words.
When its cool and sunny and smells like dying leaves hanging on for dear end of life, or raining on hot pavement - or if there are fires in people's fireplaces and pumpkins slowly rotting on people's doorsteps, I admit, nostalgia gets the best of me. I want everyone I love who happens to be dead to climb into bed with me and never go away again. However. When chocolate is being sold in mass quantities, assholes are dressing up like giant murderous rabbits, and everything is painted pastel....I do pretty well fighting off the nostalgia. Easter seems to be dragging out people's old photos and memories of childhood Sundays spent searching for hard boiled poultry abortions everywhere I look. I still have a month before I begin walking around hating every mother daughter pair I see, throwing up a little in my mouth, and then getting the urge to hug them and tell them never to leave each other. Like that isn't an everyday occurance. How the hell do you spell occurance? And how come no white crayon wielding miniature human ever drew the conclusion that if you decorate the eggs one day, and search for the same eggs the next, its impossible that the Easter Bunny brought them for you? What?
On another note. Human selfishness never ceases to amaze me. Now see, selfish things like stealing from other people, or stepping on someone else to get to where one strives to be, or taking credit where credit is far from due - all of these things I've learned to live with...because people are generally assholes. Its the small and sometimes more personal selfishivities that have been bothering me lately. Things like people talking and never listening. Like small inconveniences that people have no problems imposing upon me. Like oblivi-morons pulling out in front of me in traffic. And like people not having the decency to use common sense to dictate common courtesy...please - ignorance is not an excuse. We are all born with the innate ability to learn common sense, and with common sense comes common courtesy. It does not take practice to learn these things....but it does take practice to learn how to ignore them. Ridiculous. I am not a saint, and I'd have to go out of my ever loving way to avoid using effing manners.
And if this pig doesn't stop whining, I'm giving him away.
I am thrilled and grateful that I've kept a journal in various places since I was a young lass. Why, one might ask? I used to marvel at how shitty people's attitudes grew the older they themselves grew. There was a time when I was determined to see the good in all people, a time when human beings amazed and baffled me not for their capacity to remain content in their ignorance and their inability to recognize their own stupidity...but for the amount of love my little naive heart could hold for even the meanest, stupidest most self centered assholes walking among us. My journals document my slow decent into complacency and eventually disgust and disdain and large quantities of disappointment. I used to wonder how anyone could let themselves become so jaded and guarded and uncaring. My journey into such jadage is well documented, and truthfully, a sad read. "Where did I go and what happened to me?" I've often asked. Oh. There I went. I was cut off and flipped the bird and forced to take that wrong exit, and now look where I've ended up. I really do miss the loving person I used to be. But I also miss the eloquent skeletal girl I was when I snorted beautiful glistening crystal miracle up my nose - and I'm told that girl wasn't real after all.
On another note. Human selfishness never ceases to amaze me. Now see, selfish things like stealing from other people, or stepping on someone else to get to where one strives to be, or taking credit where credit is far from due - all of these things I've learned to live with...because people are generally assholes. Its the small and sometimes more personal selfishivities that have been bothering me lately. Things like people talking and never listening. Like small inconveniences that people have no problems imposing upon me. Like oblivi-morons pulling out in front of me in traffic. And like people not having the decency to use common sense to dictate common courtesy...please - ignorance is not an excuse. We are all born with the innate ability to learn common sense, and with common sense comes common courtesy. It does not take practice to learn these things....but it does take practice to learn how to ignore them. Ridiculous. I am not a saint, and I'd have to go out of my ever loving way to avoid using effing manners.
And if this pig doesn't stop whining, I'm giving him away.
I am thrilled and grateful that I've kept a journal in various places since I was a young lass. Why, one might ask? I used to marvel at how shitty people's attitudes grew the older they themselves grew. There was a time when I was determined to see the good in all people, a time when human beings amazed and baffled me not for their capacity to remain content in their ignorance and their inability to recognize their own stupidity...but for the amount of love my little naive heart could hold for even the meanest, stupidest most self centered assholes walking among us. My journals document my slow decent into complacency and eventually disgust and disdain and large quantities of disappointment. I used to wonder how anyone could let themselves become so jaded and guarded and uncaring. My journey into such jadage is well documented, and truthfully, a sad read. "Where did I go and what happened to me?" I've often asked. Oh. There I went. I was cut off and flipped the bird and forced to take that wrong exit, and now look where I've ended up. I really do miss the loving person I used to be. But I also miss the eloquent skeletal girl I was when I snorted beautiful glistening crystal miracle up my nose - and I'm told that girl wasn't real after all.