeah…" - Callie nodded and pursed her lips, thinking - "I mean, sure! Who hasn't?!"
"True…" - Yang affirmed mundanely - "…but you can't have just sex with Blondie Robbins, right?!" - you have all these gross feelings for each-other…" -
- "Well… huh…feelings… for each-other?!" - Callie had the decency to look a little flushed - "I mean… not really, not anymore…we just" -
- "Okay, Torres…" - she said a little sternly - "no offence? But I call bullshit! She? You have feelings for!" - They were at a stalemate as a stare-off ensued.
"Okay! Jeez! Fine… it's hard around her, okay? It is hard" -
- "That's what she said!" - Yang cut her off with an oh-so-winning smile that pretty much prompted Callie to wallop her in the arm. To her credit, the she resisted it successfully.
"Cristina…" - the brunette sighed - "please…" -
Judging that the moment called for something more serious and less juvenile, Yang spoke - "okay… Jeez… I give…"
"So you were saying?" - The Orthopod asked cautiously, weary of the other woman's commitment to keeping their exchange serious and mature, and well, useful.
"Right…" - intoned the scalpel junkie - "see, you and her? You can't be friends, because" -
Callie talked over her, wagging her finger in her face - "what?! We are adults! We can be" -
- "Nope!" - Yang cut her off, nodding - "you really can't. And here's why… everything is too familiar with her…" -
- "But it's not though; not anymore" - Callie interjected.
"Yes it is! At least physically…" - Yang countered - "think about it?! How easy would it be?! You two are alone, being friendly?!" - She made sure to air quote the word for Callie's benefit - "and it can be anything… whatever turns lesbians on… and you're knocking your clams or oysters or what have you!" - She said, looking almost gleefully at Callie's slow journey to realisation.
"But… but… we… I…" - The Orthopod sputtered, completely at a loss for a legitimate rebuttal.
- "Annnnd" - Cristina stretched out the word, milking the moment for all it's worth - "she looks at you like those starved little children she was treating! So?" -
- "That's… that's not… it's… offensive…" - Callie finished lamely.
"Whatever! She wants in your pants, and it gets even scarier…" - she mocked the brunette as she laboured to sound like a camp councillor telling a horror story to a bunch of pimply, lily-livered ten year olds - "Goldilocks wants in your home, and in your bed, and in your heart and in your head" -
- "Okay, okay! Stop!" - Callie implored feeling a little overwhelmed by it all being laid out like that. In theory, she knew what Arizona wanted… the blonde confessed as much. She wanted everything, but that was all so abstract and in the future and Callie was confident she could say no; that she would say no. But, now after Yang's little ditty, she was freaking out again.
"Anyway…" - Yang sighed, getting up and shooting the empty bottle into a trash can - "yes!" - She celebrated her slam dunk - "these hands are magic baby!" - She looked back at Callie who looked a tad catatonic - "I have to, you know, go? Got an awesome valve replacement…" - she started walking off as she continued talking to herself - "maybe there'll be like a tear or a tumour…"
Callie was forced out of her growing freak out as she heard Yang hope for complications - 'the fuck?!' - She thought - 'taking relationship, well, non-relationship advice from Yang is like cooking a pot of rice six feet away from where the fire was lit! It was frigging useless!' - Somewhere in the back of her mind, she also noted that she might be hungry. '
She leaned forward, her elbows on the table, her fingers intertwined, her chin on her hands locked together as she went back to watching the spot. The suddenly it struck her… all of it… what Arizona said and didn't say, what Yang said, and most importantly, how she herself really felt about the whole thing.
The spot on the wall was slowly blurring as she squinted her eyes, thinking really hard, when it all came together and fell apart in one instance - "Well… fuck me!" - She sighed as she threw her face onto the table.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"So? What do you think, Dr. Robbins? This plan sound okay to you? I mean, it's minimally invasive and the risks are lower? What do you say?" - Asked the Good-Shepherd, good-naturedly. It was clearly a nickname Meredith had loved to hate, and also encouraged around the hospital, because then she got to be the bad one between the pair.
Shepherd, Bailey and Robbins stood there looking at the scans and the three dimensional images trying to agree on a treatment plan for their common patient.
Arizona looked deep in thought and had their rapt attention when she finally spoke - "I think Callie did her hair today…" -
- "Excuse me?! - asked Shepherd, completely lost.
- "Oh Lord!" - Bailey face-palmed.
"Mhhm…" - Robbins looked at them in earnest and with a striking innocence that made her blue eyes twinkle - "Oh, right! The plan's awesome!" - She chipped in - "Now… Did you two notice her hair is different?" - she kept rambling.
Shepherd looked at Bailey nervously; pleading with his eyes.
"Oh damnnit! Fine!" - The chief barked - "go! Go file the treatment plan, or something!"
Shepherd zipped out of there as fast as he could - "thanks!" - He threw over his shoulders.
"Arizona…" -
- "I know… I know she does her hair every morning, but she did it differently today" - the blonde continued with a rueful smile - "today she did the way I like it… Do you think she was thinking of me when she…" -
- "Arizona?" -
"I mean I like it every which way! She could shave it off and I'd still…" -
"Hey!" - Bailey finally had to shout and snap her fingers at the blonde with the single minded focus on her hair obsession.
"Right…" - Arizona said sheepishly - "the treatment…" -
- "Is sorted" - Bailey interrupted - "now tell me what the hell has your damn baby saving brain short-circuiting?!" - She huffed.
"Really?" - The blonde asked excitedly, until the suspicion crept in - "wait! You're always telling me to keep it to myself, what's the catch?!"
"No catch. I'm the chief; you'll make everyone's ears bleed! I'm simply… taking one for the team!" - replied the General surgeon.
"So this is for the good of the hospital?" - asked Arizona, detecting the distinct odour of bullshit.
"Precisely!"
"So, you're saying…" - The blonde began only to be cut off in the middle.
The chief started beating the retreat - "never mind, if you don't want to" -
- "No, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Bailey come on! I'm sorry! You are an excellent chief" - she said as the women started walking back towards her.
"Mhhhm…" - The chief let lose some 'tude - "you best believe it! Now spill and be quick about it" - Bailey glared - "and Oh! Keep it clean!"
"It's nothing really…" -
- "Good, then I can leave…" - began the chief -
- "No! I mean…" - Arizona smiled sheepishly - "it is something…"
The chief nodded, silently asking her to continue.
"Callie and I… she… we decided to be friends… we've been being friends for a few weeks" - the blonde beamed, even if she sounded a little apprehensive - "but, we… I was thinking maybe… maybe I could ask her out, you know? Just… in a while I mean" - she said excitedly - "soon-ish, maybe?!"
Bailey balked at the woman.
"What?! Don't look so… I don't know… like I have a clown nose or something! I mean, Callie and I are… you know… it's what I want!"
"Arizona?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I just say something" -
- "Yes, of course Bailey! Why else would I be talking to" -
- "Quiet!" - Bailey barked at her sternly. It reminded her of Mrs. Demaun, her teacher in grade school - "That woman needs you…" -
- "I know!" - The blonde implored - "it's why I'm" -
- "Are you light in the head, Robbins? Or just that stubborn?! You want to be together! You came back!? You want to ask her out! You must be kidding!"
"Hey!" - Arizona protested; her protest cut short by the once famed Nazi.
"She's barely here, Robbins! You keep mooning at her, looking at her, but you aren't even seeing beyond the surface half the time! She can't talk about the crash or her kid…" -
"What kid?!" -Arizona asked, feeling a sudden hot knot form in the pit of her stomach.
"That's not… it's not my place to say… I shouldn't have" -
- "Bailey! What kid?!" - Arizona repeated, incensed.
"Look…" - said Bailey, now calmer - "I already said too much" - she huffed -
- "Bailey! Just…" - Arizona looked to be on the verge of tears - "I went to her place, I looked around… she doesn't… Callie doesn't have kids… I would… she would have told me by now if she…" - she meant it as a statement but it came out like a question packed with a reprehensible amount of doubt.
"And that's part of the problem…" - the chief replied balefully - "ask her… I mean… built up to a place where you can ask her Robbins."
"Yeah, okay…" - the blonde replied shakily.
"I mean it Robbins… You want to date her, or want her back, or whatever the hell you want to call it?! You need to do it with your eyes open… She sedates herself on flights now. She spends her Saturdays in a bar full of people sitting next to an empty seat… She's been telling you she's not the same, but I don't think you get it."
"I do!" - Arizona insisted - "I do, Bailey… I…" -
- "You want to fix her? You want to change her?" - Arizona was about to protest when Bailey stopped her - "look, you love her… that's plain as day" - the chief gave her a sympathetic smile - "and that's good… that… that helps. But, you can't rush this… and you can't rush her! The woman you loved? Part of her disappeared, and you can't look at her and miss that woman. It will kill Callie! You have to bother to get to know her!"
"I want to… of course I want to" - Arizona interjected lamely, half afraid that Bailey was right, that she was rushing things… that she was being selfish.
"You want to be her friend?" - Asked the chief; the blonde nodded vigorously, her eyes shimmery with tears - "then be her friend, even if all you want to is all of it! Deny yourself, don't play games with her… but, let her come to you… stop asking her for things, stop expecting things from her! Let her tell you what she needs…" -
- "And what if she doesn't want me anymore" -
- "Then make sure that that's what she really wants… needs… and leave her alone! And if she wants to be with you, you'll feel it… for real… there won't be any doubt or hesitation… and she's a big girl… when she gets there? When she gets that confidence back, she'll tell you…" -
- "But…" -
- "She will! Robbins, it's still her…" -
- The blonde scrunched up her forehead in confusion - "but you just said…" -
- "Mostly" - Bailey cut her off - "it's mostly still just her. But, you have to let her be… let her figure it out, and stay" - the chief hesitates - "even if it's hard as hell… this time, you stay. And make sure she knows you're staying…" - her voice softened now - "everything around her kept falling apart. Can you imagine living like that?!"
"I…uh…" - Arizona again balked at her own naivety.
"Make sure she knows your sticking around this time, Robbins…" -
- "Yeah…" - the blonde let out a long breath - "I will…" - she cracked a thin and hesitant smile as her tears made it past the corners of her eyes, falling rapidly.
Bailey reciprocated by rubbing her arm a little - "Okay, then… I'll… I have to get home to Tuck…" - she started walking towards the door.
"Thanks…" - Arizona said absentmindedly as she went back to thinking about Callie.
"Well, fuck me!" - She whispered thinking to herself that she'd have to go back to the drawing board.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A/N: After the last few chapters, I needed to work with some of the other characters. And, Yang and Bailey are my favourites! And, I also needed a break from Callie and Arizona together (sounds weird, I know, since 'm writing a C/A fic) but I needed out of their heads for a bit.
Rating: T
Summary: “Hours later Callie felt her best friend slip away silently into the cold and inexorable night while they were all still trapped amidst the wilderness. She held onto him, tighter now; somewhere a slight distance away Kepner was being mauled by the sinister gifts of the wild.” In a world where Arizona wasn't in Seattle when the plane crashed. Three years & PTSD, can she get Callie back?
Author: Pasha
Canon Till: 7x07
Pairing: C/A
Disclaimer: All characters and the show belong to SR and ABC. I make no profit. No copyright infringement intended.
A/N: Glad to write a chapter that is not a flashback!
Also, sorry for the slightly depressing opening short piece titled 'When the Hand & Glove...', but I thought it simple but befitting. It, I think, sets up one part of the polemics I'm kind of working with here.
Thoughts, sarcastic comments, Calliesque word jumbles are in 'single quotes.'
Dreams and Flashbacks (& sometimes tonal emphasis in narrative and dialogue) are in Italics.
Some spellings may differ on account of me being Indian and growing up with the Queen's English.
Beta: Darkwlight7 on FF
Read, Review and Enjoy!
Onward
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter Nine
The Friendship that Never was: A Quandary for the Ages
When the Hand and Glove have had Enough
Ice can only be so cold,
Fire, only so warm.
I can only love you this much,
And only for so long.
- Pasha D.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The spot on the wall was interesting…so very…interesting. It was unique in that, it wasn't like its other brethren; it didn't taunt her or make her skin crawl or push her to breakout the industrial strength cleaner neatly tucked in her hallway closet. She was staring at it, especially because everyone else? Every other person in the entire hospital had been kind of starting at her. And in the lounge, staring at the spot, she was taking a break from being stared at.
"Your coffee?" - asked Yang with a tone that was meant to bathe the entire exchange with an air of indifference. But, Callie knew Cristina.
"What about it?" - She asked with a practiced apathy as she still almost prayed to the spot on the wall.
"It has a stethoscope drawn on it." - Yang droned, although a note of amused curiosity made its way into her voice.
Callie turned the cup, squinted at it, and there it was. 'That squiggly bastard!' She took a sip form it, sighing at the fact that spot-watching had led to her coffee becoming lukewarm - "yes, that would be a stethoscope" - she noted - "by some standards…low standards…poor standards."
"The girl at the coffee cart crushing on you, Torres?!"
"Ummm…" - her eyes shifted from the wall, and were now stuck on the cup as she started turning a little red.
"What's happening right now?" - Yang lent forward on the table between them, trying to get a closer look at the other woman - "Is that… fuck me! Are you blushing?"
"Huh… as if!" - The Orthopod scoffed unconvincingly - "no! Hell no! Hell to the no!" - She said, feeling lame immediately after.
"Hell to the no?!" - Yang scoffed - "What is wrong with you today?" - She asked mirthfully - "Oh my god! - "Did coffee cart girl ask you out?! Did she?"
"What? No!" -
- "Don't even Torres!" - She pointed to the cup - "that is nerd love! You know that right?"
- "It's… it's just whimsical…" - Callie defended lamely.
"Dude! You have to get on that!"
"What are you channeling Mark now?!" - Callie asked both amused and incredulous.
And just like that, the wide playful smiles they were sharing, the light conversation; the sense of normalcy… it disappeared like a puff of smoke into thin air. Their smiles were slow to dissolve into a shared sense of guilt and defeat as the two women looked away from each-other.
Cristina took to scratching the label off of her flavoured water as she slumped forward, making sure to avert her eyes from the woman in front - "You…uh…miss him, at all?" - She asked shakily, not sure if it would set Callie off; hoping that it wouldn't.
Callie took in a sharp breath and paused, letting the impulse to snap pass as she quietly replied - "sometimes more than others…" - she said - "of course, I miss him."
Cristina shook her head a little in understanding - "I'm…" - she waved her hand around a little, how awkward She felt becoming more and more apparent - "it was a stupid question."
Callie put a hand on Yang's wrist, the gesture prompting the other woman to look up at her - "it's okay… I mean… we could talk about… about Mark… and… and April too" - she gave her a thin tremulous smile as she quickly added - "sometimes" - while taking her hand back.
Yang gave a nod - "I guess" - she said hesitantly, looking sceptical.
"Besides…" - Callie began as she brought the cup to her lip - "the coffee is fromArizonaAnyway…" - she mumbled quickly.
Yang scrunched her brows, 'she was sure she heard her say the coffee was from the child-whisperer! She also made sure to rethink the nick name… it sounded all paedophile-like' - "back up a little?!"
"Hmm… what?"
"Goldielocks is buying you coffee now?" - She sounded indignant. She had no clue why she was sounding indignant!
"Don't call her that!" - Callie lightly chastised - "and, it's just coffee!"
"Yeah" - Yang scoffed - "with a side of let me do your doughnut!"
"Ehhh-wwww!" - Callie laughed, couldn't help herself -and FYI? We're friends… well… I guess trying to be… a little…" - she huffed - "sort of friends…" - she tapered off, confused by Yang's blank, impassive stare.
In reality, Cristina's brain just kind of imploded, a tiny bit - "You've got to be…" - she shook her head - "Callie?"
"Yeah?" - It seemed they were being serious again.
"Are you…" - Yang hesitated, almost completely unwilling to show her concern, almost - "are you absolutely sure?!"
"About what?" - The Orthopod asked with a shrug of her shoulders; she was the picture of calm obliviousness.
"That you have a brain!" - Yang barked, infuriated by Callie's… well… blasé blankness with this whole thing - "About Her! About, Robbins! Who else would I be referring to?!"
"I don't get" -
- "Pft! That much is evident!"
"Don't get testy with me…" - Callie said with hint of irritation in her voice - "you want to say something, Cristina? Just come out and say it…" - she nodded encouraging the other woman.
"Alright" - Yang huffed - "I don't like her" -
- "Cristina" - the other woman sighed, only to be cut off before she could say much -
"I don't!" - Yang put up her palms as she went on to speak in a matter of fact tone - "for whatever it's worth… I don't hate her… but, I don't like her either" - she finished.
Callie waited for her to say more, but it seemed like Yang was going to play it close to the vest for now.
"I'm not going to just fall into bed with her, you know?" - She said, thinking how weird a conversation this was, especially considering who she was having it with.
"I don't care if you bang her!"
"Okay."
"I don't!" - Yang insisted a little too loudly for both their liking.
Callie looked back over her shoulders to see if anyone heard them - "I believe you."
"I just… you know what; it's not the falling into bed thing that has me…" -
- "worried?" - Callie cut in - "that's so…" - the brunette smiled mirthfully - "that's so sweet!" -
The younger surgeon suddenly looked like a bullet about to leave the barrel of a gun, brim full of potential energy, ready for a kick in the butt - "alright! That's enough talk for this week, wouldn't you say?!"
She was almost out of her seat when the Orthopod changed her tune -"hey!" - She was doing an excellent job of keeping a straight face - "I'm sorry! Okay?"
Cristina kept walking towards the door as Callie turned around in her seat and called back to her - "Yang! Look, I'm sorry…" - something in her voice was entirely different - placating, insistent, vulnerable; whatever it was, it made Yang turn back and silently sit down in the chair again.
Callie's eyes tracked her every move as she noted Cristina's winning smirk, it pissed her off some… but she got that beggars and choosers, make winners and losers, although not quite in that order.
"Okay, enough" - Callie glared.
"What?"
"The thing… that thing your face is doing? Make it stop…" -
- "Okay… okay…" - Yang replied, trying to school her features.
"So?" - The Orthopod droned, trying to sound disinterested
"So what?"
"The… the - it's not an issue of whether or not I fall into bed with her? - thing" - she kept tapping her coffee cup for emphasis and also for partially distracting herself from the conversation she was voluntarily having - "explain that… more."
They let a few beats pass as they were slowly and increasingly beginning to realise just where this entire conversation was going. Callie was feeling pretty hot under the collar, whilst Yang was hoping the ceiling would fall on Callie, or something less dramatic… like one of them would get paged.
"You've had just sex, right?" - Cristina hedged; 'Yup, this was happening… they were talking… like actually talking!'
"No!" - Callie squeaked - "I haven't… I'm not going to!" - She struggled - "I'm… I haven't slept with her!"
"I know that… sort of…" - Yang said, a little frustrated at being misunderstood - "I mean in general… You've had sex for… you know?" - Her hands flapped around a little for emphasis - "just sex!"
"Yeah…" - Callie nodded and pursed her lips, thinking - "I mean, sure! Who hasn't?!"
"True…" - Yang affirmed mundanely - "…but you can't have just sex with Blondie Robbins, right?!" - you have all these gross feelings for each-other…" -
- "Well… huh…feelings… for each-other?!" - Callie had the decency to look a little flushed - "I mean… not really, not anymore…we just" -
- "Okay, Torres…" - she said a little sternly - "no offence? But I call bullshit! She? You have feelings for!" - They were at a stalemate as a stare-off ensued.
"Okay! Jeez! Fine… it's hard around her, okay? It is hard" -
- "That's what she said!" - Yang cut her off with an oh-so-winning smile that pretty much prompted Callie to wallop her in the arm. To her credit, the she resisted it successfully.
"Cristina…" - the brunette sighed - "please…" -
Judging that the moment called for something more serious and less juvenile, Yang spoke - "okay… Jeez… I give…"
"So you were saying?" - The Orthopod asked cautiously, weary of the other woman's commitment to keeping their exchange serious and mature, and well, useful.
"Right…" - intoned the scalpel junkie - "see, you and her? You can't be friends, because" -
Callie talked over her, wagging her finger in her face - "what?! We are adults! We can be" -
- "Nope!" - Yang cut her off, nodding - "you really can't. And here's why… everything is too familiar with her…" -
- "But it's not though; not anymore" - Callie interjected.
"Yes it is! At least physically…" - Yang countered - "think about it?! How easy would it be?! You two are alone, being friendly?!" - She made sure to air quote the word for Callie's benefit - "and it can be anything… whatever turns lesbians on… and you're knocking your clams or oysters or what have you!" - She said, looking almost gleefully at Callie's slow journey to realisation.
"But… but… we… I…" - The Orthopod sputtered, completely at a loss for a legitimate rebuttal.
- "Annnnd" - Cristina stretched out the word, milking the moment for all it's worth - "she looks at you like those starved little children she was treating! So?" -
- "That's… that's not… it's… offensive…" - Callie finished lamely.
"Whatever! She wants in your pants, and it gets even scarier…" - she mocked the brunette as she laboured to sound like a camp councillor telling a horror story to a bunch of pimply, lily-livered ten year olds - "Goldilocks wants in your home, and in your bed, and in your heart and in your head" -
- "Okay, okay! Stop!" - Callie implored feeling a little overwhelmed by it all being laid out like that. In theory, she knew what Arizona wanted… the blonde confessed as much. She wanted everything, but that was all so abstract and in the future and Callie was confident she could say no; that she would say no. But, now after Yang's little ditty, she was freaking out again.
"Anyway…" - Yang sighed, getting up and shooting the empty bottle into a trash can - "yes!" - She celebrated her slam dunk - "these hands are magic baby!" - She looked back at Callie who looked a tad catatonic - "I have to, you know, go? Got an awesome valve replacement…" - she started walking off as she continued talking to herself - "maybe there'll be like a tear or a tumour…"
Callie was forced out of her growing freak out as she heard Yang hope for complications - 'the fuck?!' - She thought - 'taking relationship, well, non-relationship advice from Yang is like cooking a pot of rice six feet away from where the fire was lit! It was frigging useless!' - Somewhere in the back of her mind, she also noted that she might be hungry. '
She leaned forward, her elbows on the table, her fingers intertwined, her chin on her hands locked together as she went back to watching the spot. The suddenly it struck her… all of it… what Arizona said and didn't say, what Yang said, and most importantly, how she herself really felt about the whole thing.
The spot on the wall was slowly blurring as she squinted her eyes, thinking really hard, when it all came together and fell apart in one instance - "Well… fuck me!" - She sighed as she threw her face onto the table.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"So? What do you think, Dr. Robbins? This plan sound okay to you? I mean, it's minimally invasive and the risks are lower? What do you say?" - Asked the Good-Shepherd, good-naturedly. It was clearly a nickname Meredith had loved to hate, and also encouraged around the hospital, because then she got to be the bad one between the pair.
Shepherd, Bailey and Robbins stood there looking at the scans and the three dimensional images trying to agree on a treatment plan for their common patient.
Arizona looked deep in thought and had their rapt attention when she finally spoke - "I think Callie did her hair today…" -
- "Excuse me?! - asked Shepherd, completely lost.
- "Oh Lord!" - Bailey face-palmed.
"Mhhm…" - Robbins looked at them in earnest and with a striking innocence that made her blue eyes twinkle - "Oh, right! The plan's awesome!" - She chipped in - "Now… Did you two notice her hair is different?" - she kept rambling.
Shepherd looked at Bailey nervously; pleading with his eyes.
"Oh damnnit! Fine!" - The chief barked - "go! Go file the treatment plan, or something!"
Shepherd zipped out of there as fast as he could - "thanks!" - He threw over his shoulders.
"Arizona…" -
- "I know… I know she does her hair every morning, but she did it differently today" - the blonde continued with a rueful smile - "today she did the way I like it… Do you think she was thinking of me when she…" -
- "Arizona?" -
"I mean I like it every which way! She could shave it off and I'd still…" -
"Hey!" - Bailey finally had to shout and snap her fingers at the blonde with the single minded focus on her hair obsession.
"Right…" - Arizona said sheepishly - "the treatment…" -
- "Is sorted" - Bailey interrupted - "now tell me what the hell has your damn baby saving brain short-circuiting?!" - She huffed.
"Really?" - The blonde asked excitedly, until the suspicion crept in - "wait! You're always telling me to keep it to myself, what's the catch?!"
"No catch. I'm the chief; you'll make everyone's ears bleed! I'm simply… taking one for the team!" - replied the General surgeon.
"So this is for the good of the hospital?" - asked Arizona, detecting the distinct odour of bullshit.
"Precisely!"
"So, you're saying…" - The blonde began only to be cut off in the middle.
The chief started beating the retreat - "never mind, if you don't want to" -
- "No, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Bailey come on! I'm sorry! You are an excellent chief" - she said as the women started walking back towards her.
"Mhhhm…" - The chief let lose some 'tude - "you best believe it! Now spill and be quick about it" - Bailey glared - "and Oh! Keep it clean!"
"It's nothing really…" -
- "Good, then I can leave…" - began the chief -
- "No! I mean…" - Arizona smiled sheepishly - "it is something…"
The chief nodded, silently asking her to continue.
"Callie and I… she… we decided to be friends… we've been being friends for a few weeks" - the blonde beamed, even if she sounded a little apprehensive - "but, we… I was thinking maybe… maybe I could ask her out, you know? Just… in a while I mean" - she said excitedly - "soon-ish, maybe?!"
Bailey balked at the woman.
"What?! Don't look so… I don't know… like I have a clown nose or something! I mean, Callie and I are… you know… it's what I want!"
"Arizona?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I just say something" -
- "Yes, of course Bailey! Why else would I be talking to" -
- "Quiet!" - Bailey barked at her sternly. It reminded her of Mrs. Demaun, her teacher in grade school - "That woman needs you…" -
- "I know!" - The blonde implored - "it's why I'm" -
- "Are you light in the head, Robbins? Or just that stubborn?! You want to be together! You came back!? You want to ask her out! You must be kidding!"
"Hey!" - Arizona protested; her protest cut short by the once famed Nazi.
"She's barely here, Robbins! You keep mooning at her, looking at her, but you aren't even seeing beyond the surface half the time! She can't talk about the crash or her kid…" -
"What kid?!" -Arizona asked, feeling a sudden hot knot form in the pit of her stomach.
"That's not… it's not my place to say… I shouldn't have" -
- "Bailey! What kid?!" - Arizona repeated, incensed.
"Look…" - said Bailey, now calmer - "I already said too much" - she huffed -
- "Bailey! Just…" - Arizona looked to be on the verge of tears - "I went to her place, I looked around… she doesn't… Callie doesn't have kids… I would… she would have told me by now if she…" - she meant it as a statement but it came out like a question packed with a reprehensible amount of doubt.
"And that's part of the problem…" - the chief replied balefully - "ask her… I mean… built up to a place where you can ask her Robbins."
"Yeah, okay…" - the blonde replied shakily.
"I mean it Robbins… You want to date her, or want her back, or whatever the hell you want to call it?! You need to do it with your eyes open… She sedates herself on flights now. She spends her Saturdays in a bar full of people sitting next to an empty seat… She's been telling you she's not the same, but I don't think you get it."
"I do!" - Arizona insisted - "I do, Bailey… I…" -
- "You want to fix her? You want to change her?" - Arizona was about to protest when Bailey stopped her - "look, you love her… that's plain as day" - the chief gave her a sympathetic smile - "and that's good… that… that helps. But, you can't rush this… and you can't rush her! The woman you loved? Part of her disappeared, and you can't look at her and miss that woman. It will kill Callie! You have to bother to get to know her!"
"I want to… of course I want to" - Arizona interjected lamely, half afraid that Bailey was right, that she was rushing things… that she was being selfish.
"You want to be her friend?" - Asked the chief; the blonde nodded vigorously, her eyes shimmery with tears - "then be her friend, even if all you want to is all of it! Deny yourself, don't play games with her… but, let her come to you… stop asking her for things, stop expecting things from her! Let her tell you what she needs…" -
- "And what if she doesn't want me anymore" -
- "Then make sure that that's what she really wants… needs… and leave her alone! And if she wants to be with you, you'll feel it… for real… there won't be any doubt or hesitation… and she's a big girl… when she gets there? When she gets that confidence back, she'll tell you…" -
- "But…" -
- "She will! Robbins, it's still her…" -
- The blonde scrunched up her forehead in confusion - "but you just said…" -
- "Mostly" - Bailey cut her off - "it's mostly still just her. But, you have to let her be… let her figure it out, and stay" - the chief hesitates - "even if it's hard as hell… this time, you stay. And make sure she knows you're staying…" - her voice softened now - "everything around her kept falling apart. Can you imagine living like that?!"
"I…uh…" - Arizona again balked at her own naivety.
"Make sure she knows your sticking around this time, Robbins…" -
- "Yeah…" - the blonde let out a long breath - "I will…" - she cracked a thin and hesitant smile as her tears made it past the corners of her eyes, falling rapidly.
Bailey reciprocated by rubbing her arm a little - "Okay, then… I'll… I have to get home to Tuck…" - she started walking towards the door.
"Thanks…" - Arizona said absentmindedly as she went back to thinking about Callie.
"Well, fuck me!" - She whispered thinking to herself that she'd have to go back to the drawing board.
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A/N: After the last few chapters, I needed to work with some of the other characters. And, Yang and Bailey are my favourites! And, I also needed a break from Callie and Arizona together (sounds weird, I know, since 'm writing a C/A fic) but I needed out of their heads for a bit.