FIC: The Connections Series, Part 18/23, "Dying expectations" (Charlie/Colby, PG-13)

[paranoid_woman]

 Yes, there's going to be 23 chapters for this series... We're near the end...

I'm posting a prologue for a new het series called "The women of our lives" tomorrow. Feel free to check it out if you'd like, but if you prefer slash, it's ok. I'll keep writing Charlie/Colby... there're lots of ideas here inside my head.

Again, a HUGE THANKS to  mia_dcwut_09 , who has provided the lovely Charlie/Colby video for this chapter. :)

Note to Twin's Mom: Mia would love it if you could take a look at her fics. :)

Ok, I'll stop talking now. I'm going to watch a movie here at home with my family now.

Enjoy.

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Title: Dying expectations
Series: The Connections Series, Part 18/23
Characters: Charlie/Colby, David, mention of OMC-Patrick Garner
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Colby's feeling hurt until he receives Charlie's phone call. He prepares a little gift for the person he loves the most. 
Feedback: Can't wait! :D
Disclaimer: I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it. But I do own the ideas used for this fic in terms of the story and my OMC-Patrick Garner.
A/N: This fic is connected to my new David/OMC, David/Amita story, "Not thinking about you". 
Beta: The always amazing  irena_adler.

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Go to Part 17: The name, PG-13

Go to Part 19: Slow down, PG-13

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The Connections Series

Part 18: “Dying expectations”

“Colby, wait!”

Colby heard David’s voice calling his name. He was about to get into his car to go to the FBI and get away from all the chaos that surrounded Charlie’s house, when his best friend approached him.

“David…” Colby started to say, meaning that he wanted to be left alone.

“C’mon, get in the car. I’ll drive.”

“I’d like to be alone for a while, David.”

“I understand that, but I also see that you lied to me before. You’re not ok, and you won’t be anytime soon.”

Actually, David was right, and Colby had to admit it. He was feeling like crap and his head seemed about to explode. It wasn’t such a bad idea that someone else took the wheel because Colby was a little out of control at the moment.

So he just stared at David, who was putting on his sunglasses, and then he got into the passenger’s seat. David got into the car too and turned on the engine.

There was no pressure being there with David in the same physical space. Colby knew that his friend would respect the fact that he wanted to remain in silence. Since Charlie had taken Don’s gun and pointed it with shaking hands to Patrick Garner, Colby had started to think differently than before.

He didn’t even know if Charlie had tried to save him or Amita in the first place. After all, Charlie still appreciated her. He had said, “I just feel… really sad that I’m losing someone that I care so much about…” How could that not mean that he was still interested in her?

Colby started to ask himself how he could be so stupid to think that Charlie would get over Amita so soon. They had been together for two years, maybe more. One’s feelings for someone didn’t just disappear because one had dreams about another person, or because one had sleep with that person.

Even if Charlie had said that he didn’t regret anything, the fact that he was still making excuses made Colby feel that he really didn’t mean anything for the mathematician. It hurt thinking that after giving his everything to Charlie, he had been pushed away.

The thoughts about what had happened in the last hours provoked Colby to forget about not saying a word.

He took a deep breath, and without taking his eyes off the road, he muttered, “You were right, you know. We jumped into bed too soon.”

David seemed to take himself a moment to think about how to respond to that without making Colby feel worse than he already felt. “Ok… But you said that he had been the one to ask you to… you know.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have gone for it. I mean, he definitely wasn’t prepared for it if then he said that his family and the world will judge us.”

It seemed that David was thinking thoroughly about it, and when he spoke, he said, “That’s true.”

“Exactly,” Colby took another breath, “That’s what bothers me the most. I know that he’s right, but at the same time I hate that he’s not willing to keep the secret.”

There was a moment of silence in which everything that surrounded Colby (David, the car, the houses, the almost empty street) seemed to lose its meaning. It was like it its existence didn’t have any purpose, like it was boring and pointless.

“I can’t stop wondering if I shouldn’t have put myself in this situation. I’m an FBI agent, he’s a famous mathematician. What kind of future could we have?”

“I don’t know, man. But you’ll never know if you don’t try. Trust me, I speak from experience.”

Colby turned to see David, who had his eyes on the road. “What happened to you, David? Is it about that person you talked to me yesterday morning?”

If there was something Colby remembered well was the fact that his friend had confessed him that he had loved a man before. That’s why he could lean on David. David knew what he was going through.

“Well, I had this school partner…”

“It was when you were at school?” Colby took a deep breath. “You were very young then.”

“Yeah.”

“What was his name?”

David remained silent for a moment and then he muttered, “Daniel.”

“And what happened exactly?”

“We were eighteen and we were best friends. I told him that I liked him and he never talked to me again. Do you want the details?”

The way David talked seemed to be a little annoyed. Colby didn’t say a word because he didn’t have any idea about why his friend was acting like that.

And then David shook his head and said, “Oh, I’m sorry, man. I’m not ok either. I’m just… This entire situation of you and Charlie makes me remember the old days.”

Colby saw that the other man swallowed hard and that his hands ran over the wheel very clumsily. So he put his hand on David’s shoulder and muttered, “I’m sorry that this is making you feel bad…”

“You don’t have to say ‘sorry’. It’s not your fault that I had to go through that.”

“I’m sorry anyway, David,” Colby muttered, and David turned to look at him only for a moment because he was still driving.

“Thank you.”

David continued driving for a few seconds and then he pulled the car over next to a coffee shop. He turned off the engine and took several deep breaths.

“David, are you ok?” Colby asked him, because he was getting worried.

“Just talk to me. Tell me how you really feel about your situation with Charlie. It will make you feel better if you just let it out.”

“But I thought that you didn’t wanted me to remind you of-”

“Talk.”

Now Colby had David’s dark eyes on him, and he knew that he was going to have to confess again. This time wasn’t different than before. He was about to let his best friend know everything he was thinking and feeling, and he didn’t feel embarrassed of it at all. He trusted David that much.

“I… I want him to want to be with me,” Colby muttered, “I want him to tell me that he wants to give this is shot, no matter what the results are.” He didn’t know why, but he was starting to cry. His voice became shaky and rasping and his cheeks went red. “But I don’t know how to make him do that, I don’t know how to deal with others knowing that we like each other, I don’t know anything at all. But I do know that I want Charlie to be with me.” He had to stop there and cover his face with his hands because he just couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. Colby could felt those tears running down between his cheeks and his palms. He started to gasp and now he really felt embarrassed for not being able to stop.

Suddenly, he jumped in his place when he felt David’s hand on his shoulder, the exact same gesture that Colby himself had made to show his friend how much he loved him. Still crying, Colby stared at David and felt the love on the other man's eyes.

“It’s ok to cry. Men cry, even if they don’t want to admit it.”

“Have you cried for Daniel?”

David smiled sadly, taking off his sunglasses. “Maybe too many times, considering that it was a lost cause.”

“I’m such an idiot. I don’t know what I was thinking. Charlie and I? That’s just… insane.”

“I wish I could tell you how to deal with it, but unfortunately, I’m not the best adviser in that area. But I do know that time makes you stronger so you can face the memories afterwards. Time is the only thing that will make you feel better, I assure you. That pain you feel in your chest is not going to leave magically, no matter how hard you try.”

So there wasn’t hope. Colby would have to wait and see how the hell the pain gradually abandoned his soul. The first thing to do would be calm down, obviously. If there was nothing he could do to make Charlie love him and be brave enough to give him a chance, then crying was pointless. He wiped his tears with the back of his hand and then stared at them. “Let’s go to the FBI.”

Colby was happy that David didn’t insist on keep talking, because he had no energy for it. It had been a beautiful night the last one he had had with Charlie sprawled on his own bed; and it had been an awful morning the one he was living right now, because Charlie had hurt him so much by being so confused about what he felt.

Making his statement at the FBI made Colby’s heart ache even more because he had to lie about the meaning of what Patrick Garner had said. He knew that Amita, Larry, Megan and David wouldn’t say a word about it, and that Don and Alan didn’t know about it. But lying reminded him of the moment he had been working as triple agent, and the pain of the memory completely crushed him.

He spent the fifteen minutes Charlie’s talk about Patrick Garner lasted staring at some papers he had on his desk. He wasn’t really seeing what was written in them; he was just running his pen over them, trying to do anything but looking at Charlie. And yet, Colby could felt Charlie’s eyes on him sometimes, as well as everybody else’s.

How could Charlie be right there in front of him giving his usual speech in such a natural way? It was like he had forgotten about everything they had experimented together last night. It was obvious that Charlie wasn’t willing to take seriously what Colby felt, and that he wasn’t going to try to analyze what last night had meant.

Thank god that this was over soon. When Colby got out of the FBI and saw the sun shining, he realized that David was right. The day was beautiful and it felt incredibly good to be outside. The calm of a sunny morning brought some light into Colby’s heart. He put his sunglasses on and walked towards his car. Stay calm and let time get rid of everything, and you’ll survive.

When he got into his car, he saw David get out of the building and get into his own vehicle. And then Colby saw Amita approach his friend and ask him for a ride. Colby saw them both leaving in David’s car. He didn’t understand what was going on between those two, but he wasn’t very interested in it at the moment. He wanted to be alone and try to relax before he lost all perspective.

He drove for a while and when he got tired of it, he decided to go home. He got to his apartment and when he opened its door, again everything seemed to be meaningless. His clothes on the bed, a little table on the corner, the kitchen to the left, the bedroom to the right.

For a moment he thought about what it would be like if Charlie could come to his apartment sometime, if they were lovers. It would have been so amazing having the mathematician talking about his theories, writing equations in a pile of papers, leaving little pieces of chalk everywhere, like the place belonged to him as well as it belonged to Colby.

Colby had to shake the dream out of his head. What are you thinking about? That’s not going to happen. Ever. This is reality, and in reality, dreams do not come true.

Of course, Colby wasn’t expecting that the smell of Charlie on his own clothes made him want to cry again. He hadn’t felt another person’s smell in his garments in years. Having Charlie’s everywhere was a sweet, slow torture that he wasn’t willing to stand after all that had happened.

He took off his jacket… and then Colby realized that he had brought something from Charlie’s house. He hadn’t thought about it until now. The thing was in his pocket, and he got it out to take a look a it.

Even after all that Charlie had done to him, Colby had picked up one photo from the floor at the Eppes residence’s entrance. The photograph was a little burnt in one corner, and it was folded in the other. It was a beautiful picture. Margaret was seated on the couch with her children Charlie and Don around her, each one of her sons taking one of her hands. Alan was probably the one behind the camera, because he didn’t appear in the picture.

The image was so sweet that it made Colby smile. But that little smile soon became a sad grin. He had taken the picture because he thought that he could restore it and give it back to Charlie. For a moment, he had forgotten about all the pain he felt. When he had grabbed the photograph, all he was thinking about was making Charlie happy.

But it was all lost now. He left the picture on the little table he had on the corner of the apartment, and he sat on a chair. There was something about having that photo while Charlie didn’t love him, that made him start to cry again.

He was alone now. No one was there to watch him break.

He leaned over the table and his tears fell onto it just below the place Margaret’s photo was. Why did I have to go through this? Why couldn’t things stay the way they were, so I wouldn’t have to suffer so much? I’m the best when it comes to putting myself at danger. First I did it for Dwayne, then I did it for the FBI, and now I’m doing it for something stupid that I’m never going to get.

It was almost mid-day when he felt like he didn’t have enough energy to do anything. He watched his apartment with sad eyes. It was mostly white, and there was so little furniture as in David’s place because Colby didn’t spend much time there. His watch was ticking, and he saw the hour.

11.36… He must be on his way to his house to clean up Patrick Garner’s mess and forget about me forever.

His expectations were definitely dying, when his phone rang.

“Granger.”

“Um, hi…”

You have to be kidding me. “Charlie?”

“Do you have a minute?”

“Look, we’ve already said everything that we needed to say.” I’m not going to let you play with me anymore. It was enough. Time won’t be able to work its magic on me if you keep messing with my head.

“No, I haven’t. I told you I needed to clear my head… and well, I’ve made my decision.”

So Charlie hadn’t forgotten about him after all. He wasn’t acting like nothing had happened. He had been thinking about Colby. If he’s going to let me go, then so be it. Maybe if I hear it from his own mouth I can start hating him a little. “Oh… ok.”

“I’d like to tell you this personally, but you’re not at the FBI. Could we meet?”

Colby took a deep breath. That makes no sense. “No. Just… let’s end this now.”

“Um… Fine, if that’s what you want…” Suddenly, Charlie’s voice was weird, and he seemed to be very nervous. “I’ve decided that… I’d like to give us a second chance.”

Colby’s cell phone fell from his hands and when the agent went to grab it from the floor, his ears and his cheeks felt like burning. His heart was racing and his whole body was shaking. He put the device against his ear again and asked, “What?”

“Yeah… I’ve been thinking a lot and I realized there’s something really meaningful between us. And I don’t want to waste it. I want to live it. I want to… be… with you.”

After Charlie’s decision, Colby didn’t know what to say. There was a very good possibility that Charlie would ask him to get away from him again in the future, but what if he was actually telling the truth? What if Charlie was definitely sure that he wanted to be with Colby?

There was no way on earth that Colby would waste that possibility. Suddenly, it didn’t matter how much pain he could feel afterwards. He had to try.

“We could meet later at my apartment, if you’d like,” he said, and his voice sounded a little cheery. He couldn’t stop smiling, and he was crying again, this time because of the joy and happiness he felt.

“It’s… perfect! I’ll be there, I promise. I’ll go home to fix some stuff and help my family to organize what we’ll do about the damages, and then we’ll talk.”

“Charlie… I’m looking forward to seeing you there,” Colby muttered. He was looking at Margaret, Don and Charlie’s photograph on the table.

“Yeah…, me too. I really want to see the look on your face when you actually hear me say everything I want to tell you.”

“Like what?” Colby asked. He was begging Charlie to reassure the connection. Please, restore what we had. Please.

“I don’t know… That you are the most important person in my life right now… That I don’t want to be without you ever again… That there’s so much for us to do together yet…”

Colby couldn’t hold himself from laughing, and then he heard Charlie saying, “I’ll be there, Colby. I promise.”

It was so amazing to get a promise like that, now that Charlie’s confusion seemed to be over. “Ok… Bye, then.”

“Good bye…”

The sound of the cell phone being closed by Colby’s hands made him feel connected to life again. That call could easily become his favorite memory ever. It could erase all the bad moments he and Charlie had shared.

Smiling and crying at the same time, Colby got up and started to clean up his apartment. If Charlie was going to visit it for the first time, he would find it tidy and perfect. Colby was willing to arrange everything for them to get together again in the nicest atmosphere ever.

When he looked at himself on the mirror running his fingers through his hair to make it a little spiky, just like he thought Charlie liked it, Colby had to stop to admire how much his own expression had changed after his lover’s call. His eyes were covered with tears and his cheeks were still flushed, but there was hope in his face. And that was priceless.

He returned to his little living room and found the jacket he had discarded. Now having Charlie’s smell on him wasn’t so bad, but still, he wanted to receive Charlie properly, so he took a shower and dressed himself better. When he looked for his nicest clothes, he found the garments David had given him as gift. The building man-stripper- clothes… Maybe for some other time.

While he giggled like a teenager in his first date ever, he put on some of his favorite cologne and then he started to walk around the table trying to think about how to fix the picture he had taken from Charlie’s house. C’mon, Granger. Think before he gets here.

Ten minutes later, he hadn’t made a lot of progress. He wasn’t an expert on restoring photographs. He needed to consult a professional.

He was about to make a phone call to the person who had restored his father’s old pictures, when the apartment’s bell rang.

Colby ran to the door and opened it. “Hey!” he said, feeling happier than ever before. But he stopped smiling when he saw Charlie’s face covered in tears and the mathematician’s mad expression. “What happened?”

“Don.”

“What? Should we go to the FBI?” Colby asked, because if Don was in danger or at the hospital, he would definitely take Charlie there and be with him all day and night to support him.

“No.” Charlie swallowed, breathing hard. “Don knows.”

Colby’s joy disappeared and a bad feeling started to grow inside his heart. When Charlie entered the apartment and the agent closed the door, it seemed like everything was about to go to hell again.

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There are 5 chapters left for The Connections Series to be over... 
(I'm so evil!) :)

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The song I chose for this chapter
(and a new CHARLIE/COLBY VIDEO  mia_dcwut_09  made for the chapter!

Rihanna feat. Ne-Yo - "Hate that I love you"

Click to view

 
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