Kim Rossi Stuart
Oh god... The married one had to leave the office immediately because his pregnant wife had contractions and had to be urgently taken to the hospital. She is supposed to give birth to their second child in June.
I've asked two colleagues and friends of mine, who also work with him, to investigate on him to find the worst flaw or story on him so that I lose my stupid infatuation.
The more I want to forget about him and move on to something/one else, the deeper the roots.
I am really fed up with it all. It's hard, really hard to have someone look at you the way he does and go on without having that little warm thing that shakes your heart and pinches it everytime you pretend not to feel anything.
The thing is I am sure he used to be a very shy and unconfident boy when he was younger. He just happened to be good looking and intelligent as he grew up. But I can really see his shyness under the assurance and self esteem he tries to convey.
Everytime I or my colleagues tell him something nice about how well he's done so far with this new hard function, he is always surprised and doesn't know how to react and you can see him blush and lower his eyes behind an embarrased smile.
Earlier I was thinking I hope their future baby dies and she dies, but I shocked myself thinking such a horrible thing. I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him, even if it means never having any chance with him. There never has been any chance anyways, but we all have our dreams: I dream and wish that someday he will listen to his heart, to his pulsions, and just let go. But I don't really want that. I'm not even sure I would want him if he made a move on me. I know there is nothing left for me to fall in love with him, and I know there is nothing to be expected from a love affair with him. I want to protect myself.
I just really believe that weren't he married and had no child at all, I would have had him. I just feel we could have been a great couple.
But as we say in French " You can put Paris in a bottle with ifs".
Last Saturday, I went to a cool pub in Paris, called the "some girls", and we met some real nice English boys. I also met a cute boy called Karim, and other boys. I couldn't believe that so many boys came to me and wanted to talk to me. Some even touched me, kissed my neck, and complimented me. I just let them do. I felt like a queen. I even made out with an English boy called Gareth, really nice and cute. He was there for the week end and he even sent me an email yesterday to have some news lol. The truth is all the time, I had been thinking only about that man. Thinking how different things would have been if... Everytime it depresses me. And now I feel like shit. Thinking about him at the hospital with his wife. Taking care of her. Telling her not to worry, everything will be ok. I promise. Just relax. Eat this. Do you want some water? Are you comfortable now? I'll just go to the office, I have to finish two things. But I'll be back as soon as I can. He must be holding her hand. Kissing it maybe. Reassuring her.
Last week, I often saw him as when I arrived at the office, he was often smoking his cigarette and having a coffee. So I often stayed with him and we talked.
I told him he had a very good English accent, and he told me his mother is English. So he spent loads of time in England at his grand parents' doing exciting stuff such as helping them gardening, watching cricket, or preparing some disgusting jelly for his parents.
I also learnt that before being with his wife, he used to be with a Sicilian woman for 6 years. Waw! 6 years. The man is faithful.
He often asks me about what I did the night before, because now I have a reputation of hard partier. So everytime he sees me arriving late, he asks me "so what was it last night?". Once I told him about a concert, followed by a party in a bar and going back home at 5am. He told me he could feel I was the ardent, fiery kind of girl. Waw! I couldn't believe it. He thinks and knows I am passionate. It means he must have observed me, thought about me to get to this kind of conclusion. I loved it.
I've asked two colleagues and friends of mine, who also work with him, to investigate on him to find the worst flaw or story on him so that I lose my stupid infatuation.
The more I want to forget about him and move on to something/one else, the deeper the roots.
I am really fed up with it all. It's hard, really hard to have someone look at you the way he does and go on without having that little warm thing that shakes your heart and pinches it everytime you pretend not to feel anything.
The thing is I am sure he used to be a very shy and unconfident boy when he was younger. He just happened to be good looking and intelligent as he grew up. But I can really see his shyness under the assurance and self esteem he tries to convey.
Everytime I or my colleagues tell him something nice about how well he's done so far with this new hard function, he is always surprised and doesn't know how to react and you can see him blush and lower his eyes behind an embarrased smile.
Earlier I was thinking I hope their future baby dies and she dies, but I shocked myself thinking such a horrible thing. I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him, even if it means never having any chance with him. There never has been any chance anyways, but we all have our dreams: I dream and wish that someday he will listen to his heart, to his pulsions, and just let go. But I don't really want that. I'm not even sure I would want him if he made a move on me. I know there is nothing left for me to fall in love with him, and I know there is nothing to be expected from a love affair with him. I want to protect myself.
I just really believe that weren't he married and had no child at all, I would have had him. I just feel we could have been a great couple.
But as we say in French " You can put Paris in a bottle with ifs".
Last Saturday, I went to a cool pub in Paris, called the "some girls", and we met some real nice English boys. I also met a cute boy called Karim, and other boys. I couldn't believe that so many boys came to me and wanted to talk to me. Some even touched me, kissed my neck, and complimented me. I just let them do. I felt like a queen. I even made out with an English boy called Gareth, really nice and cute. He was there for the week end and he even sent me an email yesterday to have some news lol. The truth is all the time, I had been thinking only about that man. Thinking how different things would have been if... Everytime it depresses me. And now I feel like shit. Thinking about him at the hospital with his wife. Taking care of her. Telling her not to worry, everything will be ok. I promise. Just relax. Eat this. Do you want some water? Are you comfortable now? I'll just go to the office, I have to finish two things. But I'll be back as soon as I can. He must be holding her hand. Kissing it maybe. Reassuring her.
Last week, I often saw him as when I arrived at the office, he was often smoking his cigarette and having a coffee. So I often stayed with him and we talked.
I told him he had a very good English accent, and he told me his mother is English. So he spent loads of time in England at his grand parents' doing exciting stuff such as helping them gardening, watching cricket, or preparing some disgusting jelly for his parents.
I also learnt that before being with his wife, he used to be with a Sicilian woman for 6 years. Waw! 6 years. The man is faithful.
He often asks me about what I did the night before, because now I have a reputation of hard partier. So everytime he sees me arriving late, he asks me "so what was it last night?". Once I told him about a concert, followed by a party in a bar and going back home at 5am. He told me he could feel I was the ardent, fiery kind of girl. Waw! I couldn't believe it. He thinks and knows I am passionate. It means he must have observed me, thought about me to get to this kind of conclusion. I loved it.