There is a certain joy in knowing that i can wear whatever i want now, without worrying about the things he did and didn't like on me...i need to impress no one now, other than myself. Yet, knowing that other eyes falling on me will hold no love, it is almost harder...deciding to hold myself to a higher standard to meet their unknown and uncertain ( Read more... )

...or depression, or mental illness of any kind really, or if it is just a random mutation/fluke ( Read more... )

Not feeling the best lately.  Wow, power of understatement.  I'm pretty sure it may be chemical, not just a mental block type of thing.  But i know that i mentally blow things out of proportion, spiral downwards with a series of thoughts, make things worse.  But how to change ( Read more... )

Sometimes i wonder what i should be learning from all the change in my life lately, all the tumult of emotions and growing up i apparently neglected to do before.  Part of me thinks it is to come to terms with my own desperation, to become more accepting of my own failures and to move BEYOND them.  how else can i really grow?

I didn't sleep too well tonight.  I have been trying to sleep with a fan on, because Ben has them on all the time at his place, and i'm not used to it, so i guess i am trying to condition myself.  In any case, the noise was rousing my subconscious from sleep about every hour or so.  While this made for terrible sleep of course, it was nice because ( Read more... )