Draw, Reflect, Redraw
I was sorting through my stuff today, deciding what to keep out and what to pack away while I was at college, when I came across an old jewelery box of mine. It was one of those little kid ones, where you open it up and some figurine spins around and a little song plays. This one was Snow White themed.
Anyway, it got me thinking. When I was little, I used to LOVE that movie. I also used to love watching the Aristocats, hence why I have quite a few things in my room with Marie the little girly-kitten on it (and because that's my middle name). I liked following the rules, drinking soda, and hated ketchup and being teased at school. I was chubby, with big round glasses, and I had trouble talking with people. I got angry a lot, and I hated a lot of people. I read books a lot, played with plastic figurines and ate lots of candy. I hated running and PE, and I spent a lot of time in the school library, reading. I also liked going to church on Sundays.
Now I'm almost 18, an adult, and I see that I've changed in some ways, and in others, I'm still the same kid I was before.
I'm still a pretty angry person, I guess. I have a really quick temper, and I punched my sister this last October when she bugged me. I get upset easily, and when I hear a song that makes me feel sad or lonely, I get pretty quiet and feel like crying. But I rarely cry for people to see. I've built all sorts of walls and barriers around myself so that people can't hurt me, and I've rarely let anyone through those barriers.
I trust too easily. I try to make friends with anyone I like or admire and, if I feel like they've betrayed me in some way, I get really upset and hurt.
I don't follow the rules that much anymore. I've broken quite a few rules of my parents in the last year or two, and I swear quite a bit, in both English and Japanese. I don't believe in a religion anymore, and church is basically two hours on a Sunday morning when I just stand there and think about stuff. I write a lot of fanfiction, which I'm sure that, if my parents were to read it, they'd first have a small heart attack then, when they inevitably woke up, they would take away my internet abilities and lecture me for DAYS. And that'd be if I got off lightly.
I like watching anime and reading manga an awful lot, too. A lot of the things I read are fantasy, with action and ghosts and spirits and themes that my parents would be appalled at. I listen to a lot of music that switches from being up-beat and catchy to thoughtful and lonely, and then decides to be pounding and enraged. My parents wouldn't like my listening to the last two genres. But I really don't care.
I've become more independent, if anything, since I was little. I don't rely on people for much of anything, and I tend to do things on my own. Which is nice, I guess, but then I feel lonely. But it's that sort of balance of "need for people/rage/need to be alone" that shaped me, I guess. I'm not afraid to be who and what I am, which is definitely an accomplishment for someone my age. And I know who I am, too.
I am a girl who wears glasses and hats, jeans and t-shirts and never anything with a low collar or waistline. I am slim, I am not the tallest, and I'm not the nicest person, either. I am blunt in my manners, and I hitch my voice up an octave when talking with people like servers at restaurants or bus drivers on the Metro system. I read obsessively, and my drawings aren't the best, but they are improving. I like writing fanfiction, I am a Tendershipper and a Bakushipper, and I like watching the Shadow Games, Duelist Kingdom, Battle City, and Millenium World arcs of Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters. I play Pokemon even though it earns me odd looks from some people. I like reading smut and writing it when I think I can do it well enough to not sound like a pervert or an ignorant fangirl. I'm a realist and a pessimist. I speak Japanese and English, and I'll mix the two together sometimes.
I am me.
Anyway, it got me thinking. When I was little, I used to LOVE that movie. I also used to love watching the Aristocats, hence why I have quite a few things in my room with Marie the little girly-kitten on it (and because that's my middle name). I liked following the rules, drinking soda, and hated ketchup and being teased at school. I was chubby, with big round glasses, and I had trouble talking with people. I got angry a lot, and I hated a lot of people. I read books a lot, played with plastic figurines and ate lots of candy. I hated running and PE, and I spent a lot of time in the school library, reading. I also liked going to church on Sundays.
Now I'm almost 18, an adult, and I see that I've changed in some ways, and in others, I'm still the same kid I was before.
I'm still a pretty angry person, I guess. I have a really quick temper, and I punched my sister this last October when she bugged me. I get upset easily, and when I hear a song that makes me feel sad or lonely, I get pretty quiet and feel like crying. But I rarely cry for people to see. I've built all sorts of walls and barriers around myself so that people can't hurt me, and I've rarely let anyone through those barriers.
I trust too easily. I try to make friends with anyone I like or admire and, if I feel like they've betrayed me in some way, I get really upset and hurt.
I don't follow the rules that much anymore. I've broken quite a few rules of my parents in the last year or two, and I swear quite a bit, in both English and Japanese. I don't believe in a religion anymore, and church is basically two hours on a Sunday morning when I just stand there and think about stuff. I write a lot of fanfiction, which I'm sure that, if my parents were to read it, they'd first have a small heart attack then, when they inevitably woke up, they would take away my internet abilities and lecture me for DAYS. And that'd be if I got off lightly.
I like watching anime and reading manga an awful lot, too. A lot of the things I read are fantasy, with action and ghosts and spirits and themes that my parents would be appalled at. I listen to a lot of music that switches from being up-beat and catchy to thoughtful and lonely, and then decides to be pounding and enraged. My parents wouldn't like my listening to the last two genres. But I really don't care.
I've become more independent, if anything, since I was little. I don't rely on people for much of anything, and I tend to do things on my own. Which is nice, I guess, but then I feel lonely. But it's that sort of balance of "need for people/rage/need to be alone" that shaped me, I guess. I'm not afraid to be who and what I am, which is definitely an accomplishment for someone my age. And I know who I am, too.
I am a girl who wears glasses and hats, jeans and t-shirts and never anything with a low collar or waistline. I am slim, I am not the tallest, and I'm not the nicest person, either. I am blunt in my manners, and I hitch my voice up an octave when talking with people like servers at restaurants or bus drivers on the Metro system. I read obsessively, and my drawings aren't the best, but they are improving. I like writing fanfiction, I am a Tendershipper and a Bakushipper, and I like watching the Shadow Games, Duelist Kingdom, Battle City, and Millenium World arcs of Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters. I play Pokemon even though it earns me odd looks from some people. I like reading smut and writing it when I think I can do it well enough to not sound like a pervert or an ignorant fangirl. I'm a realist and a pessimist. I speak Japanese and English, and I'll mix the two together sometimes.
I am me.