And I Must Spork: Maradonia, Part IX
Part nine already? Hot damn. Next few chapters are a bit on the long side, so bear with me.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE - THE DREAM IN THE SNOWSTORM
WE'RE GOING TO CANDY MOUNTAIN, CHARLIE!
Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyway.
Now, Maya and Joey pick their unicorns. Maya picks a white one named Imperator, and Joey picks a black one named Blackpool. How original; why not have a horse 'absolute ruler'? Also, Maya talks about how she's so thankful they have these animals to carry them up the upcoming mountain; I guess the unicorns are okay with this because they're the good guys (and I use that phrase loosely).
They continue going up the mountain till it gets too snowy and windy for them. Our brave unicorns offer to shelter Maya and Joey from the cold until they can cross the massive snow piles blocking the path.
Yawn; dammit, Maradonia, stop boring me. \~/
As Maya and Joey fall asleep, they both have the same odd dream, involving getting naked and diving into a pool, but apparently the pool starts to burn them for no particular reason. Very, very strange. And then when they both climb out, someone is waiting there! Le gasp!
Abbadon was so extremely beautiful that Maya said in her dream, "I have never seen a more beautiful person in my life and I always thought, Abbadon would be an ugly, nasty creature having hooves as feet and horns on his head but this is definitely not the case. At the first moment... when I saw him... I knew that this was Abbadon."
Then Abbadon spoke to them in their dream and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
Abbadon's voice sounded like a mighty wave of water hitting the beach.
Pfffff. \~/\~/\~/ That whole thing... It's just a little insane. Okay, it's understandable for someone evil to be extremely attractive. It's kind of a rule. But a voice like waves hitting the beach? What? I can't even imagine that! Can anyone?
Maya and Joey both wake up before Abbadon can dream rape them and come to the conclusion they better get going since the snow's calmed down. And thus, they hit the road again, praising their unicorns.
Sigh.
Chapter drinks: 5
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX - THE VALLEY OF IMMA
Heh. Imma. I find that funny for some reason.
Our heroes keep riding till they find this valley, and approach one of the three villages in it. That must be one huge valley; seeing as I live in a valley, I'm not sure why I find this so surprising. Eh, who knows. \~/
So the villagers here in Orlenda (I wanna call it Ore Ida) are very nice people. Yay! Apparently, King Pollo's men come down once a year and try to take any kid younger than seven. Not yay. I think this was put in just to hammer home the fact King Pollo is more of a dick than Joey.
And then there's this:
The villagers were very friendly people. They did not use many words. Immediately after Maya and Joey arrived they were feeding the unicorns and they brought big plates with fruits, fresh bread, roasted corn and grilled fist to them and also water jugs with fresh mountain water.
... For a place where you don't need to eat much, there's sure a fuckton of food. What the hell? \~/\~/\~/
The villagers insist that the siblings meet their elder, Montesalem. (What the fuck is with this book and odd names, seriously.) He welcomes them to the village and gathers up the other elders to listen to their travels. Of course, Maya and Joey are more than happy to regale them.
... And then this happened:
When both of them spoke about the fairies and the walls of fire, the twenty four elders and Montesalem fell with their faces to the table, started to cry and could not stop for a long time. Then they got up from their chairs and bowed down three times in front of Maya and Joey and folded their hands.
AHAHAHAHAHA what. \~/\~/\~/ The story... wasn't that moving. It just wasn't. Maybe it's because they're all old guys? I can't even...
Montesalem starts rejoicing that The Encouragers have arrived and sends for the other two villages to come to Orlenda. Cue even more food and flowers arriving. Isn't all that food kind of a waste? I just... Sigh.
And then there's this wonderful bit:
The two leaders of the elders from Arunda and Kaulana seemed to be even older than Montesalem. Lawrence and Nasser were 'black men' and both of them bowed down three times and Lawrence said, "We greet you with honest and grace in the name of our wonderful people of Arunda and Kaulana. We have heard and we believe you are 'The Encouragers' and the future leaders of our armies."
Pffff. \~/\~/ Why is the phrase 'black men' like... that? It doesn't make any sense. Are you so sheltered that you didn't know how else to phrase it? Gaaaaaah one more drink. \~/
Add another notch to your 'Joey Is A Dick' count, kids. Joey basically interrupts the elders by laughing aloud, and then insulting them by asking what armies they could possibly have.
"When I look around I see only women, babies, and a bunch of senile and very old men."
Oh shit, son. Oh no you di'in! Wait, yes he did, because this is Joey we're talking about. I suppose now Maya will just start to cry and feel embarrassed bec-
Maya got so angry about Joeys interruption that she smacked Joey right in the face with the backside of her hand.
... WOAH. WHAT? Oh my sweet Jesus, this book just redeemed itself hardcore with that line right there. Maya backhanding Joey? Hell to the yeah. \~/ I AM APPOINT. SO very appoint.
Maya tells Joey that he better check himself before he wrecks himself. She also tells him to apologize before she gives him a personal ass-kicking. He does so, and thankfully, Monetsalem doesn't punt his ass out right then and there. Apparently, they send some of their kids into the forest to get away from King Pollo, hidden with a band of warriors to learn how to fight, hence why they have an army. Maya and Joey agree to lead them, and everyone rejoices. Yay!
... And then Joey says he's going to test their army. What a dumbfuck. I hope somebody arrows him on approach.
And thus, the villagers load food on the backs of the unicorns Joey and Maya brought along (that they probably won't need), along with some equipment, and they get going to... Nissan Falls.
Snrk. Nissan. \~/
Ugh. I have to stop there, my brain can't take it.
Drink count: 12
Drinks this installment: 17
Total drinks this spork: 162
Just count this as one of your weekend updates, mmmkay? I fully blame my allergy medication for my inability to tackle further chapters tonight. Stay fail-free, ya'll.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE - THE DREAM IN THE SNOWSTORM
WE'RE GOING TO CANDY MOUNTAIN, CHARLIE!
Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyway.
Now, Maya and Joey pick their unicorns. Maya picks a white one named Imperator, and Joey picks a black one named Blackpool. How original; why not have a horse 'absolute ruler'? Also, Maya talks about how she's so thankful they have these animals to carry them up the upcoming mountain; I guess the unicorns are okay with this because they're the good guys (and I use that phrase loosely).
They continue going up the mountain till it gets too snowy and windy for them. Our brave unicorns offer to shelter Maya and Joey from the cold until they can cross the massive snow piles blocking the path.
Yawn; dammit, Maradonia, stop boring me. \~/
As Maya and Joey fall asleep, they both have the same odd dream, involving getting naked and diving into a pool, but apparently the pool starts to burn them for no particular reason. Very, very strange. And then when they both climb out, someone is waiting there! Le gasp!
Abbadon was so extremely beautiful that Maya said in her dream, "I have never seen a more beautiful person in my life and I always thought, Abbadon would be an ugly, nasty creature having hooves as feet and horns on his head but this is definitely not the case. At the first moment... when I saw him... I knew that this was Abbadon."
Then Abbadon spoke to them in their dream and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
Abbadon's voice sounded like a mighty wave of water hitting the beach.
Pfffff. \~/\~/\~/ That whole thing... It's just a little insane. Okay, it's understandable for someone evil to be extremely attractive. It's kind of a rule. But a voice like waves hitting the beach? What? I can't even imagine that! Can anyone?
Maya and Joey both wake up before Abbadon can dream rape them and come to the conclusion they better get going since the snow's calmed down. And thus, they hit the road again, praising their unicorns.
Sigh.
Chapter drinks: 5
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX - THE VALLEY OF IMMA
Heh. Imma. I find that funny for some reason.
Our heroes keep riding till they find this valley, and approach one of the three villages in it. That must be one huge valley; seeing as I live in a valley, I'm not sure why I find this so surprising. Eh, who knows. \~/
So the villagers here in Orlenda (I wanna call it Ore Ida) are very nice people. Yay! Apparently, King Pollo's men come down once a year and try to take any kid younger than seven. Not yay. I think this was put in just to hammer home the fact King Pollo is more of a dick than Joey.
And then there's this:
The villagers were very friendly people. They did not use many words. Immediately after Maya and Joey arrived they were feeding the unicorns and they brought big plates with fruits, fresh bread, roasted corn and grilled fist to them and also water jugs with fresh mountain water.
... For a place where you don't need to eat much, there's sure a fuckton of food. What the hell? \~/\~/\~/
The villagers insist that the siblings meet their elder, Montesalem. (What the fuck is with this book and odd names, seriously.) He welcomes them to the village and gathers up the other elders to listen to their travels. Of course, Maya and Joey are more than happy to regale them.
... And then this happened:
When both of them spoke about the fairies and the walls of fire, the twenty four elders and Montesalem fell with their faces to the table, started to cry and could not stop for a long time. Then they got up from their chairs and bowed down three times in front of Maya and Joey and folded their hands.
AHAHAHAHAHA what. \~/\~/\~/ The story... wasn't that moving. It just wasn't. Maybe it's because they're all old guys? I can't even...
Montesalem starts rejoicing that The Encouragers have arrived and sends for the other two villages to come to Orlenda. Cue even more food and flowers arriving. Isn't all that food kind of a waste? I just... Sigh.
And then there's this wonderful bit:
The two leaders of the elders from Arunda and Kaulana seemed to be even older than Montesalem. Lawrence and Nasser were 'black men' and both of them bowed down three times and Lawrence said, "We greet you with honest and grace in the name of our wonderful people of Arunda and Kaulana. We have heard and we believe you are 'The Encouragers' and the future leaders of our armies."
Pffff. \~/\~/ Why is the phrase 'black men' like... that? It doesn't make any sense. Are you so sheltered that you didn't know how else to phrase it? Gaaaaaah one more drink. \~/
Add another notch to your 'Joey Is A Dick' count, kids. Joey basically interrupts the elders by laughing aloud, and then insulting them by asking what armies they could possibly have.
"When I look around I see only women, babies, and a bunch of senile and very old men."
Oh shit, son. Oh no you di'in! Wait, yes he did, because this is Joey we're talking about. I suppose now Maya will just start to cry and feel embarrassed bec-
Maya got so angry about Joeys interruption that she smacked Joey right in the face with the backside of her hand.
... WOAH. WHAT? Oh my sweet Jesus, this book just redeemed itself hardcore with that line right there. Maya backhanding Joey? Hell to the yeah. \~/ I AM APPOINT. SO very appoint.
Maya tells Joey that he better check himself before he wrecks himself. She also tells him to apologize before she gives him a personal ass-kicking. He does so, and thankfully, Monetsalem doesn't punt his ass out right then and there. Apparently, they send some of their kids into the forest to get away from King Pollo, hidden with a band of warriors to learn how to fight, hence why they have an army. Maya and Joey agree to lead them, and everyone rejoices. Yay!
... And then Joey says he's going to test their army. What a dumbfuck. I hope somebody arrows him on approach.
And thus, the villagers load food on the backs of the unicorns Joey and Maya brought along (that they probably won't need), along with some equipment, and they get going to... Nissan Falls.
Snrk. Nissan. \~/
Ugh. I have to stop there, my brain can't take it.
Drink count: 12
Drinks this installment: 17
Total drinks this spork: 162
Just count this as one of your weekend updates, mmmkay? I fully blame my allergy medication for my inability to tackle further chapters tonight. Stay fail-free, ya'll.