log; complete
Who: Axel and Roxas.
What: Axel deciding that it's sharing time and Roxas being a difficult little bugger about it.
When: May 28th, evening.
Where: One of the elevators.
Rating: PG-13 for language. And both of them being Angsty McAngstpants.
Well, a day had passed and he hadn't really gotten anywhere...and he'd needed to be careful where he went. He definitely steered clear of the City, though going after the demon to confront it to a fight was tempting. He needed a fight. It was so much easier to convey how you felt when fighting. But he knew very well that the thing could defeat him easily, even if he didn't want to admit it. His bruises from before might have faded, but his memory sure hadn't.
And everyone else was either getting killed in the city or hiding out in the caves, so he was left with the trees and random boulders to take out his frustrations on. By morning he was exhausted, ending up sleeping half the day away on the castle roof, using his coat to protect him from getting a burn. When he woke up, the sun was already starting to set, and he didn't feel any better. Finally fed up with being alone and having not solved anything, he grudgingly went to take the elevator back to his floor. He wasn't sure if Axel would be in his room or with Tyki, but he really wanted a shower. He literally smelled like grass and dirt, which was kind of weird to be smelling of something other than a garden.
At least he didn't smell like daisies.
Unfortunately he wasn't expecting to find Axel as soon as he stepped out of the elevator and into the hallway. There he was, sitting outside Roxas' room like some stalker, and all of the blond's resolve vanished in the blink of an eye. Panicking, he quickly backed up and mashed the CLOSE DOORS button, hoping his friend hadn't seen him.
The fates were not in Roxas' favour that day because unfortunately for him, Axel did see him. Before he could hit the button a third time, the red head had gotten up from his spot on the floor, bolted down the hallway, and slammed his hand against the doors of the elevator to keep them from closing. "You know," he started, "it's not nice to walk away from someone who spent the past three hours waiting for you to come back." Without a hesitation, he slipped into the elevator and hit the CLOSE DOORS button much like Roxas just had.
Axel took up residence against the doors, leaning against it and staring at him. He wasn't entirely sure what to make of the whole situation, seeing as though he had just got done telling the person he was sharing an elevator with that he liked him. More than a friend liked him. And now they were standing together and Axel was, for the first time, at a loss for words.
Of course, that meant he began to mentally panic and wish he had just let Roxas run away.
Again.
Instead, he reached over and jabbed a few buttons until the elevator came to a lurching halt. They had to talk some time, and it was better to be sooner than later. Or so he hoped. "What the hell, Roxas?"
If Axel's close presence didn't alarm him enough, the elevator screeching to a halt sure as hell did. "What are you doing?! What if someone else wants to use it?" Not like it was the only one, but still. Already he was glancing up towards the latch, considering it as an escape route. Could he get out before Axel had a chance to grab him? Probably only if he used his powers, and that seemed like a really lame reason.
Steeling his nerves, he stomped forward and reached out to brace his hand against Axel's shoulder, trying to shove him aside so he could press the button to get the elevator going again. "Quit acting like a total freak! It's not my fault you're stalking me. Get out of here."
Axel was half tempted to let Roxas shove him, to get the elevator started again, and let him storm off like Axel knew he would. It would be easier that way, wouldn't it? It'd be easier to give him a snide remark and watch his retreating back. Better and easier. Axel was crap at all of it in the first place so hey, why the hell not?
Well, because. It would count as giving up and he hated that even more than the emotional-thing. A deep breath later and he was pushing Roxas' hand away, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms. "I'm not being a freak! I want to talk but you keep avoiding me. This isn't going to just go away! I like you, okay, I. Like. You. And that's not changing, and you can't just ignore me in hopes that I'll just stop because hey, sorry Roxas, doesn't exactly work that way from what I've experienced." He paused. "Quit running away."
Damn it. He knew he could take Axel in a full-blown battle, was pretty positive anyway, but when it came to normal physical strength, Axel was stronger, and Roxas was pissed when his attempts to push him out of the way were ignored. When Axel repeated his little confession, though, he quickly yanked his hands away like they'd been burned, and folded them across his chest as he glared off to the side.
He was tempted to punch Axel in the face for being such an ass, but sucked in his breath and counted to ten in his head instead. After that, though still refusing to look up, he muttered, "How do you know? I mean... How can you tell for sure? Maybe you're wrong. It's not like you're an expert on feelings. I thought you liked what’s-his-face." He remembered Ino saying Axel was considering dumping Tyki, but she hadn't said why.
After all, just a day ago Axel had been saying why he liked Tyki, so Roxas was more than a little confounded.
The feeling of needing to punch a best friend was definitely being reciprocated. He just tried to keep in mind what Ino had said to him; Roxas wasn't used to having a heart or experiencing emotions. Granted, Axel wasn't either, but he had a few months up on Roxas, so he had a little more time to get adjusted. Especially when he re-read all the old entries and found out that he had friends and relationships. Still; the punching was tempting.
Axel ran a hand through his hair. "Look. I might not be an expert, but I know how it is to like someone and to care about them, okay? I know. It's... confusing and ridiculous and it makes me feel like a total moron -- shut up, no smartass comments -- but it works and it's how I feel right now." He stopped at the mention of Tyki. "Tyki is... we're... It doesn't matter, okay! It doesn't matter what he is or isn't or what I do or don't feel for him. Right now, what matters, is that I really need you to say something other than 'how do you know?' because I've spent the past thirty-six hours thinking you hated me."
By now his cheeks were flushed, and he was beginning to wonder if he was possibly claustrophobic, because there wasn't enough air in the tiny little elevator. This was humiliating, and stupid. Things had been so much better before. They had been simple. Roxas was starting to regret having plotted with Ino, and wondered if she had something to do with this. The timing seemed much too...convenient.
"I don't know if I hate you. I don't know. That's why I'm asking...how can you tell?"
Didn't know if he hated him? Didn't know?! Axel felt the need to smash his head against a wall, or the metal door of the elevator. Whichever would knock him out and possibly cause permanent damage and render him unable to do anything that included feeling emotions. He wasn't sure how knocking himself out would take the stupid heart away, but hey, it'd be worth a try, wouldn't it? Alright no, maybe that was a bad idea.
Axel leaned back against the wall of the elevator again, eyes focusing at the ceiling as he thought about it. "I can tell because... because Tyki makes me happy, right. He really does. I like spending time with him and living with him and... I worry about him and he worries about me. It's a good thing, we work together." He hesitated a little. "But none of that seems to matter when I'm around you. At first, when you got here, I still wanted to be around him a lot. I still wanted to be close to him and live with him and then..."
Axel shook his head; he felt like such an idiot. "And then something changed. I don't know what, but it did. You just... started to matter more, and I wanted to be around you and spend time with you and it was different than back home because yeah, back there? You made me feel like having a heart wasn't that much of a long shot but here? Here I cared about you more than anyone else and that is such a mind-blowing revelation because no one matters that much to me! No one. But you do. You just... you came back to Paradisa and stormed into my life again after I thought I'd never see this you again and you made me care and... and I didn't want to at first because I thought you'd just hate me like you do right now but now I want to care and I want to like you and I want... this whole stupid, dysfunctional... thing that we've always had. I could have some sort of lame, functioning relationship that keeps me satisfied but no, you know what I do? I'm ready to give that up because an angry blond kid who hates me is the person I care about."
Axel felt like he hadn't breathed through the entire thing and for a second thought that he might pass out. Thankfully, he stayed standing and took one deep breath after another. Well, if he didn't get stabbed then and there, Axel would end up counting it as an improvement.
Well, that had been a mess of words. Much like walking into a brick wall, only instead it was a verbal brain fuck. It made him tighten his grip on the keyblade, which he'd been sticking to like glue ever since discovering it where Sora had been killed. The idea of stabbing Axel with it did occur to him, but it passed a second later, along with many other very violent and rather cartoon-ey images. Sometimes there was even comedic flailing involved, and yellow birdies.
Finally though, after glancing up to Axel for just a second and then back over to the bar lining wall, he made himself whisper out the first logical thing that came to mind, even more flustered that his voice was a little hoarse. "I don't hate you. You piss me off, but I don't want you dead or anything, and I'm pretty sure that's what hating someone means." A pause, as he tried to steady his voice. "In fact...you dying is kind of the opposite of what I want, so...if we're keeping with the opposite theme, I guess I like you too. Can I get off the elevator now?"
Axel realized that everything he'd just said was a slew of verbal crap, but the whole caring thing in regards to it was not exactly happening at that point. Last thing on his mind, really. For a while, all he could focus on was the blood pounding in his head with the warning of an oncoming headache but then Roxas decided to start talking and Axel found himself focusing through it. Alright, he stopped paying attention to the blood-rushing for that? Although, Axel thought, that was definitely a step up from a normal Roxas reaction.
But there was no way he was done and ready to let him off the elevator yet.
"Nope, sorry, you didn't have the winning number this time." He rubbed his forehead absently in hopes of coaxing it to not inflame and turn into a full blown headache. "Do you even know what it means to like someone? I mean... you tolerate me and all. And we're best friends. But... but don't say you like me if you're not even sure. If all you're going off of is 'well it's the opposite of hating you'. I'm thinking of leaving the person I've been in a relationship with for over two months on the fact that I like you, despite not having the... slightest idea as to if you like me or not!" Axel sighed. "You really are an idiot sometimes."
Roxas' face flushed even more, partially in embarrassment, but mostly in anger. At least he moved his sharp gaze from the wall to pin Axel with it before snapping out another reply. "Shut up! What do you expect from me? Do you even have any idea what this is like for me? I just got thrown into this hell hole with a heart, then forced to face my Other and his lackies, and then he dies, and everything's already confusing! And then you're acting weird, you got all these friends and actually care about them, and in a 'relationship' or whatever, and then suddenly you tell me you like me more than a friend? Don't even act like you're some victim here! At least you've had practice with this crap! I don't even know what it means!"
And he was running out of breath, so he gasped a bit to continue, voice rising nearly an entire octave as he became more hysterical, waving his arms about as if to emphasize his sorry state of being. "I just know that since I got here it's been one emotional bitch slap after another, and you're the only person I can trust, and suddenly that means way more than it did before! But I have to share you with people, which is weird, and I don't like it! Also, I think you're a complete jackass! Happy?!"
If Axel was only ever one thing, it would sure as hell be selfish; always out for himself, to gain something, to have his own ends met, to be amused. It was always about him and, as much as he'd want to deny it, that entire situation was no different. He had changed since coming there. Not just in the obvious aspect of having a heart, but he'd started to make friendships, allies, he had started to care; as much as he didn't want to. He'd come to accept that he did and that it was okay with him for the most part.
He'd hardly taken more than ten seconds to even consider how hard it was for Roxas. He lost his Other and Axel's attention was so divided between people that it seemed like until recently, they'd hardly seen each other at all, and when they did spend time together, Axel wasn't the same Axel that Roxas had known.
Axel had succeeded in being a selfish asshole yet again.
"I think you're right." Without another moments hesitation he pushed Roxas' arms away, only so he could use his own to wrap them around the blond in a hug that he knew Roxas would pull from, despite how much Axel didn't want him to. He hated the next words that came out; hated them with a passion and never spoke them to anyone, but made an exception for probably the second time ever. "I'm sorry." Hell, he hadn't even apologized to Tyki or Ino when he got himself killed.
Well, the shock of hearing Axel apologize over something was enough to keep him still for almost a full minute, especially since his mind had been reeling already. And the hug? The hug just made it hard to breathe. Had he ever been hugged before? He honestly didn't really know. Naminé had hugged him when he went to see her for that walk, which had completely startled him, but this was different. It felt different. For one...Axel was taller, so he definitely felt like he might be suffocating, even though he was breathing perfectly fine.
Flustered beyond reason, and knowing it must have been hard for Axel to apologize, the kindest thing he could think of to do was to...not push him away. So he just stood there, mumbling under his breath, "Yeah, sure, whatever. No big deal."
The lack of reciprocation was enough of an indication for Axel that yeah, it was awkward, yeah, things would never be the same, and yeah, his feelings? Probably would never get any sort of return (which, he wanted to tell himself, was completely fine, right). It also made him realize that telling Roxas had probably been the biggest mistake he'd ever made outside of letting him leave the Organization in the first place.
Axel couldn't ignore the incessant pounding his head at that point so he drew back from the hug, not even bothering to try and look at Roxas. Instead, he reached over and hit the button to resume the movement of the elevator and hit the floor button closest to where they were. He wanted to get off the damn thing as soon as he could. He'd get some aspirin and head back up to the roof for some more quality time with the castle and thinking about how much he hated it.
As the doors opened, Axel finally glanced back at Roxas. There were a dozen things he could have said; wanted to say, and yet, Axel didn't say a thing. He didn't know what to say, for that matter. He more just waited for Roxas to shove him out of the elevator and call him a moron. After all, pretending that nothing had even happened was the most likely thing to happen. Axel hated how predictable they could be.
He pointedly avoided Axel's gaze when the ding sounded off and the doors opened, and very blatantly didn't shove him out or call him a moron. Because he honestly wasn't sure if he was capable of acting like this had never happened. Rewinding time was damn near impossible after all. So he just stayed where he was and stared at the wall, clutching the keyblade so tightly that his gloves squeaked when he shifted and took a tiny step back to give Axel more room to get off. Less of a hint and more of a tacit slap in the face.
Roxas knew he'd probably messed things up... Now Axel would stay with Tyki, who Roxas thought was a complete ass for no good reason, but even knowing that he couldn't make himself do or say anything that might have made Axel happy. Instead he just stood there stiffly, lips pressed together in a firm line while his heart pounded so loudly he wondered if the next floor up could possibly hear it.
Axel took a step and leaned against the frame of the elevator so that it couldn't close. Roxas had backed off, hadn't pushed him out, hadn't even said anything. It was a good enough indication as any that it wasn't exactly how Axel thought it was. He released a soft sigh, gaze rising to the ceiling as he shoved one of his hands into the pocket of his jeans. There was no doubt about it; he really did suck at everything associated with emotions and how to deal with not just his, but other people's emotional issues, too.
Pushing himself away from the frame, he turned a little to look at Roxas again, neglecting the desire to go back into the elevator and sit in it the rest of the day just to be around Roxas. "Just so you know," Axel smirked a little, "You're helping me move. I am not bringing everything up there by myself. Lazy bastard." It wasn't really a request to help him move; more so Axel's version of a question. Do you still want me there or is this it?
He took another small step back, holding the keyblade in front of him now as if on the defensive, even though he knew very well he wasn't actually being attacked. It was subconscious really. Axel's remark startled him enough to make him look up, and he parted his lips to try to offer back his own sarcastic remark...but he could think of nothing. How could Axel even think of still moving in after this? It was embarrassing just to look at him now, because suddenly he saw him in a new light, and he wasn't sure if that was good or bad. He just knew it was different, and it was a change he hadn't instigated, so he didn't like it.
Instead the blond shut his mouth and just looked at his friend, unaware that there was something akin to sorrow and pity in his eyes as he slowly shook his head.
For a split second, Axel looked as though Roxas had just physically hit him. It was gone a second later and replaced with a smirk; it was so much easier to just stop caring right away, because that was the other thing he hated about having a heart. It made him open, it made him vulnerable, and it made him feel hurt. And the last one was the one he despised most of all. If not because now he knew that he'd completely ruined everything, but because of the look that Roxas was giving him.
Axel turned and started walking from the elevator, raising a hand in a half-assed wave. "See you around, Roxas." Axel realized, then, that he was an idiot. A complete idiot.
He should have known better than to play with fire; after all, in the end, you just get burned.
What: Axel deciding that it's sharing time and Roxas being a difficult little bugger about it.
When: May 28th, evening.
Where: One of the elevators.
Rating: PG-13 for language. And both of them being Angsty McAngstpants.
Well, a day had passed and he hadn't really gotten anywhere...and he'd needed to be careful where he went. He definitely steered clear of the City, though going after the demon to confront it to a fight was tempting. He needed a fight. It was so much easier to convey how you felt when fighting. But he knew very well that the thing could defeat him easily, even if he didn't want to admit it. His bruises from before might have faded, but his memory sure hadn't.
And everyone else was either getting killed in the city or hiding out in the caves, so he was left with the trees and random boulders to take out his frustrations on. By morning he was exhausted, ending up sleeping half the day away on the castle roof, using his coat to protect him from getting a burn. When he woke up, the sun was already starting to set, and he didn't feel any better. Finally fed up with being alone and having not solved anything, he grudgingly went to take the elevator back to his floor. He wasn't sure if Axel would be in his room or with Tyki, but he really wanted a shower. He literally smelled like grass and dirt, which was kind of weird to be smelling of something other than a garden.
At least he didn't smell like daisies.
Unfortunately he wasn't expecting to find Axel as soon as he stepped out of the elevator and into the hallway. There he was, sitting outside Roxas' room like some stalker, and all of the blond's resolve vanished in the blink of an eye. Panicking, he quickly backed up and mashed the CLOSE DOORS button, hoping his friend hadn't seen him.
The fates were not in Roxas' favour that day because unfortunately for him, Axel did see him. Before he could hit the button a third time, the red head had gotten up from his spot on the floor, bolted down the hallway, and slammed his hand against the doors of the elevator to keep them from closing. "You know," he started, "it's not nice to walk away from someone who spent the past three hours waiting for you to come back." Without a hesitation, he slipped into the elevator and hit the CLOSE DOORS button much like Roxas just had.
Axel took up residence against the doors, leaning against it and staring at him. He wasn't entirely sure what to make of the whole situation, seeing as though he had just got done telling the person he was sharing an elevator with that he liked him. More than a friend liked him. And now they were standing together and Axel was, for the first time, at a loss for words.
Of course, that meant he began to mentally panic and wish he had just let Roxas run away.
Again.
Instead, he reached over and jabbed a few buttons until the elevator came to a lurching halt. They had to talk some time, and it was better to be sooner than later. Or so he hoped. "What the hell, Roxas?"
If Axel's close presence didn't alarm him enough, the elevator screeching to a halt sure as hell did. "What are you doing?! What if someone else wants to use it?" Not like it was the only one, but still. Already he was glancing up towards the latch, considering it as an escape route. Could he get out before Axel had a chance to grab him? Probably only if he used his powers, and that seemed like a really lame reason.
Steeling his nerves, he stomped forward and reached out to brace his hand against Axel's shoulder, trying to shove him aside so he could press the button to get the elevator going again. "Quit acting like a total freak! It's not my fault you're stalking me. Get out of here."
Axel was half tempted to let Roxas shove him, to get the elevator started again, and let him storm off like Axel knew he would. It would be easier that way, wouldn't it? It'd be easier to give him a snide remark and watch his retreating back. Better and easier. Axel was crap at all of it in the first place so hey, why the hell not?
Well, because. It would count as giving up and he hated that even more than the emotional-thing. A deep breath later and he was pushing Roxas' hand away, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms. "I'm not being a freak! I want to talk but you keep avoiding me. This isn't going to just go away! I like you, okay, I. Like. You. And that's not changing, and you can't just ignore me in hopes that I'll just stop because hey, sorry Roxas, doesn't exactly work that way from what I've experienced." He paused. "Quit running away."
Damn it. He knew he could take Axel in a full-blown battle, was pretty positive anyway, but when it came to normal physical strength, Axel was stronger, and Roxas was pissed when his attempts to push him out of the way were ignored. When Axel repeated his little confession, though, he quickly yanked his hands away like they'd been burned, and folded them across his chest as he glared off to the side.
He was tempted to punch Axel in the face for being such an ass, but sucked in his breath and counted to ten in his head instead. After that, though still refusing to look up, he muttered, "How do you know? I mean... How can you tell for sure? Maybe you're wrong. It's not like you're an expert on feelings. I thought you liked what’s-his-face." He remembered Ino saying Axel was considering dumping Tyki, but she hadn't said why.
After all, just a day ago Axel had been saying why he liked Tyki, so Roxas was more than a little confounded.
The feeling of needing to punch a best friend was definitely being reciprocated. He just tried to keep in mind what Ino had said to him; Roxas wasn't used to having a heart or experiencing emotions. Granted, Axel wasn't either, but he had a few months up on Roxas, so he had a little more time to get adjusted. Especially when he re-read all the old entries and found out that he had friends and relationships. Still; the punching was tempting.
Axel ran a hand through his hair. "Look. I might not be an expert, but I know how it is to like someone and to care about them, okay? I know. It's... confusing and ridiculous and it makes me feel like a total moron -- shut up, no smartass comments -- but it works and it's how I feel right now." He stopped at the mention of Tyki. "Tyki is... we're... It doesn't matter, okay! It doesn't matter what he is or isn't or what I do or don't feel for him. Right now, what matters, is that I really need you to say something other than 'how do you know?' because I've spent the past thirty-six hours thinking you hated me."
By now his cheeks were flushed, and he was beginning to wonder if he was possibly claustrophobic, because there wasn't enough air in the tiny little elevator. This was humiliating, and stupid. Things had been so much better before. They had been simple. Roxas was starting to regret having plotted with Ino, and wondered if she had something to do with this. The timing seemed much too...convenient.
"I don't know if I hate you. I don't know. That's why I'm asking...how can you tell?"
Didn't know if he hated him? Didn't know?! Axel felt the need to smash his head against a wall, or the metal door of the elevator. Whichever would knock him out and possibly cause permanent damage and render him unable to do anything that included feeling emotions. He wasn't sure how knocking himself out would take the stupid heart away, but hey, it'd be worth a try, wouldn't it? Alright no, maybe that was a bad idea.
Axel leaned back against the wall of the elevator again, eyes focusing at the ceiling as he thought about it. "I can tell because... because Tyki makes me happy, right. He really does. I like spending time with him and living with him and... I worry about him and he worries about me. It's a good thing, we work together." He hesitated a little. "But none of that seems to matter when I'm around you. At first, when you got here, I still wanted to be around him a lot. I still wanted to be close to him and live with him and then..."
Axel shook his head; he felt like such an idiot. "And then something changed. I don't know what, but it did. You just... started to matter more, and I wanted to be around you and spend time with you and it was different than back home because yeah, back there? You made me feel like having a heart wasn't that much of a long shot but here? Here I cared about you more than anyone else and that is such a mind-blowing revelation because no one matters that much to me! No one. But you do. You just... you came back to Paradisa and stormed into my life again after I thought I'd never see this you again and you made me care and... and I didn't want to at first because I thought you'd just hate me like you do right now but now I want to care and I want to like you and I want... this whole stupid, dysfunctional... thing that we've always had. I could have some sort of lame, functioning relationship that keeps me satisfied but no, you know what I do? I'm ready to give that up because an angry blond kid who hates me is the person I care about."
Axel felt like he hadn't breathed through the entire thing and for a second thought that he might pass out. Thankfully, he stayed standing and took one deep breath after another. Well, if he didn't get stabbed then and there, Axel would end up counting it as an improvement.
Well, that had been a mess of words. Much like walking into a brick wall, only instead it was a verbal brain fuck. It made him tighten his grip on the keyblade, which he'd been sticking to like glue ever since discovering it where Sora had been killed. The idea of stabbing Axel with it did occur to him, but it passed a second later, along with many other very violent and rather cartoon-ey images. Sometimes there was even comedic flailing involved, and yellow birdies.
Finally though, after glancing up to Axel for just a second and then back over to the bar lining wall, he made himself whisper out the first logical thing that came to mind, even more flustered that his voice was a little hoarse. "I don't hate you. You piss me off, but I don't want you dead or anything, and I'm pretty sure that's what hating someone means." A pause, as he tried to steady his voice. "In fact...you dying is kind of the opposite of what I want, so...if we're keeping with the opposite theme, I guess I like you too. Can I get off the elevator now?"
Axel realized that everything he'd just said was a slew of verbal crap, but the whole caring thing in regards to it was not exactly happening at that point. Last thing on his mind, really. For a while, all he could focus on was the blood pounding in his head with the warning of an oncoming headache but then Roxas decided to start talking and Axel found himself focusing through it. Alright, he stopped paying attention to the blood-rushing for that? Although, Axel thought, that was definitely a step up from a normal Roxas reaction.
But there was no way he was done and ready to let him off the elevator yet.
"Nope, sorry, you didn't have the winning number this time." He rubbed his forehead absently in hopes of coaxing it to not inflame and turn into a full blown headache. "Do you even know what it means to like someone? I mean... you tolerate me and all. And we're best friends. But... but don't say you like me if you're not even sure. If all you're going off of is 'well it's the opposite of hating you'. I'm thinking of leaving the person I've been in a relationship with for over two months on the fact that I like you, despite not having the... slightest idea as to if you like me or not!" Axel sighed. "You really are an idiot sometimes."
Roxas' face flushed even more, partially in embarrassment, but mostly in anger. At least he moved his sharp gaze from the wall to pin Axel with it before snapping out another reply. "Shut up! What do you expect from me? Do you even have any idea what this is like for me? I just got thrown into this hell hole with a heart, then forced to face my Other and his lackies, and then he dies, and everything's already confusing! And then you're acting weird, you got all these friends and actually care about them, and in a 'relationship' or whatever, and then suddenly you tell me you like me more than a friend? Don't even act like you're some victim here! At least you've had practice with this crap! I don't even know what it means!"
And he was running out of breath, so he gasped a bit to continue, voice rising nearly an entire octave as he became more hysterical, waving his arms about as if to emphasize his sorry state of being. "I just know that since I got here it's been one emotional bitch slap after another, and you're the only person I can trust, and suddenly that means way more than it did before! But I have to share you with people, which is weird, and I don't like it! Also, I think you're a complete jackass! Happy?!"
If Axel was only ever one thing, it would sure as hell be selfish; always out for himself, to gain something, to have his own ends met, to be amused. It was always about him and, as much as he'd want to deny it, that entire situation was no different. He had changed since coming there. Not just in the obvious aspect of having a heart, but he'd started to make friendships, allies, he had started to care; as much as he didn't want to. He'd come to accept that he did and that it was okay with him for the most part.
He'd hardly taken more than ten seconds to even consider how hard it was for Roxas. He lost his Other and Axel's attention was so divided between people that it seemed like until recently, they'd hardly seen each other at all, and when they did spend time together, Axel wasn't the same Axel that Roxas had known.
Axel had succeeded in being a selfish asshole yet again.
"I think you're right." Without another moments hesitation he pushed Roxas' arms away, only so he could use his own to wrap them around the blond in a hug that he knew Roxas would pull from, despite how much Axel didn't want him to. He hated the next words that came out; hated them with a passion and never spoke them to anyone, but made an exception for probably the second time ever. "I'm sorry." Hell, he hadn't even apologized to Tyki or Ino when he got himself killed.
Well, the shock of hearing Axel apologize over something was enough to keep him still for almost a full minute, especially since his mind had been reeling already. And the hug? The hug just made it hard to breathe. Had he ever been hugged before? He honestly didn't really know. Naminé had hugged him when he went to see her for that walk, which had completely startled him, but this was different. It felt different. For one...Axel was taller, so he definitely felt like he might be suffocating, even though he was breathing perfectly fine.
Flustered beyond reason, and knowing it must have been hard for Axel to apologize, the kindest thing he could think of to do was to...not push him away. So he just stood there, mumbling under his breath, "Yeah, sure, whatever. No big deal."
The lack of reciprocation was enough of an indication for Axel that yeah, it was awkward, yeah, things would never be the same, and yeah, his feelings? Probably would never get any sort of return (which, he wanted to tell himself, was completely fine, right). It also made him realize that telling Roxas had probably been the biggest mistake he'd ever made outside of letting him leave the Organization in the first place.
Axel couldn't ignore the incessant pounding his head at that point so he drew back from the hug, not even bothering to try and look at Roxas. Instead, he reached over and hit the button to resume the movement of the elevator and hit the floor button closest to where they were. He wanted to get off the damn thing as soon as he could. He'd get some aspirin and head back up to the roof for some more quality time with the castle and thinking about how much he hated it.
As the doors opened, Axel finally glanced back at Roxas. There were a dozen things he could have said; wanted to say, and yet, Axel didn't say a thing. He didn't know what to say, for that matter. He more just waited for Roxas to shove him out of the elevator and call him a moron. After all, pretending that nothing had even happened was the most likely thing to happen. Axel hated how predictable they could be.
He pointedly avoided Axel's gaze when the ding sounded off and the doors opened, and very blatantly didn't shove him out or call him a moron. Because he honestly wasn't sure if he was capable of acting like this had never happened. Rewinding time was damn near impossible after all. So he just stayed where he was and stared at the wall, clutching the keyblade so tightly that his gloves squeaked when he shifted and took a tiny step back to give Axel more room to get off. Less of a hint and more of a tacit slap in the face.
Roxas knew he'd probably messed things up... Now Axel would stay with Tyki, who Roxas thought was a complete ass for no good reason, but even knowing that he couldn't make himself do or say anything that might have made Axel happy. Instead he just stood there stiffly, lips pressed together in a firm line while his heart pounded so loudly he wondered if the next floor up could possibly hear it.
Axel took a step and leaned against the frame of the elevator so that it couldn't close. Roxas had backed off, hadn't pushed him out, hadn't even said anything. It was a good enough indication as any that it wasn't exactly how Axel thought it was. He released a soft sigh, gaze rising to the ceiling as he shoved one of his hands into the pocket of his jeans. There was no doubt about it; he really did suck at everything associated with emotions and how to deal with not just his, but other people's emotional issues, too.
Pushing himself away from the frame, he turned a little to look at Roxas again, neglecting the desire to go back into the elevator and sit in it the rest of the day just to be around Roxas. "Just so you know," Axel smirked a little, "You're helping me move. I am not bringing everything up there by myself. Lazy bastard." It wasn't really a request to help him move; more so Axel's version of a question. Do you still want me there or is this it?
He took another small step back, holding the keyblade in front of him now as if on the defensive, even though he knew very well he wasn't actually being attacked. It was subconscious really. Axel's remark startled him enough to make him look up, and he parted his lips to try to offer back his own sarcastic remark...but he could think of nothing. How could Axel even think of still moving in after this? It was embarrassing just to look at him now, because suddenly he saw him in a new light, and he wasn't sure if that was good or bad. He just knew it was different, and it was a change he hadn't instigated, so he didn't like it.
Instead the blond shut his mouth and just looked at his friend, unaware that there was something akin to sorrow and pity in his eyes as he slowly shook his head.
For a split second, Axel looked as though Roxas had just physically hit him. It was gone a second later and replaced with a smirk; it was so much easier to just stop caring right away, because that was the other thing he hated about having a heart. It made him open, it made him vulnerable, and it made him feel hurt. And the last one was the one he despised most of all. If not because now he knew that he'd completely ruined everything, but because of the look that Roxas was giving him.
Axel turned and started walking from the elevator, raising a hand in a half-assed wave. "See you around, Roxas." Axel realized, then, that he was an idiot. A complete idiot.
He should have known better than to play with fire; after all, in the end, you just get burned.