tweet fic masterlist pt. 2
life and times of a sexually frustrated fangirl
now condensed in 140 character helpings!
01. hmm?
i tweetfic A LOT over at @cocoonedsoul and decided to compile everything here.
02. warnings
directly c/p from twitter (what is grammar?), often inappropriate, LOTS OF CHANKAI
03. all plot bunnies up for adoption
as long as permission is asked (i might be working on it already!)
04. part one
january - august 2013.
→1/9
Titanic the zombie porno: Film me like one of your french girls
the ship's going down, but so is jack because he puts your pleasure before his.
"no, jack, the zombies are coming for our brains!"
"after i'm done with you, they won't be the only one coming!"
"SCREAMS I SEE A HUGE SHADOW. IS IT THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG?"
"no rose, it's just my protruding dick."
→2/9
future!exo
can you imagine kim jongin, age 29, same face, but more defined, jawline hardened by the years, no more boy left in his lean body, just a man.
kim jongin at age 29 is an actor, and his recent role is a doctor, a prodigal surgeon. after the shoot, he wears the coat home and kisses
luhan by the door,where luhan waits for him after his own stint as the co-host of a children's cooking show. "doctor," luhan coos. "heal me."
oh sehun at age 29 is more devastating than ever. he runs a clothing business with tao, and walks the runway with baekhyun's designs.
kyungsoo at 29 is surprising. he never did grow vertically, but grew horizontally until he's a comfortable size L. must be all that cookin'.
joonmyun at age 29 is just like joonmyun at 19- caring and handsome, but he's learned to get over jongin, no more pining. he has jongdae now.
kris starts losing his hair at age 29. it's a horrifying experience for someone so vain, especially when he's due to star in avengers 7 soon
10 years on, exo makes their 8th comeback. they go back to their roots and pull out their dusty superpower rings. nothing much has changed.
minseok still whines about his lame power, yixing forgets the keys to his ferrari, jongin falls asleep on the couch but kris has a bald spot
"maybe we can cover it with a hat," joonmyun begins tentatively, gently poking at kris's scalp. sehun laughs so hard he falls off his chair.
→9/9
one day i will write EXO: reality show edition, a series of drabbles feat exo in various reality tv shows.
"conquer your fear, minseok. sehun did."
"so he ate a bee, but luhan is RLY SCARY i don't wanna be locked in a room with him!"
#fearfactor
"okay good sehun now add some sugar in the cake- THAT'S SALT STOP WAIT NO DON'T SCOOP IT OUT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS."
#masterchef
"omg ew baekhyun why do we have to wear these ugly farmer pants?"
"the way they cling to your thighs tho, zitao, that's hot."
#thesimplelife
→10/9
imagine jongin siting crosslegged by your desk, twitching his tiny kitty ears as he waits for you to finish and play with him
jongin startles at every little thing and luhan takes to scaring him because he finds it adorable and because then he can kiss him better.
→11/9
nai!luhan is a bit too clingy and gets himself into all sorts of trouble and gareki!jongin has to reluctantly go rescue the kitty eared boy
→29/9
jongin and luhan meet at an inter-uni dance competition. jongin can't keep his eyes off the baby-faced beijing boy, completely transfixed.
at the afterparty, luhan is the one that approaches jongin first. "i don't know korean," luhan says determinedly "but for you i will learn."
jongin is tipsy so he doesn't take luhan's words to heart, but luhan's voice makes him happy. he holds luhan's hand and pulls him outside.
"i'll teach you," jongin slurs, fingers curling around luhan's. he points at the sky, "별. stars." he points at luhan. "별. star."
and when luhan leans in to close the distance, jongin's eyes fluttering shut, he swears he sees stars of his own.
bakery au
jongin failed home economics but still applies to work at the cupcake shop near his uni, possibly due to the pink haired angel running it.
on his first day of work, jongin mislabels the store's best seller red velvet as cherry,but he doesn't even mind because angry luhan is cute.
on part-time worker jongin's first day,he mislabels the cupcakes,but luhan doesn't even mind because he hired jongin for his cute face anyway
catboy au
/whispers/ catboy jongin hugging his tail and sucking on his thumb while tangled in his blankets, fast asleep
catboy!jongin tries to crawl into the fridge because he's hot,but accidentally tips everything,so he ends up with a bowl of soup on his head
luhan wants to be angry but jongin looks so miserable with the bowl on his head and when jongin sadly slurps a noodle up, luhan can't help but laugh.
→1/10
professional cuddler au (it legit exists!)
au in which joonmyun is a professional cuddler and jongin is deprived of intimacy
baekhyun puts the ad up on joonmyun's behalf as a joke, but unfortunately (luckily?) kyungsoo calls up the number for jongin as a joke.
and then they have this weird relationship where all they do is cuddle and sometimes joonmyun strokes jongin's hair but they're not dating.
but sometimes,just sometimes, when jongin melts into joonmyun's touch, he wishes he could cuddle joonmyun for life, and not just as a client.
what jongin doesn't know is that joonmyun never had the business in the first place so jongin is his only "client".
he saves up all the money he received, prepared to return it all, but he never dares to because he's afraid jongin'll leave.
→3/10
how about densha otoko au with sehun as the hopeless loser and luhan the manly manly pretty boy he falls in love with.
omg imagine exo especially otaku!jongin giving him advice and jongin's like idk man i only played otome games
DENSHA OTOKO AU. otaku!jongin gives sehun advice based on otome games. "just think of a few options and say the one most likely to woo her."
"if you say the right words, YOU CAN GET IN HER PANTS. like when i played oujisama level 1-"
"isn't that a BL game?"
"fuck."
ohseh: how do i trust ur dating advice u live in internet cafes
jongdaman: excuse u
byunbaek: i take offense
kai: u shud play starry night
byunbaek: just talk to her?
ohseh: HOW
kai: does she wear glasses?
ohseh: kai stop
kai: no but MEGANE GIRLS ARE THE KINKIEST
→4/10
luhan is a pea sized prince and can only return to his normal state if kissed by the love of his life. pea!luhan
jongin keeps pea!luhan in his pocket and luhan peeps out and makes snide comments about everything http://ww2.sinaimg.cn/mw1024/7e2f08cdgw1e3gfrvn0szj.jpg
jongin buys tiny doll hats for pea!luhan http://ww1.sinaimg.cn/mw1024/7e2f08cdgw1dxsz6wf4f2j.jpg
this fanart!!!
for the past six months luhan has had dreams of a boy with a burning gaze, lithe body and long limbs. he sees flashes of a smile
and smells disinfectant when he breathes. finally he can't take it anymore and follows his gut to the third floor of the hospital.
when he pushes open the door the urgency in his chest swells and then the boy's finger twitches. luhan calls for the nurse but
when he turns away, a hand catches his wrist, pulling him back and into the arms of a warm body, right into a kiss.
and right then luhan finds himself mouthing the name jongin. jongin's eyes flutter open. "i've been waiting, luhan."
"do you believe in soul mates?"
luhan looks into the eyes of this boy he's just met and kissed. "i think i have to now."
→5/10
good night for real, says miia.
i think not, i say, and proceed to spam her with cooking utensils porn.
it has fanart by mel!
fic where exo ARE cooking utensils. "hey baby," leers kai the egg beater. "let me whip you real good."
"slick me right up bad boy," sehun the spatula says to yifan the olive oil bottle. "and i'll spank you the way you like it.
"stop being so horny," chides kyungsoo the kettle. baekhyun the pot rolls his eyes, "as if you're better." and so the proverb was born.
→9/10
cutest little picture ever
"i told you not to wear the new shoes. not when they pinch you," jongin says tenderly, sticking a pikachu band aid on luhan's blister.
"jongin~" luhan falls forward and throws his arms around jongin's shoulder, whining into his neck when jongin presses too hard against it.
jongin crouches down, "was this all a ploy to get me to piggyback you?"
luhan clambers on and hides a smile into jongin's shoulder. "maybe"
ang asked for female!chan/kai
FANART HERE!!! by the lovely keuroket (rebloggable link).
"noona, can you please just act like one for once?" jongin sighs. he blows slightly on the wound on chanyeol's leg, ignoring her howls of protest. "don't wear heels if you can't."
chanyeol huffs in annoyance and pulls her leg away. "go away, dickwad."
jongin rolls his eyes. "come on, noona, it'll get infected." he grabs her bare leg back and lays it across his thighs, not
noticing her mortified cry or her blush. "dumb kid," she mutters under her breath. "i wore those heels to look good for you."
→15/10
imagine cat boy jongin playing with socks and he has one on his ear, one on his tail, one on his toe, and one on his dick
"hey, let's play sock puppets- JONGIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
or luhan punishes jongin by not letting him wear clothes and when he complains of the cold, he puts a sock on his dick.
my dream is to see jongin needy and clingy and asking for cuddles even though everyone is frazzled and annoyed.
imagine joonmyun and kris rolling their eyes at jongin. "i bathed you earlier and kris even spoonfed you. what do you want now?"
"i just..." jongin's eyes drop the ground and he pouts. "no one has cuddled me today."
kris sighs. "isn't chanyeol free? he'll snuggle with you."
jongin shakes his head. "chanyeol is too warm. chanyeol is not you."
emmi adds: "chanyeol has too many limbs," jongin says forlornly. "jongin," joonmyun says patiently," he has four, like we do."
and jongin just falls to the floor stubbornly, arms outstretched and waiting for one of the leaders to pick him up. "not moving."
emmi: the next morning minseok walks into jongins bedroom and hes like .......
"jongin, if you needed to be loved, you could've told luhan and i. don't tire the leaders out."
emmi: jongin looks at him balefully. "next time...could all four of you cuddle me?" and minseok groans.
he gets all excited making a pillow fort in the living room. "now ALL of us can cuddle."
emmi: baekhyun whispers to sehun, "i think hes nesting or something."
→22/10
imagine jongin as a little hedgehog. his personality might seem prickly and cold but he's really a lovely little fluffball
and when you pet him on his head, he curls up a little bit in embarrassment but seeks your touch because you're warm
we interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcast of tweetfics for some exo math jokes!
if kris hired 3 strippers for minseok's birthday and baekhyun hired 2, how many strippers did minseok get?
→ none, because luhan killed them all before they had a chance to touch minseok.
what was the body count?
→ 7, because kris and baekhyun is now dead too
if minseok invited exo to his house, and he had to individually open the door for each guest, how many times did he open the door?
→ 10, because luhan climbed in through the window and is already hiding behind the couch
→24/10
maria asked for fairytale au!
prince kyungsoo went to a ball and danced with a sexy sultry princess. smitten, he tried to ask for her number but she dashed away,
leaving behind a glass slipper. he desperately searched for the owner of the slipper, but alas, he forgot it was a halloween ball.
the princess he met was a prince named jongin who had run away because his costume rental expired at midnight.
"you like me eh?" leered jongin. "i dig that." with a swoop, he bent lyungsoo over and kissed him. and they lived happily ever after.
→28/10
suddenly became infatuated with joonmyun's voice after his radio stint
petition for joonmyun to go into the audio book narration career
Grimm's Fairy Tales, narrated by Kim Joonmyun. his soft little voice talking about how the queen ate snow white's liver for dinner.
joonmyun is that senpai you see at poetry slams, which you go to not because you appreciate poetry, but because you appreciate his passion
you like the soft tones when he whispers the intro, the tilts of his head when he reaches the climax and the way he smiles when he ends.
and you can't help but wonder, does his voice spike like that when he reaches his OTHER climax?
thatescalatedquickly.gif
jongin fills up his room with drafts of bad poetry, hoping that one day he can write something good enough to make joonmyun smile at him
he doesn't know that joonmyun has always been smiling at him, the same way he smiles at a good book, soft around the edges and tender
RT reeza: @cocoonedsoul Cue Joonmyun writing erotic poetry about Jongin when he dances
joonmyun waxes lyrical about getting under his skin and red oceans but jongin is too lost in symbolism to understand
→5/12
au where kris runs a matchmaking agency and sets up blind dates between the boys.
he hires jongdae to help him and dubs him "dobby" and jongdae can't even get mad at the height joke because secretly in love with kris
the first date kris sets up ends terribly. zitao blabbers about himself in broken korean for 3 hours and kyungsoo falls asleep into his salad
kris tries to match yixing and luhan next but conveniently forgets that it is not cool to set up your ex-boyfriends with each other.
luckily, yixing bumps into minseok. luhan forgets about trying to stab a fork into kris's neck and starts invading minseok's personal space.
luhan agrees to introduce a customer to kris and ends up dragging in this awkward lanky teen named jongin who swears he's legal.
kris is in the process of interviewing sehun as an intern but decides to throw him at jongin "to test your social skills". they end up dating.
encouraged by the success, kris calls himself cupid until luhan points out that cupid is a fat little thing that wears a diaper
kris recruits yixing to help me after jongdae quits (one sided loves are painful) and ends up falling in love with him.
→7/12
omg joonmyun can totally get jongin to finally love him if he buys him all the chicken he wants??
"nini love me"
"no"
"i have chicken"
".... how much chicken"
au in which joonmyun applies for a part time job at a chicken place so he can feed jongin all the chicken he wants
going back home smelling like a bottle of cooking oil exploded on him is worth it when he sees the way jongin's face brightens with a smile
"hyung, you're the best" jongin says happily as he munches on a wing. joonmyun tenderly brushes jongin's hair back, "careful, it's hot."
→10/12
Apparently you can make a baby burrito (this is better than it sounds i swear)
jongin cackles with glee as he rolls their baby girl into the blanket and luhan jumps in just in time to stop him from sprinkling cheese.
"gonna eat your yummy little toes," jongin coos, tweaking her toes and making her laugh. luhan snatches her away and stares at him suspiciously.
"i wasn't actually going to eat her," jongin protests.
"the fact that you actually had to clarify that," luhan rolls his eyes.
she peeks over luhan's shoulder and reaches for jongin."da! da!"
luhan widens his eyes."did she just say-"
"her first words!"jongin squeals.
"comere you little cotton puff!" jongin takes her over and sticks his face into her tummy, blowing raspberries as she giggles and kicks.
→17/12
girl luhan in a pixie cut frowning down at her skirt.you can't play soccer in skirts and she keeps accidentally flashing team manager jongin
luhan flops down onto the couch and jongin goes into a coughing fit because her legs are thrown open and he can see her panties ?!?!?!?
how bout girl jongin guy luhan huh how about that
jongin lives her life in constant secondhand embarrassment because luhan is pretty but also PRETTY DARN EMBARRASSING
jongin hooked luhan for his face but by the time she got over the pretty and realised how embarrassing he could be, it was too late
"hey babe, check it out," luhan snorts and tries to balance a chip on his nose. jongin pretends she doesn't know him and inches away.
→23/12
au where prince luhan chases after princess jongin because missing glass shoe and jongin's like no i hate shoe i left them behind on purpose
and then luhan's like if u dont wear shoes ur feet will hurt and in the end THIS HAPPENS
except like 2 secs later luhan realises that princess jongin is a muscular princess and heavy but too late he signed his life (& heart) away
→28/1/2014!
if luhan is a caramel latte with kitty coffee art, kyungsoo is a burning hot double shot expresso that serves no purpose but to wake you up
like you don't drink kyungsoo for pleasure, y'know, you just drink him because he energises you and keeps you going and makes you murderous
sometimes the kyungpresso makes you shake and your heart rate quickens but that's part of his charm
yixing is a simple americano, no frills, pleasing to the senses and perfect for a soft start to your day
jongdae is kopi luwak because he's a piece of hot shit
baekhyun is vienna coffee because he's strong and fiesty, wrapped up in a deceptively cute cover
jongin is a peppermint mocha, skim milk and smooth tones, slides down your throat and warms you up with a twist
joonmyun is plain milk.
kris - looks cool and flashy but in the end, falls flat (on his face, literally) RT reeza: The burning question: who's the instant coffee?
today is a how many innuendos can you spin out of coffee day. i apologize for all the ejaculatte jokes on your timeline.
RT reeza: Well, you need coffee to function at work SO WHICH ONE WILL YOU BE HAVING -- the sexpresso, fappuccino, ejaculatte, or americumno?
stop turning my beautiful coffee thing into a sex thing
→4/2
now i just want to write a happy thing where chanyeol unfurls jongin's clenched fist and kisses his knuckles, kisses his palm, his wrist
chanyeol kisses the flick of jongin's hand, right on the pulse, and thinks that his heart beats for only one reason now
when jongin comes home complaining about a bad day, chanyeol lets him curl up in his arms and gently brushes jongin's hair out of his eyes
on sundays, chanyeol brings jongin to the playground in hongdae and they watch the buskers sing until the singer suddenly passes the guitar
to chanyeol and jongin gasps in mortification because no, he can't-
"this song is dedicated to you," chanyeol says to the giggles of the crowd around them and jongin is dying of embarrassment but maybe his cheeks are red for another reason, like the warm fluff in his tummy
chanyeol pulls him close and the crowd shrieks but all jongin can see is chanyeol and he presses their foreheads together. "you're so dumb"
"we can't all be the smart one in the relationship," chanyeol bites back a grin. "no one can be smarter than you, because you chose me."
jongin finally acknowledges the crowd, rolls his eyes at a nearby girl like "can you believe him?" and she shrieks for them to never let go
jongin sneaks his hand down and entangles his fingers with chanyeol, chests pressed together, and thinks that he never ever plans to let go
→2/3
jongin the squirt falls in like with cool hyung and comes back 10 years later to demand his love???
7 year old jongin kisses his thumb and pushes it against chanyeol's lips, catching chanyeol off guard. "you're mine now hyung"
and chanyeol ruffles his hair, laughing it off only he's not laughing 10 years later when this tall, lean boy-man shows up on his
door with luggage and a smirk on his lips. "i've come to collect what's mine."
jongin insists to be let in and chanyeol can't say no to the pout or let jongin stay homeless??? CUE DOMESTIC CUTENESS??
chanyeol used to take care of him but chanyeol's now a successful scriptwriter and falls asleep at his desk after an all nighter
so jongin is the one brushing chanyeol's hair out of his eyes and carrying him to bed, tucking him in with a kiss to the forehead
what if puppy edition?
"mommy," puppy jongin says, little tail thumping happily and chanyeol pushes the wriggling pup away. "not mommy, no."
"da- daddy?" jongin asks, blinking his big little eyes and chanyeol wants to suffocate himself with a sock
and it's all good until jongin visits him 10 years later, no pup left in his body, and coos in the lowest tone, "daddy."
more romantic chankai things
what if chanyeol writes letters to his ex-lover who has moved away and still slips them into his lover's house because it's not sold yet
except apartment 520 now has a new occupant named jongin and jongin reads each letter out of curiosity, falls in love with the man behind
the beautiful words and weeps for the broken heart sewing the words together
and he waits in anticipation every week for a new letter to come until he has a sizable collection but he never dares to look out to see who
it is, until one day he meets pet shop owner park chanyeol and falls for his soft smile and the way he cuddles the puppies
jongin's playing with a puppy when he quotes something from one of the letters and chanyeol freezes, grabs his arm, "what did you say?"
jongin's flustered, almost drops the puppy and stutters, "i just heard it somewhere?"
→15/3
puppyboy nini paddling after chanyeol and meowing like a cat to piss chanyeol off except it only makes chanyeol find him adorable
chanyeol swoops down to cuddle a wriggling jongin in his arms and jongin starts rawring all IM A DINOSAUR SET ME DOWN OR ILL BITE
he nibbles on chanyeol's hand except he's a puppy so it's just little nubs of teeth and chanyeol buries his nose in jongin's hair
jongin chewing on chanyeol's collar as they watch disney movies because the Bad Lion in lion king scares him
jongin is oddly quiet when they watch lady and the tramp and chanyeol thinks he's fallen asleep until jongin pads to the kitchen and takes
out a packet of uncooked spaghetti and pushes it into chanyeol's hand, eyes pleading and pout coming out full force.
→20/3
let's not talk about jongin running his fingers up krystal's bare thighs as she reads outloud lazily a paragraph from the little prince
fashion design major krystal tries to sketch outfits while dance major jongin nuzzles his nose into her nape, asking to play
in the end krystal switches to male designs and enlists an eager jongin's help to "explore and better understand the male anatomy"
krystal uses her hands and maps out every inch of jongin's skin, dipping into his hipbones as jongin lets his head fall onto her shoulder
"you know what, i think i'm going back to women clothes after all," krystal smirks. "after intensive research, i like you naked a lot more."
→22/4
all i did was ask whether chansoo is real and then bam otp
i want kyungsoo whining about how noisy and clumsy chanyeol is and reluctantly asking him to share the bed because "my pillow is too hard"
"we bought our pillows together?" chanyeols says, confused but kyungsoo snaps, "your head is bigger so you must've broken in your pillow."
"i don't want to share your bed but i /have/ to," kyungsoo insists. "what if my neck breaks. i'm the main vocalist. exo would FAIL."
"i resent that," baekhyun cuts in. "but for the sake of peace, chanyeol let him sleep with you or kyungsoo will be grumpy and we'll suffer."
kyungsoo maintains a frown all the way until he thinks no one is looking and he quietly cuddles closer to chanyeol and smiles to himself ???
TSUNDERE KYUNGSOO HURLS WHAT IF HE FALLS ASLEEP CLUTCHING THE HEM OF CHANYEOL'S SHIRT AND WHINES IN HIS SLEEP WHEN YEOL TRIES TO GO PEE
→23/4
it's #NationalSendYourLoverNudesDay
chansoo:
chanyeol: hey babe it's #NationalSendYourLoverNudesDay
kyungsoo: http://static.tumblr.com/pjdigg6/KNVlin94s/tumblr_lht4lm7o7a1qcr2yto1_500_large.jpg
chanyeol: oooo ur more than welcum to
sudi
joonmyun: it's #NationalSendYourLoverNudesDay :)
kyungsoo: that's dumb who would do that
jm: yeah haha
jm: don't open the new msg
krislay
kris: i heard it's #NationalSendYourLoverNudesDay ;)
yixing: my favourite is michelangelo's david! such a classic!
sekai
jongin: stop sending me ur dick
sehun: its #NationalSendYourLoverNudesDay
jongin: r u confessing to me???
sehun: 8)
xiukai
jongin: i heard it's #NationalSendYourLoverNudesDay
jongin: OMG NO IGNORE ME FORGET I SAID THAT (/□＼*)
minseok: you're so cute :)
→9/5
ang has me thinking about what'll happen if joonmyun the ursula stole merman chanyeol's voice to go after jongin the prince
joonmyun, equipped with a swanky new voice, tries to woo jongin and squeals internally at how smooth he sounds when he says "how you doin"
"wow," jongin marvels wide-eyed, "i think about chanyeol so much i'm hearing him in you. thanks, for making me see how i feel, hyung."
"look, if you wanted jongin, you could've just adopted a puppy," kris the lobster says. the judgement is clear in his voice.
"shut up," joonmyun moans but it comes out deeper and sexier than he expected and catches him by surprise.
they both ponder his new voice in uncomfortable silence, until kris says, "so um do you want to grab dinner? there's a cool new sea bed..."
jongin marries a less annoying chanyeol (because he can't speak) and krisho have octopuslobster hybrid babies. they lived happily ever after
what if luhan is an embarrassment to the siren community because when he sings,what comes out is a screech that doesnt captivate but deafens
until one day sailor minseok washes up at the shore and asks luhan to sing for him, and actually tells him he has a beautiful voice
it turns out luhan is a special breed of siren whose voice only appeals to his One True Love
SO SIREN-HUMAN HYBRID BABIES
→12/5
jongin always loves who he can't have but by the time he loves someone who wants him back, he's no longer wanted
"hey chanyeol do you want to-" "omg kyungsoo finally agreed to give me his number- sorry what were you saying?" "n-nothing."
months on, a drunk chanyeol laughs, "remember that time i kept saying i was your fan?"
"yeah, i remember," jongin says quietly
→21/5
CHANKAI IS LIKE
dude i'm not good with this feelings shit but when you're close i feel fuzzy so can we like uh cuddle and then play mario
chankai would probably be tsundere which is RIDICULOUS because they're both so squishy and tender, baby chicks have more street cred
and after a hot romp in the sheets jongin waves chanyeol goodbye coolly and then squeals into his pillow about chanyeol's muscular arms
and like chanyeol stares at the closed door for 5 minutes thinking back about how cute jongin had looked post-coital and sleepy
one day in bed chanyeol stares at jongin and bursts out, "you're really fucking cute" and jongin pretends to be offended but secretly preens
"don't say that. i'm not cute," jongin protests. chanyeol agrees, "no you're not" and then they just smile goofily at each other for a beat
can you imagine chankai snuggled in bed with monggu between them and chanyeol tries desperately not to sneeze because jongin looks content
jongin only finds out chanyeol is allergic after 2 weeks and demands to know why he suffered. chanyeol grins sheepishly, "you looked happy."
at first chankai hate each other but soon they start smiling shyly at each other's shoes and kyungsoo watches this unfold with horror
except it becomes worse for kyungsoo when jongin asks him to go grab bubble tea only to spend 3 hours staring dreamily at part timer chanyeol
"i hate him he's so annoying," jongin says gruffly but there's a hint of a smile on his face. kyungsoo sighs sadly at his bubble tea.
"keep your friends close but enemies closer," jongin always said but kyungsoo's still oddly surprised when he walks in on chankai making out
kyungsoo ends up being sexiled a lot and hangs out with baekhyun, chanyeol's roommie. he gets his revenge by fucking baek on chanyeol's bed
aka every college cliche rolled into one TADA !!!
→18/5
i'm at the airport and now i want a fic where business man kyungsoo misses his flight and laidback backpacker chanyeol comforts him
the next connecting flight is at 8am the next day and hotels are fully booked. kyungsoo panics until chanyeol tells him to "chill out, man"
hanyeol tells kyungsoo travel tales to distract him from the horror of sleeping on airport benches & kyungsoo falls asleep on his shoulder
kyungsoo wakes up to a warm jacket on him w/ a scribbled note: this is my only jacket.now you'll have to meet me again :) and a phone number
throughout his meeting (he wasn't late because his client's flight was delayed too) all he can think of is a deep voice and cheerful laugh
aka more of chanyeol slowly breaking down uptight kyungsoo's walls and making himself at home (aka what every chansoo should be)
→23/6
actor luhan eh? yiss.
luhan the wandering college boy with no future and high school senior do kyungsoo who had a place in law school before he was even born
luhan busks not in hongdae like everyone else but at the park near the prestigious sm high, drawing flocks of girls and their lunch money
"do you have a permit?" kyungsoo asks one day
"sorry?" luhan startles because he's never seen him before.
"it's illegal to busk without one"
luhan strums the guitar and grins cheekily. "are you going to tell?"
kyungsoo's face betrays no emotion. "maybe i shall."
"wait-"
and luhan wouldn't leave kyungsoo alone. at first, it was to make sure kyungsoo wouldn't tell on him but after that, kyungsoo's...kinda cute
"don't you have classes? a job? a girlfriend?" kyungsoo frowns at him.
luhan closes his eyes and says instead, "tell me about your dreams."
"SNU. pass the bar. become a successful lawyer. have three kids," kyungsoo recites, rehearsed. "boring," luhan whines. "wanna go to a bar?"
this is what kyungsoo says for the next 2 hours: "i will certainly not-" "jesus what did i just drink?" "another!" "hyung i think love you"
kyungsoo ends up joining the biggest law firm in korea.it's tiring but thats okay because there's a loving guitarist waiting for him at home
"for the last time luhan you can't sue me for not sleeping with you" "YOU PROMISED ME DOMESTIC BLISS" "one night i was too tired ONE night"
→26/6
istg this is the best fucking prompt ever.
jongin's life turns technicolor on the way to his first day of uni but before he can register it and celebrate, it falls back to monochrone
he hears the crash too late and horrified, slowly, turns to see the wreck by the road, hears the people screaming, feels his world crashing
there are two people in the crash, he learns later, sitting shaken in the hospital. a man sits next to him, pale and afraid
the nurse comes over, asks "relation to the patient?" and they both answer at the same time, "my soulmate- i think."
and ! and! jongin and luhan both lose their soulmates?? but find each other?? because fuck prompts i want happy endings
"i just wanted to know how it feels like to have a soulmate," jongin whispers. "for a moment, i could /see/ and now it's all taken away."
luhan wants to agree but he can't love someone he's never met and he can't pretend he doesn't see colour creeping into the side of his
vision when he looks at jongin, can't ignore the way red bursts behind his eyelids when he thinks of jongin, can't brush aside jonginjongin
jongin is so caught up in his mourning that he doesn't realise until luhan asks which bag is his and jongin answers "the blue one"
it takes months to convince jongin that fate is fate but there are different paths to be explored and each takes you to a different person
and maybe if he would learn to be colour blind for once, just maybe, they are each other's ending
→27/6
has there really never been a baeksoo with puppy/catboy baekhyun and owner kyungsoo
they have this relationship that absolutely traumatises puppy jongin every time chanyeol drops him off for a play date
kyungsoo and baekhyun invite him to join their "playdates" and chanyeol can't understand why jongin refuses to go anymore
and after one play date jongin flies back into chanyeol's arms shrieking about how he'll never ever wear collars again
chanyeol slams the door, panting, and jongin looks at him all i told you so. "you're never setting foot in there again"
jongin wags his tail and asks innocently "can we try that thing with the chocolate and ice though because that looked fun"
→3/7
i want the kim brothers to dress jongin in penguin or superman suits and making him waddle about the place
they make him wear astronaut outfits and line his ceiling with glow in the dark stars and jongin grows up http://t.co/592JNFUFH2
wanting to be the astronaut, visiting the planetarium even when he's too old for a child's ticket. in his first year of high
school he meets this nice hyung named chanyeol who tells him about stars and constellations and jongin sees stars in his own eyes
he talks about going star gazing a lot to his best friend sehun and it's only after three months that sehun tells him
"you WEREN'T dating chanyeol hyung? i thought when you said seeing stars you meant some kinky orgasm thing-" and jongin squawks
he moves back a few years later and no longer recognises the man jongin grew up into but jongin remembers. jongin remembers.
→11/7
cinderella!kyungsoo loses her glass slipper because she threw it in prince chanyeol's face when he tried to get frisky with her
"destiny," chanyeol insists, holding the shoe out to her a week later. she stares. "did you stalk me? DO I NEED TO FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER"
i want an au where jongin and chanyeol are both popular rookie actors of woobin/jongsuk status and they hate each other but are paired
together constantly because they look good together and at some point the bromance is real
jongin smiling to himself when he sees chanyeol asleep at the dressing table, script in hand
and wiping the smile off when he catches himself but he leaves his jacket on chanyeol's shoulders and turns up the heat
from then on concept changes from rough biker gangs to pretty boys frolicking among puppies and flowers
i beg someone to write prince jongin with a marshmallow heart and insolent playful bodyguard park chanyeol
jongin is the prince of candyland and he can't give his heart away easily because it is literally made of priceless, edible gold chocolate
chanyeol comes from the fire tribe, a burning ball of passion and literally, literally melts jongin's heart but he doesn't mind, not at all
it all changed when the fire nation attacked and suddenly jongin is separated from his fire boy chanyeol
but it's all good because the two nations decide to unite their princes in a diplomatic marriage and jongin turns to goo just for chanyeol
eager puppy chanyeol pushing his nose into jongin's neck and jongin acts like he hates it but can't stop his tail from wagging
"go away you stink," jongin says even as he entwines their tails together because he'll never hold chanyeol's hands but maybe tails are okay
→13/7
kid!jongin starts the astronaut club and chanyeol joins as the only other member because jongin looked too cute showing off his
paper mache planets and star charts and they make space helmets out of cardboard and rockets out of bottles
and one day they find a box and jongin says they're too old for this but they end up going on a space adventure anyway pewpewpew
chanyeol is older ofc so when they huddle in the box jongin can't be seen but the tuff of chanyeol's hair can be
CHANKAI SPACE ADVENTURES and they make monggu their mascot and fight grumpy space aliens (the wide eyed kid next door kyungsoo)
chanyeol saves up all his allowance and buys jongin a space helmet but it's too big for his tiny head so he says "when you grow up and
this fits you, i'll marry you." and jongin is like EW but he secretly cradles the helmet and prays that he grows up faster every day
excepT CHANYEOL MOVES AWAY??? AND THE HELMET GATHERS DUST IN JONGIN'S CLOSET, FORGOTTEN??? UNTIL CHANYEOL COMES BACK HOT AND OLDER
TIME JUMPS ARE THE KDRAMALAND WAY OF SKIPPING THE BORING STUFF AND GETTING STRAIGHT TO THE HORIZONTAL HOCKEY
→22/7
au where sehun is a lazy stork that's always late to work and forgets where to send the right baby so he drops a baby at chankai's doorstep
chanyeol discovers the baby first and instead of freaking out, falls in love with her little smile and pudgy fingers and he calls for jongin
jongin's like "you crazy? we can't keep her" but he sees her and his face is the softest chanyeol's ever seen,the same way he looks at monggu
they sit there for a moment, an actual BABY lying between them and chanyeol says "we should call the stork agency? report the mix up?"
"yeah," jongin says slowly, fascinated by the way her fingers curl around his own, "but maybe tomorrow."
and chankai were just normal roommates?? but then baby ignited maternal feels or stg so fast forward they date and decide to adopt a kid
sehun was in big trouble at first but his mistake resulted in true love so cupid jongdae argued for his case and got him off easy
chankai are pleased jongdae is pleased sehun is pleased especially whn jongdae scratches that spot above sehun's beak squawk sehun
→22/7
masterchef au
in ten years, yixing goes into the fnb industry and hosts a successful cooking competition show, growing sideways steadily as much as his wallet grows
jongin is that judge that eats everything and loves everything, always ready with an encouraging compliment
zitao would fiercely whisper things about how the broken can rise again you can do it if you! put! your heart! to it!
yixing's the one who goes all tyra banks y'know? we BELIEVED in you and you served us this shit?? he makes you feel worst
→19/8
it would be hilarious if jongin's so bad at potions he gives chanyeol apple juice and thinks it's a love potion
because jongin's a korean muggle and hogwart teaches in english and apple and amortentia both start with A right?
he thinks it works when chanyeol starts paying attention to him but becomes all sad because it's all the love potion's effect!!
so he mopes a lot and is suspicious at chanyeol's advances and wails dramatically "chanyeol we cannot be! the truth you cannot see!!"
chanyeol asks jongin to the yule ball two weeks later and jongin's like "wow im a good wizard the potion hasn't worn off yet?"
when jongin wails about love potions chanyeol looks at jongdae, also a muggle, who insists, "it's not a muggle thing it's just him i swear"
→22/8
this is an au about a world where some human that can take on the form of dragons, transform into creatures with scales and spanned wings
these dragon hybrids form the spine of the military, captured since young by the government to bend into obedience, the absolute weapon
this is the story about jongin the dragon who is hidden by his mother as a child, raised among rivers and the trees, protected and safe
but most of all, this is the story of a boy named jongin who stumbles upon a hurt soldier, luhan and discovers what it means to be tamed
→1/9
runt of the litter jongin trips over his feet and patters after neighbour sehun. he's endearingly annoying so sehun tries to avoid him
jongin has a growth spurt over the summer and comes back from building shelters for kittens all buff and big. sehun doesn't know what to do
the worst thing is jongin still follows sehun around, still trips over his feet except now all sehun wants to do is catch him
→16/9
chanyeol adopts another kitty hybrid and jongin gets thrown into a turmoil of confusion "am i not enough? does master not like me anymore?"
he tries to be on his best behaviour, doesn't make a mess and keeps quiet even when chanyeol makes meatballs for dinner, his favourite
and chanyeol jokes about how quiet jongin is, "what's happened to my furball of energy? do i need to send you to the repair shop?
and jongin just bursts out into tears. he hides under the dining table and wails about how he loves master don't send him back hiccup
chanyeol is all soothing tones, "i only adopted kyungsoo because i thought you'll be lonely! shh don't tell kyungsoo but i like you best"
they pinky swear not to tell kyungsoo and giggle at having a secret and kyungsoo's like "i really don't care." jongin is still happy anyway.
→20/11
ang said something about jongin in a skirt
in the name of the moon i'll punish you~ jongin prances around in his tiny sailor mars skirt
they meet at an anime con. chanyeol catches a glimpse of this beautiful sailor mars but accidentally sees her take off her wig
and oh- it's a him, and there are people coming, enough for mars to whip around, looking panicked at almost being caught
and chanyeol swoops in, plops his top hat on mars's head and winks at him, knowing that mars can't see who he is behind the mask
OFC THEY MEET AGAIN IN THIS CHARACTER DESIGN CLASS AND JONGIN ARGUES PASSIONATELY ABOUT THE RIGHT ANGLE OF A FLIPPED UP SKIRT
when grilled, he just stammers some reply about liking tits and ass but then it hits chanyeol just then that this is sailor mars
→24/11
jongin gets close to chanyeol for his dog and doesn't think that they're in date-like situations until chanyeol tries to kiss him
jongin falls in love with the beautiful labrador he sees at the park and tries his hardest to get close to her owner
cue jongin flirting in dog speak. smiles up at chanyeol and says "i like your hair. it's so glossy. you must go under the sun a lot"
but jongin is cute so chanyeol lets that slide
on their first date, jongin discusses the colour and consistency of dog poop enthusiastically and chanyeol is all "you're lucky you're cute"
!!! 2015 !!!!
→20/1
"sir the people are starving and wages are unpaid you can't just play with puppies" #kimjonginforpresident
"sir that's the entire 14/15 federal budget what do you mean a giant puppy playground-- oh, that would be cute" #kyungsoofinancialadvisor
→ 2/2
aspiring pro soccer candidate kim jongin and the mess of limbs he-shouldn't-even-be-able-to-walk actual pro player park chanyeol
"it's just because he's pretty, isn't it," jongin whines, benched again as he watches chanyeol zip across the field, "pretty wins everything."
but it could also be chanyeol's legs LEGS LEGS TO GO ON FOREVER and the way he flicks his hair and his signature swoonworthy grin
then chanyeol trips over nothing and slams face first into the goal post. "I'M OKAY," chanyeol grins. it's definitely not his coordination.
probably has his legs insured for a million dollars, not for his team's sake but "how else am i going to pull of armani suits?"
"no," chanyeol says way after the match, grin looking more feral than sweet, "it's because i give really good head. care to prove it?"
yeah but what if chanyeol recruits minions to stop sehun from stealing all the cookies from the cookie jars and their theme song is ....
"let's get down to business to defeat the huns
did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?"
BADUMTSK
chanyeol goes all out, gets walkie talkies for all his minions (ie. jongin who is too enamored to protest and kyungsoo-"stop talking to me")
"i'm going to kill you," kyungsoo seethes, as chanyeol ignores him and chants quietly, "be a man! you must be swift as a coursing river~~"
→11/3
how about au where chanyeol mistakes jongin as his long lost high school friend and jongin agrees in confusion
cy: dude you haven't forgotten me have you?
j: n-no uh-
cy: chanyeol!
j: chanyeol! was on the tip of my tongue!
cy: let's catch up!
j: sure?
and jongin's a ball of confusion. i faintly remember his memories but yet i don't? is there something wrong with me
by their fifth time hanging out jongin realises they came from different grades but by then he's already a little bit in love
→13/3
prompt: person a attends the wrong wedding but is too embarrassed to leave.
kyungsoo's the best man, chanyeol's sister is getting married, jongin fidgets at his table and hopes no one sees him
if chanyeol sees jongin sitting alone and goes YOU'RE ALONE? IM GONNA MAKE YOU MY PLUS ONE and jongin's just nonono
sketchbook au. this prompt about person b picking up a sektchbook by person a.
pcy approaches the stranger at the park,"dude look what i found.it's all of me!" jongin stutters,"who?would?do that?"
fluffers. jongin thinks he's applying for a puppy grooming job. chanyeol is not a puppy.
→28/5
i want this thing where jongin joined football only because chanyeol bugged him to as freshmen and it turns out jongin's actually rly good
and eventually jongin gets bumped up to quarterback real quick and he feels guilty for surpassing chanyeol
but chanyeol assures him that center is fine because he gets to protect and support jongin, and that's all that matters
when the scout for the uni chanyeol is aiming for appears at a game,jongin has to decide to pursue his dream or stay back...next to chanyeol
disclaimer: i know nothing about american football aside from idk, teen chick flicks as a kid and watching high school musicale
→29/5
YELLS I WANT CHANKAI GAMING AU chanyeol picks up league because jongin asks him to and quickly finds out jongin sucks but plays along anyway
or progamer chanyeol meets this cute guy at the pc bang who's adorably excited about league but is /terrible/ at it without realising it
cue gaming sessions where chanyeol tries his best to lose and fight the twitch in his eyes when jongin- you can't- nevermind you did well
prompt: chanyeol accidentally finds the Things I Want My Future Boyfriend To Do list jongin made when he was 15 and sets out to fulfill it
jongin was 15 so the list doesn't make sense but when cy surprises him with lotte world tickets,jongin is confused but pleasantly surprised
the next day, chanyeol bakes him cookies with little icing hearts and jongin would start questioning him except oh! there's a puppy cookie!
he starts getting suspicious when he comes home that day to find chanyeol sitting in a pillow fort but he's always wanted to do this?
he keeps getting surprises like this- little encouraging notes in his socks, a handmade fried rice bento, even the gundam figurine he wanted
until he finds the final present, a card that says, i can't promise to be the perfect boyfriend but i hope i can be your perfect husband