Wally, chapter 1
Title: Wally
Chapter 1
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Reid's uncle Angus dies and that brings him to Oakdale. The title will be explained later in the story but I guess you figure out who Wally is....
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta
While I wandered through the house I realized how forgiving I had become, how soft and easy. If I had known the person I was nowadays when I was young I would have judged myself harshly for my tears and indecisiveness. I would have called myself an old sentimental fool.
That's the benefit of getting older, maybe. I am content with who I am now, and I don't have any need to yell at people anymore. I can look back at my 36 year old life and despite the pain that came my way the last few years I can say I am happy. Happy with what I have and the memories I have made.
The house evoked sadness in me I didn't expect. It brought me back to a time when I was impatient and ambitious, when everyone standing in my way was pulverized by my urge to thrive. He didn't know how to tame me; how to comfort me; but looking back I can say I didn't give him a chance. Angus wasn't my dad and everything he said created a rage in me. I didn't recognize it as pain when I was young, I felt alone and mistreated.
And now he was dead. I got a call from a lawyer a few days ago to contact him about a legacy and I knew I was too late, that my intention to drive to his house and knock on the door and talk like two grown man.....
The need to talk to him got a bit stronger during the last few years, fueled by the wonderful bond I felt with my father-in-law. He showed me that although he seemed tough and strict on the outside he loved his children with every fiber in his body and worried about their wellbeing every single second of the day, even when they were adults and it softened my hate towards the man that raised me.
I oversaw now how difficult it must have been for him and his wife. They didn't want children themselves and were suddenly stuck with a sullen, moody orphan-nephew who didn't hesitate to tell them how stupid they were. Who refused to wear the scarf that his aunt had knitted for his birthday. Who couldn't leave the house fast enough when he was 17 and admitted to Harvard, thanks to the fund his parents had left him. Not even a thank you to the people who didn't have a dime but tried to take care of him the best they could....
I had lost so many people around me that I knew not to be sad about the fact that I didn't call Angus earlier, although I wanted to. Life just overflows you and you always think you have time enough to do what you have planned, but it plays tricks on you when you least expect it.
I walked upstairs to my old bedroom and felt the numbness in my head again, the pain in my heart when they brought me here after they got the news that my parents were killed in a car-accident. I didn't remember that the house was so small and my room so dark, my time here seemed lost in my photographic memory.
But they hadn't forgotten me, in my bedroom I saw pictures of me and my parents on the wall and a few things from my parents like the big wooden box that belonged to my dad and the pen they gave me for my 9th birthday. I had left my old life here in this neath space and ran away as fast as I could, needing freedom and knowledge, trying to flee from my past.
I sat on the old desk and played with the pen while I looked at the pictures with tears in my eyes. Now my whole past was gone, I buried it with his body. No one could tell me what a rat I had been.
I was surprised to hear that the house was mortgage-free and mine now, everything I saw belonged to me. A few years ago I wouldn't have taken the time to visit the house, I would have sold it without seeing it, leaving the furniture to a thrift shop but now I couldn't do that anymore, afraid to loose details of my past.
I had a past in which I had made so many mistakes without realizing that I made them. Andrew didn't mind that I was ambitious and arrogant, he was running fast-forward himself. We got our luxurious penthouse and our Bentleys but that was just looks, he was the first person who taught me what loyalty looked like, what the word care meant. It made me cynical in the beginning of our relationship, afraid to get too deeply involved, but he asked that of me.
Reid, I have friends and family who call me during shifts and at midnight for my help and you know that I never hesitate a second to do that but being friend’s means that you are there in times of need and if we’re going to be a couple I claim your time and attention, it's a deal breaker.
His words echoed in my head and I saw my tears spat on the dark wood of my old desk. Never again I would hear his voice or feel his tender fingers on me. He had awakened me, slowed me down and loved me like no-one had done or would do. And that made life so much harder than it would have been if I hadn't met him. Then my feelings would have been buried deep inside my cold heart and I would have been sad but not like this, not this lost and broken and fucking lonely.
Not even a call from my colleagues or boss got me out of my misery. Bob had sent me on a vacation because he said he wanted to protect me from myself, whatever that meant. Being here in freaking Illinois without my daily structure made that I had too much time on my hands.
What should I do with this house, this old barrack with its moldy walls and creaking floors?
I had no idea really, but I knew that I wouldn't stay the night here in this creepy environment so I got my cell out of my pocket and Googled a hotel. The Lakeview had 5 stars so it would be good. If only they had a nice bed...I was exhausted because of all the emotions. Maybe they had a gym where I could run for a while, trying to get my sadness out of my system. Or a swimming pool, anything to get rid of my melancholic mood.
The fact that the hotel only had the bridal suite available was funny. I had been with Andrew for a long time but we had never talked about marriage, although it was legal in the state we lived in.
The whole phony ceremony was not something that appealed to me. Did Andrew...did he have ideas about it? Us in expensive suits saying yes to each other? I would never know.
Maybe I could ask his dad when I saw him. Or maybe I could send him a message; he also had a smartphone so contacting each other was easier.
Hey Charles how are you doing? I have a question, did Andrew ever mention marriage to you? Like he wanted it?
I lived in the past a lot the last few months. I wondered if I had made him happy, if I could have done more to show him what I felt for him. I wasn't the warm fuzzy guy he needed maybe......
Focus, I had to search for the hotel in the navigation system of my rental car and I needed to exercise to clear my head. Afterwards I wanted to lie in the tub they promised me and fall asleep. Tomorrow I could think of a plan about the house, now I was way too sad.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
The gym of the Lakeview was huge and several hunks were showing off their muscles in tight shirts. I looked at them but didn't see them; I was running like I had to catch a flight or something, trying to get the cortisol out of my system. But it didn't work, memories of Andrew and I running together in the park near our house made that a lump started to block my windpipe. What was going on in my brain that I got so emotional lately? Andrew popped up in my dreams almost every night and the mornings I woke up after that the realization of him being dead made that my heart shrunk a little more each day.
It was weird that my grief overflew me just now. It was almost three years since he died and all that time I didn't shed a tear, I went to work and tried to avoid watery-eyed colleagues who wanted to comfort me because I didn't have the strength to listen to their stupidities. I didn't want them to muse about Andrew, telling me what a great guy he had been, what a sexy match we had been. And I didn't want their pity, sadness is something private, people needed to learn that it's not their business what I felt.
Most of them took it the wrong way and I heard people whisper about the change in me that I went back to being the asshole I had been before I met Andrew. I didn't care because what did they know? I couldn't help it that I didn't fit the picture of a grieving partner who was absent for months and couldn't keep his eyes dry. I worked a lot and sat in my office till late, so that I didn't have to be in our silent apartment for too long.
And now the salty eye-water couldn't be held back, it made that it was impossible to run any further. I stopped the treadmill and out of breath I grabbed my towel and keycard and went back to my room. I tried to relax in the tub but I was too restless to sit there so I dried and dressed myself and went to the restaurant of the hotel to do what always worked: eat.
But even the spare ribs didn't taste well. Was I going to be sick? If dinner wasn't fun anymore I couldn't think of anything else to release some tension. In my early days I would have watched some porn or even go to a gay club but thinking of being with another man or seeing two guys all sweaty wasn't joyful either. I was lost.
"Can I get you anything else to drink sir?", a guy asked me. The waiter pulled me out of my zone.
"A beer please", I said. "And do you have some time to help me out? I have stuff I need to get rid of, is there someone in this town who buys up furniture?
The waiter smirked. "Yes I know a guy who can help you out, do you have a phone? I am going to safe his number in your cell so you can call him tomorrow. He is quite busy but you can make an appointment".
I looked at his nametag. "Thanks Noah for helping me out, I don't live here so I don't know where to go. I have inherited a house so I have to decide what I want to keep".
"Are you going to live in the house?", the waiter asked.
It was a simple question but suddenly my whole life fell into place. What if I moved here? Maybe I could work here in a hospital somewhere, far away from the empathy-filled eyes of the people at home and away from the painful memories of our house and our lives.
Maybe that was the answer, to start over and work with people who didn't know my past. But......could I live in the house I had hated my whole life? Could I transform the pain from the past and turn it into a home?
"I haven't decided that yet", I said.
"Oakdale has its attractions", the waiter said.
"Is there a hospital within a hundred mile radius?", I asked
""You aren't sick I hope?".
"No, I am a doctor, and if I am going to stay here I need a job".
The waiter looked curious. "What kind of doctor are you if you don't mind my asking?", he said.
'I am a neuro surgeon", I said.
"Well, I guess you can call Dr. Hughes, he is retiring and one of the neuro surgeons in Memorial is going to take his place, so they might have a vacancy".
"But it is a small hospital here right?", I asked.
"Yes it is but Channing has opened a rather huge neurological wing last year, didn't you get the memo?", Noah asked.
I closed my eyes. "Richard Channing is going to be chief of staff here?", I shivered.
"Do you know him?", the waiter asked.
I nodded. "O yes I do, we went to Harvard together and I have to admit that if he is going to be the boss, I don't think I am applying for a job here. The guy is.....".
Noah waited patiently till I continued my sentence but I didn't know what to say. It was an idea from another life I had about the guy but he seemed to have been a successful doctor here. I didn't get "the memo" about a new neurological wing. Maybe I had to swallow my snarkiness and make an appointment with him. If he was still the empty-head I remembered I could just ask him if there was a job in Chicago. He knew the market here and I had to give him a chance. Give myself a chance maybe.
Was I ready to move here? Did I really want to leave all the good memories behind and relive my childhood? Because if I wanted or not, that was what would happen if I stayed in Angus' house.
"You okay doctor?", I heard the waiter ask. I felt his warm hand on my shoulder. I had zoned out again, like I did constantly lately.
My focus was gone; I wandered around in alter universes where I thought about the love of my life and my aunt and uncle and about deep universal subjects as love and hate. The world had been so simple and easy for me when I lived here; I had missed my parents and had hated everything that I had. I couldn't remember having friends at high school or maybe one, Derek.
The warm hand on my shoulder started to squeeze me harder; "sorry Noah, I’m okay and it's nothing to worry about I just have a lot on my mind. Thanks for the tip about the hospital; I’m going to call Channing tomorrow. Can you bring me a coffee-to-go instead of the beer, I’m going to my room I’m tired".
"Of course", the waiter said. "And if you need help I can call Luke, make an appointment with him for you".
"Luke?", I asked.
"The guy from the thrift shop", he said.
"Maybe that's a good idea, ask him when he has time, I hope he can do it this week. I have some serious thinking to do about what I want to keep and what not. I hope he will take everything".
"He can take care of everything for you doctor, maybe he asks a few dollars to remove stuff he can't use but he is cheap".
Chapter 2
Chapter 1
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Reid's uncle Angus dies and that brings him to Oakdale. The title will be explained later in the story but I guess you figure out who Wally is....
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta
While I wandered through the house I realized how forgiving I had become, how soft and easy. If I had known the person I was nowadays when I was young I would have judged myself harshly for my tears and indecisiveness. I would have called myself an old sentimental fool.
That's the benefit of getting older, maybe. I am content with who I am now, and I don't have any need to yell at people anymore. I can look back at my 36 year old life and despite the pain that came my way the last few years I can say I am happy. Happy with what I have and the memories I have made.
The house evoked sadness in me I didn't expect. It brought me back to a time when I was impatient and ambitious, when everyone standing in my way was pulverized by my urge to thrive. He didn't know how to tame me; how to comfort me; but looking back I can say I didn't give him a chance. Angus wasn't my dad and everything he said created a rage in me. I didn't recognize it as pain when I was young, I felt alone and mistreated.
And now he was dead. I got a call from a lawyer a few days ago to contact him about a legacy and I knew I was too late, that my intention to drive to his house and knock on the door and talk like two grown man.....
The need to talk to him got a bit stronger during the last few years, fueled by the wonderful bond I felt with my father-in-law. He showed me that although he seemed tough and strict on the outside he loved his children with every fiber in his body and worried about their wellbeing every single second of the day, even when they were adults and it softened my hate towards the man that raised me.
I oversaw now how difficult it must have been for him and his wife. They didn't want children themselves and were suddenly stuck with a sullen, moody orphan-nephew who didn't hesitate to tell them how stupid they were. Who refused to wear the scarf that his aunt had knitted for his birthday. Who couldn't leave the house fast enough when he was 17 and admitted to Harvard, thanks to the fund his parents had left him. Not even a thank you to the people who didn't have a dime but tried to take care of him the best they could....
I had lost so many people around me that I knew not to be sad about the fact that I didn't call Angus earlier, although I wanted to. Life just overflows you and you always think you have time enough to do what you have planned, but it plays tricks on you when you least expect it.
I walked upstairs to my old bedroom and felt the numbness in my head again, the pain in my heart when they brought me here after they got the news that my parents were killed in a car-accident. I didn't remember that the house was so small and my room so dark, my time here seemed lost in my photographic memory.
But they hadn't forgotten me, in my bedroom I saw pictures of me and my parents on the wall and a few things from my parents like the big wooden box that belonged to my dad and the pen they gave me for my 9th birthday. I had left my old life here in this neath space and ran away as fast as I could, needing freedom and knowledge, trying to flee from my past.
I sat on the old desk and played with the pen while I looked at the pictures with tears in my eyes. Now my whole past was gone, I buried it with his body. No one could tell me what a rat I had been.
I was surprised to hear that the house was mortgage-free and mine now, everything I saw belonged to me. A few years ago I wouldn't have taken the time to visit the house, I would have sold it without seeing it, leaving the furniture to a thrift shop but now I couldn't do that anymore, afraid to loose details of my past.
I had a past in which I had made so many mistakes without realizing that I made them. Andrew didn't mind that I was ambitious and arrogant, he was running fast-forward himself. We got our luxurious penthouse and our Bentleys but that was just looks, he was the first person who taught me what loyalty looked like, what the word care meant. It made me cynical in the beginning of our relationship, afraid to get too deeply involved, but he asked that of me.
Reid, I have friends and family who call me during shifts and at midnight for my help and you know that I never hesitate a second to do that but being friend’s means that you are there in times of need and if we’re going to be a couple I claim your time and attention, it's a deal breaker.
His words echoed in my head and I saw my tears spat on the dark wood of my old desk. Never again I would hear his voice or feel his tender fingers on me. He had awakened me, slowed me down and loved me like no-one had done or would do. And that made life so much harder than it would have been if I hadn't met him. Then my feelings would have been buried deep inside my cold heart and I would have been sad but not like this, not this lost and broken and fucking lonely.
Not even a call from my colleagues or boss got me out of my misery. Bob had sent me on a vacation because he said he wanted to protect me from myself, whatever that meant. Being here in freaking Illinois without my daily structure made that I had too much time on my hands.
What should I do with this house, this old barrack with its moldy walls and creaking floors?
I had no idea really, but I knew that I wouldn't stay the night here in this creepy environment so I got my cell out of my pocket and Googled a hotel. The Lakeview had 5 stars so it would be good. If only they had a nice bed...I was exhausted because of all the emotions. Maybe they had a gym where I could run for a while, trying to get my sadness out of my system. Or a swimming pool, anything to get rid of my melancholic mood.
The fact that the hotel only had the bridal suite available was funny. I had been with Andrew for a long time but we had never talked about marriage, although it was legal in the state we lived in.
The whole phony ceremony was not something that appealed to me. Did Andrew...did he have ideas about it? Us in expensive suits saying yes to each other? I would never know.
Maybe I could ask his dad when I saw him. Or maybe I could send him a message; he also had a smartphone so contacting each other was easier.
Hey Charles how are you doing? I have a question, did Andrew ever mention marriage to you? Like he wanted it?
I lived in the past a lot the last few months. I wondered if I had made him happy, if I could have done more to show him what I felt for him. I wasn't the warm fuzzy guy he needed maybe......
Focus, I had to search for the hotel in the navigation system of my rental car and I needed to exercise to clear my head. Afterwards I wanted to lie in the tub they promised me and fall asleep. Tomorrow I could think of a plan about the house, now I was way too sad.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
The gym of the Lakeview was huge and several hunks were showing off their muscles in tight shirts. I looked at them but didn't see them; I was running like I had to catch a flight or something, trying to get the cortisol out of my system. But it didn't work, memories of Andrew and I running together in the park near our house made that a lump started to block my windpipe. What was going on in my brain that I got so emotional lately? Andrew popped up in my dreams almost every night and the mornings I woke up after that the realization of him being dead made that my heart shrunk a little more each day.
It was weird that my grief overflew me just now. It was almost three years since he died and all that time I didn't shed a tear, I went to work and tried to avoid watery-eyed colleagues who wanted to comfort me because I didn't have the strength to listen to their stupidities. I didn't want them to muse about Andrew, telling me what a great guy he had been, what a sexy match we had been. And I didn't want their pity, sadness is something private, people needed to learn that it's not their business what I felt.
Most of them took it the wrong way and I heard people whisper about the change in me that I went back to being the asshole I had been before I met Andrew. I didn't care because what did they know? I couldn't help it that I didn't fit the picture of a grieving partner who was absent for months and couldn't keep his eyes dry. I worked a lot and sat in my office till late, so that I didn't have to be in our silent apartment for too long.
And now the salty eye-water couldn't be held back, it made that it was impossible to run any further. I stopped the treadmill and out of breath I grabbed my towel and keycard and went back to my room. I tried to relax in the tub but I was too restless to sit there so I dried and dressed myself and went to the restaurant of the hotel to do what always worked: eat.
But even the spare ribs didn't taste well. Was I going to be sick? If dinner wasn't fun anymore I couldn't think of anything else to release some tension. In my early days I would have watched some porn or even go to a gay club but thinking of being with another man or seeing two guys all sweaty wasn't joyful either. I was lost.
"Can I get you anything else to drink sir?", a guy asked me. The waiter pulled me out of my zone.
"A beer please", I said. "And do you have some time to help me out? I have stuff I need to get rid of, is there someone in this town who buys up furniture?
The waiter smirked. "Yes I know a guy who can help you out, do you have a phone? I am going to safe his number in your cell so you can call him tomorrow. He is quite busy but you can make an appointment".
I looked at his nametag. "Thanks Noah for helping me out, I don't live here so I don't know where to go. I have inherited a house so I have to decide what I want to keep".
"Are you going to live in the house?", the waiter asked.
It was a simple question but suddenly my whole life fell into place. What if I moved here? Maybe I could work here in a hospital somewhere, far away from the empathy-filled eyes of the people at home and away from the painful memories of our house and our lives.
Maybe that was the answer, to start over and work with people who didn't know my past. But......could I live in the house I had hated my whole life? Could I transform the pain from the past and turn it into a home?
"I haven't decided that yet", I said.
"Oakdale has its attractions", the waiter said.
"Is there a hospital within a hundred mile radius?", I asked
""You aren't sick I hope?".
"No, I am a doctor, and if I am going to stay here I need a job".
The waiter looked curious. "What kind of doctor are you if you don't mind my asking?", he said.
'I am a neuro surgeon", I said.
"Well, I guess you can call Dr. Hughes, he is retiring and one of the neuro surgeons in Memorial is going to take his place, so they might have a vacancy".
"But it is a small hospital here right?", I asked.
"Yes it is but Channing has opened a rather huge neurological wing last year, didn't you get the memo?", Noah asked.
I closed my eyes. "Richard Channing is going to be chief of staff here?", I shivered.
"Do you know him?", the waiter asked.
I nodded. "O yes I do, we went to Harvard together and I have to admit that if he is going to be the boss, I don't think I am applying for a job here. The guy is.....".
Noah waited patiently till I continued my sentence but I didn't know what to say. It was an idea from another life I had about the guy but he seemed to have been a successful doctor here. I didn't get "the memo" about a new neurological wing. Maybe I had to swallow my snarkiness and make an appointment with him. If he was still the empty-head I remembered I could just ask him if there was a job in Chicago. He knew the market here and I had to give him a chance. Give myself a chance maybe.
Was I ready to move here? Did I really want to leave all the good memories behind and relive my childhood? Because if I wanted or not, that was what would happen if I stayed in Angus' house.
"You okay doctor?", I heard the waiter ask. I felt his warm hand on my shoulder. I had zoned out again, like I did constantly lately.
My focus was gone; I wandered around in alter universes where I thought about the love of my life and my aunt and uncle and about deep universal subjects as love and hate. The world had been so simple and easy for me when I lived here; I had missed my parents and had hated everything that I had. I couldn't remember having friends at high school or maybe one, Derek.
The warm hand on my shoulder started to squeeze me harder; "sorry Noah, I’m okay and it's nothing to worry about I just have a lot on my mind. Thanks for the tip about the hospital; I’m going to call Channing tomorrow. Can you bring me a coffee-to-go instead of the beer, I’m going to my room I’m tired".
"Of course", the waiter said. "And if you need help I can call Luke, make an appointment with him for you".
"Luke?", I asked.
"The guy from the thrift shop", he said.
"Maybe that's a good idea, ask him when he has time, I hope he can do it this week. I have some serious thinking to do about what I want to keep and what not. I hope he will take everything".
"He can take care of everything for you doctor, maybe he asks a few dollars to remove stuff he can't use but he is cheap".
Chapter 2