A matter of life and death
I have got a hard one for all you fellow parents... please forgive me.
We as a family is going through a hard time at the moment. My Godmother who also happens to be my cousin and have acted as a sort of older sister to me and my brother through out our lives is dying. Actual for real not even saying it to create some sense of drama but truly dying. Now due to specifics I'm not going to get into here my family on my mother's side is tiny and my Godmother is from that brance of my family so in other words we're a closely knit tiny family - so loosing one member is going to hurt a lot.
My question for you all are; how do I explain this to my 3 close 4 years old daughter? She knows about 'life and death' in the way 3 year olds do and we have lost family members before, but this is going to be the first one where she will 'notice' it due to the details I mentioned.
the second part of the question is; do we bring her with us to the funeral? She is a well behaved child and rather bright too and it will not be her first time sitting in church nor will it be the first funeral BUT unlike that which came before, this one will be exstremely heartbreaking. The previous funeral was for her greatgrandmother - an old lady who had lived a full life and now had passed on just like one is supposed to do. This one will be for a 47 year old mother of two young children who is being torn away from us all WAY ahead of time. Also I have already been asked - and have accepted - if I would be willing and able to help carry the coffin and thus will have to find the strength to do that and thus not have the freedom to care for my daughter if she ends up distressed by the fact that her family members are in mourning. On the one hand it would be easy to leave her in Kindergarden for the day - if it takes place on a weekday - or have a sitter, but on the other hand I was kept away from my uncle's funeral when I were her age and it left so many things unsaid that I struggled with understanding what had happened.
So please, I need some insights if you have any.
We as a family is going through a hard time at the moment. My Godmother who also happens to be my cousin and have acted as a sort of older sister to me and my brother through out our lives is dying. Actual for real not even saying it to create some sense of drama but truly dying. Now due to specifics I'm not going to get into here my family on my mother's side is tiny and my Godmother is from that brance of my family so in other words we're a closely knit tiny family - so loosing one member is going to hurt a lot.
My question for you all are; how do I explain this to my 3 close 4 years old daughter? She knows about 'life and death' in the way 3 year olds do and we have lost family members before, but this is going to be the first one where she will 'notice' it due to the details I mentioned.
the second part of the question is; do we bring her with us to the funeral? She is a well behaved child and rather bright too and it will not be her first time sitting in church nor will it be the first funeral BUT unlike that which came before, this one will be exstremely heartbreaking. The previous funeral was for her greatgrandmother - an old lady who had lived a full life and now had passed on just like one is supposed to do. This one will be for a 47 year old mother of two young children who is being torn away from us all WAY ahead of time. Also I have already been asked - and have accepted - if I would be willing and able to help carry the coffin and thus will have to find the strength to do that and thus not have the freedom to care for my daughter if she ends up distressed by the fact that her family members are in mourning. On the one hand it would be easy to leave her in Kindergarden for the day - if it takes place on a weekday - or have a sitter, but on the other hand I was kept away from my uncle's funeral when I were her age and it left so many things unsaid that I struggled with understanding what had happened.
So please, I need some insights if you have any.