a month and a week
thats how long until my sanity returns to me. thats how long until my parents go away (no they are not a problem to my sanity, in fact, they actually help now). thats how long until stephanie comes to maine and stays with me. jesus christ i cant wait. im holding onto it with all my might.
so plans got cancelled yet again last night. so i spent the night instead driving around for an hour and a half with intense anger, frustration, and disappointment. im amazed i didnt kill anyone. its times like that that i really appreciate the ability to do 70-80 in an area thats only 35 and theres no other cars on the road. i swear its then that i can begin to feel calm again. after i got home i proceeded to do alot of crying and talking with my mom. i now know that i really cant live here after this summer. whats surprising is how o.k. i am with that. for years i fought with my parents about moving away. i never wanted to leave. i wanted to stay here forever. now i dont ever want to wake up in this place again. and i might not have to. my parents will likely move after this summer so it may be the last few months that im in this house. thats a little strange to think about. ive been in this house since i was 4. everything that ever happened in my life, happened in this house (not literally, but i lived here, you know what i mean). yet at the same time, i dont feel any desire to stay. i dont feel any attatchments. not to the house, not to my street, not to any of the towns or its people. i could care less. this isnt my home anymore.
i talked to stephanie and rahul last night. thank god for them. if i hadnt met the two of them this year i think my head would seriously explode, or id have jumped off the roof of my building. rahul, thanks for calming me down enough so that the only damage i did driving yesterday was churning up the dirt on my road. steph, thanks for watching law and order with me, even if you were on the cape. it brought back the memories of cake and ice cream and your top bunk all over again. those were the nights. hahaha. if you do ever laugh in her face when you meet her, i dont know if ill be able to keep a straight face either. oh man, that could be bad. haha.
ok, thats all really. i start training for work tomorrow i do believe. thats a plus. wish me luck. im off to have a little "cleaning spree" of my own now.
so plans got cancelled yet again last night. so i spent the night instead driving around for an hour and a half with intense anger, frustration, and disappointment. im amazed i didnt kill anyone. its times like that that i really appreciate the ability to do 70-80 in an area thats only 35 and theres no other cars on the road. i swear its then that i can begin to feel calm again. after i got home i proceeded to do alot of crying and talking with my mom. i now know that i really cant live here after this summer. whats surprising is how o.k. i am with that. for years i fought with my parents about moving away. i never wanted to leave. i wanted to stay here forever. now i dont ever want to wake up in this place again. and i might not have to. my parents will likely move after this summer so it may be the last few months that im in this house. thats a little strange to think about. ive been in this house since i was 4. everything that ever happened in my life, happened in this house (not literally, but i lived here, you know what i mean). yet at the same time, i dont feel any desire to stay. i dont feel any attatchments. not to the house, not to my street, not to any of the towns or its people. i could care less. this isnt my home anymore.
i talked to stephanie and rahul last night. thank god for them. if i hadnt met the two of them this year i think my head would seriously explode, or id have jumped off the roof of my building. rahul, thanks for calming me down enough so that the only damage i did driving yesterday was churning up the dirt on my road. steph, thanks for watching law and order with me, even if you were on the cape. it brought back the memories of cake and ice cream and your top bunk all over again. those were the nights. hahaha. if you do ever laugh in her face when you meet her, i dont know if ill be able to keep a straight face either. oh man, that could be bad. haha.
ok, thats all really. i start training for work tomorrow i do believe. thats a plus. wish me luck. im off to have a little "cleaning spree" of my own now.