Strange Thoughts on Strange Days
I feel like I live my life with a rope around my neck. I just don't cry for tears anymore. I wash my hands from all this sin and dirty them up yet again.
Today I found myself reading old emails- which brought out old feelings- and made me feel as if I've died. Love can be such an awkward word when it appears in the past. Makes you wonder about it's current status: is it thriving, strong, dying, weak, lost forever, or just about to blossom again... or in this case, if it is all forgotten.
I think about what could have been and start to tremble, but I mostly cry when I feel my heart yearning to save that perished hope. I remember those days: I would have sold my soul to become two different people, just so that no one would have to be without the love they wanted. I know I am soft, but I would rather feel everything negative, that be negative when it comes to empathy and compassion for my fellow friends and lovers.
I realize that the world has changed, but I can't resist bring it back from the dead, just to say what I felt in my heart. To clarify how I felt and my confusion on what to do next. I never wanted it all to die. Most important: to tell her that I am sorry and that I still feel for her.
Recently, my life is like a house of cards- flimsy and fragile, a calculated risk in enterprise, and hope for redemption and bliss. I quit my job last September and will not be looking for a new one. I still haven't applied for social assistance- but have all the paper work- although, I am scared. My goal is disability, because of my failing mental health, poor physical condition, and my general incompetence. Thus seen in my inability to even get to the welfare office- as of late, I fear even leaving the house. My anxiety rules me and I can't defeat it.
Alternatively, I want to be there for my son more, before I get any worse. I felt I could no longer work for Impark, because I see them as a tyrant, an infection, a disease that it killing our world. The sell something that should be, and once was, free. A lot of capitalists have been doing this lately. This must be the compounded achievement from all the consumer studying they do via credit cards, membership cards, etc. That's the disease that is killing our world. The last great invention was the Internet- a virtual library, where you could find any information, access to old video games, MP3's, TV shows, movies, etc- and it was all free.
That's the problem, instead of moving towards an amaterialistic society where we all share information, possessions and strive towards personal development and growth , they want to keep it a capitalist society where we are all slaves to a company for money and properly drained of our earnings upon payday for things that really should be free, because they can be. Trust me, artists will still make art, people will still work- maybe more for there own interests- but still there will be productivity, rather that stagnation. If you want stagnation, just look around this world.
I realized, that by working for Impark, I was responsible for their actions, just as anyone employed by Nike is responsible for their child labour problems. Oh yes, no one will accept that as a fact, but it clearly is. It takes a brave person to think for themselves and try to live free in this oppressive freedom. I praise all individuals who hear my call and do their best to stand up for a world where we are all free, happy, fed, housed, clothed, provided education, and allowed to personally develop through access to all materials, without the oppression copyrighting has placed on our development. Let's end this period of stagnation.
Thanks you
Today I found myself reading old emails- which brought out old feelings- and made me feel as if I've died. Love can be such an awkward word when it appears in the past. Makes you wonder about it's current status: is it thriving, strong, dying, weak, lost forever, or just about to blossom again... or in this case, if it is all forgotten.
I think about what could have been and start to tremble, but I mostly cry when I feel my heart yearning to save that perished hope. I remember those days: I would have sold my soul to become two different people, just so that no one would have to be without the love they wanted. I know I am soft, but I would rather feel everything negative, that be negative when it comes to empathy and compassion for my fellow friends and lovers.
I realize that the world has changed, but I can't resist bring it back from the dead, just to say what I felt in my heart. To clarify how I felt and my confusion on what to do next. I never wanted it all to die. Most important: to tell her that I am sorry and that I still feel for her.
Recently, my life is like a house of cards- flimsy and fragile, a calculated risk in enterprise, and hope for redemption and bliss. I quit my job last September and will not be looking for a new one. I still haven't applied for social assistance- but have all the paper work- although, I am scared. My goal is disability, because of my failing mental health, poor physical condition, and my general incompetence. Thus seen in my inability to even get to the welfare office- as of late, I fear even leaving the house. My anxiety rules me and I can't defeat it.
Alternatively, I want to be there for my son more, before I get any worse. I felt I could no longer work for Impark, because I see them as a tyrant, an infection, a disease that it killing our world. The sell something that should be, and once was, free. A lot of capitalists have been doing this lately. This must be the compounded achievement from all the consumer studying they do via credit cards, membership cards, etc. That's the disease that is killing our world. The last great invention was the Internet- a virtual library, where you could find any information, access to old video games, MP3's, TV shows, movies, etc- and it was all free.
That's the problem, instead of moving towards an amaterialistic society where we all share information, possessions and strive towards personal development and growth , they want to keep it a capitalist society where we are all slaves to a company for money and properly drained of our earnings upon payday for things that really should be free, because they can be. Trust me, artists will still make art, people will still work- maybe more for there own interests- but still there will be productivity, rather that stagnation. If you want stagnation, just look around this world.
I realized, that by working for Impark, I was responsible for their actions, just as anyone employed by Nike is responsible for their child labour problems. Oh yes, no one will accept that as a fact, but it clearly is. It takes a brave person to think for themselves and try to live free in this oppressive freedom. I praise all individuals who hear my call and do their best to stand up for a world where we are all free, happy, fed, housed, clothed, provided education, and allowed to personally develop through access to all materials, without the oppression copyrighting has placed on our development. Let's end this period of stagnation.
Thanks you