A Seaside Story (part 23)
...Remember this one? ^^' Back on track now! ☆
Yasuda, his chin dropped close to his chest, looks up at Subaru with a troubled expression that's a total contrast to the happy, friendly smiles he was giving the guest a few minutes ago. "I guess I should start by saying I'm sorry," he says, a little wearily. "I shouldn't have been so spiteful towards you. You tried to apologise to me, and I was wrong to reject that. You deserved another chance."
Deep down Subaru knows he didn't deserve anything of the kind. He squirms uncomfortably, not meeting Yasuda's eye for more than a second.
"Then when you told me... about your past," Yasuda goes on carefully, "I could see I'd been unfair. It must've been hard for you to do that."
Subaru wishes it had been harder - blurting it out had been too easy! Regretting it afterwards was the hard part.
"I was grateful that you finally opened up and told me the truth. So I figured... you deserve the truth too." Yasuda hesitates, second-guessing himself. "You were telling me the truth, right? This time?"
Subaru doesn't blame him for doubting. He muses that if he still felt the same, thought the same, acted the same as he did when he came here, he'd deny it. Grab the last escape line, even though it would burn the bridge Yasuda is trying to build once and for all.
But Subaru can't deny the gratitude he felt, even under all the awkwardness, when Yasuda presented him with this olive branch. It's time to stop struggling, and make things that bit easier for himself. "Yeah, it was the truth," he admits softly.
Yasuda shifts. "Shall we sit down?"
Subaru nods, perching stiffly on a stool. Yasuda sits on the seat the foreign girl was sitting on.
"This isn't easy for me," Yasuda says, with a little nervous laugh. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "Before I came to this town... I went through a lot. You know what happened to my family, but before that... there was more."
Subaru can feel his own heart beating harder. His shoulders feel tense and tight. He'd jump a mile if even a pin dropped.
"You might not believe what I'm going to say, but it's the truth," says Yasuda, with a wry little smile. "Before my parents died... I was kind of wild. I know, you wouldn't think it now, right?" he says, seeing Subaru's wide-eyes and confusion. He seems amused by Subaru's reaction, but when he goes on his tone is quiet, sombre. "I was a total delinquent. My parents didn't know what they were going to do with me, and I didn't care. Then... they were gone. My sister too. Suddenly I had no-one to bail me out, I had no-one to rely on. My parents had always been there for me, even when I was so bad, and I'd caused them so much grief. I felt like..." He pauses, swallows, takes a breath. "I felt like somehow, I owed it to them. They'd tried so hard to get me to turn my life around, so... I did. I had nothing left to lose, so I came here, started again. Away from temptation," he says, with a shaky smile. "I didn't want anyone to know about my past. I wanted to be judged on my own merit!" He stops, fidgeting nervously and looking at the space between them.
Subaru feels the tension in the silence, but he has no idea what he can possibly say. A paranoid part of him wonders if this is all a set-up, part of the ongoing programme to make him change his anti-social ways - if you keep being bad, maybe your parents will die too! Then you'll regret it! He knows it can't be true, but damnit, it makes him wonder - what would he do if he lost his family? His mum has never given up on him yet, even when she sent him here - if she wasn't there any more... Subaru doesn't know if he could do what Yasuda did, and start afresh. More likely he'd just get worse till he ended up in jail, just so he had somewhere to sleep and food to eat.
Shocked at himself, Subaru casts around desperately for something suitable to say. "You're really brave," he says eventually, surprising himself again. "If I lost my mum... I'd probably be dead in a ditch somewhere in a couple of months."
Yasuda smiles gently. "I realised what an idiot I was, for taking all that for granted," he says softly. "My parents tried so hard for me, and I didn't realise how much they meant to me until they were gone."
To Subaru's surprise and unease, he sees Yasuda's eyes start to shine ominously. If he cries, what on earth is Subaru going to do?! This is surreal enough as it is, he doesn't want to have to be comforting someone that, up till 15 minutes ago, he considered an enemy!
Fortunately, Yasuda doesn't cry, though he takes a deep breath that sounds a little shaky. "So y'know, I just thought I owed you the truth too."
Subaru still has no idea how to react. "I don't know what to say," he blurts out. "I totally... had the wrong idea about you," he admits. He pauses. "Does... anyone else know?" he asks, his voice even lower.
Yasuda shakes his head. "No-one," he says quietly. "It's kind of a relief, actually," he says after a moment, smiling faintly at Subaru.
"You think so?" Subaru says, surprised. "It didn't feel like much of a relief to me, when I realised what I'd told you..."
Yasuda laughs softly. "Well, I won't tell if you won't," he says earnestly.
From somewhere, Subaru manages to find a smile. "That works for me," he says.
Yasuda smiles back. Mercifully he starts heading towards the door before an awkward silence can descend. "Y'know, next time you're bored, don't sit in the freezing cold with beer from the combini, come to the inn, I'll buy you a drink."
Subaru nods, feeling a touch embarrassed. "Sure," he says though, and he means it.
When Yasuda is gone, Subaru locks up and goes to bed. When he closes his eyes, though, sleep feels very far away. He really can't believe what he's just heard - Yasuda, that fresh-faced, helpful young lad everyone loves so much, a badass?! And he's younger than Subaru, too. He just can't get his head round it. If it really is true, then yeah, Subaru thinks maybe it will be some sort of tiny relief - someone he doesn't have to be so careful around. Someone other than Sadako, anyway. But Subaru doesn't feel like he can relax just yet. Even if what Yasuda says is true, who'd believe it, if it came down to it? If Yasuda suddenly decided to tell the whole town that Subaru was a delinquent, there'd be no reason not to believe that! But Yasuda? No-one would think that such a sweet boy would be capable of such bad things. So in terms of blackmail threats, Subaru really is in the weakest position. He just has to trust Yasuda. Trust isn't something Subaru is accustomed to! No-one has trusted him for a long time, and his mates in Osaka were hardly pillars of the community. Subaru's got used to watching his back. But if he's going to trust Yasuda... he guesses he'll have to be nice to him. Get to know him, even. It sounds like a bit of a scary proposition, but Subaru thinks it's easier than the awkwardness, and definitely better than his secret being uncovered for the whole town to see. And, if he's honest, Yasuda didn't seem quite as bad as Subaru would like to think. Maybe now, they'll actually be able to have some interesting conversations. He'll have to ask about all his past misdeeds. Subaru makes a small bet with himself that whatever Yasuda has done, Subaru has done something worse.
Alternating between paranoia and relief, confusion and dread, Subaru barely sleeps at all that night. He hears moving around, talking - hears the front door of the inn slide open and closed, that must be the guest leaving. He's surprised, Sadako didn't wake him up to come help out. Ironic, he thinks sourly, the one morning he's awake... this whole business has robbed him of the chance to lie in that he thought he wouldn't even get!
He dozes for another hour or so, but he's too aware of the light outside the window - his body seems to have developed some kind of guilt complex about not being up and about helping. His mind tries to fight it, but it's no good, so eventually he gets up and blearily pulls on his clothes.
Sadako is waiting for him downstairs, with breakfast ready no less, and Subaru looks at her uneasily - should he apologise for not coming and helping? Or should he thank her for not waking him up?
He just stands awkwardly for a moment, eventually saying "They said they didn't need me at the beach today."
"I know," Sadako says briskly, pushing a bowl of rice towards him. "And I don't have much for you today either. I guess you can have today off," she says, seeming a little disappointed.
Subaru's heart actually soars with relief. He's never had a job - at least, not one that he didn't bunk off whenever he felt like it - so this is the first time he's got to enjoy the full pleasure of those magical words! He actually smiles at her. "Thank you," he says, bowing almost low.
"You see, hard work means you appreciate rewards more," she says sternly. She pauses for a moment, before she adds "So just as soon as you've been to the shops for me, the rest of the day is yours."
Subaru restrains himself from rolling his eyes - he knew she wouldn't be able to resist tempering her kind gesture somehow. But it's not like it matters - it's not like he'll have to choose what to fit into his day from the many activities available to him on the island. Given how little he slept last night, he thinks a nap will definitely be factored in somewhere.
So after breakfast he dutifully heads off to the shops, finding he doesn't even mind when he knows every step brings him closer to almost 24 hours of sweet, beautiful freedom. Even though there isn't much to do here, just doing nothing at all will be a wonderful change.
The sun is trying to shine weakly, and the wind isn't quite so bitter today. Subaru even finds a faint smile on his lips as he hears the rush of the sea ahead of him. For probably the first time he manages to smile quite sincerely at the lady who serves him in the greengrocers, and she beams back at him. Oh yes, his mother always told him he had a beautiful smile, so why didn't he show it more often? Maybe he'll start, because the greengrocer lady is obviously so taken by his new happy demeanour that she gives him some free potatoes.
Of course with a sense of inevitability Subaru has got used to in a town this small, on his way back he runs into Yasuda. For a minute his good mood falters as he wonders awkwardly what to say, but Yasuda greets him like an old friend.
"Good morning," Yasuda says with a smile that's friendly, if just a little shy. He hesitates for a second, clearly trying to act natural, but it can't help but sound a bit weird when he asks "Did you sleep well?"
Subaru doesn't know what to say either. "Not really," he says eventually. "Couldn't get to sleep, for some reason."
Yasuda smiles at him. "Me neither," he admits. "Last night... it was the first time I'd told anyone that. Ever," he says softly.
Subaru nods. Seems like they have a truce. They're both have to trust each other. Maybe Yasu feels like he has to keep an eye on Subaru too. "At least Sadako said I could have today off," he says, not wanting to linger too long on the conversation last night.
"Oh, that's good," Yasuda says, smiling more easily. He hesitates again, shifting a little nervously. "In that case... do you want to go to the city with me? I was going to go today, I usually go by myself but it'd be nice to have some company for a change..." Subaru can see his cheeks start to turn pink as he wonders why the hell he said that to a guy he wasn't even talking to a couple of days ago.
Subaru can't deny the slight surreality of hanging out for the day with someone he had such animosity towards so recently, but the thought of getting off the island is a very attractive one. He hasn't seen real civilisation since he got here however many weeks ago! He'll be able to get cigarettes, and see girls! And young people in general! That would be a novelty!
Though, there's one barrier he can think of. "I guess I'll have to check with Sadako," he mumbles. "And I don't have any money..." Maybe he'll be allowed another reward - or maybe the day off is supposed to be reward enough.
"Well, I could pay your ferry fare," Yasuda offers, shy again. "And if I treat you to lunch, you can buy me a drink next time," he suggests.
Subaru looks at him with a curious little smile. He's certainly starting to see why the entire town seems to think Yasuda is the best thing since indoor plumbing. He figures this must be Yasuda going out of his way to make karmic amends for his past misdemeanours. And who is Subaru to stand in the way of a man's attempts at redemption?
"Sure," he agrees after a moment. "If you insist!"
Yasuda grins, and Subaru finds himself smiling back. Now he just has to hope Sadako also decides to do a good deed.
TBC
Yasuda, his chin dropped close to his chest, looks up at Subaru with a troubled expression that's a total contrast to the happy, friendly smiles he was giving the guest a few minutes ago. "I guess I should start by saying I'm sorry," he says, a little wearily. "I shouldn't have been so spiteful towards you. You tried to apologise to me, and I was wrong to reject that. You deserved another chance."
Deep down Subaru knows he didn't deserve anything of the kind. He squirms uncomfortably, not meeting Yasuda's eye for more than a second.
"Then when you told me... about your past," Yasuda goes on carefully, "I could see I'd been unfair. It must've been hard for you to do that."
Subaru wishes it had been harder - blurting it out had been too easy! Regretting it afterwards was the hard part.
"I was grateful that you finally opened up and told me the truth. So I figured... you deserve the truth too." Yasuda hesitates, second-guessing himself. "You were telling me the truth, right? This time?"
Subaru doesn't blame him for doubting. He muses that if he still felt the same, thought the same, acted the same as he did when he came here, he'd deny it. Grab the last escape line, even though it would burn the bridge Yasuda is trying to build once and for all.
But Subaru can't deny the gratitude he felt, even under all the awkwardness, when Yasuda presented him with this olive branch. It's time to stop struggling, and make things that bit easier for himself. "Yeah, it was the truth," he admits softly.
Yasuda shifts. "Shall we sit down?"
Subaru nods, perching stiffly on a stool. Yasuda sits on the seat the foreign girl was sitting on.
"This isn't easy for me," Yasuda says, with a little nervous laugh. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "Before I came to this town... I went through a lot. You know what happened to my family, but before that... there was more."
Subaru can feel his own heart beating harder. His shoulders feel tense and tight. He'd jump a mile if even a pin dropped.
"You might not believe what I'm going to say, but it's the truth," says Yasuda, with a wry little smile. "Before my parents died... I was kind of wild. I know, you wouldn't think it now, right?" he says, seeing Subaru's wide-eyes and confusion. He seems amused by Subaru's reaction, but when he goes on his tone is quiet, sombre. "I was a total delinquent. My parents didn't know what they were going to do with me, and I didn't care. Then... they were gone. My sister too. Suddenly I had no-one to bail me out, I had no-one to rely on. My parents had always been there for me, even when I was so bad, and I'd caused them so much grief. I felt like..." He pauses, swallows, takes a breath. "I felt like somehow, I owed it to them. They'd tried so hard to get me to turn my life around, so... I did. I had nothing left to lose, so I came here, started again. Away from temptation," he says, with a shaky smile. "I didn't want anyone to know about my past. I wanted to be judged on my own merit!" He stops, fidgeting nervously and looking at the space between them.
Subaru feels the tension in the silence, but he has no idea what he can possibly say. A paranoid part of him wonders if this is all a set-up, part of the ongoing programme to make him change his anti-social ways - if you keep being bad, maybe your parents will die too! Then you'll regret it! He knows it can't be true, but damnit, it makes him wonder - what would he do if he lost his family? His mum has never given up on him yet, even when she sent him here - if she wasn't there any more... Subaru doesn't know if he could do what Yasuda did, and start afresh. More likely he'd just get worse till he ended up in jail, just so he had somewhere to sleep and food to eat.
Shocked at himself, Subaru casts around desperately for something suitable to say. "You're really brave," he says eventually, surprising himself again. "If I lost my mum... I'd probably be dead in a ditch somewhere in a couple of months."
Yasuda smiles gently. "I realised what an idiot I was, for taking all that for granted," he says softly. "My parents tried so hard for me, and I didn't realise how much they meant to me until they were gone."
To Subaru's surprise and unease, he sees Yasuda's eyes start to shine ominously. If he cries, what on earth is Subaru going to do?! This is surreal enough as it is, he doesn't want to have to be comforting someone that, up till 15 minutes ago, he considered an enemy!
Fortunately, Yasuda doesn't cry, though he takes a deep breath that sounds a little shaky. "So y'know, I just thought I owed you the truth too."
Subaru still has no idea how to react. "I don't know what to say," he blurts out. "I totally... had the wrong idea about you," he admits. He pauses. "Does... anyone else know?" he asks, his voice even lower.
Yasuda shakes his head. "No-one," he says quietly. "It's kind of a relief, actually," he says after a moment, smiling faintly at Subaru.
"You think so?" Subaru says, surprised. "It didn't feel like much of a relief to me, when I realised what I'd told you..."
Yasuda laughs softly. "Well, I won't tell if you won't," he says earnestly.
From somewhere, Subaru manages to find a smile. "That works for me," he says.
Yasuda smiles back. Mercifully he starts heading towards the door before an awkward silence can descend. "Y'know, next time you're bored, don't sit in the freezing cold with beer from the combini, come to the inn, I'll buy you a drink."
Subaru nods, feeling a touch embarrassed. "Sure," he says though, and he means it.
When Yasuda is gone, Subaru locks up and goes to bed. When he closes his eyes, though, sleep feels very far away. He really can't believe what he's just heard - Yasuda, that fresh-faced, helpful young lad everyone loves so much, a badass?! And he's younger than Subaru, too. He just can't get his head round it. If it really is true, then yeah, Subaru thinks maybe it will be some sort of tiny relief - someone he doesn't have to be so careful around. Someone other than Sadako, anyway. But Subaru doesn't feel like he can relax just yet. Even if what Yasuda says is true, who'd believe it, if it came down to it? If Yasuda suddenly decided to tell the whole town that Subaru was a delinquent, there'd be no reason not to believe that! But Yasuda? No-one would think that such a sweet boy would be capable of such bad things. So in terms of blackmail threats, Subaru really is in the weakest position. He just has to trust Yasuda. Trust isn't something Subaru is accustomed to! No-one has trusted him for a long time, and his mates in Osaka were hardly pillars of the community. Subaru's got used to watching his back. But if he's going to trust Yasuda... he guesses he'll have to be nice to him. Get to know him, even. It sounds like a bit of a scary proposition, but Subaru thinks it's easier than the awkwardness, and definitely better than his secret being uncovered for the whole town to see. And, if he's honest, Yasuda didn't seem quite as bad as Subaru would like to think. Maybe now, they'll actually be able to have some interesting conversations. He'll have to ask about all his past misdeeds. Subaru makes a small bet with himself that whatever Yasuda has done, Subaru has done something worse.
Alternating between paranoia and relief, confusion and dread, Subaru barely sleeps at all that night. He hears moving around, talking - hears the front door of the inn slide open and closed, that must be the guest leaving. He's surprised, Sadako didn't wake him up to come help out. Ironic, he thinks sourly, the one morning he's awake... this whole business has robbed him of the chance to lie in that he thought he wouldn't even get!
He dozes for another hour or so, but he's too aware of the light outside the window - his body seems to have developed some kind of guilt complex about not being up and about helping. His mind tries to fight it, but it's no good, so eventually he gets up and blearily pulls on his clothes.
Sadako is waiting for him downstairs, with breakfast ready no less, and Subaru looks at her uneasily - should he apologise for not coming and helping? Or should he thank her for not waking him up?
He just stands awkwardly for a moment, eventually saying "They said they didn't need me at the beach today."
"I know," Sadako says briskly, pushing a bowl of rice towards him. "And I don't have much for you today either. I guess you can have today off," she says, seeming a little disappointed.
Subaru's heart actually soars with relief. He's never had a job - at least, not one that he didn't bunk off whenever he felt like it - so this is the first time he's got to enjoy the full pleasure of those magical words! He actually smiles at her. "Thank you," he says, bowing almost low.
"You see, hard work means you appreciate rewards more," she says sternly. She pauses for a moment, before she adds "So just as soon as you've been to the shops for me, the rest of the day is yours."
Subaru restrains himself from rolling his eyes - he knew she wouldn't be able to resist tempering her kind gesture somehow. But it's not like it matters - it's not like he'll have to choose what to fit into his day from the many activities available to him on the island. Given how little he slept last night, he thinks a nap will definitely be factored in somewhere.
So after breakfast he dutifully heads off to the shops, finding he doesn't even mind when he knows every step brings him closer to almost 24 hours of sweet, beautiful freedom. Even though there isn't much to do here, just doing nothing at all will be a wonderful change.
The sun is trying to shine weakly, and the wind isn't quite so bitter today. Subaru even finds a faint smile on his lips as he hears the rush of the sea ahead of him. For probably the first time he manages to smile quite sincerely at the lady who serves him in the greengrocers, and she beams back at him. Oh yes, his mother always told him he had a beautiful smile, so why didn't he show it more often? Maybe he'll start, because the greengrocer lady is obviously so taken by his new happy demeanour that she gives him some free potatoes.
Of course with a sense of inevitability Subaru has got used to in a town this small, on his way back he runs into Yasuda. For a minute his good mood falters as he wonders awkwardly what to say, but Yasuda greets him like an old friend.
"Good morning," Yasuda says with a smile that's friendly, if just a little shy. He hesitates for a second, clearly trying to act natural, but it can't help but sound a bit weird when he asks "Did you sleep well?"
Subaru doesn't know what to say either. "Not really," he says eventually. "Couldn't get to sleep, for some reason."
Yasuda smiles at him. "Me neither," he admits. "Last night... it was the first time I'd told anyone that. Ever," he says softly.
Subaru nods. Seems like they have a truce. They're both have to trust each other. Maybe Yasu feels like he has to keep an eye on Subaru too. "At least Sadako said I could have today off," he says, not wanting to linger too long on the conversation last night.
"Oh, that's good," Yasuda says, smiling more easily. He hesitates again, shifting a little nervously. "In that case... do you want to go to the city with me? I was going to go today, I usually go by myself but it'd be nice to have some company for a change..." Subaru can see his cheeks start to turn pink as he wonders why the hell he said that to a guy he wasn't even talking to a couple of days ago.
Subaru can't deny the slight surreality of hanging out for the day with someone he had such animosity towards so recently, but the thought of getting off the island is a very attractive one. He hasn't seen real civilisation since he got here however many weeks ago! He'll be able to get cigarettes, and see girls! And young people in general! That would be a novelty!
Though, there's one barrier he can think of. "I guess I'll have to check with Sadako," he mumbles. "And I don't have any money..." Maybe he'll be allowed another reward - or maybe the day off is supposed to be reward enough.
"Well, I could pay your ferry fare," Yasuda offers, shy again. "And if I treat you to lunch, you can buy me a drink next time," he suggests.
Subaru looks at him with a curious little smile. He's certainly starting to see why the entire town seems to think Yasuda is the best thing since indoor plumbing. He figures this must be Yasuda going out of his way to make karmic amends for his past misdemeanours. And who is Subaru to stand in the way of a man's attempts at redemption?
"Sure," he agrees after a moment. "If you insist!"
Yasuda grins, and Subaru finds himself smiling back. Now he just has to hope Sadako also decides to do a good deed.
TBC