Still not enough, chapter 16
Series: Still not enough
Chapter: 15
Written by: Parishs
Rating: nc17
Summary: Luke is a retired gigolo who can't forget his last client(Luke's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!
Previous chapter
While I drove him to his house I looked at him from the corner of my eye. He had closed his eyes and let the sun warm his face. He was satisfied, his muscles a little limp. He was so good at jumping in all the way. He knew what he wanted and he grabbed it.
I could learn so much from him about dedication and passion and commitment and trust and honesty.
When I noticed that he had left the bed I froze. My mind made up ideas about him wanting to leave me because I didn't have sex with him last night. I knew his needs but .....
Since I was with him I had started doubting. All the rules I had about sex and my life seemed to be bullshit all of a sudden. Me not needing sex ever again...when he showed me how sure he was about us an hour ago it was such a turn on. It came from deep in me, my need. It wasn't me needing to do a trick; it was me getting all horny because of what he said. What he thought.
It had been so long since that happened. It brought me back to a time I tried to push away in the deepest parts of my memory. Me getting horny because I wanted someone. Being powerless, just hoping that that someone picked up what you craved.
It had never worked out. The two guys who I fantasized about when I was an adolescent had used me in the literal sense of the word. They had taken advantage of me and I let them. I didn't want to remember it but I saw now how they had sharpened my life. How I had let them.
It had never been about me, not with my family nor in my sex life. I let people push me around till I was far, far over the edge. When I realized that living that way made me depressed I moved to Chicago and started my business. No one would walk over me again, ever.
Being in charge became my goal and I was sure that I was happy. I didn't feel anything when my bio-dad came back and pushed my dad off his throne. When my dad married a woman he obviously didn't love, just to make a statement. I just took care of myself and my siblings when they needed me.
There was only one person I let in: my grandmother. Because I knew that her lifegoal was for me to be happy. She was the only one who didn't think anything about me. She just wanted me to be good.
Like Reid. He wanted the real me. With doubts and shit. But he didn't know how much doubts I had, if he could see the mess inside my head he would run away as fast as he could. He didn't know that with me getting all horny flashes of my past came back to haunt me.
It had nothing to do with him but it made that I couldn't trust his words. But I had to. If I ever wanted something steady I had to trust him. That the words he said were true. That the feelings he evoked in me were recognized. That my need was okay, he would take care of it with an enthusiasm no one ever showed me.
Reid had said that he also had doubts, about his ability to satisfy me after the life I had lead. I got it, but he didn't have to doubt, he didn't have to compete with all the guys who had payed me. They never sucked my dick because I didn't let them. I got hard because it was my job and I fucked them because they wanted a top. My rules.
But it had been a trick. I didn't need to feel anything; I just came because of the friction. I didn't remember names or faces; it was a long pile of bodies I had seen.
Reid......he was so different that he immediately got my attention on that last night of last year. Yes he also wanted sex but he was so authentic with no room for adjustment. He was Reid and even if you jumped high or low he didn't change.
His nervous honesty made that I didn't have to be bossy or something else, I just needed to be there for him. His vulnerability-on-his-sleeve attitude somehow defrosted me.
When I saw him for the first time I could only smile. I had pictured him as a strong build man with broad shoulders but he was almost fragile. His hair a color I hadn't seen before and could hardly define. His firm attitude and his determination weren't an act, he knew what he wanted.
That had been a turn on from the get go, combined with the nerve to approach me as a nice icing on the cake. His lust-filled eyes showed me what he wanted but he let me decide.
"Hey Ed, are you okay?", I heard the voice I loved so much asked. His care for me dripping from it.
I nodded: "yes I am perfect", I said and looked at him, my boyfriend, the steady factor in my life and the first man on whose tongue I had tasted myself, who wanted to give me myself back. Was it weird what I was thinking? Did I care?
When we were inside his apartment I looked out of the window like I had done months ago. I felt how my body reacted to the memory, how I got hard again. I felt him come closer and recognized his deep breathing. He recalled it too, our first time. I smelled his hormones as I did then but this time it aroused me, and I accepted it, I didn't fight it anymore. His lips on my neck caused a moan from me. His words in my ear made my cock throb.
I turned around and unbuttoned his shirt as I did then. My fingers followed every high and low of his chest and abdomen while our kiss deepened. The clumsy way we got rid of our clothes was foreplay that only got us more determined. Standing naked against each other we took a deep breath and looked at each other.
"I want you", I said. "I want you like I have never wanted someone else. I want you now and for as long as I shall live. I want you to love me and ask of me what you need. I shall try and do the same. Have patience with me but with you I will get there. Know that I will respect your needs. Know that no one has ever touched me like you do, physically and mentally. I want to be your Ed. I love you Reid".
Maybe this was not the right moment but my mouth spoke the words for me, it said aloud what I thought. My need to commit and show him that it was mutual between us had to come out.
"I want you so fucking much right now", he growled and pushed me in the direction of his bed. It didn't scare me anymore that he said that, it was arousing that he pushed me on his duvet and looked at me for a second. I spread my legs a little and reached my arms out to welcome him. He could have me any way he wanted. Fuck the past, Reid was my present.
We slept for a while, a light dozing after sex in which you hear everything but can't move. Maybe this was what people called the afterglow. I never thought it existed but it did, my muscles didn't listen to my brain.
I wanted to give Reid the space he said he needed when we were at my place but instead we made love. That was something else, making love, I thought it was a straight term but I discovered how it was a universal thing, a feeling of total commitment from your partner. It had nothing to do with fast or slow, or the position you were in, it was that look in your lover's eyes and the touch of his hands that made that it was different from sex.
This was something I could do and what I would crave if he wasn't around. It was a look, a touch. It was small but meant the world.
"Hey", I said when I could form words again.
Reid wasn't that far yet, he just looked at me through half opened eyes.
"You needed some time alone", I said and caressed his face. "I am going to shower and then I am going. Thank you for these wonderful days".
"You get it, right?", he asked softly.
"I totally do Reid", I said and kissed him.
When I walked through his house to find my clothes he called me. I walked back to the bed and looked at my man.
"Casey is getting his diploma on Thursday; will you be my date?", he asked.
I nodded slowly. "I would love to but maybe we have to inform some people first", I said. "Are you ready to face the world as a couple? Are there things we need to think about before we hold hands?
He nodded. "Yes maybe, Casey asked me if it was a conflict of interest if we had an affair, as you being the money man and I am the owner of the foundation. I had never thought about that but maybe we can ask your lawyer".
I didn't want to hold back anymore, I wanted the world to see how happy Reid made me but I didn't want to ruin things for Reid. "I'll ask her", I said and walked to the shower.
Chapter: 15
Written by: Parishs
Rating: nc17
Summary: Luke is a retired gigolo who can't forget his last client(Luke's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!
Previous chapter
While I drove him to his house I looked at him from the corner of my eye. He had closed his eyes and let the sun warm his face. He was satisfied, his muscles a little limp. He was so good at jumping in all the way. He knew what he wanted and he grabbed it.
I could learn so much from him about dedication and passion and commitment and trust and honesty.
When I noticed that he had left the bed I froze. My mind made up ideas about him wanting to leave me because I didn't have sex with him last night. I knew his needs but .....
Since I was with him I had started doubting. All the rules I had about sex and my life seemed to be bullshit all of a sudden. Me not needing sex ever again...when he showed me how sure he was about us an hour ago it was such a turn on. It came from deep in me, my need. It wasn't me needing to do a trick; it was me getting all horny because of what he said. What he thought.
It had been so long since that happened. It brought me back to a time I tried to push away in the deepest parts of my memory. Me getting horny because I wanted someone. Being powerless, just hoping that that someone picked up what you craved.
It had never worked out. The two guys who I fantasized about when I was an adolescent had used me in the literal sense of the word. They had taken advantage of me and I let them. I didn't want to remember it but I saw now how they had sharpened my life. How I had let them.
It had never been about me, not with my family nor in my sex life. I let people push me around till I was far, far over the edge. When I realized that living that way made me depressed I moved to Chicago and started my business. No one would walk over me again, ever.
Being in charge became my goal and I was sure that I was happy. I didn't feel anything when my bio-dad came back and pushed my dad off his throne. When my dad married a woman he obviously didn't love, just to make a statement. I just took care of myself and my siblings when they needed me.
There was only one person I let in: my grandmother. Because I knew that her lifegoal was for me to be happy. She was the only one who didn't think anything about me. She just wanted me to be good.
Like Reid. He wanted the real me. With doubts and shit. But he didn't know how much doubts I had, if he could see the mess inside my head he would run away as fast as he could. He didn't know that with me getting all horny flashes of my past came back to haunt me.
It had nothing to do with him but it made that I couldn't trust his words. But I had to. If I ever wanted something steady I had to trust him. That the words he said were true. That the feelings he evoked in me were recognized. That my need was okay, he would take care of it with an enthusiasm no one ever showed me.
Reid had said that he also had doubts, about his ability to satisfy me after the life I had lead. I got it, but he didn't have to doubt, he didn't have to compete with all the guys who had payed me. They never sucked my dick because I didn't let them. I got hard because it was my job and I fucked them because they wanted a top. My rules.
But it had been a trick. I didn't need to feel anything; I just came because of the friction. I didn't remember names or faces; it was a long pile of bodies I had seen.
Reid......he was so different that he immediately got my attention on that last night of last year. Yes he also wanted sex but he was so authentic with no room for adjustment. He was Reid and even if you jumped high or low he didn't change.
His nervous honesty made that I didn't have to be bossy or something else, I just needed to be there for him. His vulnerability-on-his-sleeve attitude somehow defrosted me.
When I saw him for the first time I could only smile. I had pictured him as a strong build man with broad shoulders but he was almost fragile. His hair a color I hadn't seen before and could hardly define. His firm attitude and his determination weren't an act, he knew what he wanted.
That had been a turn on from the get go, combined with the nerve to approach me as a nice icing on the cake. His lust-filled eyes showed me what he wanted but he let me decide.
"Hey Ed, are you okay?", I heard the voice I loved so much asked. His care for me dripping from it.
I nodded: "yes I am perfect", I said and looked at him, my boyfriend, the steady factor in my life and the first man on whose tongue I had tasted myself, who wanted to give me myself back. Was it weird what I was thinking? Did I care?
When we were inside his apartment I looked out of the window like I had done months ago. I felt how my body reacted to the memory, how I got hard again. I felt him come closer and recognized his deep breathing. He recalled it too, our first time. I smelled his hormones as I did then but this time it aroused me, and I accepted it, I didn't fight it anymore. His lips on my neck caused a moan from me. His words in my ear made my cock throb.
I turned around and unbuttoned his shirt as I did then. My fingers followed every high and low of his chest and abdomen while our kiss deepened. The clumsy way we got rid of our clothes was foreplay that only got us more determined. Standing naked against each other we took a deep breath and looked at each other.
"I want you", I said. "I want you like I have never wanted someone else. I want you now and for as long as I shall live. I want you to love me and ask of me what you need. I shall try and do the same. Have patience with me but with you I will get there. Know that I will respect your needs. Know that no one has ever touched me like you do, physically and mentally. I want to be your Ed. I love you Reid".
Maybe this was not the right moment but my mouth spoke the words for me, it said aloud what I thought. My need to commit and show him that it was mutual between us had to come out.
"I want you so fucking much right now", he growled and pushed me in the direction of his bed. It didn't scare me anymore that he said that, it was arousing that he pushed me on his duvet and looked at me for a second. I spread my legs a little and reached my arms out to welcome him. He could have me any way he wanted. Fuck the past, Reid was my present.
We slept for a while, a light dozing after sex in which you hear everything but can't move. Maybe this was what people called the afterglow. I never thought it existed but it did, my muscles didn't listen to my brain.
I wanted to give Reid the space he said he needed when we were at my place but instead we made love. That was something else, making love, I thought it was a straight term but I discovered how it was a universal thing, a feeling of total commitment from your partner. It had nothing to do with fast or slow, or the position you were in, it was that look in your lover's eyes and the touch of his hands that made that it was different from sex.
This was something I could do and what I would crave if he wasn't around. It was a look, a touch. It was small but meant the world.
"Hey", I said when I could form words again.
Reid wasn't that far yet, he just looked at me through half opened eyes.
"You needed some time alone", I said and caressed his face. "I am going to shower and then I am going. Thank you for these wonderful days".
"You get it, right?", he asked softly.
"I totally do Reid", I said and kissed him.
When I walked through his house to find my clothes he called me. I walked back to the bed and looked at my man.
"Casey is getting his diploma on Thursday; will you be my date?", he asked.
I nodded slowly. "I would love to but maybe we have to inform some people first", I said. "Are you ready to face the world as a couple? Are there things we need to think about before we hold hands?
He nodded. "Yes maybe, Casey asked me if it was a conflict of interest if we had an affair, as you being the money man and I am the owner of the foundation. I had never thought about that but maybe we can ask your lawyer".
I didn't want to hold back anymore, I wanted the world to see how happy Reid made me but I didn't want to ruin things for Reid. "I'll ask her", I said and walked to the shower.