Nobody Gets Out Alive
Yesterday was, as you may have surmised from reading in between the lines of my last entry, not a good day. I went to the JobCentre to have a meeting with my New Deal Advisor, which struck me as being instantly odd, as I'm not on that accursed scheme any more. She pushed and pushed at me to take so many awful job applications that I actually burst into tears while trying to explain to her that I didn't actually want to ruin my life just so she could get a result.
It must have been something that's been building up inside me for a long time - I barked "I'd rather be dead than alive!" at her (which is true, though I hasten to add I don't like the idea of committing suicide. It was more meant in the sense of "if you were given a pain and consequence-free choice...") and couldn't keep myself in order as I was walking through town afterwards, always having to stop off and cry with my face against a wall. I got home, got drunk and listened to Electro-Shock Blues by Eels, which may not have helped.
Today is the first day I've had in work since the horrors of Monday, and to be honest I was dreading it. Now, I dislike Faisal, and Jazz dislikes Faisal, but Jazz dislikes him in a "Oh God, he's such a pain in the arse" kind of a way, whereas I dislike him in a "You are butchering the one safe haven I have away from mum and the JobCentre and all the shit of the world and if you continue to do this I will kill you" kind of a way. I think that this difference is best illustrated by comparing quotes from today. First, note the similarities between how Jazz talks about Faisal to me:
Jazz: OK, let's go and see what fucking shit-for-brains out there wants.
...and how I talk about Faisal to Jazz:
Me: I mean, have you ever known anyone have phone sex on speaker-phone? Is that part of the fetish? Why would anyone do that?
Pretty similar sentiments, huh? Now, let's see whether our attempts at dealing with the problem are similarly in tune with each other. Here's Jazz talking to Faisal:
Jazz: You have to understand that people have boundaries, and to just walk into a room and impose that kind of thing on people - I mean, it's OK with me, I know you, and Michael knows you, but not everyone does, and I think it shows a lack of respect - not intentionally, maybe, but it does show.
OK, so that's him. Here's me, trying to make the same point to Faisal.
Me: God DAMN it, Faisal, do I have to listen to every fucking WORD of this?
Faisal: I didn't know you felt like that; I'm just playing around...
Me: THEN FUCK OFF AND DO IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!
There may be a moral to this story, but I can't think what it might be.
It must have been something that's been building up inside me for a long time - I barked "I'd rather be dead than alive!" at her (which is true, though I hasten to add I don't like the idea of committing suicide. It was more meant in the sense of "if you were given a pain and consequence-free choice...") and couldn't keep myself in order as I was walking through town afterwards, always having to stop off and cry with my face against a wall. I got home, got drunk and listened to Electro-Shock Blues by Eels, which may not have helped.
Today is the first day I've had in work since the horrors of Monday, and to be honest I was dreading it. Now, I dislike Faisal, and Jazz dislikes Faisal, but Jazz dislikes him in a "Oh God, he's such a pain in the arse" kind of a way, whereas I dislike him in a "You are butchering the one safe haven I have away from mum and the JobCentre and all the shit of the world and if you continue to do this I will kill you" kind of a way. I think that this difference is best illustrated by comparing quotes from today. First, note the similarities between how Jazz talks about Faisal to me:
Jazz: OK, let's go and see what fucking shit-for-brains out there wants.
...and how I talk about Faisal to Jazz:
Me: I mean, have you ever known anyone have phone sex on speaker-phone? Is that part of the fetish? Why would anyone do that?
Pretty similar sentiments, huh? Now, let's see whether our attempts at dealing with the problem are similarly in tune with each other. Here's Jazz talking to Faisal:
Jazz: You have to understand that people have boundaries, and to just walk into a room and impose that kind of thing on people - I mean, it's OK with me, I know you, and Michael knows you, but not everyone does, and I think it shows a lack of respect - not intentionally, maybe, but it does show.
OK, so that's him. Here's me, trying to make the same point to Faisal.
Me: God DAMN it, Faisal, do I have to listen to every fucking WORD of this?
Faisal: I didn't know you felt like that; I'm just playing around...
Me: THEN FUCK OFF AND DO IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!
There may be a moral to this story, but I can't think what it might be.