(no subject)
So life has been a roller coaster of a ride lately....
I started dating a guy. That lasted a couple of weeks. Things ended badly to say the least but I don't think they would have ended any other way to be honest. I was beginning to see that everything was about him: how good he was at everything (literally everything), that he was smarter than me, wiser than me, better at everything than me, that he had more money than me, that he had cooler shit than me. It was getting tiresome to always been seen as less of a person. So in a bittersweet way I'm glad its over. I mean, no, I wouldn't want to stay with a guy like that, but it would be nice to have a guy around. And he did take me out to a really great dinner at Capital Grille and then to a cigar shop on Boylston. But I couldn't take listening to him talk much more.
I got some really bad news lately. I won't go into detail but it's really made me examine where my life is, where it's going, and what I'm doing with it. I've also had to look long and hard at who I am and if I want to stay this person or not. I've done some really bad things to myself over the last few years that I have to say I don't think I'm very proud of. I don't really know where I went astray, but I'm going to start working at trying to get back there. I've also had to examine who I keep company with. I don't have any real issues with anyone. I just need to look at who I consider my close friends and perhaps take a look at how far I've kept them from me and why. I know why, but I need to know why I keep getting into friendships with people that I can't rely on in the ways I need. I really need to take a look at why I've always felt like I desperately need to please certain people and always feel like I need to prove what a good friend I am. I'm not really proving it, I'm more proving that in many ways, I'm still pretty weak and desperate for the acceptance of my peers. Want I seriously want is a tight group of friends who are always there for me, and I'm always there for them, like other people have. I envy them in so many ways for the relationships they've established. I hope people realize how lucky they are for the friends they've made. It really is a blessing.
Moving on, I am going to Miami February 10-12 to see a friend. I need to get away from everything here and decompress, and somehow I just don't feel like going home is going to do that. So, I'm taking my friend up on his invitation to go visit him while he's on coop there, and fly down to Miami for a weekend. I'm really looking forward to it. It'll be fun no matter what we do. He's been a great person to me lately with everything I've gone through lately and I feel like I owe him in a way, so I'll go help him feel less lonely down there.
My dad was in a car accident last weekend. He was in a car with his friend and they had to swerve off the road to avoid being hit by an on-coming car. My dad wasnt wearing his seatbelt and his head pushed the windshield out. He has some really bad cuts on his face and three cracked ribs, but he's lucky to be alive and I'm lucky to still have my dad. Mom is going in to have more pre-cancerous cells removed this week. It's always scary to hear her talk about it. I don't know what I would do if I lost a parent. Especially after the real bonding moment I had with my dad on Christmas Eve. I don't think I've loved my dad more than I do these days. My mom is still pretty freaking amazing too, I have to say that. In the last six months I've really come to realize how lucky I am to have my parents. They may not be the traditional parents, and they didn't raise me in a traditional way, but they're also some of the most open-minded, respectful, understanding and supportive parents I've ever known of.
Work is going really well. I like my job and I really feel like I am doing work that matters and is useful. I'm learning boatloads of stuff too which is really cool. All-in-all, things on the work front are grand.
I also got word recently that if accepted to the Study Abroad Program I will officially be going to Rome next Fall. I'm so excited I can't begin to tell you.
Oh, and in a way to boost my spirits, I am also have lost around 6 pounds of the 20 I need to lose.
So that's all basically. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. There's more that's happened too, but I need to take a shower so my roommate stops harassing me about it. ha. Hope everyone else is doing ok.
I started dating a guy. That lasted a couple of weeks. Things ended badly to say the least but I don't think they would have ended any other way to be honest. I was beginning to see that everything was about him: how good he was at everything (literally everything), that he was smarter than me, wiser than me, better at everything than me, that he had more money than me, that he had cooler shit than me. It was getting tiresome to always been seen as less of a person. So in a bittersweet way I'm glad its over. I mean, no, I wouldn't want to stay with a guy like that, but it would be nice to have a guy around. And he did take me out to a really great dinner at Capital Grille and then to a cigar shop on Boylston. But I couldn't take listening to him talk much more.
I got some really bad news lately. I won't go into detail but it's really made me examine where my life is, where it's going, and what I'm doing with it. I've also had to look long and hard at who I am and if I want to stay this person or not. I've done some really bad things to myself over the last few years that I have to say I don't think I'm very proud of. I don't really know where I went astray, but I'm going to start working at trying to get back there. I've also had to examine who I keep company with. I don't have any real issues with anyone. I just need to look at who I consider my close friends and perhaps take a look at how far I've kept them from me and why. I know why, but I need to know why I keep getting into friendships with people that I can't rely on in the ways I need. I really need to take a look at why I've always felt like I desperately need to please certain people and always feel like I need to prove what a good friend I am. I'm not really proving it, I'm more proving that in many ways, I'm still pretty weak and desperate for the acceptance of my peers. Want I seriously want is a tight group of friends who are always there for me, and I'm always there for them, like other people have. I envy them in so many ways for the relationships they've established. I hope people realize how lucky they are for the friends they've made. It really is a blessing.
Moving on, I am going to Miami February 10-12 to see a friend. I need to get away from everything here and decompress, and somehow I just don't feel like going home is going to do that. So, I'm taking my friend up on his invitation to go visit him while he's on coop there, and fly down to Miami for a weekend. I'm really looking forward to it. It'll be fun no matter what we do. He's been a great person to me lately with everything I've gone through lately and I feel like I owe him in a way, so I'll go help him feel less lonely down there.
My dad was in a car accident last weekend. He was in a car with his friend and they had to swerve off the road to avoid being hit by an on-coming car. My dad wasnt wearing his seatbelt and his head pushed the windshield out. He has some really bad cuts on his face and three cracked ribs, but he's lucky to be alive and I'm lucky to still have my dad. Mom is going in to have more pre-cancerous cells removed this week. It's always scary to hear her talk about it. I don't know what I would do if I lost a parent. Especially after the real bonding moment I had with my dad on Christmas Eve. I don't think I've loved my dad more than I do these days. My mom is still pretty freaking amazing too, I have to say that. In the last six months I've really come to realize how lucky I am to have my parents. They may not be the traditional parents, and they didn't raise me in a traditional way, but they're also some of the most open-minded, respectful, understanding and supportive parents I've ever known of.
Work is going really well. I like my job and I really feel like I am doing work that matters and is useful. I'm learning boatloads of stuff too which is really cool. All-in-all, things on the work front are grand.
I also got word recently that if accepted to the Study Abroad Program I will officially be going to Rome next Fall. I'm so excited I can't begin to tell you.
Oh, and in a way to boost my spirits, I am also have lost around 6 pounds of the 20 I need to lose.
So that's all basically. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. There's more that's happened too, but I need to take a shower so my roommate stops harassing me about it. ha. Hope everyone else is doing ok.