Dating disaster number 1,432: The Faker
I was sifting through the memories I have of the last few years and randomly recalled a run-in with a particular guy who I think just might be one of the fakest people I ever met.
Before I go on, I just want to point out that I am not bothered or upset by the memory at this point, at most it just baffles me for a moment when I recall the events that took place upon meeting him. I can't even say it was humorous or anything, just strange mostly. Maybe sharing it will provide some light or insight as to why this person acted as he did, given the circumstances and situation.
First, allow me to set the scene a little to give you an idea of where I was mentally and emotionally at the time:
I don't remember the exact date that this all happened, all I can really remember is that it was sometime in the summer of 2005. At the time I was going though quite a bit of emotional turmoil because I was starting to feel very lonely. I had been single for around two and a half years at that point, and all the dates I'd had up to that time resulted in more friendships than boyfriends.
My self esteem was hitting bottom because I felt there had to be something wrong with me that made all the guys I met to just want to be friends and nothing more.
I began talking to a lot of different men on the dating site that I was using at the time. I'd give my attention to any guy who seemed even slightly interested in me as long as he didn't give me the creeps off the bat.
Now that you know the background that frames the whole thing, let me paint the rest of the picture for you as best I can, then you can decide what you think of the whole thing.
It was a Friday afternoon at work and I had finished my workload for the day. All that was left to do was answer the phone if it happened to ring, and wait for five o'clock to roll around so I could go home. I was browsing around the internet when I hopped onto the dating website to see if I had any new messages, which I did not.
I was about to log off the site when I received an instant message within the website interface. The person seemed friendly and not perverse (which was a very rare occurrence), so I clicked over to his profile to see what his story was.
He was a twenty-eight (or twenty-nine) year old lawyer who recently moved to the same city where I lived at the time. He looked pretty good, a little lighter (weight-wise, not skin color) than I typically go for, but that was a minor thing so I didn't really care very much. We exchanged a few messages and I felt he was safe enough to chat with on my regular messenger, so we traded handles and continued talking for the duration of the workday.
I was really excited by the time I went home. I thought I actually may have met someone who was nice, and who seemed to like me, and actually lived only a few minutes away from me. I was anxious to see what would happen with him.
I got home and hopped back onto the computer (which was typical for me just about any day of the week) and I saw that he was still online. I messaged him and he seemed happy to see me on again so soon. We began joking around about how we are both equally big losers for having no plans on a Friday night, but that we were okay with it since we had each other to keep us company.
We both logged off for a while to have dinner and such, and then returned later in the evening and continued chatting.
At some point around nine or ten that evening. we somehow came to the conclusion that we really should have made plans for that night instead of just bumming around, because we were becoming a bored.
He came up with the idea of meeting up and doing something, since it really wasn't all that late anyway. I managed to agree to the suggestion, which shocked me because usually I am way too shy to meet people that soon after beginning to talk to them.
The only thing left was to think of a plan, but really didn't know what we wanted to do. We'd both eaten not long before and were not hungry for anything, and we didn't feel like going to the movies or to any bars or clubs. That was when I got my bright idea.
I suggested that he could just come over and chill out at my place for a bit, maybe watch a movie or something like that.
I know, before anyone tells me how stupid a move that was, and how dangerous that could have been, I really do know - it was just that I couldn't think of anything else to do, and he definitely didn't seem like the rapist or serial killer type; I didn't see any problem with inviting him over, so that became the plan.
I told him my address and apartment number and he said he'd be there soon. I cleaned up the place, and myself, a bit and waited for him to arrive; He was there within the half hour.
When he showed up, we exchanged a friendly hug, and he started glancing around the apartment. I gave him the tour of the place which lasted all of a minute since it wasn't a very huge place.
He was raving endlessly about how awesome my apartment was and joked that I better get used to him hanging around cause he loved the place so much he already wanted to come back even though he hadn't left yet. It seemed very positive to me that he seemed to feel so happy about being there and meeting me.
We sat around chatting for a while. He was being so incredibly nice to me with every word he said. He had many compliments for me about everything he knew of me so far. He was polite, and he didn't try anything with me that would have made me uncomfortable at all. I felt that he was a complete gentleman trying to make a good first impression, and he was doing a great job.
After a little more time passed, we decided to pick a movie from my DVD collection to watch. I let him pick the movie since he was the guest, so he did that and we started to watch it.
About halfway through the movie we asked me if I could pause it for a sec, so I did. He then went on to tell me that he was sorry but he was feeling really tired and thought it best that he better get going. He further explained how long his day was at work and that he's had trouble staying up as late as he used to ever since he started this new job.
His sudden change of energy and enthusiasm threw me off a little, but it seemed understandable, so I told him it was fine and that we could finish watching the movie another time. He agreed and felt that was a great idea, and even made a whole production of making sure to write down on a slip of paper in his wallet the scene number and chapter we were up to in the movie, so that we could start from that point when he came back another day.
To make a long story slightly less long (since it's too late to make it short), I never did see this guy again. In fact, I barely even got to speak to him again, not for lack of trying a few times.
I am not one to persist on a guy once a point is clearly made - verbally or not - so I didn't allow myself to become one of those psycho chicks that won't go away. I did try to talk to him a few times after that, but he always had an excuse as to why he was too busy to talk, or he'd make small talk for a few minutes and then take his leave from the conversation for one reason or another.
I don't really enjoy being rejected, hey who does, really? However, I am aware that people have likes and dislikes, and I can't possibly fit every man's idea of date-worthy material.
The thing that really bugged me at the time was, why did he make such a production of complimenting me and acting like we were definitely going to be really good friends, etc.? He could have just played it cool, felt out the situation and not be so gung-ho about the whole thing, of course inflating me and my hopes for it to become something more at some future point.
I did form a few possible theories about the whole thing at the time - maybe he really had a girlfriend and was just alone that night and looking for some fun? Maybe he thought by being overly nice to me he'd 'get some' (you know what) from me easily? Perhaps he didn't like me so much from the start that he got nervous and transformed his disgust into being overly nice to try and hide his disappointment? The list could go on and on and I'd never know the reason anyway, since he was never man enough to just tell me why he decided to avoid me like the plague after that night.
The only good thing about what happened is, as disappointing as it was at the time, I didn't take long to get over it since I only knew him for a day the letdown of losing him wasn't very big.
Besides, it was his loss anyway, right?
… … …
Now it's your turn:
What do you make of this story and the guy's actions?
Have you ever had any experiences similar to this one?
Before I go on, I just want to point out that I am not bothered or upset by the memory at this point, at most it just baffles me for a moment when I recall the events that took place upon meeting him. I can't even say it was humorous or anything, just strange mostly. Maybe sharing it will provide some light or insight as to why this person acted as he did, given the circumstances and situation.
First, allow me to set the scene a little to give you an idea of where I was mentally and emotionally at the time:
I don't remember the exact date that this all happened, all I can really remember is that it was sometime in the summer of 2005. At the time I was going though quite a bit of emotional turmoil because I was starting to feel very lonely. I had been single for around two and a half years at that point, and all the dates I'd had up to that time resulted in more friendships than boyfriends.
My self esteem was hitting bottom because I felt there had to be something wrong with me that made all the guys I met to just want to be friends and nothing more.
I began talking to a lot of different men on the dating site that I was using at the time. I'd give my attention to any guy who seemed even slightly interested in me as long as he didn't give me the creeps off the bat.
Now that you know the background that frames the whole thing, let me paint the rest of the picture for you as best I can, then you can decide what you think of the whole thing.
It was a Friday afternoon at work and I had finished my workload for the day. All that was left to do was answer the phone if it happened to ring, and wait for five o'clock to roll around so I could go home. I was browsing around the internet when I hopped onto the dating website to see if I had any new messages, which I did not.
I was about to log off the site when I received an instant message within the website interface. The person seemed friendly and not perverse (which was a very rare occurrence), so I clicked over to his profile to see what his story was.
He was a twenty-eight (or twenty-nine) year old lawyer who recently moved to the same city where I lived at the time. He looked pretty good, a little lighter (weight-wise, not skin color) than I typically go for, but that was a minor thing so I didn't really care very much. We exchanged a few messages and I felt he was safe enough to chat with on my regular messenger, so we traded handles and continued talking for the duration of the workday.
I was really excited by the time I went home. I thought I actually may have met someone who was nice, and who seemed to like me, and actually lived only a few minutes away from me. I was anxious to see what would happen with him.
I got home and hopped back onto the computer (which was typical for me just about any day of the week) and I saw that he was still online. I messaged him and he seemed happy to see me on again so soon. We began joking around about how we are both equally big losers for having no plans on a Friday night, but that we were okay with it since we had each other to keep us company.
We both logged off for a while to have dinner and such, and then returned later in the evening and continued chatting.
At some point around nine or ten that evening. we somehow came to the conclusion that we really should have made plans for that night instead of just bumming around, because we were becoming a bored.
He came up with the idea of meeting up and doing something, since it really wasn't all that late anyway. I managed to agree to the suggestion, which shocked me because usually I am way too shy to meet people that soon after beginning to talk to them.
The only thing left was to think of a plan, but really didn't know what we wanted to do. We'd both eaten not long before and were not hungry for anything, and we didn't feel like going to the movies or to any bars or clubs. That was when I got my bright idea.
I suggested that he could just come over and chill out at my place for a bit, maybe watch a movie or something like that.
I know, before anyone tells me how stupid a move that was, and how dangerous that could have been, I really do know - it was just that I couldn't think of anything else to do, and he definitely didn't seem like the rapist or serial killer type; I didn't see any problem with inviting him over, so that became the plan.
I told him my address and apartment number and he said he'd be there soon. I cleaned up the place, and myself, a bit and waited for him to arrive; He was there within the half hour.
When he showed up, we exchanged a friendly hug, and he started glancing around the apartment. I gave him the tour of the place which lasted all of a minute since it wasn't a very huge place.
He was raving endlessly about how awesome my apartment was and joked that I better get used to him hanging around cause he loved the place so much he already wanted to come back even though he hadn't left yet. It seemed very positive to me that he seemed to feel so happy about being there and meeting me.
We sat around chatting for a while. He was being so incredibly nice to me with every word he said. He had many compliments for me about everything he knew of me so far. He was polite, and he didn't try anything with me that would have made me uncomfortable at all. I felt that he was a complete gentleman trying to make a good first impression, and he was doing a great job.
After a little more time passed, we decided to pick a movie from my DVD collection to watch. I let him pick the movie since he was the guest, so he did that and we started to watch it.
About halfway through the movie we asked me if I could pause it for a sec, so I did. He then went on to tell me that he was sorry but he was feeling really tired and thought it best that he better get going. He further explained how long his day was at work and that he's had trouble staying up as late as he used to ever since he started this new job.
His sudden change of energy and enthusiasm threw me off a little, but it seemed understandable, so I told him it was fine and that we could finish watching the movie another time. He agreed and felt that was a great idea, and even made a whole production of making sure to write down on a slip of paper in his wallet the scene number and chapter we were up to in the movie, so that we could start from that point when he came back another day.
To make a long story slightly less long (since it's too late to make it short), I never did see this guy again. In fact, I barely even got to speak to him again, not for lack of trying a few times.
I am not one to persist on a guy once a point is clearly made - verbally or not - so I didn't allow myself to become one of those psycho chicks that won't go away. I did try to talk to him a few times after that, but he always had an excuse as to why he was too busy to talk, or he'd make small talk for a few minutes and then take his leave from the conversation for one reason or another.
I don't really enjoy being rejected, hey who does, really? However, I am aware that people have likes and dislikes, and I can't possibly fit every man's idea of date-worthy material.
The thing that really bugged me at the time was, why did he make such a production of complimenting me and acting like we were definitely going to be really good friends, etc.? He could have just played it cool, felt out the situation and not be so gung-ho about the whole thing, of course inflating me and my hopes for it to become something more at some future point.
I did form a few possible theories about the whole thing at the time - maybe he really had a girlfriend and was just alone that night and looking for some fun? Maybe he thought by being overly nice to me he'd 'get some' (you know what) from me easily? Perhaps he didn't like me so much from the start that he got nervous and transformed his disgust into being overly nice to try and hide his disappointment? The list could go on and on and I'd never know the reason anyway, since he was never man enough to just tell me why he decided to avoid me like the plague after that night.
The only good thing about what happened is, as disappointing as it was at the time, I didn't take long to get over it since I only knew him for a day the letdown of losing him wasn't very big.
Besides, it was his loss anyway, right?
… … …
Now it's your turn:
What do you make of this story and the guy's actions?
Have you ever had any experiences similar to this one?