Follow-up question/idea to my problem yesterday

[prairieprincess]

I had posted yesterday about how my 4-year-old african gray isn't too happy with me spending so much time at my boyfriend's house and leaving him home alone.... well, I was wondering

Comments

[kynekh_amagire]

Perhaps. Sort of. It might do Buddy some good to have another parrot around instead of being left totally alone, especially if he and the moustache parakeet have a positive relationship already established; however, it will not improve his behavior toward you, and it probably wouldn't be good for the parakeet to be left alone for days on end, either. If you're having trouble making time in your schedule for one bird, getting another one might not be a good decision for you.

[medievalneedle]

I have to say I agree with this. Buddy needs YOU.

[prairieprincess]

I know... and I have made a bigger effort to be here and spend time with him... I spent all day yesterday with him and he's already a much happier guy! I need to convince my boyfriend, or get him to understand, that parrots are more than just a "bird in a cage" type of pet... he really has no knowledge of parrots! I'm slowly working on him too.. I'd love to have a small cage at his place for Buddy and I *AM* working on that... slowly :)
My plan is for 4th of July weekend to have Buddy come for a "play date" with us :) I don't want to force this issue too quickly...

[troubleagain]

I gotta say, you really do need to work on this "issue" though, if you're serious about your BF AND committed to Buddy. It's really, really, horribly difficult on a relationship if a couple's attitudes towards animals/birds in their lives are different. You may end up having to choose between BF and bird, and that's a position I never hope to be in.

[zandperl]

You may end up having to choose between BF and bird, and that's a position I never hope to be in.I think one way to avoid this sort of situation is to make it clear to the BF from Day One that you and the bird are a package deal. That's what I told my boyfriend before we moved in together, and I wrote a "bird agreement" to codify it too - as I've mentioned elsewhere it listed things I required him to do (not use toxic spray chemicals), and things that I promised to do (clean the cage X-often, or more often if he asked

[medievalneedle]

The views contained below are my personal belief and opinion and not meant to insult at all, but simply to express an opinion. Please don't flame me.

If I was single and entering into a relationship with a man, my bird would equate to me having a small child. Just as a relationship with any man would be based in some part on his relationship with my child, also I would expect the same for my bird. My bird is my lifetime companion animal. My bird was here before he was. Of course these things take time, but any man who could not accept my bird would be right out. The bird, much like a small child, does not understand why you are gone, only that you are gone. The bird does not understand that he has done nothing wrong and that you still love him, only that something is different.

[zandperl]

FWIW my boyfriend wasn't all that gung ho about birds to start either. When we met I had my childhood cockatiel as a pet, and T$ (my online name for my boyfriend) didn't understand my devotion to her at all. I told him that he didn't have to *like* her, but he had to tolerate her and understand my love of her. When she passed away from old age after T$ and I had been dating for a few years, my reaction showed him just how much I had cared for her, even if he still didn't understand it

[prairieprincess]

Thank you so much for your words... they are super encouraging! My BF has tried to interact some with Buddy - he comes over and finds it a challenge to give him sunflower seeds and be able to move his fingers faster than Buddy can bite him.. lol - at least he interacts :) He also teases him and calls him a brat - so, he must find him somewhat entertaining to "give him the time of day" - my concern is taking Buddy to HIS house - and Buddy pooping on HIS floor/furniture/etc...

As I said, I am going to take it slow - maybe just have Buddy stay in his cage at BF's house for a bit - then slowly take him out of his cage for short period of times while there.

I never thought I'd be in this situation. When I got Buddy 4 years ago, I was married and getting a bird was a family decision - since then, I'm divorced....

I know it will work out in time.. I was just seeking ideas :) Again, thank you so much!

[troubleagain]

FWIW, my husband went from "OMG, that bird has to go--you cannot keep it!" to "I love that bird!" in the year since she found me. :-) I just wanted you to think about the relationship you want the three of you to have, and what you will do if that relationship isn't possible.

I'm sure it'll all work out fine--just, sometimes, you know, it doesn't, so it never hurts to have that thought in the back of your mind.

Good luck!

[zandperl]

Air popped popcorn, almonds, walnuts, and various nuts still in the shell are larger treats that won't get his fingers bitten as easily. :) Or if your boyfriend can use chopsticks (or tongs), use those to hold the treat. I started T$ winning over Kappa the exact same way - Kappa was terrified of him at first, and T$ didn't like Kappa much more than that. But with continual almonds, she definitely likes him now and he likes her mostly (still thinks she's a bit of a nuisance though

Just had to say...

[ejw829]

T$ -- I LOVE IT.

Re: Just had to say...

[troubleagain]

I know, isn't that wonderfully geeky? :D