i know what i need to do.
i found information on chronic migraines- this basically explains it. so read this if you want thorough info. here you go.
--Unless you are a migraine sufferer, it is practically impossible to understand what it really means to endure this type of suffering. Migraines are not merely headaches. While a migraine generates inside the head, that is where the similarities end.
Light and noise, even to the smallest degree, can be intolerable. Extreme nausea is common. While the migraine begins in the brain, it sweeps through the body and can thoroughly debilitate its victim. The affects of a migraine are completely consuming, and living with this chronic pain can be torture, both physically and emotionally .
While there is a virtual plethora of medications, naturally remedies and pain management techniques available, there is no absolute cure for migraines. Migraines do not always respond to medical treatment. Different treatments can be effective for different people. But for many migraine sufferers, medications bring little in the way of relief.
Migraines can begin at any age and may continue throughout a person's life. On the other hand, migraines can end as suddenly as they began, with no known reason for their onset or their final episode. Often, however, it is possible to target some of the migraine "triggers," and prevent or minimize their frequency.
Developing a strong, working relationship with your doctor is paramount for migraine sufferers. Finding a physician that truly understands your plight can be more difficult than with many medical conditions. Perhaps this is due to how difficult migraines can be to treat. Some physicians seem to follow a "three strikes and you're out" approach to treating the migraine patient. If the first treatment doesn't work, another approach will be offered. If this doesn't prove effective, he may present a third treatment plan. After this, it is not uncommon for the patient to feel as though the doctor becomes apathetic. This can be very discouraging for someone who is dealing with a very traumatic illness. Keep searching until you find a doctor that is willing to hang in there with you for the long-haul.
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so there you have it. in the last paragraph- "this can be very discouraging for someone who is dealing with a very traumatic illness" my migraines were very traumatic for me and took many chances to find out what worked. i got extremely depressed from it. and yes, i got suicidal. it didn't help that depression runs in my family. and i happened to have depression. i was suicidal last year and yeah, i did want to die, many chances i almost got close. many of you don't know this. i'm fine now, hell, i am great now. a lot of things happened last year and i got to my breaking point and just couldn't take it. i'm getting much better now, and i'm feeling like a new person. and you all deserve a new person. because if you guys were stuck with the old meg, well, you just don't deserve that. because on the outside i was sometimes fine, but on the inside it was total failure. my body shutdown on itself. i have great doctors now who aren't giving up. and who keep coming up with things that are making me great. i have great friends, who i love more than anything. yes, i do go through pain here and there. but who doesn't? everyone does. thank you all for being there for me. thank you for giving me the start-off of the year that i planned on having, and that i will have. i love you. run to me if you ever need anything. hell, show up at my door if you need to. i'll be here. i swear to god i'm not going anywhere. don't ever drive past me.
take advantage of my friendship. i want you to. that's what i'm here for.
i'm sorry i wasn't myself last year. this year i'll make it up to you.
i promise<3
the sun won't ever go down on me.
what i need to do is make last year up to you.
love always,
meg