==> Zurahe: Be kind of a badass.
You've been pretty much doing that all your life- this is going to have to get a little more specific.
==> Zurahe: Be kind of a badass musicallyThere we go, that you can handle- especially since the trip doesn't seem to have damaged your A.V.E.S. any. Thank god too, because you really do hate the way imps shriek when they attack en masse. Totally ( Read more... )
==> Zurahe: Be kind of a badass musicallyThere we go, that you can handle- especially since the trip doesn't seem to have damaged your A.V.E.S. any. Thank god too, because you really do hate the way imps shriek when they attack en masse. Totally ( Read more... )
You are in complete shock right now, and aren't really sure just how this kid's own consorts didn't kill him before he got pulled to this session. You decide it's enough playing around though, since you want to strike with this mood while it's hot, so to speak.
==> Bring out the big guns.
If it means you get to rant your heart out at this jackass that much quicker? Gladly. The Righteous and the Wicked go back into your Sylladex, and a few notes later, Demon's Kiss falls into your hands, strings thrumming. You slip backwards away from a swing and duck under the backhand, fingers taking their places on the strings.
looks like I've got du~mber fish to fry~ bo~y~s~
The bassline is slow and booming, and all around you, imps start slowing down. Not all of them, but enough to make a difference when your fingers shift, slide up and pick up the pace and the faster you play the faster you move. You're not feeling generous enough to use any of your buffs on the jackass abusing the consort- and you'll be sure to let him know that (as well as why) as soon as you finish tearing through the rest of these imps.
==> Zurahe: slaughter these peons.
You twist Demon's Kiss onto your shoulders and pick out a path to carve.
When you finish with this, the fucker on the bird is either going to want to reconsider that attitude, or you'll have to dub him retarded.
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Actually, you're used to debates on the internet, which means that you are physically incapable of stopping an argument. However, you'll at least let things go temporarily, because yelling across the battlefield at each other is stupid. She's clearing out imps at an increased rate, and that means you need to step up your own game.
Sadly, you can't do that from the air.
==> Lyndis: Descend.
You urge McFly in for a sulky landing, and take the precaution of lashing him to a nearby rock. Of course, this ties up THE WEAKEST LINK, so you have to switch to your backup. (One of the benefits of being a compulsive thief is that you tend to have more than you'll ever need on hand somewhere. Of course, they're both equally weak weapons, but before sGrub you'd hardly ever fought anything so it had never mattered.)
==> Lyndis: Deploy WHEN IT CHAINS IT POURS.
Now that you're standing on solid ground, your attack options have expanded exponentially! Your chain can scythe through imps now, or turn the feistier ones into entangled extensions of your bludgeoning weights.
She still clears out most of the battlefield herself - it would seem she's definitely higher-tiered - but at least you don't have anything to be actively embarrassed about. And you manage to climb your echeladder another rung, to become a SMALL-TIME SWINDLER! You also gain some boondollars, whatever the fuck those are. But hey, you'll take them, they've got to be useful for something eventually.
==> Lyndis: Have a rational exchange of ideas with your new acquaintance.
What part of 'arguments on the internet' didn't penetrate the first time?
I look retarded?
says the troll who just fucking sung some imps a goddamn lullaby
i mean if you were just gonna serenade em to death i couldVe pulled up some troll rick astley
and then we couldVe kicked back and waited for em to commit suicide
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With your Bard abilities in tandem, you manage to do that a lot quicker than you had been managing before. When you finish, you immediately turn toward your 'company', hands on hips.
==> Zurahe: Correct this fuckup.
Gladly.
a~a~actually it was a wa~ltz
moro~n
You raise a hand and poke him right in his scrawny chest, not used to finding someone so close to your size to rant at.
and fu~u~uck you I sing wa~a~ay better than troll rick astley fucknu~b~♪
You shove past him then, intent on heading toward the console he's using as a 'mount', wondering if he has any idea how hard this might make it for you all to get cooperation from this land's consorts. You croon soothingly as you approach, something your lusii used to do when you were upset, and reach out to start untangling the chain.
do you have a~ny i~de~a~ how badly you mi~i~ight have just fu~cked us a~ll over~♫
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Okay, even if you had one of those, you don't feel like making yourself look like an idiot in front of your bitchy new acquaintance. You clearly do not need any help at all in that regard. (For some reason.)
==> Lyndis: Get poked.
Oh hell no that did not just happen. There are cacti and needlebeasts that would envy the amount of bristling that you're doing right now.
okay just where the FUCK do you get off
==> Lyndis: Lose track of what you were just saying.
You lose track of what you were just saying. Wait, what is she - ?
Oh no.
Oh HELL no. She is not actually doing what you think she is, is she? That's your goddamn hard-won consort mount! You need it for things! And for stuff!
==> Lyndis: Deploy KLEPTO MODUS.
Technically, your modus does not need to be deployed; it's pretty much always active. It captchalogues things without you even noticing, most of the time. But you can encourage it to pick up things, you know, manually. It'd be kind of a stupid modus if you couldn't put things into it on purpose.
You slide past your new overbearing friend, and MARTY MCFLY W/ LEASH goes into your captchalogue, safe and sound. Let's see her steal him now.
okay what the fuck do you think youre DOING
i caught that bastard fair and fucking square
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You roll your eyes and almost don't- but then you notice him bristling like a wet purrbeast and you figure a little jab couldn't hurt.
I doubt I would at a~ll with your scra~wny ass
Burn. You ignore him for the most part as you try and untangle the chains on the bird- only to make a very undignified sound when it suddenly disappears. Sweet troll madonna no he did not just captchalogue that bird.
==> Flip tables.
As you are sadly lacking any suck furniture to flip you decide to do the next best thing.
==> Flip the idiot.
Working on it. You reach out and snatch the front of his shirt and heft him up a little, eyes narrowing.
do you re~a~lize~
that you just ca~ptcha~logued
a consort
you pan-rotted bulgesucker~♫
You give him a little shake to drive the point you're about to make home.
we nee~d their coope~ra~tion to win the ga~me nookstain~♪♪♪
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Wow, you can't believe she actually went for that. Clearly you should have finished that sentence instead of interrupting yourself, but you didn't and now you've both got to bear witness to her embarrassing herself.
okay seriously
that was just fucking sad
But wait, what's happening here -
==> Lyn: Ascend.
You do indeed ascend an inch or two when she hauls you off the ground, and now you are very definitely the one embarrassed. Nothing like being lifted by a sack of potatoes (by a girl, no less) to drive home what an inadequate physical specimen you are!
==> Lyn: Begin struggling immediately.
No problems there! You'd started almost before your feet left the ground.
==> Lyn: Express displeasure vocally.
Oh, there is absolutely no fucking doubt that is going to happen.
WHAT THE FUCK
PUT ME DOWN
anything that tries to peck out my goddamn ocular spheres is fucking fair game!
and they werent exactly inclined to fucking cooperate eVen before i did anything!
they attacked me first!
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You really don't- the opening was there, you took it, and damned if he was going to make you feel like an idiot for taking it.
for you may~be
fu~cking dea~l
==> Zurahe: Shake that moron like a trollaroid picture.
You never stopped shaking the idiot, even if it's pretty much intermittent at this point. You can't believe how ridiculous this guy is- or how easy it is to pick him up. It's like he weighs even less than you do- and that's saying something.
==> Zurahe: Interrupt the yelling.
Easy- or at least, it would be if this guy would stop flailing. You give another hard shake and keep glaring.
I'LL PUT YOU DO~WN WHEN YOU CALM YOUR HO~RNS FUCK♪
now li~sten bite size
you su~u~ure you didn't earn them try~ing to peck them out~♫
seems like you mi~ghta brought it on yourse~lf
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You have never been chill about being restrained in any way - someone in your position (read: a weak, cowardly, low-caste runt of a particularly murderous race) can't afford to be at the mercy of anyone else. Mercy is not something any troll should be banking on, in general.
Girl or not, you are currently at her mercy and this needs to change.
Your psionic camouflage kicks on, rendering you suddenly invisible in her hands, and at the same time - ideally, right when her grip is relaxing in surprise - you give a particularly terrific squirm. Freedom (and, from the sound of it, some ripped seams in your clothing) is yours!
==> Lyn: Bask in freedom.
Actually, you're a lot smarter (or paranoid) than that. Basking is something idiots do when they think they're safe. Smart trolls - the ones that are still alive, like you - know when they're safe, because they have personally assured it.
You put a good fifteen feet between you and the other troll - and bring out WHEN IT CHAINS IT POURS, just in case - before you even think of dropping the psionics and becoming visible again. And even then, you're in no rush. She can deal with a disembodied voice, for the moment.
yeah im fucking sure
id barely eVen figured out where the hell i WAS before they started diVebombing me
like they started as soon as i got fucking dumped here
shit they were doing it before id eVen noticed em
so they started it
and if you wanna try cooperating with the nookwhiffers then be my goddamn guest
ill eVen show you where i found em
just lemme pop some grubcorn first so i can watch you do it
should be pretty fucking entertaining
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After that chameleon trick? You sure as hell are- and you have to admit, that's a pretty handy power to have, all things considered. You can't say you much appreciate the sudden deployment of a weapon though, but you can't much blame him for that either. As low on the spectrum as you both are, you both know just how your race can be.
Even if you have a hard time actually pulling that shit on anyone but highbloods- usually because they all pull it first.
==> Zurahe: Be the deadpan snarker.
Actually, you have a pretty hard time dropping your speaking patterns, unlike some trolls you know- so you settle for just being snarky instead.
we~ll to be fai~r you do look about snack size
plu~s you have that wei~rd kind of shifty-eyed prey~ thing going on
==> Attempt some measure of civility.
Well, it beats winding up in another fight after that, so you captchalogue Demon's Kiss and push your A.V.E.S. out of your eyes raising both eyebrows.
su~re thing
though I'm gue~ssing if you really want grubcorn we're gonna have to fi~nd an alchemiter
or see if this player's hi~ve has any to spa~re
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You might as well. You couldn't hold the camouflage indefinitely even if you wanted to, and if you continue conversing with her she's just going to pinpoint your location by sound anyway. Plus, she's put away her weapons. That's a good sign, right...?
You give your psionics a break, and you simply fade back into view.
yeah yeah sure whateVer
im sure they were totally fucking justified in diVebombing me the second i arriVed
those poor misunderstood creatures
but unless you wanna try selling me on the argument that i shouldVe serVed the greater good of the session by standing there and getting eaten aliVe
im gonna call my dealing with them justified self defense
and marty here is the spoils of fucking war
so him and all the other consorts can fucking deal
and so can you
==> Lyndis: Tone it down.
Okay, as your nerves slowly start settling again, you think you can sort of...try civility on for size. At least as much civility as you're capable of, which isn't a lot. But you don't really feel like strifing with another player, so it's time to scale back the defensiveness a notch.
and if you really wanna cooperate with the consorts
you might wanna talk to the person im going to see
they said they can handle the birds
get em to stop attacking somehow
theyre the fucking consort whisperer or something
or yknow
you can try your luck on your own
either way im going to the gate
thats where they said to meet em
its just a question of whether im gonna be spectating on your Valiant efforts first or not
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You hate just about most trolls really. Platonically that is. You don't deal well with stupid, and your race is unfortunately rampant with individuals affected by this particular malaise. Still, you can't help but stare incredulously at him.
Honestly, this guys must not deal with animals much. Hivestem troll maybe. Would explain a lot.
ne~wflash~
this just i~n genius
you ever thi~nk maybe they were a little frea~ked by a troll no~o~o~t from this session su~ddenly being in their te~rri~tory~♫
what the fuck would yo~u do if some weird troll just showed up on your turf~♫
cull fi~rst ask questions la~a~ater ri~ght~♫
tha~t's what I thou~ght~
==> Calm the hell down.
He makes that really, really hard, the little know-it-all-wannabe bulgestain. But you take a breath and roll your eyes, and then run a hand through your hair, wincing when you come up short. You keep forgetting you cut most of it some off. Fucking weird.
nah, I can ha~a~a~ndle the consorts man
they like me ju~u~ust fine
then again you'd kno~w tha~t if you'd let me have a look at the bi~rd
by the wa~y if he ever gets loose
he's gonna peck your ocular globes out and then dra~a~a~g you around by the gu~ts
fa~i~r warning~
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Rolling your eyes is a particular skill of yours. Which is kind of silly, since you'd hardly ever had a face-to-face conversation with a troll before your session started, but some things are instinctual, no matter whether anyone else can see them or not.
Man, how has this girl survived this long? Is she actually suggesting you should have given strange, hostile creatures attacking you sympathy? The benefit of the doubt? An engraved apology? Ridiculous.
okay seriously
explain to me how the fuck their reasons for attacking me MATTER
like i am on the edge of my fucking seat here
you eVer think maybe I was a little freaked to be fucking dropped in the middle of a bunch of hostile featherbeasts as big as i am
after being ripped out of my own session
and i hadnt eVen figured out my own session yet
but no its 'poor misunderstood flapbeasts' this
and 'you stupid fuckass' that
you know what i wouldVe done if i were them and some strange troll got dropped in my goddamn territory?
i wouldVe sized em up
hell i wouldVe aVoided em
unless someone makes themselVes a fucking problem
i aint gonna create one
maybe Violent insane nookwhiffs like you think its all gotta be about culling
but i actually possess some measure of goddamn discretion
and if your screechbeast kindred had half as much sense we wouldntVe had a problem
so heres my question to you
you self-righteous fuckass
if you got torn out of your session and dumped in the middle of a bunch of hostile wildlife
all attacking you on sight
would you cull first and ask questions later?
yeah?
thats what i fucking THOUGHT
so now SHUT YOUR GAPING CHITINOUS WINDHOLE ABOUT IT
==> Lyndis: Try to recover your temper.
Nope, that's long gone. This situation may have gone beyond salvaging by now. You consider retrieving MARTY MCFLY from your sylladex and beating a hasty retreat, because those were fighting words and you're...not actually planning on fighting. Certainly not if you can help it.
Maybe you can deflect by rapidly switching subjects.
==> Lyndis: Transition as if your life depends on it.
Which it might.
yeah youd almost think i had a good reason for stopping you letting him loose or something
==> Lyndis: Inwardly facepalm.
You're supposed to be DEFUSING the situation.
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Your life in a nutshell really, always running across the (in your opinion) dumbest dregs of troll society to have to put up with. You wonder just what the hell your ancestor did in her life that you've probably inherited her shit luck or bad karma. Bitch.
you seem pre~tty big on absco~nding
why didn't you just do tha~t♫
==> Zurahe: Pitch a fit at the nerve of him.
Nnnnnnnope. Effort you're not willing to waste on this little shirt-for-brains
You don't really bother getting mad- or at least, not mad enough to want to break him in half. You've been killing imps all morning and frankly, you're not in the mood to start up the protocols required for a strife with another player. You really have to wonder if he listens to himself half the time of if he just sets that stupid mouth on auto-douche and lets it run as long as he's got the breath for it.
You wouldn't be surprised if that was the case to be honest.
what reason is that though I means se~riously
I'd hand out a few caegars to hear thi~s~
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i hid for like a fucking hour
i only fucking attacked them when i gaVe up on them going away and leaVing me the fuck alone
are you goddamn SATISFIED now or do i need more justification for defending against things that attacked me
for fucks sake I AM A TROLL
why do i eVen need to explain attacking shit thats hassling me
==> Lyndis: Turn off auto-douche.
The switch seems to be broken! But your motor seems to have wound down on its own, anyway. You're really getting sick of this conversation, and it's becoming increasingly obvious this troll isn't going to accept any explanation you give her, no matter how logical.
==> Lyndis: Stop wasting time and move on.
This seems to be your best option right now.
oh for fucks sake
cause it would haVe pecked out my ocular spheres
and yeah i am fully fucking aware of that
but i need a way of getting around and marty needs to learn a lesson about attacking shit he should leaVe the fuck alone
especially if its shit thats not hassling him
its killing two featherbeasts with one stone
except i didnt actually kill any of em and they should be fucking grateful cause i could haVe done a lot worse than giVe em headaches and some chauffeur duty
but whateVer
youre not actually listening to this shit and iVe got places to fucking be
so later
==> Lyndis: Abscond.
Well, you need a second to extract MARTY MCFLY from your sylladex. Fortunately for you, he's right on the top; you really don't want to have to empty the sylladex out looking for him.
Marty appears, looking no more pleased than before, and you put WHEN IT CHAINS IT POURS back into your strife specibus before unhitching Marty and THE WEAKEST LINK from the nearby rock and mounting up.
It's time to blow this frozen treat stall.
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but wha~teve~r
guess there's so~mething about you they don't li~ke
I can only won~der what it could be~
==> Zurahe: Let him go.
Not without a few words with the bird. Though 'words' isn't really what you intend to have. Normally, you don't do this in front of other trolls, because even you realize this is a little weird, but...
==> Zurahe: Speak bird.
You do- quite easily in fact. It just takes the right combination of whistling and crooning- and then you ask, politely, that they take it easy on the idiot. At least until they can get him out of this moron's hands. Ah, the not-really perks of having grown up with birds. You wave him away with a dismissive hand then, and tap your boots against the ground and give a little hop upward to pick up a hover.
So handy, those boots of yours.
have fu~n with the re~st of the birds~
hope whoever's going to he~lp you is actually gonna do it~
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What the hell is she doing? Even Marty is staring at her.
Oh well, you have bigger fish to fry. Trying to figure this girl out does not figure on your list of priorities.
yeah what the fuck eVer
just cause you probably screech enough like em to seem like family doesnt mean im the only troll theyd fucking take exception to
but it doesnt fucking matter
and if the person im going to see doesnt actually help me then that doesnt matter either
its not like ill be any worse off than i already was
==> Lyndis: Ascend/abscond.
You urge Marty into flight, using THE WEAKEST LINK as a combination of choke-leash (though not much of one; you're well aware that choking your mount would drop you out of the sky, too, so it's mostly insurance against further attacks) and reins.
You're pretty fucking happy to be getting out of here.
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