I Can't Hold My Peace Forever (You Would Regret It If I Did) - Jack/Liz
Title: I Can't Hold My Peace Forever (You Would Regret It If I Did)
Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairing: Jack/Liz
Spoilers: 4.22 "I Do Do"
Prompt: ham_napkin speak now
Rating: PG
Author’s Note: A little late submission for Round 7
-------------
“What is it, Lemon?” Jack asked as he straightened his bow tie in the mirror.
Liz’s head snapped up and her eyes met his in the reflection.
“You’re wringing your hands. And you’ve been quiet since we got here. Are you nervous? You shouldn’t be. I’m the one gaining a ball and chain today.”
“Wow. You make marriage sound just great.”
“Well…” he shrugged.
“Do you love her, Jack?”
“I’m about to marry her.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“She’s pregnant with my child. I…what is this about?” he asked, bewildered.
“Don’t marry her.”
“What?”
“I don’t think you should marry her.”
“You are my best man -“
“-Woman.”
“And you’re telling me I shouldn’t marry the mother of my child?”
“No. You should, if you love her. But do you love her, Jack? I mean, really, truly love her? Can you not imagine your life without her? Does she make you happy enough to vomit? Would you do anything for her? No matter how hard it was or how badly it hurt you? Would she do that for you?”
“Lemon, I don’t understand…”
“Is the groom ready?” the minister poked his head through the door and motioned for them to follow him.
Jack nodded at him then turned back towards Liz, “I’m going to get married. If you can support that, please join me.”
She took a deep breath, “Okay.”
As Jack started out of the room, she called out to him, “Jack. Just so you know, going out and standing beside you while you marry her is me doing anything for you,” she said and smoothed her hair back nervously as she walked past him into the church.
As he joined her in the doorway, he stopped and looked at her. He wrapped his fingers around her arm, “Does that mean what I think it means?”
“Watching you marry her, watching you with her, period, hurts like hell. But if it’s what you want, I’m here for you and I will keep my feelings to myself.”
Jack tilted his head and loosened his grip on her arm, his thumb moving up and down against her skin, “Why didn’t you say anything before?”
Liz shrugged, “Does it matter?” she asked softly, and sadly.
“Of course it matters,” he replied, his voice deep. “You matter to me,” he added as his eyes moved from her eyes to her mouth and he instinctively leaned in closer.
“Jack,” she sighed and pulled her arm away, looking at the guests watching them.
“I have to find Avery,” he said and brushed past her up the side aisle.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Gretchen asked as she rushed over to where Liz was left standing.
“I think I just told Jack that I love him,” Liz answered.
“You think?”
“Well, I didn’t say it in so many words, but, yeah. I think he got the gist.”
“Finally,” Gretchen exhaled. “Is he stopping the wedding?”
“I think? I should go after him, right? I’m his best man.”
“You’re also the reason he doesn’t need a best man today. I’ll go,” Gretchen said and started towards the back of the church.
Liz only waited a moment, sending a shrug as a silent answer to Colleen’s questioning looks, before she followed Gretchen.
********
“Where’s Avery?” Jack asked the maid of honor as he made his way down the hallway to the bridal room.
“Jack, what are you doing?” Avery asked as she came out of the room on her father’s arm.
“Can I talk to you?” he asked in a hushed voice.
“Why? What’s…oh. Jack,” she sighed as she saw Gretchen come up behind him.
He looked over his shoulder and turned saw Gretchen, with Liz hovering at the doorway into the church. “Can I have a moment alone with Avery, please?” he asked everyone.
“No,” Avery replied. “They don’t have to go. It’s fine. We’re not getting married,” she told her father and maid of honor.
“Avery, please can we just…” Jack said.
“So did she tell you or did you tell her?” Avery interrupted, and Jack looked at her, confused. “Liz. I know she’s the reason you’re doing this, because if she wasn’t, she would be the one right behind you, not Gretchen. And she looks guilty. And…it’s the only thing that makes sense. So, did she tell you or did you tell her?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Jack answered. “This isn’t completely about her. This isn’t - we aren’t - a good idea. I think we both knew it. We’re too much alike. And if we were honest with ourselves, the only reason we’ve been together as long as we have is because of the baby.”
Avery sighed, “You couldn’t have figured this out before I stuffed myself into this dress?”
“I am truly sorry.”
“If anybody asked, I dumped you.”
Jack nodded, “Fair enough.”
“And I’m still having the reception. And you’re paying for it.”
“It’s already paid for,” Jack nodded.
“I’ll move my things out this week. And we’ll make arrangements about the baby. I mean, you’re still her father.”
Jack nodded, “I appreciate that. I’ll go tell the guests,” he motioned back towards the church.
“I’ll go with you,” Avery said and took Jack’s arm when he offered it.
Liz lowered her eyes as they started past her, but couldn’t stop herself from raising them to meet Jack’s as he came into her line of vision. He gave her a slight smile before heading back into the church and Gretchen came up beside her.
When they were alone, Liz’s shoulders slumped and she covered her face with her hands, “God, what did I just do?”
“Nothing Jack didn’t want you to do,” Gretchen answered, pulling Liz’s hands away from her face. “If he really wanted to marry Avery, he would have, no matter what you said to him.” She paused. “You did mean it, right?”
Liz nodded, “Of course. I just never thought….I wasn’t planning on telling him. I just couldn’t let him get married.”
“How long have you felt this way?” Gretchen asked her.
Liz shrugged, “I don’t know. It could be years…but I didn’t realize I felt this way until recently. I think part of me ignored it because I knew he couldn’t possibly feel the same.”
“He does,” Gretchen replied.
“Maybe he was just looking for an excuse not to get married.”
“I don’t think so. I think…”she began but was interrupted by Jack coming back into the hallway alone.
“Lemon, come with me,” he said then turned to Gretchen. “Can you make sure my mother gets back to her hotel?” he asked and she nodded. “Thank you. I’ll call you later,” he added and led Liz down the hallway with his hand at the small of her back.
“Um. Where are we going?” Liz asked nervously, trying to keep up with his pace without tripping in her heels.
“To get your stuff. And then we can go when everyone else has left,” he answered simply.
“We’re hiding out?”
“Not hiding, just…laying low. For God’s sake, Lemon, I just dumped my fiancée at the altar. Regardless of how well she took it, I’m not the most popular guy in this church right now,” he added as he opened the door to the room where they were getting ready before the ceremony.
She entered the room first then turned towards him as he closed to door behind them. “Are you…mad at me?” she asked cautiously.
He hesitated to answer and after a few moments, the corners of his mouth lifted in a smile. “No Liz, I’m not mad at you.”
“Oh. Good,” she exhaled. “’Cause I wasn’t sure…”
“If I’m mad, it’s because I wish you would have said something sooner. Or I’m mad at myself for not making a move earlier. But no, mad is not near the top of my feelings right now.”
“What is?”
“Relief.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Jack nodded and stepped closer to her. “And I’m not sure you would like to hear what else I’m feeling at the moment.”
“Why is that?”
“I’m not sure that you’d like to hear how much I…desire you only minutes after ending my engagement to another woman.”
“Oh. Um…you do?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Well, actually I may like to hear that,” she said shyly and his eyebrow rose in surprise. “As long as you keep it clean.”
“Okay,” he replied and took another so he was close enough to run his hands down her bare arms. “I care very deeply for you. You are my best friend, my closest confidant, at times my harshest critic, and I want you in every possible way. And it’s nice to know that I am one step closer to having you.”
“I did like hearing that,” Liz said. “And I feel the same way. About…all of what you just said.”
“Really?” he asked, smirking.
“Stop,” she lightly pushed against his chest. “You’re being too handsome.”
“Is it too soon to kiss you? Because I really want to kiss you.”
Liz answered him by grabbing his face in her hands and kissing him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she moved hers around his neck as they deepened the kiss. As she silently cursed her lungs for needing air, she unwillingly pulled away from him.
“I really wanted to kiss you too,” she said as she caught her breath. This was admittedly the most exercise she had gotten in weeks.
“So I gathered,” he replied as he moved a hand to the back of her neck and kissed her forehead. “Thanks for stopping me from getting married.”
She smiled up at him, “Anytime.”
Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairing: Jack/Liz
Spoilers: 4.22 "I Do Do"
Prompt: ham_napkin speak now
Rating: PG
Author’s Note: A little late submission for Round 7
-------------
“What is it, Lemon?” Jack asked as he straightened his bow tie in the mirror.
Liz’s head snapped up and her eyes met his in the reflection.
“You’re wringing your hands. And you’ve been quiet since we got here. Are you nervous? You shouldn’t be. I’m the one gaining a ball and chain today.”
“Wow. You make marriage sound just great.”
“Well…” he shrugged.
“Do you love her, Jack?”
“I’m about to marry her.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“She’s pregnant with my child. I…what is this about?” he asked, bewildered.
“Don’t marry her.”
“What?”
“I don’t think you should marry her.”
“You are my best man -“
“-Woman.”
“And you’re telling me I shouldn’t marry the mother of my child?”
“No. You should, if you love her. But do you love her, Jack? I mean, really, truly love her? Can you not imagine your life without her? Does she make you happy enough to vomit? Would you do anything for her? No matter how hard it was or how badly it hurt you? Would she do that for you?”
“Lemon, I don’t understand…”
“Is the groom ready?” the minister poked his head through the door and motioned for them to follow him.
Jack nodded at him then turned back towards Liz, “I’m going to get married. If you can support that, please join me.”
She took a deep breath, “Okay.”
As Jack started out of the room, she called out to him, “Jack. Just so you know, going out and standing beside you while you marry her is me doing anything for you,” she said and smoothed her hair back nervously as she walked past him into the church.
As he joined her in the doorway, he stopped and looked at her. He wrapped his fingers around her arm, “Does that mean what I think it means?”
“Watching you marry her, watching you with her, period, hurts like hell. But if it’s what you want, I’m here for you and I will keep my feelings to myself.”
Jack tilted his head and loosened his grip on her arm, his thumb moving up and down against her skin, “Why didn’t you say anything before?”
Liz shrugged, “Does it matter?” she asked softly, and sadly.
“Of course it matters,” he replied, his voice deep. “You matter to me,” he added as his eyes moved from her eyes to her mouth and he instinctively leaned in closer.
“Jack,” she sighed and pulled her arm away, looking at the guests watching them.
“I have to find Avery,” he said and brushed past her up the side aisle.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Gretchen asked as she rushed over to where Liz was left standing.
“I think I just told Jack that I love him,” Liz answered.
“You think?”
“Well, I didn’t say it in so many words, but, yeah. I think he got the gist.”
“Finally,” Gretchen exhaled. “Is he stopping the wedding?”
“I think? I should go after him, right? I’m his best man.”
“You’re also the reason he doesn’t need a best man today. I’ll go,” Gretchen said and started towards the back of the church.
Liz only waited a moment, sending a shrug as a silent answer to Colleen’s questioning looks, before she followed Gretchen.
********
“Where’s Avery?” Jack asked the maid of honor as he made his way down the hallway to the bridal room.
“Jack, what are you doing?” Avery asked as she came out of the room on her father’s arm.
“Can I talk to you?” he asked in a hushed voice.
“Why? What’s…oh. Jack,” she sighed as she saw Gretchen come up behind him.
He looked over his shoulder and turned saw Gretchen, with Liz hovering at the doorway into the church. “Can I have a moment alone with Avery, please?” he asked everyone.
“No,” Avery replied. “They don’t have to go. It’s fine. We’re not getting married,” she told her father and maid of honor.
“Avery, please can we just…” Jack said.
“So did she tell you or did you tell her?” Avery interrupted, and Jack looked at her, confused. “Liz. I know she’s the reason you’re doing this, because if she wasn’t, she would be the one right behind you, not Gretchen. And she looks guilty. And…it’s the only thing that makes sense. So, did she tell you or did you tell her?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Jack answered. “This isn’t completely about her. This isn’t - we aren’t - a good idea. I think we both knew it. We’re too much alike. And if we were honest with ourselves, the only reason we’ve been together as long as we have is because of the baby.”
Avery sighed, “You couldn’t have figured this out before I stuffed myself into this dress?”
“I am truly sorry.”
“If anybody asked, I dumped you.”
Jack nodded, “Fair enough.”
“And I’m still having the reception. And you’re paying for it.”
“It’s already paid for,” Jack nodded.
“I’ll move my things out this week. And we’ll make arrangements about the baby. I mean, you’re still her father.”
Jack nodded, “I appreciate that. I’ll go tell the guests,” he motioned back towards the church.
“I’ll go with you,” Avery said and took Jack’s arm when he offered it.
Liz lowered her eyes as they started past her, but couldn’t stop herself from raising them to meet Jack’s as he came into her line of vision. He gave her a slight smile before heading back into the church and Gretchen came up beside her.
When they were alone, Liz’s shoulders slumped and she covered her face with her hands, “God, what did I just do?”
“Nothing Jack didn’t want you to do,” Gretchen answered, pulling Liz’s hands away from her face. “If he really wanted to marry Avery, he would have, no matter what you said to him.” She paused. “You did mean it, right?”
Liz nodded, “Of course. I just never thought….I wasn’t planning on telling him. I just couldn’t let him get married.”
“How long have you felt this way?” Gretchen asked her.
Liz shrugged, “I don’t know. It could be years…but I didn’t realize I felt this way until recently. I think part of me ignored it because I knew he couldn’t possibly feel the same.”
“He does,” Gretchen replied.
“Maybe he was just looking for an excuse not to get married.”
“I don’t think so. I think…”she began but was interrupted by Jack coming back into the hallway alone.
“Lemon, come with me,” he said then turned to Gretchen. “Can you make sure my mother gets back to her hotel?” he asked and she nodded. “Thank you. I’ll call you later,” he added and led Liz down the hallway with his hand at the small of her back.
“Um. Where are we going?” Liz asked nervously, trying to keep up with his pace without tripping in her heels.
“To get your stuff. And then we can go when everyone else has left,” he answered simply.
“We’re hiding out?”
“Not hiding, just…laying low. For God’s sake, Lemon, I just dumped my fiancée at the altar. Regardless of how well she took it, I’m not the most popular guy in this church right now,” he added as he opened the door to the room where they were getting ready before the ceremony.
She entered the room first then turned towards him as he closed to door behind them. “Are you…mad at me?” she asked cautiously.
He hesitated to answer and after a few moments, the corners of his mouth lifted in a smile. “No Liz, I’m not mad at you.”
“Oh. Good,” she exhaled. “’Cause I wasn’t sure…”
“If I’m mad, it’s because I wish you would have said something sooner. Or I’m mad at myself for not making a move earlier. But no, mad is not near the top of my feelings right now.”
“What is?”
“Relief.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Jack nodded and stepped closer to her. “And I’m not sure you would like to hear what else I’m feeling at the moment.”
“Why is that?”
“I’m not sure that you’d like to hear how much I…desire you only minutes after ending my engagement to another woman.”
“Oh. Um…you do?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Well, actually I may like to hear that,” she said shyly and his eyebrow rose in surprise. “As long as you keep it clean.”
“Okay,” he replied and took another so he was close enough to run his hands down her bare arms. “I care very deeply for you. You are my best friend, my closest confidant, at times my harshest critic, and I want you in every possible way. And it’s nice to know that I am one step closer to having you.”
“I did like hearing that,” Liz said. “And I feel the same way. About…all of what you just said.”
“Really?” he asked, smirking.
“Stop,” she lightly pushed against his chest. “You’re being too handsome.”
“Is it too soon to kiss you? Because I really want to kiss you.”
Liz answered him by grabbing his face in her hands and kissing him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she moved hers around his neck as they deepened the kiss. As she silently cursed her lungs for needing air, she unwillingly pulled away from him.
“I really wanted to kiss you too,” she said as she caught her breath. This was admittedly the most exercise she had gotten in weeks.
“So I gathered,” he replied as he moved a hand to the back of her neck and kissed her forehead. “Thanks for stopping me from getting married.”
She smiled up at him, “Anytime.”