A Seaside Story (part 38)
He gives the note to Yasu, but he doesn’t have to look happy about it. At least Yasu looks just as troubled, if not more, by this turn of events.
“I’m sorry!” Yasu blurts out awkwardly. “I didn’t mean this to happen!”
“Of course you didn’t,” Subaru sighs. “Why would you?” He’s starting to believe in karma more and more. “What are you going to do?”
“I’ll talk to her,” Yasu says without hesitating. Subaru thinks that’s brave. If it were him he’d probably just avoid her till the end of her holiday, it wouldn’t be hard to do. If he ran into her by chance, he’d just pretend he’d never got the note.
“What will you say?” he asks.
Yasu’s quiet for a minute. “I’ll tell her the truth,” he says. “That might be less embarrassing for her than... just being rejected.”
Subaru doesn’t know what to say. Once again he can’t believe Yasu is going to say something so personal to someone he’s just met. He didn’t tell Subaru for ages! Subaru knows that’s what he gets for being a jerk, though. “Are you sure?”
Yasu smiles. “What’s the worst that can happen? If someone like you can come to accept me, I’m sure she can. And besides, if it goes badly, I never have to see her again.”
Subaru smiles wryly. “Well, tell her if she’s willing to settle for second best, I’m here.”
Yasu chuckles. “I will,” he says, and Subaru thinks he probably means it.
The next time Subaru sees him is when he comes to wave the girls off as they leave. Sadako is in her sweet old granny mode again, smiling fondly and urging the girls to come back any time.
To Subaru’s gruff embarrassment but inward satisfaction, they all thank him for being a good host and his friendliness and good company. He feels like it’s report card day at school and Sadako is his eternally-disappointed mother. This should show her, anyway, he thinks smugly.
He can’t help observing when Saori comes to say goodbye to Yasu, even though he doesn’t really mean to. They smile at each other fondly, and he opens his arms to give her a hug.
“Come back and visit again soon,” Subaru hears him say, and she nods and murmurs something he doesn’t catch.
Subaru guesses he doesn’t hold it against any of them for not falling for him. They were all nice girls; he can fill out his Facebook some more. (When he comes to add them, though, he swiftly learns how to use the ‘hide’ function when his feed is flooded with eye-burningly pink purikura and huggy coupley photos that just make him feel bitter and grouchy.)
“I guess she took it OK then,” Subaru says quietly when the girls have departed.
Yasu nods. “Yeah, she took it really well,” he says. “She even said she’d rather someone tell her that than be passed over for another woman...” he adds with a little smile.
Subaru narrows his eyes. “Oh she’s that type,” he says with the air of an expert. “I’ve heard about girls like those.”
Yasu giggles. “At least this way she can feel like it’s not her fault, right?” he says.
Subaru nods. “Yeah, I hope you told her that if you ever turn she’d be top of the list.”
Yasu laughs. “Not in those words, but the sentiment was there.” He pauses for a second. “I put in a word for you,” he says, with a teasing smile.
Subaru tries to keep his face calm. “What did she say?”
Yasu looks thoughtful. “Well, y’know, I didn’t, like, make it sound too serious, I was trying to lighten the mood...” he says vaguely. “I think she just smiled.”
Subaru guesses that’s as good as he could’ve hoped for from an awkward situation. He hopes Yasu didn’t make him sound like a desperate loser. Even if he really is one right now.
Maybe the experience cools his ardour a little anyway, because after that failure he somehow doesn’t feel quite as pressing a need to seduce any passing female. He knows they can smell desperation. And besides, how can he possibly win with Yasu there? Subaru feels like he has a lot to learn if he’s losing to the gay guy in the girl stakes - but does that mean he’ll have to learn from said gay guy? Subaru really isn’t sure he can ‘learn’ - it’s just the way Yasu is, and Subaru knows he can never be like that, even if he becomes a model citizen for the rest of his life.
It’s a depressing thought, in some ways. But in others, reassuring - if he accepts he can never achieve that level of supernatural likeability, he can relax and not try so hard. He guesses he has to find someone on his level. Not someone he has to pretend for, even a little, in order to make them like him. He knows that means telling them all about him - so that can wait, he thinks. He doesn’t need a girl that badly, not even just for a quick bit of fun - maybe he’s just lost his confidence, but suddenly it doesn’t seem so important anymore. He can relax, put it off till he gets back to normality.
It’s not like the girls who come here are all that exciting anyway. He doesn’t bother making the same effort again, though he does his best to be friendly and genial - that much is coming more easily to him, at least.
He gets used to being busy. He’s never had to work like this before, but it’s better than the crushing boredom and made-up jobs Sadako used to find for him. More work seems to equal more playtime too - maybe he’s earned it, but he notes a rise in his allowance and, rather ironically he feels, a further relaxing in the hours he’s allowed to spend away from the inn. There also seems to be a general decrease in tutting and frowning and sharp remarks. He could almost say he’s settled in now, almost say he’s used to the way of life... but it only takes one little thing, one little memory, like a craving for ramen from that shop or hearing a song one of his friends would always murder at karaoke, to remind him how far he is from home.
It’s a warm Friday evening, and the sky is clear, the sea calm. Subaru has been out for a lot of the day, running errands but in no rush, stopping to talk to the locals. They’ve got used to having him around too, everyone always has a friendly word for him, and, if he’s lucky enough to catch Mr Tsuji, a cigarette too.
He’s heading back with the supplies for tonight’s dinner. The inn isn’t full, but there are several guests expected for the weekend. He had all their rooms ready by 11 o’clock this morning. He’s got so efficient lately! He hopes Sadako will write him a glowing reference when he’s applying for jobs back home.
Maybe he’ll call on Yasu later, see if he wants to watch a DVD or play cards or something. Subaru isn’t very good at cards, but neither is Yasu, so he manages to win most of the time. Another reason why he likes having him around - Subaru’s never beaten anyone so consistently before!
He slides open the door and slips off his shoes, heading to the kitchen, just like he has every day since he got here. Usually Sadako is there waiting for him; he’s never known her to have a visitor in the kitchen, but today as he walks down the hall he can hear voices. The old lady hasn’t gone completely batty, it’s a genuine conversation, but Subaru isn’t paying attention, he’s sure Sadako must just be giving someone a recipe for country-style miso soup or something. But then he slides open the kitchen door, and Sadako turns in her seat and actually smiles at him, not the hard smirk he most often sees her send his way, but something a little closer to the kindly look she bestows on guests.
“Subaru,” she says, almost pleasantly, “There’s someone here who says she wants to see you.”
Subaru is already looking past her, across the table, at the lady who’s standing up and stepping closer to him, her expression hopeful.
“Subaru,” she says, and her voice sounds like Subaru has never heard it sound before. She looks like she wants to say more, but she doesn’t know where to begin.
Subaru can’t speak. He thinks he probably hasn’t cried in 15 years, but his eyes start to mist and his throat tightens, and it’s all he can do to hold himself together as he crosses the kitchen in just a few steps, into the arms of his mother.
TBC