A Seaside Story (part 37)
With the improving weather people are steadily coming to the island more and more. Subaru looks forward to the true summer time, complete with girls in bikinis looking for holiday flings. After all, if even Yasuda can get some on this island, surely he should be able to!
He thinks maybe he has a chance when a family come to stay; the eldest daughter looks about 20, there with her mum and dad and much younger brother, she’s bound to be bored and looking for something fun to do with people her own age... She’s kind of pretty and not too shy or cutesy. But against all his expectations, she seems to dote on her little brother and he’s always with her, he never gets a chance to talk to her alone! And to further complicate matters, the brother really seems to take a liking to Subaru, especially if he forgets himself and swears or says something a bit crude. At first he thinks, what a drag, but then he wonders if this might be a way in with the girl; but as the week goes on, it turns out that actually, her brother is rather more fun and interesting than she is. Subaru has a fun week talking about motorbikes and video games and telling toilet jokes, and then it’s time for them all to leave. Mum and dad seem grateful to him for keeping their son occupied, and the girl never crosses his mind again.
As the summer season approaches, more of the shops and cafes around the town are opening up again. Subaru thinks it’s nice seeing more life around him finally, just hearing noise and seeing people around makes him feel more at home. The place, after so long, is finally less bleak. And finally, the promised day arrives! Three girls, probably around 21, 22, Subaru guesses, check into the inn. Two of them could be prettier, he has to say, but at this point he’s just so happy to see any female under the age of 40 that he’d think any gargoyle looked like a model. They all have the same parts anyway.
It’s been a while since he’s had to impress females - it feels like a while, anyway - and these ones are perhaps a bit different to the ones he’s used to. Nicer, classier. But if Subaru is going to survive in the outside world again, he’s going to need to show them the nicer, classier Subaru he’s become. He’ll have to actually impress them with his personality, not his... exploits.
Plus there’s the Sadako problem. She watches him like a hawk, giving him tasks to do that seem even less necessary than usual, and he still feels self-conscious around her anyway, he can’t use his smooth moves on the ladies with her there peering over his shoulder!
At this stage, though, he’s desperate enough almost not to care about that, either. And now he has a plan of action. Just like with Maru, he can take these ladies out for a drink, and to seem less sleazy he can bring Yasu along to make it seem like a nice, friendly gesture. And this time there’ll be no danger of Yasu stealing them from under his nose! For the first time he’s really starting to see the upside of Yasu’s sexuality.
But when he tells Yasu his brilliant plan, he laughs! “You can’t possibly take girls to the bar,” he says. “It’s still full of the same olf men, even at this time of year!”
Subaru frowns. “Isn’t there anywhere else?” he asks.
“Why don’t you just stay in Sadako’s sitting room?” Yasu suggests. “It’s really nice there.”
Subaru supposes it is where Yasu made his own romantic conquest, so it has a good track record, but... “But Sadako will be there!”
Yasu laughs again. “So where were you planning on taking your girl, once you’ve got her?”
Subaru thinks fast. “Well, I have a good friend who has a place nearby...” he tries.
Yasu shakes his head, chuckling. “And where am I supposed to go?”
“...My room at Sadako’s?” Subaru tries.
“You really think she’d let you get away with that?” Yasu says, raising his eyebrows. “Would it even be worth it?”
Subaru sighs in exasperation. “Right now I don’t care if she flogs me in the street and pours ice cold water over me,” he says. “It’s been so long since I had a girl!” He doesn’t care if he’s treading in territory that might not be within Yasu’s frame of reference, he’s sure he understand the sentiment after living on the island so long alone!
Yasu’s expression softens somewhat. “Did you have a girlfriend back in Osaka?”
“Not when I left,” Subaru says airily. “But I had plenty of girls, don’t worry about that!” he adds, cringing just slightly at how defensive he sounds.
Yasu grins. “I bet you did,” he says. “All the bad girls love a delinquent.”
Subaru grins back. Of course, Yasu knows what it’s like. “And bad girls are the best girls,” he says with a hint of a leer.
Yasu chuckles. “My friends used to have a different girl all the time,” he says. “Then someone else would turn up with the same girl next week. It was like a family!”
Subaru laughs. “Yeah those girls were pretty good,” he says. “They came with recommendations!”
Yasu laughs too. “But there wasn’t anyone serious?”
“Nah,” says Subaru airily. “I didn’t need some girl thinking I was just hers! I was a free agent!”
Subaru is caught off guard by Yasu’s next question. “So... you’ve never been in love?”
Subaru starts a little, looks at Yasu sideways. “What sort of a question is that?!” he exclaims. He shouldn’t be surprised really, he guesses. Occasionally he feels like he and Yasu are on the same wavelength, but then Yasu will veer off into some realm incomprehensible to Subaru.
Yasu just smiles. “I was just wondering if you knew what it felt like,” he says.
Subaru shakes his head in disbelief. It’s only later that he thinks again about Yasu’s life here - no friends his own age, no romantic interest, never knowing what love feels like... It’s like some desert island raised-by-wolves story! But then... could he have given Yasu an answer? All those girls Subaru had, the ones who were just in it for the same things he was - to be seen with someone, to have a good time, but never tied down, always with an eye to the next one. Nothing that he could’ve ever called love. That was for saps! And besides, if you loved someone, that gave those who were out to get you an easy target. Best to stay unattached - trust no-one, give in to no-one.
Subaru’s never even wondered what love feels like, and now he wishes Yasu had never put the thought in his head. You don’t have to be alone to be lonely.
After some thought, Subaru concedes that the best thing probably is to stay at Sadako’s and have a few drinks in her lounge. He guesses at least that way he seems less... shady. That was never a problem with the girls he used to know. He calls Yasu to come around after dinner and Sadako seems satisfied that this means the girls are in no danger from loose cannon Subaru, who’s been kept away from eligible young females for months. Subaru makes sure to offer them tea as well as beer and sake, but to his happiness only one of them chooses the tea.
“Good girl, Rie,” says one of the others - Yuko, he remembers - as he gets up to make it. “I promised mum I’d look after you!”
Subaru has an odd sinking feeling. The girl’s either pregnant - and she doesn’t look at all pregnant - or...
“I’m always good!” Rie, presumably her younger sister, protests. “I’m not interested in drinking anyway. Not even when I’m 20!”
Great. Not only underage, but with no interest in one of Subaru’s favourite hobbies. Oh well, that just narrows the choice a little. He still has two more to pick from!
As he heads to the kitchen he hears Yasu start to make small talk about their trip, the island, all the usual. He guesses Yasu must ask how they came to plan their trip, because as he’s walking back down the corridor with the tea he hears fateful words that make his heart hurt a little more.
”My boyfriend was supposed to come,” the Yuko is saying, ”But he couldn’t make it, so I had to invite Saori instead.”
There follows some indignant protesting from her friend, but all Subaru can focus on is the b-word that whittles away another of his chances. Sure, he could try and persuade her that what happens on the island stays on the island, or some bullshit like that, but there are so many reasons not to try that the idea isn’t even entertaining. Sadako would kill him even more for a start, and he’s trying to be a better guy and all, and most importantly she might not even be interested, and Subaru isn’t going to set himself up for rejection. Especially not when he still has one last chance.
The more they talk, too, the more he thinks that actually, out of the three of them, she’s the one he’d go for anyway. She’s friendly, funny, easy to talk to... She seems laidback enough to be the sort to consider a fling with a charming young man she met on holiday! But she also seems classy enough that he’ll have to work for it. He does his best to be funny and keep it clean, tries to flirt just a little without making it too obvious, and makes sure they get to bed at a decent hour without drinking too much. All in all he thinks he behaved very respectably! He almost wishes Sadako was around to see.
On the other hand, he starts to think over the next few days, maybe he’s been acting a little too respectably. Their holiday is fast reaching a conclusion and he’s not got further than a flirty little tap on the arm when he’s said something silly. He’s beginning to think that maybe he’s given the impression that he’s in the market for a light hint of holiday romance, rather than a quick happy shag.
There’s a moral to this story, too, he thinks bitterly. This is probably the worst side effect so far of turning over a new leaf! He decides to up his pace while he still has a couple of days. Maybe Yasu would let him borrow his apartment while he’s out at work...
He’s pleasantly surprised when Saori comes to find him, alone. Maybe this nice-guy thing has worked after all! Not just putting it all out there on a plate, uncivilised and crass.
“Subaru-san,” she says, and her eyes are wide and hopeful and her tone is shyer than he’s heard her speak before. “I was wondering...” She hesitates. Subaru feels his heart beat a little harder, he starts to prepare an answer in his head: ’Don’t worry, I feel the same way - why don’t we meet this afternoon, get to know each other a little better...’ He’s so lost in his happy little scenario that he almost doesn’t react when she says, “If it’s not too much trouble, do you think you could possibly pass this on to Yasuda-san?” Her cheeks are pink and she avoids his eyes.
Subaru stares for a minute, not quite understanding. She’s holding out a folded piece of paper and he automatically puts his hand up to take it. He can’t believe what he’s hearing! He never paid Yasu a second thought, just assumed that all the girls would get some sort of gay vibe off him and know not to bother! But... obviously not.
He feels bitter all over again, like he did over the Maru issue but ten times worse. Of course, Yasu is so pleasant and kind and sweet, all the things that Subaru isn’t! Of course the girls would see through him, no matter how hard he tries! What’s the point in changing when it doesn’t get him anything he wants?
Out of spite he almost wants to tell her. ’If you want to be with him, you’d better start growing a dick.’ But he doesn’t. No matter how slighted he feels, the thought of doing something so nasty actually feels wrong and uncomfortable, both to Yasu and to Saori. He doesn’t want to humiliate her either, even if she has rejected him without even realising it. Not her fault her gaydar is faulty.
So he takes the note, and forces a smile. “I’ll give it to him,” he manages, and escapes as quickly as he can.
For the rest of the day he debates whether to pass on the note or not. He could just throw it away, pretend not to have seen Yasu, avoid the awkward moment where he has to admit to him that the girl Subaru’s been after has fallen for him instead. That’s going to sting. But if they do see each other again, which seems more than likely, then Saori will only be hurt by the lack of acknowledgment, even if it is a let-down. He thinks he’d rather it be Yasu’s decision to crush her hopes, rather than his.
He makes up for this grudging display of honesty by reading the note first. It’s nothing too racy - in fact it’s rather sweet and mature. Subaru actually starts to think that maybe Saori is too good for the casual fuck he had in mind. He can’t see her as just a means to that end. She’s a good person, and one he actually might be interested in really getting to know, as a friend or anything. Not like the shallow girls he’s used to. They suited him nicely then, he was the same, but now... maybe he’d like something more at some point. He guesses he’s stuck! He finally thinks maybe he can see the appeal of a serious relationship - in the worst place possible to find one, and even if the slimmest of chances comes along they prefer his fruity friend? He doesn’t like that message at all! He guesses... he just has to keep trying. As always.
TBC