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[parallax_view]

I'm sorry if my lack of updating has really bothered anyone, though I hope and believe it hasn't. For the record, I've wanted to update several times over the past couple of months, but my sense of fairness regarding LJ has stopped me. You all know that sometimes I can hardly find the time to go online at all, right? I first try to take care of

Comments

[hieronymousb]

And no, you never nearly lost my friendship. That is inaccurate. I simply wanted to change some THINGS about our friendship. I did not want to end the friendship. I have been worried sick about you all day and you don't seem to be answering my calls (I just called). How can you be talking about suicide last night and now be acting like everything is okay? Things don't get OKAY that quickly when you're ready to kill yourself. I'm more concerned with your well-being than my feelings on this matter, and I of course am immensely relieved to find you alive, but I can't pretend that your NEAR SUICIDE didn't freak/scare/stress me out, Todd. I'm still freaked out. I hope that you call later. If I sound angry, it's because I condemn suicide, but I do care about your well-being--I called Kate and told her to call Lisa and come visit you to make sure you were alright. All day I have been thinking "What if Todd is DEAD?"--and I'm sorry if I'm ruining your privacy by posting this but I think your friends need to know that you NEARLY FREAKING KILLED YOURSELF--this is a BIG ISSUE, Todd! I am very upset and out of my mind right now! Not mad at you--CONCERNED and UPSET! I am sorry if this post upsets you but I have just been so OUT OF IT TODAY because I thought you were DEAD!

I don't even know how to feel. Relieved, first of all. Then angry, confused, sad, guilty. You were going to end your life because of my decision. I don't even know what to say to that...

[hieronymousb]

*inhales* Sorry, delete my posts if you wish. I'm just really frightened right now. A dam of emotion burst when I saw this post. I have been in limbo all day today

[parallax_view]

I'm still considering it. Actually, I decided to go through and reply to everyones' LJ today, as one last thing to do, if this is my last day here. I'm not alright. And I posted normally, so as not to alarm anyone. Notice the part about you, saying the 'big thing remains to be seen'. But I thought I should give a halfway normal update one last time, as I've been so slack in updating.

I haven't answered any calls, nor known who has called. For my line is unplugged.

And this isn't just because of your decision, but rather that decision is an indicator in a larger picture. I know I haven't lost you as a friend, but you want us to be CASUAL ACQUAINTANCES. Such as what Brooke desires. You know how much that hurt me, and how much losing closeness with my close friends hurts. I cannot survive that.

[hieronymousb]

I only wanted to end the SENTIMENTAL TALK involved in our friendship. We rarely talk about sentimental issues anyway, so I did not see this as that much of a loss. And stop talking like you're DEFINITELY going to kill yourself. You just said that you're THINKING about it, yet you say "one last update" as though it is a sure thing. Todd, you are taking things way too far. Even if I were to not be friends with you (which I did not say, nor think), I am only one person. Your life must go on. And I still wanted to be your friend and talk to you a lot. It's just..I wanted some things to be different between us, such as how we talked to one another. That was it.

[parallax_view]

You said you wanted us to be casual acquaintances, and you wanted to care about me less. That HURTS, alright? I don't know why you are acting like that is not a part of it. You wanted some things to be different, some MAJOR things. Unless you are taking back wanting to care less about me, and wanting us to be casual acquaintances, I do not think it makes sense to act like those things should not upset me.

I value each of my friends a great deal, and you are one of my very closest, most treasured friends. To lose the above mentioned things with you, for you to care less and think of me as just a casual acquaintance, that hurts more than I can bear.