Ballad of Trying
Title:Ballad of Trying
Rating: R cause there is swearing
Genre: God, more angst...sorry
Paring: I'll actually leave it up to you. Have fun with it. :3
Summary:: He tried to be good.
He really really did.
~*~*~
He tried to be good.
He really really did.
He smiled and played and laughed and pretended that his heartbeat wasn’t thudding in his ears. He watched the days go by slowly until they all melted together in one picture of a too fake smile and closed eyes.
The world moved and he wished he was moved with it. Sometimes he swore he could close his eyes and hear the wind rushing past his ears. But, then the moment he opened them again he was still exactly where he was left.
His smile was mesmerizing. The few times he had been graced with it, his heart leap in his fragile chest. He longed to reach out and be even a fraction of the reason why. Still, he sat, at the very end of the table, watching him smile and laugh, completely unaware.
He began to act out.
In little ways at first.
Not feeding the goldfish, or burning the noodles. Then, when they went too unnoticed, he stepped up to the plate, and spit at their feet.
Turns out skipping practice was enough to get noticed.
Jiyong nearly put him through a wall when he just sat and smiled at the tirade. His back ached and his cheek was bruised so darkly all his photo shoots had to be postponed.
But before his marks faded, so did the glances in his direction.
He bit his lip hard at the voices speaking around and above him. No…over him. He looked down at his hands, trembling in his lap and felt words pushing so hard at his throat he nearly spoke.
A smile from the other side of the room was the only thing that make him swallow tightly, looking away in shame.
He tried to be good.
He really really did.
He smiled when his fucking heart was aching in his chest.
He laughed when he knew the joke was on him.
He played along when they all walked just slightly ahead of him and pretended for a little while he wasn’t there.
He blinked and pretended the glare was really a smile. Something so brilliant it took his breath away.
But sometimes he really wondered how much of it all he was imagining.
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