this sucks
it really, really sucks when you smile about everything. i've always been taught to have a positive attitude and you'll get it back. bull, complete bull. i feel like people walk over me because im the "motherly" one who is perfect and innocent. i have probably done more in the field of boys then most of my friends combined. why? because i didnt know any better, just like them. im not going to use any names, but i have a friend that used to be my best friend in 8th grade. she doesnt go to my school now, but we still talk for hours on the phone. (no, Sam, not you :) and yes, you know her!) we used to be identical. except she had no morals and i did. being around bad influences will make you want to be bad, which was when i first tried stupid things i shouldnt have. i wasnt pressured. in fact, because she was my best friend, she discouraged it with me and said i didnt deserve to suffer if i tried such things. but i did them, and now when we go to seperate schools, she continues to do drugs and stuff. she has a 23 year old boyfriend that almost got her pregnant and she is my age. i have been around people like that for a while until i realized they werent worth my time. and she knew it, which is why we are not best friends now. we still talk, like i said, but i tune out when she tells me that she cant find marijuana for a buck fifty anymore and she has to pay almost three bucks a joint. people like her piss me off, but i neither say nor do anything about it. i no longer care. if they wont bother taking care of themselves, id rather walk away with my sanity and being mere friends instead of "best friends forever." So, i smile, ignoring the anger that tightens my chest, half against them and half against myself. im pissed that they want sympothy when they wont give it to themselves. i have so much on my mind, that the last thing i need right now is fucking pressure. I swear, if she mentions her manfriend feeling her up in Pizza Hut, i swear im going to fucking pop!!!!
ah. that felt so much better. i still have a lump in my throat, but 'tsall good. :}
i need to go do my homework. i have two more chts of Grapes of Wrath. I need to write in this little book my bud breanne and i keep. (dont forget!) nite.
ah. that felt so much better. i still have a lump in my throat, but 'tsall good. :}
i need to go do my homework. i have two more chts of Grapes of Wrath. I need to write in this little book my bud breanne and i keep. (dont forget!) nite.