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Chapter 6.
Chapter 7. Do You Realize That You Have The Most Beautiful Face?
When Frank got back into the house, he could feel everyone's eyes on him. He tried to ignore them as he made his way right for the keg, making the decision to drink until he couldn't think anymore.
--
Gerard slid unnoticed into the house and made his way to the upstairs, which seemed to have no one there. He found the guest bedroom and closed himself in it, climbing up onto the bed. He sat there for a few moments, then brought his knees up to his chest and buried his face into them, breaking out into a quiet sob.
--
Frank drank all night, completely ignoring everyone around him. By the time the party was over, Ray suggested he spend the night and he was too drunk to object. He complied and slowly made his way upstairs and walked into the first room he saw before falling onto the bed without another thought.
--
Gerard had gone into the bathroom for some tissues to try and blow his nose and wipe his eyes, as well as to try and calm himself. Halfway through, when he thought he was finished, his thoughts became malicious and turned against him. 'It's your fault if you lose him.' 'This is why you don't have friends.' 'You're selfish and self-centered.' 'And you actually questioned why people hate you, when you made a good example of what to hate out there.' Gerard's shoulders felt heavy as he made his way out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. It was dark, so it wasn't too easy to see. He made his way over to the bed and sat down on the edge, his head throbbing.
Frank was fast asleep the minute his head hit the pillow, but he was snoring loudly from having fallen on his chest, therefore compressing his breathing.
Gerard's muscles tensed when his ears adjusted. With the music being so loud, he'd practically gone deaf; his ears were ringing for half the night. He sat stiffly on the bedside, not wanting to see who was snoring and lying in the bed. He tried to get a more comfortable grip of the bed, but his hand slipped and he fell backward, sending him sprawling onto the mattress.
Frank felt Gerard fall onto him and mumbled, "Ugh, get the fuck OFF." He was still mostly asleep and had no idea who was in the room with him.
Gerard gave a small yelp and scrambled to get away, almost tumbling off the bed in the process. He curled up in a tight ball at the edge of the mattress and closed his eyes... That sounded a bit like Frank... but he wasn't sure. Whoever it was... Gerard hoped he wouldn't find him in the morning.
--
Frank felt the sun shining on his face when he woke up, his head was pounding and he didn't dare to open his eyes yet. He stretched his arms and legs and felt his foot touch something when he slightly kicked. "What the fuck?" He opened his eyes and couldn't see anything except for a huge lump at the edge of the bed.
Gerard let out a small yelp and twitched a bit. He'd woken the moment he felt something touch him, and he didn't even want to entertain the thought of moving. He sat still, fear creeping up his spine as his heart pounded and his head began to spin.
Frank sat up and rubbed his eyes, trying to regain his sight. After blinking a couple dozen times, he could finally see again. He scooted towards the edge of the bed and poked the person's back. "Hey, man, wake up."
Gerard squeezed his eyes shut and tried to steady his breathing. It was Frank. 'And the moment he figures out it's me,' he thought, 'is the moment I get my ass handed to me.'
Frank grunted in frustration and started shaking the person on the end of the bed. "Hey! Wake up!"
Gerard let out a whimper and started to shake. He moved himself slightly in hopes that it would be enough to satisfy Frank and make him stop.
Frank sighed and stood up too quickly; causing his head to rush and making him fall back down on the bed. "Oh, fuck me..."
Gerard lay still, trying to stop himself from shaking, but failing at it horribly. He still had his eyes shut; he couldn't bear the thought of looking Frank in the eyes before the younger teen gave him a swift punch in the face. 'You deserve it,' his thoughts hissed.
"Sorry, dude." Frank said to no one in particular before he got back up again, slower this time, and made his way to the bathroom. He'd never had to pee this bad in his life.
When he could hear Frank leave the room, Gerard fumbled out of bed and made his way down the stairs; he wanted to get as far away from Frank as possible. As he reached for the doorknob, an unsettling thought crossed his mind: 'Where's Mikey?'
--
Once Frank was done in the bathroom, he went back into the room and found no one there. 'Huh, weird,' he thought.
--
Mikey had passed out on the front lawn in a pool of beer and had just woken up, but couldn't be fucked to move.
--
Gerard stepped back from the door, not completely sure of what to do. Should he look for Mikey? Should he go get Frank? Just leave? His head was spinning from waking up, and his headache from last night was still raging on.
Frank stumbled down the stairs, looking for anyone else who might be awake and sober enough to drive him home. He fell down the last three steps and just laughed at himself until he saw Gerard standing in the middle of the living room. He shut up quickly and did his best to stand up and look like he wasn't experiencing the worst hangover of his life.
Gerard, who had his back turned to Frank, stiffened immediately, his heart pounding in his chest. He started to shake again, regardless of how hard he fought to control it.
"Uhm, Gerard?" Frank had to focus on making the words come out right.
Gerard tried to steady his breathing. "Frank...?" he answered, his voice shaking.
"I know I shouldn't be asking this but… could you take me home? Please?" Frank felt like such a dick for asking Gerard to do something for him after last night, but he was desperate.
Gerard swallowed hard... He was still scared as hell, but it seemed like, for the moment, Frank wasn't angry. "S-sure," he answered, his voice still shaky.
"Thanks..." Frank made his way past Gerard and out the front door, heading for Mikey. He only knew where he was because he had passed out long before Frank. Mikey was leaning against the car, texting, as usual.
Gerard walked to his car silently, keeping his head down the whole time. He climbed in without a word and turned on the car. Mikey got into the passenger seat and leaned back before passing out again. Frank climbed in the backseat and tried not to look as guilty as he felt. Gerard started towards Frank's house in silence. He was only half-focused on the road, his thoughts and emotions taking up half of his attention.
Frank wanted to say something, but he didn't know what so he just resorted to his usual fall-back of looking out the window silently.
Gerard continued to drive, his emotional and mental conflicts getting worse. It was like his thoughts were fighting with each other, fueled by emotion. He gripped the wheel, trying desperately to keep from swerving or speeding.
Frank could see Gerard's pained look in the rear-view mirror. "Gerard? Are you okay?”
Gerard felt himself tense. For a minute, he wanted to pretend he hadn't heard Frank, but he knew ignoring him wouldn't end up well. "I'm fine," Gerard replied flatly, not wanting to give away anything.
Frank knew Gerard was full of shit. "You're lying."
Gerard's grip on the wheel tightened. "I'm fine," he repeated, his voice tense.
Frank rolled his eyes, frustrated. "Gerard, I'm not a fucking idiot, okay? I can see something's wrong."
"Frank, now's not the time," Gerard snapped, starting to shake a bit. The car swerved as he tried to gain his focus back.
"Jesus, Gerard! You can't even fucking drive! Now cut the shit and tell me what's wrong with you!"
It was a good thing the road seemed to have no one driving on it besides Gerard, because he slammed his foot hard on the break, causing the whole car to stop abruptly.
Frank was flung forward, causing him to hit his head on the back of Gerard's seat. "What the fuck?!"
Gerard still held onto the wheel with all his strength. He had his head down and was struggling to keep his breath steady. "Frank," he said in a firm, serious tone, "Stop. Just. Stop. I'm almost to your house. I don't have time to deal with this." He was shaking all over again and starting to feel dizzy.
"You know what? Fuck it, go home, I'll walk." Frank unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car, slamming the door behind him before walking quickly down the road.
Gerard huffed, pulled the car to the side of the road and got out, walking fast. When he caught up to Frank, he grabbed his arm and spun him around. "No you're not," he snapped, "I'm driving you home."
Frank yanked his arm away. "Fuck you," he spat.
Gerard grabbed Frank's arm again, his grip firm, yanking him backwards. "Look, I don't give a fuck how much you might hate me," he huffed, "I still care too much about you to let you get hit or something."
"Stop fucking around! You know I don't hate you and I'm not going to get hit! I may be small, but I'm not a child!"
"Oh don't try and give me that bullshit," Gerard snapped, "'You don't hate me', yeah fuckin' right. Like I'd believe that. I know you're not a child, you made it obvious last night, but you're hungover like hell."
"Why do you think I hate you? When the FUCK did I say that?!" Frank didn't care to hide how annoyed and pissed off he was anymore; his emotions were getting the best of him.
"You don't have to say it," Gerard spat back. "It's an accepted fact that everyone fucking does, now stop arguing with me and get back in the God damned car!"
Frank's face softened a bit, suddenly feeling like a total ass for not being more careful with his words. "Gerard... I don't hate you; you should know that by now."
Gerard's grip loosened and he looked away, unable to keep eye contact anymore. "Frank, don't lie to me," he pleaded, "I don't need to get my hopes up..."
"Why would I lie to you? How would that benefit me at all? Why would I go through all of that on Friday. Just for kicks? I don't think so."
Gerard shrugged and let go of Frank's arm, his own arm falling back to his side. "Desperation. Pity. Something along those lines."
"Ha, not like I was exactly desperate to make friends, I can do fine on my own if I want. And I didn't even know you, how could I pity you? You don't even make sense, y’know that?"
Gerard kept his gaze to the concrete. "There's a million reasons to hate me and exactly zero reasons not to," he concluded. "I figured that out last night. I understand you want to make me feel better about myself, but there's no reason to try. I'm just a worthless human being. I'm not worth your time. Please, just stop."
Frank couldn't stand listening to Gerard say those things; it gave him this feeling of being both completely pissed off and terribly sad all at the same time. "Fuck! Gerard! Your only fucking problem is that you think too little of yourself! You are far from worthless, why don't you see it? Stop saying this shit!"
Gerard didn't seem fazed one bit. "No," he answered dully, "I don't see it. I don't see any worth. All I see is a stupid teen who fucks everything up and lets his emotions get the best of him. All I see is a screw up that all his peers hate because he makes no benefit to anyone. All I see is a worthless waste of space."
Frank couldn't take it anymore, he was so upset and so frustrated and he didn't know what to do, so he decided on telling Gerard to "Shut up," before lurching forward and kissing him, holding him there with his arms wrapped around his chest.
Gerard squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back his tears as they threatened to escape again. 'He's lying,' his thoughts kept telling him. 'You're worthless and he knows it. You know it.'
Frank held Gerard closer, not breaking the kiss, not deepening it, just trying to convey his emotions to Gerard without pushing anything too far.
Gerard broke away from the kiss, looking away, shaking all over. He cursed himself a thousand times as tears started to fall. "P-please, Frank," he whimpered, "don't do this... You can do better... I'm not worth it..."
"You are worth it, please just believe me." Frank was about to cry himself, he just wanted Gerard to feel better and be happy again.
Gerard just shook his head, his knees giving in, causing him to drop to the ground. He tried holding back his cries, letting out small whimpers instead. "You deserve better..." he choked out. "You're wasting your time on someone like me..."
Frank sighed and sat down next to Gerard and pulled him onto his lap, holding him close. "I'm not wasting my time... I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be... why do you think like this?"
Gerard shook his head. "It's always been that way," he whispered. "There's no reason for it to suddenly change. There's no reason for me to be with someone so perfect."
"I'm not fucking perfect, just wait. And there is a reason for change when you've been wrong all this time."
"How can I be wrong when it's what everyone tells me?" he whimpered, tears still falling from his eyes. He couldn't look back into Frank's eyes; he couldn't stand to look into his beautiful eyes and feel like he didn't deserve it.
"You were wrong because they're wrong." Frank wiped away some of Gerard's tears gently.
Gerard shook his head again. "How can everyone I know be wrong? I snapped on you last night because of my own stupid feelings... You stood up and defended me and I just couldn't get past my stupid emotions to see yours. I don't deserve you."
"Everyone has their moments... it doesn't make them stupid..."
Gerard still wasn't convinced, but with the flood of emotion and lack of good sleep the night before, he was so light headed and exhausted that he didn't have the energy to argue anymore. Instead, he leaned into Frank, resting his head on the younger male's chest softly, tears silently falling. His gazed was fixed, staring directly in front of him, but it was blank and dull. His will felt broken... Everything felt broken. He just wanted it to stop...
"Gerard... come on, you gotta get home... you need rest...."
Gerard was silent. He quietly listened to Frank and struggled to get himself up, stumbling a bit while attempting to do so. Frank stood up and helped Gerard walk back to his car, helping him into the backseat.
Lying down, it took Gerard a few minutes to process that fact that he was in the back seat. "Wh... wait... shouldn't I be the one driving...?"
"Not when you can barely keep your eyes open." Frank got in the front and started the car up again before starting towards Gerard and Mikey's home.
Gerard tried to object, but it only came out as a small whimper. He sat and stared at the back of the driver's seat the whole way, silent as a grave.
Once Frank made it to their house, he woke up Mikey and helped him get Gerard inside.
When they finally made it inside, Gerard realized that Frank didn't have a ride home. He looked up at him, his stomach twisting slightly as he tried to form a sentence, his mind fuzzy. Frank told Mikey to take good care of Gerard before saying a quick "Goodbye," and heading out the door.
"F-Frank," Gerard whimpered, "wait..."
Frank stopped and turned around, "What? Do you need something?"
He looked at Frank, feeling dazed and worn. "You... you don't have a ride home..." he muttered. He walked towards Frank, stumbling a bit, until he was standing in front of him. He put a hand on his arm, partially to keep his balance, but also to reassure himself that Frank was, in fact, still standing there. "Don't leave..." he pleaded weakly. "Stay... Please..."
"I... uh... fine, but only for a little bit..." Frank led Gerard back to the couch and sat down next to him. Gerard wrapped his arms tightly around Frank, not wanting him to leave, even though he'd already agreed to stay. "I'm tired..." he murmured. "I want to go to bed..."
"Well... where's your room?"
Gerard sat for a few more moments, trying to process his thoughts. "Upstairs..." he finally mumbled.
Frank sighed before standing up and steadying Gerard so they could go upstairs. "Had to be UP the stairs, huh?"
Gerard was so tired he didn't understand what Frank meant by that... until he tried going up the stairs and fumbled a few times. He could barely keep his eyes open... his mind was so fuzzy...
Frank did his best to support Gerard, but he was a lot bigger than him and that made it difficult. By the time they both made it to Gerard's room, Frank was exhausted and basically let Gerard fall onto the bed before doing the same himself. "Fuck, I’m so tired."
Gerard rolled onto his side and grabbed Frank around the waist before he could say anything, and pulled him close, burying his face into the younger teen's shoulder. Frank closed his eyes and fell asleep without meaning to. Gerard quickly dozed off as well, comfortably asleep in his own bed, curled up next to Frank.
A few hours later, Frank opened his eyes and began to panic when he didn't recognize the room he was in. 'Who's touching me? Where am I?' his mind had a million questions and he couldn't remember how he got to where he was. He slowly turned onto his other side to face the person who was curled up beside him and relaxed once he realized it was only Gerard.
Gerard was still asleep, comfortably snuggled up next to Frank. His dreams were plain and forgettable, but all he needed was a good enough rest. Frank decided not to bother him and got up and made his way downstairs instead, looking for something to do.
Gerard stirred when Frank left, and by the time the other male had exited and went downstairs, he had started to blink the sleep from his eyes. He raised his head and looked around. "F-Frankie...?" he whimpered. Suddenly, he wondered if it'd all been a dream. He tried to pull himself out of bed, his hand lying on his drawing notebook. He pulled it out and looked at the last page he was on; it was a sketch he'd started drawing of Frank on Friday while they were in chemistry... he relaxed a bit. It wasn't a dream... But then guilt surged through him as he remembered the fight they'd had. He dragged himself out of bed and quietly made his way out of his room. "Frank...?" he called out softly.
Frank was sitting on the couch in the living room when he heard someone call his name. He got up and started to go down the hall, but saw Gerard coming towards him. "Oh... hey."
Gerard stood still for a moment, then quietly walked over to Frank and, without hesitation, wrapped his arms around him. "I'm sorry..." he whispered, resting his chin on Frank's shoulder.
"It-It's fine, don't worry about it…"
"No... no it's not fine..." Gerard sighed quietly. "I'm sorry I've put you through all this..."
"Hey, I said its fine, so forget it, okay?" Frank smiled stiffly.
Gerard stood there silently for a few more seconds, then tightened his embrace, closing his eyes slowly. "If you say so," he whispered.
Frank hugged Gerard back and sighed from relief.
"Frank?" Gerard whimpered quietly.
"Yeah?"
He swallowed hard and stood quiet for a few minutes. "I love you," Gerard whispered, his voice unwavering.
Frank blinked and hugged Gerard tighter, burying his face into his shoulder. "I love you too," he mumbled.
Gerard closed his eyes again, letting his muscles relax as he felt the comfort of Frank's arms around him.
Frank breathed heavily on Gerard's neck. "Maybe... uhm. Maybe I should be getting home..."
Gerard felt his grip tighten just a bit. "Do you have to?" he whimpered.
"Well… it's kinda late and we have school tomorrow." Frank didn't really want to go, but his mom wouldn't let him stay out too late on a school night.
Gerard relaxed his arms. 'I can't force him to stay,' he told himself. 'Nor should I try to.' "Okay," he whispered.
"I mean, we'll see each other tomorrow, so-" Frank smiled, when he noticed Gerard's face starting to fall into a frown.
Gerard looked up at Frank. He gave a small smile back, feeling that twinge of happiness that he always seemed to feel whenever he saw Frank smile. Frank pecked Gerard's lips before letting him go and stepping into the main room. "Do you think you could give me a ride? I don't mind walking though, it's no big deal..."
Gerard smiled. "No, its fine," he reassured him. "I don't mind... I'd love you give you a ride."
"Okay… thanks." Frank headed out the door and got in the car, realizing he forgot to lock it when he drove.
Gerard got back in the driver's seat, seeming not to notice, or care, that the car was unlocked. He started down the neighborhood road, noticing the afternoon was already halfway over. Frank turned on the radio and counted the minutes until he was home, knowing it was only a short drive from Gerard's house to his own.
A short while later, Gerard pulled into Frank's driveway and looked at the small teen. "I... I guess I'll see you tomorrow," he whispered, his heart suddenly aching.
"Yeah, definitely," Frank tried to smile, but only ended up looking like he was in pain.
Gerard looked back at Frank, a bit confused. "Are... are you okay?"
"Uhm... yeah," Frank blushed. "I'll see you, thanks for the ride." He quickly got out of the car and rushed inside to save him from any further embarrassment.
Gerard watched Frank scurry inside, and giggled to himself. He pulled out of the driveway and went back to his house, laying back down in bed and falling asleep once more.
Chapter 8.