i feel weak
have you ever met someone that makes you feel what you thought you couldnt feel again? i believe today that i have. for a long time i havent let myself feel certain emotions. whenever i used to i would end up getting hurt. to feel these emotions scares me. ive been so scared for so long that now i dont remember and dont know how to feel them. ive put up so many walls to protect myself that now im having a hard time letting them down. there hasnt been someone to make being vulnerable seem worth it. i think thats changed now. now im terrified and i want to run, but at the same time, i cant make my feet move. ive spent the day thinking of nearly nothing but him. he tells me to trust him, that he wont hurt me. hes proved to be so trustworthy over the last few months that i cant help but trust him. hes seen me at my worst. he knows nearly everything. its been so long now that ive been on my own that i cant even tell what im feeling. what i know is this: i feel more comfortable with him than almost anyone. i dont have to act a certain way or say certain things to keep him interested. hes just always there. anytime ive ever needed him hes there. he makes me laugh. he wipes my tears when i cry and holds me when im scared. i dont have to impress him, theres no game, no courtship-like behavior. with him, i can just be. i like that. hes what ive been needing, wanting and been looking for for a long time. i feel like a fool for not seeing it earlier but at the same time i guess it had to happen in its own time and im not rushing anything. i dont want to, i just want it to happen. hes beautiful to me. just had to say that.
going home tomorrow. getting out of the city is something i have to do every once in a while. i need to see the stars. i need to see less street lights, less cars, less...people. im really looking forward to it. see you all on monday.
and to the one that is beautiful, if you happen to read this. know that i do think and feel this about you. just give me time. i promise to try my best, just dont give up on me yet.
going home tomorrow. getting out of the city is something i have to do every once in a while. i need to see the stars. i need to see less street lights, less cars, less...people. im really looking forward to it. see you all on monday.
and to the one that is beautiful, if you happen to read this. know that i do think and feel this about you. just give me time. i promise to try my best, just dont give up on me yet.