it's gonna rain down fire, it's gonna burn us all
For Ariana.
1. The invitation sits on their coffee for three months. The glaring blue and yellow, the huge stylized ‘C’ that they rolled their eyes at for four years.
They change the subject whenever Dawson brings it up and starts talking about flights and Jack knows them well enough to not mention it.
She works late that night and meets him at the receiving door to his kitchen. It’s after closing and he kicks everyone else out and grins when she laughs at what’s he’s creating - a much-improved variation of their adolescent lunches.
She pours the wine and he grabs her for a brief make-out session against the industrial freezer and they sit down to eat at 3 am.
He raises his glass and slides his foot against hers.
‘To Capeside High.’
2. They go grocery shopping every Saturday and it’s the same every week.
Except this time, as they walk back to their apartment, weighed down by various bag and boxes, he says to her, ‘So, when are you going to make me an honest man, Potter?’
3. As much as she’s thought about it, imagined it, dreamed about it, it’s a shock when Paris actually lives up to her expectations.
It seems like everything else in her life has disappointed her, including herself, so she has to pinch herself at least twice a day to reassure herself she’s not dreaming.
There’s only been one thing in her life, ever, that exceeded her wildest dreams.
And as she stands on her favourite bridge, smiling at the tourists gliding underneath, she resolves to bring him here one day and tell him.
4. She would get crazy jealous with Dawson. About Dawson.
Who did what first, and where, and how, and with whom. She felt it curling around her joints, flowing through her marrow and even though it felt like poison, she couldn’t get rid of it. She wanted all of his firsts to be with her; maybe that way this gnawing hole in her, this black desperation would lessen. If she just stamped MINE MINE MINE all over him, maybe he wouldn’t leave her.
But with Pacey?
She kisses him, and feels his thumb rubbing that spot on her wrist, and feels a grin steal across her face whenever he looks at her, and curls her thighs around his waist and.
She doesn’t care who did what first, or where, or how, or with whom. It is branded on his heart and tattooed on her bones without all of that.
She just cares that it’s finally, finally them now.
5. The first time, she ran away from a wedding, full throttle and past cheering guests, and she knows Jen watched her with a smile.
This time, she’s walking calmly back into what it is, for all intents and purposes, a wake. She doesn’t want to say anything, doesn’t think she needs to, but he’s looking at her and for all his bombast and charisma, shucks and devil-may-care, he still needs…something. Reassurance that he’s not getting this all wrong, that he hasn’t just snapped because he’s so close to getting what he wanted for so so long now.
She doesn’t drag him anywhere and doesn’t lower her voice. She walks right to him and lets all the things she’s always thought about him, for him, fall out.
She loves him and she probably always has and probably always will. And she wants him and wants to be with him and she’ll do whatever. She’ll move back; she can edit from here, and run in to the city for meetings. And she misses him and does he know she still has a barnacle from True Love, from when they played ‘barnacle for your thoughts’ that one time and he just looked at her and said, in the simplest voice possible, ‘I love you’ and she knew that was all he was thinking. She’s kept it all this time. And he scares her, to her bones, he always has, but she’s finally ready to face it. Face him.
And he, quite simply, makes her happy.
‘So,’ she finishes, hands spread and feeling like she’s made of glass. He’s staring at her and then he’s grinning and picking her up and she’s pretty sure one of them is crying. She can’t hear much past the blood rushing in her ears, but she’s pretty sure she hears whooping and laughing and she thinks vaguely, as she wraps her legs around his waist, that this is highly inappropriate behaviour for a wake.
But she knows that if Jen were here, she’d certainly approve.
In conclusion - We WON!
1. The invitation sits on their coffee for three months. The glaring blue and yellow, the huge stylized ‘C’ that they rolled their eyes at for four years.
They change the subject whenever Dawson brings it up and starts talking about flights and Jack knows them well enough to not mention it.
She works late that night and meets him at the receiving door to his kitchen. It’s after closing and he kicks everyone else out and grins when she laughs at what’s he’s creating - a much-improved variation of their adolescent lunches.
She pours the wine and he grabs her for a brief make-out session against the industrial freezer and they sit down to eat at 3 am.
He raises his glass and slides his foot against hers.
‘To Capeside High.’
2. They go grocery shopping every Saturday and it’s the same every week.
Except this time, as they walk back to their apartment, weighed down by various bag and boxes, he says to her, ‘So, when are you going to make me an honest man, Potter?’
3. As much as she’s thought about it, imagined it, dreamed about it, it’s a shock when Paris actually lives up to her expectations.
It seems like everything else in her life has disappointed her, including herself, so she has to pinch herself at least twice a day to reassure herself she’s not dreaming.
There’s only been one thing in her life, ever, that exceeded her wildest dreams.
And as she stands on her favourite bridge, smiling at the tourists gliding underneath, she resolves to bring him here one day and tell him.
4. She would get crazy jealous with Dawson. About Dawson.
Who did what first, and where, and how, and with whom. She felt it curling around her joints, flowing through her marrow and even though it felt like poison, she couldn’t get rid of it. She wanted all of his firsts to be with her; maybe that way this gnawing hole in her, this black desperation would lessen. If she just stamped MINE MINE MINE all over him, maybe he wouldn’t leave her.
But with Pacey?
She kisses him, and feels his thumb rubbing that spot on her wrist, and feels a grin steal across her face whenever he looks at her, and curls her thighs around his waist and.
She doesn’t care who did what first, or where, or how, or with whom. It is branded on his heart and tattooed on her bones without all of that.
She just cares that it’s finally, finally them now.
5. The first time, she ran away from a wedding, full throttle and past cheering guests, and she knows Jen watched her with a smile.
This time, she’s walking calmly back into what it is, for all intents and purposes, a wake. She doesn’t want to say anything, doesn’t think she needs to, but he’s looking at her and for all his bombast and charisma, shucks and devil-may-care, he still needs…something. Reassurance that he’s not getting this all wrong, that he hasn’t just snapped because he’s so close to getting what he wanted for so so long now.
She doesn’t drag him anywhere and doesn’t lower her voice. She walks right to him and lets all the things she’s always thought about him, for him, fall out.
She loves him and she probably always has and probably always will. And she wants him and wants to be with him and she’ll do whatever. She’ll move back; she can edit from here, and run in to the city for meetings. And she misses him and does he know she still has a barnacle from True Love, from when they played ‘barnacle for your thoughts’ that one time and he just looked at her and said, in the simplest voice possible, ‘I love you’ and she knew that was all he was thinking. She’s kept it all this time. And he scares her, to her bones, he always has, but she’s finally ready to face it. Face him.
And he, quite simply, makes her happy.
‘So,’ she finishes, hands spread and feeling like she’s made of glass. He’s staring at her and then he’s grinning and picking her up and she’s pretty sure one of them is crying. She can’t hear much past the blood rushing in her ears, but she’s pretty sure she hears whooping and laughing and she thinks vaguely, as she wraps her legs around his waist, that this is highly inappropriate behaviour for a wake.
But she knows that if Jen were here, she’d certainly approve.
In conclusion - We WON!