Indicia is rather pissy for no reason at all
I've definitely been in a low level bad mood for a few days. And this is becoming a pattern. On one hand, it's good and it means I'm healing up a bit, since the ups and downs are not canyons and dizzying mountains, they're sort of like rolling footlhills. On the other, it's sort of creepy since the shift from being 'biochemically screwed into a good mood' and 'biochemically screwed into a bad mood' can be too subtle to notice.
Anyway, as with all these things, they are meaningless. It's just a chemical shifting. So, it's sort of interesting since it's disconnected me juuust a bit more from any kind of emotion. I still have them like whoa (and good, because being a vulcan would be so boring), but I have no reason to act on them now, ever. They could be just a biochemical flicker. This strikes me as a weird side-effect.
So I know I'm low on beta endorphin because I feel like there's sort of no point to doing what I do- which is artsy stuff. Pictures, designs, stories, etc. I suspect it's chronic low beta endorphin that makes me have any time whatsoever for the sentiment that art is useless, and that artists don't do anything worthwhile or contribute in any way to society. There is also some extra-fun current of thought about how like OMG low art is EXTRA-useless. It's just trash. And it's sort of a joke to my parents who think I'm wasting my 'talent' doing what they consider to be crap.
So, really, the only reason I do it is because I wanna. Low BE can dampen the 'wanna'. Well.. not really. It just makes me doubt the value of any of it. I tend to do it anyway, I'm pretty single-minded that way. And I do have a higher current of thought that remembers that it's what I wanna do. So I do it. Anyway.
Trying to make the story make sense now. Never had to make all my weird little ideas and scraps of aesthetic actually come into coherent focus before. It's sort of new and interesting and rigorous and very much not one of my top skills. But also sort of mathematical and neat.
Actually, poor
erisabesu had to put up with me trying to pitch the stupid thing to her last night. Badly. Since what draws MY interest is very much not what makes a reader want to read it. I need to get down to the dramatic structure and the high concept before I can explain properly to anyone what it's about. Chris Carter may have been inspired by any random thing, any little scrap. 'Yeah,there's a guy like David Icke, with wild theories, and there will be aliens, and it's always overcast and grey.' Ok. But so what? To get to the high concept- 'believer and skeptic FBI agents search for the truth about UFOs'- he had to put it into a structure that would make sense to the audience. And I haven't done that. And, needless to say, what I told her came out as total fucking gibberish. Angels and pretty stuff and weird powers and magic symbols and hidden intentions and... so what? Means nothing to the reader until you give them a concept, a conflict, and a way to relate.
Anyway, as with all these things, they are meaningless. It's just a chemical shifting. So, it's sort of interesting since it's disconnected me juuust a bit more from any kind of emotion. I still have them like whoa (and good, because being a vulcan would be so boring), but I have no reason to act on them now, ever. They could be just a biochemical flicker. This strikes me as a weird side-effect.
So I know I'm low on beta endorphin because I feel like there's sort of no point to doing what I do- which is artsy stuff. Pictures, designs, stories, etc. I suspect it's chronic low beta endorphin that makes me have any time whatsoever for the sentiment that art is useless, and that artists don't do anything worthwhile or contribute in any way to society. There is also some extra-fun current of thought about how like OMG low art is EXTRA-useless. It's just trash. And it's sort of a joke to my parents who think I'm wasting my 'talent' doing what they consider to be crap.
So, really, the only reason I do it is because I wanna. Low BE can dampen the 'wanna'. Well.. not really. It just makes me doubt the value of any of it. I tend to do it anyway, I'm pretty single-minded that way. And I do have a higher current of thought that remembers that it's what I wanna do. So I do it. Anyway.
Trying to make the story make sense now. Never had to make all my weird little ideas and scraps of aesthetic actually come into coherent focus before. It's sort of new and interesting and rigorous and very much not one of my top skills. But also sort of mathematical and neat.
Actually, poor
erisabesu had to put up with me trying to pitch the stupid thing to her last night. Badly. Since what draws MY interest is very much not what makes a reader want to read it. I need to get down to the dramatic structure and the high concept before I can explain properly to anyone what it's about. Chris Carter may have been inspired by any random thing, any little scrap. 'Yeah,there's a guy like David Icke, with wild theories, and there will be aliens, and it's always overcast and grey.' Ok. But so what? To get to the high concept- 'believer and skeptic FBI agents search for the truth about UFOs'- he had to put it into a structure that would make sense to the audience. And I haven't done that. And, needless to say, what I told her came out as total fucking gibberish. Angels and pretty stuff and weird powers and magic symbols and hidden intentions and... so what? Means nothing to the reader until you give them a concept, a conflict, and a way to relate.