Happy Birthday,
Its official. You're 19th Birthday would have been today. And Who knows? Maybe you would feel better these days. I know you would find an excuse to have fun today. Even though you were so modest about being alive; Today would be your special day. Everyone would smile at you and wish you the best- you would deserve it all too. But instead of the scent of birthday candles and the murmur of party guests, my lonely room reaks of you 'remembered', and these empty walls echo with your laughter. It's a cruel joke, to be reminded so often of something I had loved so much and lost so suddenly. Even though I am clearly alone, You are everywhere. In my surroundings, in my friends and family, in my thoughts, my prayers, my heart and my head always and forever. At first your loss was a constant, but surreal undertone as I struggled to function in a normal life without you. And then your loss morphed into a prick of guilt. One that still lingers at times, but now there are just moments. Moments when I feel you more than ever and moments when your death is an inescapable black hole. It sucks away everything good and leaves me without you. Ben, to this very day, I still miss you so much more than you will ever know or could ever imagine. And I want you to know that I am not angry anymore, and I am not disappointed, and just recently- I am not guilty for your death anymore. I am so proud of you for everything that you did, and I am so grateful that I was lucky enough to know you- let alone be one of your closest friends. I Will always always always think of you as someone that I love. I miss you so much, my friend. Happy Birthday.