Alcoholism - the Progression - Part II
For me this took a very long time, as I did not have time for alot of years to be an alcoholic. I had a demanding job - had to travel extensively. For many it takes very little time. But am pretty sure I have always been an alcoholic, but did not have to face it until I was in my 50's.
It starts with alcohol USE. This is when one drinks at functions and the like. Most don't go beyond this point, but some do - like me :| It then turns into what is called ABUSE. This is when one drinks to put aside problems of the day, stresses, etc. but this does not mean you are an alcoholic. At this point you can find yourself perhaps having problems with daily functioning, but you get thru it somehow. You may find yourself in trouble with the law - perhaps a DUI - an automobile accident as a result of drinking - calling into work sick after alot of drinking the night before. This never happened to me, but I somehow graduated to what is called DEPENDENCE. This is when your body cannot go without frequent ingestion of alcohol. This happened to me very quickly - from abuse to dependence - sometime in March I think, and WOW, what an awful experience it was.
I had to start planning - and I started hiding my alcohol in various places in my home. I had to make sure that I could wake up in the morning and not have to face withdrawal - the shakes especially. I remember one morning, I had not planned well the night before, and I went to Long's at 8 am and was shaking so bad, I could not get the money out of my purse and pay for my bottle of vodka. I walked out without buying anything, and came home and ingested half a bottle of Starbuck's coffee liquer just so I could get myself to the point I could go buy the vodka - or gin - I loved both of them - and not be shaking so bad I that I couldn't get the money out of my purse.
I quit doing the things that I had enjoyed for years. I quit taking care of myself, and would sometimes go for days and not even take a shower. OMG I can't believe I was so bad. I slept most of the time but would get up and get myself together before - barely - Mark would get home from work - declutter the house and somehow manage to cook dinner. I'm pretty sure he suspected something was not right, but he wasn't willing to confront me, as he did not want to face his own problems. He was still at the abuse stage. I have to say that in the past week or so, Mark is coming around - being attentive and wanting to help me. All the time I was in treatment, he did not do this - which was hard for me, but the treatment thing was my own thing. I arranged it myself as much as I could, and did it on my own without his help, and did it for me and no one else. I think I understand his pain more than he does right now.
Part III to come later - alcoholism is different for women than it is for men.
It starts with alcohol USE. This is when one drinks at functions and the like. Most don't go beyond this point, but some do - like me :| It then turns into what is called ABUSE. This is when one drinks to put aside problems of the day, stresses, etc. but this does not mean you are an alcoholic. At this point you can find yourself perhaps having problems with daily functioning, but you get thru it somehow. You may find yourself in trouble with the law - perhaps a DUI - an automobile accident as a result of drinking - calling into work sick after alot of drinking the night before. This never happened to me, but I somehow graduated to what is called DEPENDENCE. This is when your body cannot go without frequent ingestion of alcohol. This happened to me very quickly - from abuse to dependence - sometime in March I think, and WOW, what an awful experience it was.
I had to start planning - and I started hiding my alcohol in various places in my home. I had to make sure that I could wake up in the morning and not have to face withdrawal - the shakes especially. I remember one morning, I had not planned well the night before, and I went to Long's at 8 am and was shaking so bad, I could not get the money out of my purse and pay for my bottle of vodka. I walked out without buying anything, and came home and ingested half a bottle of Starbuck's coffee liquer just so I could get myself to the point I could go buy the vodka - or gin - I loved both of them - and not be shaking so bad I that I couldn't get the money out of my purse.
I quit doing the things that I had enjoyed for years. I quit taking care of myself, and would sometimes go for days and not even take a shower. OMG I can't believe I was so bad. I slept most of the time but would get up and get myself together before - barely - Mark would get home from work - declutter the house and somehow manage to cook dinner. I'm pretty sure he suspected something was not right, but he wasn't willing to confront me, as he did not want to face his own problems. He was still at the abuse stage. I have to say that in the past week or so, Mark is coming around - being attentive and wanting to help me. All the time I was in treatment, he did not do this - which was hard for me, but the treatment thing was my own thing. I arranged it myself as much as I could, and did it on my own without his help, and did it for me and no one else. I think I understand his pain more than he does right now.
Part III to come later - alcoholism is different for women than it is for men.