Response Ficlets
Responses to "three things you would never write" meme:
For hannahrorlove, The one where House is a woman, but was born with an XX chromosome set instead of having any wacky changes happen.
Despite the hospital gossip, House is not, in fact, a man-hating lesbian, which comes as something of a surprise to Wilson, who was not quite as sure what to expect.
"Um, hi?" he says, knocking on the door to her office. The walls and door are glass, which makes it very easy for him to see the figure slumped over the desk, head resting on her arms.
"What do you want?" the figure yells back. "I'm trying to catch up on invaluable beauty sleep here."
"I'm Dr. Wilson from Oncology. Just looking for a consult on a weird case I found," he says, pushing open the door and holding out the folder. As he gets closer, he sees that Dr. House is napping in the middle of the day, is wearing a black t-shirt with blue jeans, and may or may not be drooling on the desk.
"Not interested," House says. She waves him off without even glancing upward, but Wilson came prepared for this and stands his ground.
"Are you sure?" Wilson asks. "The patient is presenting Leukemia symptoms, but her white blood cells look fine."
House looks up, and Wilson notices that she's not pretty in the traditional sense, but there's something interesting in the way her face moves. When she focuses her attention on Wilson, it's a little uncomfortable. He's been the center of female attention before, but this is not the same thing. "Huh," she says. "You're just about as attractive as I was led to believe."
"Huh," Wilson replies, before he can stop himself. "You're just as bitchy as I was led to believe." He winces as he says it, since his mom did teach him better than to say things like that to a girl. Even if it is true.
House smirks, though, and doesn't look offended at all. "That's true. Want to go out for dinner?"
That throws Wilson for a loop. This was not expected. "What about the case?"
House shrugs. "I'll look at it tomorrow. Your patient won't die between now and then right?" She waits for Wilson to nod before continuing. "Everyone in the hospital knows about your very recent, very messy divorce. You're interesting, and I figured I would step in when I still have a shot at that much coveted second wife status." She pulls her hair up into a messy ponytail and grabs her jacket. "Let's go."
Wilson, feeling a little like he'd just been run over by a truck, follows.
Pseudo sequel: Girl!House and Wilson getting married.
For savemoony, Wilson and House adopted Cuddy's twins after she dies in childbirth and their name are Lisa and Abraham, they are geniuses and adorable and awesome and they make House's heart grow three times in size!
So, apparently, being pregnant does make women stupider, because Cuddy left Lisa and Abraham to House and Wilson to raise after her death, and House thinks that if there are more obvious signs of mental illness, he doesn't know them. Okay, so he can give her the Wilson thing, because Wilson is Wilson. He's mostly good at pretending to be okay, which is a key feature of being a parent, and he genuinely seems to like kids. Which House thinks is completely lame.
It turns out, at least, that Cuddy's spawn is not actually as stupid as House had previously imagined, even if they are only toddlers. Wilson insists that it's parental pride and not just objective fact, but House knows better.
"He did not say 'House'," Wilson says to him, hands on hips, clearly demonstrating his jealousy over the fact that Abraham said House's name first. "He said, 'howab.' Which is clearly babytalk for 'You're a moron.'"
House sticks his tongue out at Wilson, and Abraham copies the gesture, a tiny tongue out of a tiny mouth, just proving House's point. He thinks he could get used to this whole "fatherhood" thing.
---
Five years in, House discovers that he rather likes the sound of children laughing around the house, because it lets him tune out Wilson's nagging most of the time, and if he pretends to love them enough, Wilson gets this pathetically affectionate expression (that House isn't fond of or anything; that's just a vile rumor perpetuated by Cameron) and forgets to tell House that he's an asshole every five minutes.
Sometimes, he lets Lisa ride around on his shoulders, because Wilson likes to flip out, and she giggles in a way that means that House can keep her entertained like this for hours.
Abraham is obviously destined to be the next great diagnostician, because he always manages to point to the right things in the medical textbook House reads to him at night, and Wilson is totally wrong about the projection thing, too.
Wilson sometimes sleeps with him and sometimes he takes the couch (because House is not giving up the bed just because Wilson's having a hissyfit) and when House says, "This might not have been the worst idea of my life," Wilson rolls his eyes and says, "You're a giant girl. Go cut the vegetables."
For demonqueen666, The One Where Galactica Is Invaded By Vampires And Somehow It's All Baltar's Fault, Because It Always Is
"Yes, yes. Of course this is my fault," Baltar says in his lab, rubbing his face and peering at the cell samples through the microscope. Over his shoulder, Six smirks. She runs a hand down his arm, and it's so easy to relax into it, so easy to forget.
"The Admiral is going to be around to ask you about it," she says into his ear, and Baltar knows she's probably right (thereby only supporting the fact that she's really just some kind of odd hallucination provided by his mind).
"Well, I can say that I had nothing to do with the genetic experiments, but he won't believe me, I can tell." Baltar fumes.
Six laughs, clearly delighting in his pain. Baltar places his head on the table and resists the urge to cry.
---
The briefing room is jam-packed with military personnel, and Apollo rubs his forehead and sighs. Another day, another freak mutant disease that threatens to turn the entire ship into blood-drinking monsters.
He really wishes he had opened that bar on Caprica instead.
The pilots mostly seem edgy, for obvious reasons, except for Starbuck, of course, who looks mostly smug. "Okay, people. We have to cover this entire ship. Trust no one, okay? If they go for the neck, do not hesitate," he says. "And yes, Starbuck, this does mean you get to shoot things."
Somehow, she actually manages to look more smug.
---
In the control room, things are just as tense. The doors were locked, and no one was allowed in or out until the situation was under control. "What do you think caused all of this?" Tigh asks, staring at the schematics of the ship.
Adama shrugs. "Baltar, probably," he says.
For hannahrorlove, The one where House is a woman, but was born with an XX chromosome set instead of having any wacky changes happen.
Despite the hospital gossip, House is not, in fact, a man-hating lesbian, which comes as something of a surprise to Wilson, who was not quite as sure what to expect.
"Um, hi?" he says, knocking on the door to her office. The walls and door are glass, which makes it very easy for him to see the figure slumped over the desk, head resting on her arms.
"What do you want?" the figure yells back. "I'm trying to catch up on invaluable beauty sleep here."
"I'm Dr. Wilson from Oncology. Just looking for a consult on a weird case I found," he says, pushing open the door and holding out the folder. As he gets closer, he sees that Dr. House is napping in the middle of the day, is wearing a black t-shirt with blue jeans, and may or may not be drooling on the desk.
"Not interested," House says. She waves him off without even glancing upward, but Wilson came prepared for this and stands his ground.
"Are you sure?" Wilson asks. "The patient is presenting Leukemia symptoms, but her white blood cells look fine."
House looks up, and Wilson notices that she's not pretty in the traditional sense, but there's something interesting in the way her face moves. When she focuses her attention on Wilson, it's a little uncomfortable. He's been the center of female attention before, but this is not the same thing. "Huh," she says. "You're just about as attractive as I was led to believe."
"Huh," Wilson replies, before he can stop himself. "You're just as bitchy as I was led to believe." He winces as he says it, since his mom did teach him better than to say things like that to a girl. Even if it is true.
House smirks, though, and doesn't look offended at all. "That's true. Want to go out for dinner?"
That throws Wilson for a loop. This was not expected. "What about the case?"
House shrugs. "I'll look at it tomorrow. Your patient won't die between now and then right?" She waits for Wilson to nod before continuing. "Everyone in the hospital knows about your very recent, very messy divorce. You're interesting, and I figured I would step in when I still have a shot at that much coveted second wife status." She pulls her hair up into a messy ponytail and grabs her jacket. "Let's go."
Wilson, feeling a little like he'd just been run over by a truck, follows.
Pseudo sequel: Girl!House and Wilson getting married.
For savemoony, Wilson and House adopted Cuddy's twins after she dies in childbirth and their name are Lisa and Abraham, they are geniuses and adorable and awesome and they make House's heart grow three times in size!
So, apparently, being pregnant does make women stupider, because Cuddy left Lisa and Abraham to House and Wilson to raise after her death, and House thinks that if there are more obvious signs of mental illness, he doesn't know them. Okay, so he can give her the Wilson thing, because Wilson is Wilson. He's mostly good at pretending to be okay, which is a key feature of being a parent, and he genuinely seems to like kids. Which House thinks is completely lame.
It turns out, at least, that Cuddy's spawn is not actually as stupid as House had previously imagined, even if they are only toddlers. Wilson insists that it's parental pride and not just objective fact, but House knows better.
"He did not say 'House'," Wilson says to him, hands on hips, clearly demonstrating his jealousy over the fact that Abraham said House's name first. "He said, 'howab.' Which is clearly babytalk for 'You're a moron.'"
House sticks his tongue out at Wilson, and Abraham copies the gesture, a tiny tongue out of a tiny mouth, just proving House's point. He thinks he could get used to this whole "fatherhood" thing.
---
Five years in, House discovers that he rather likes the sound of children laughing around the house, because it lets him tune out Wilson's nagging most of the time, and if he pretends to love them enough, Wilson gets this pathetically affectionate expression (that House isn't fond of or anything; that's just a vile rumor perpetuated by Cameron) and forgets to tell House that he's an asshole every five minutes.
Sometimes, he lets Lisa ride around on his shoulders, because Wilson likes to flip out, and she giggles in a way that means that House can keep her entertained like this for hours.
Abraham is obviously destined to be the next great diagnostician, because he always manages to point to the right things in the medical textbook House reads to him at night, and Wilson is totally wrong about the projection thing, too.
Wilson sometimes sleeps with him and sometimes he takes the couch (because House is not giving up the bed just because Wilson's having a hissyfit) and when House says, "This might not have been the worst idea of my life," Wilson rolls his eyes and says, "You're a giant girl. Go cut the vegetables."
For demonqueen666, The One Where Galactica Is Invaded By Vampires And Somehow It's All Baltar's Fault, Because It Always Is
"Yes, yes. Of course this is my fault," Baltar says in his lab, rubbing his face and peering at the cell samples through the microscope. Over his shoulder, Six smirks. She runs a hand down his arm, and it's so easy to relax into it, so easy to forget.
"The Admiral is going to be around to ask you about it," she says into his ear, and Baltar knows she's probably right (thereby only supporting the fact that she's really just some kind of odd hallucination provided by his mind).
"Well, I can say that I had nothing to do with the genetic experiments, but he won't believe me, I can tell." Baltar fumes.
Six laughs, clearly delighting in his pain. Baltar places his head on the table and resists the urge to cry.
---
The briefing room is jam-packed with military personnel, and Apollo rubs his forehead and sighs. Another day, another freak mutant disease that threatens to turn the entire ship into blood-drinking monsters.
He really wishes he had opened that bar on Caprica instead.
The pilots mostly seem edgy, for obvious reasons, except for Starbuck, of course, who looks mostly smug. "Okay, people. We have to cover this entire ship. Trust no one, okay? If they go for the neck, do not hesitate," he says. "And yes, Starbuck, this does mean you get to shoot things."
Somehow, she actually manages to look more smug.
---
In the control room, things are just as tense. The doors were locked, and no one was allowed in or out until the situation was under control. "What do you think caused all of this?" Tigh asks, staring at the schematics of the ship.
Adama shrugs. "Baltar, probably," he says.