(no subject)
So last year seemed to be full of hope, the promise of new beginnings, the future seemed to be pleasant and happy and full of potential.
This year seems to be starting off slightly depressing and stagnant.
I don't know why, but I just feel really depressed lately. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's because I'm pms-ing. Maybe it's both and other things combined.
I just feel so stuck in my life right now. Going nowhere, spinning my wheels. I need to go back to school, I'm pretty sure that's part of my problem. I have no direction and nothing to work on or feel excited about. No goal to move towards. Hopefully I'll be able to crash and get into a bio class in spring, to start my pre-req's for the nursing program. As of now the class and waitlist are both full. But so many people drop it, I'm hoping if I stick it out until the add date they'll be nice and let me in. I hope. Otherwise I'll be screwed again and another semester behind.
Work is good I suppose. My boss finally came back to work last week. We really needed him sooner but he took the time he needed to heal from his wife's death and that's what really matters. I've been pretty much working 8-9 hours a day there plus babysitting on Wednesdays and Sundays for my aunt. My financial issues are starting to look up, but I'm still drowning in debt. I just paid $150 in student loans today. And I have another $70 in student loans that's due on Friday, hope I can figure out some way to pay it before it's late...And I need to make some credit card payments...
Things with family are good. My grandmother seems to be healthy, but I don't talk to her as often as I should so I don't really know how she is. I wish she would have sucked it up and finished chemo, but I guess it's her decision and no one can force her to do it. And who knows if it would even have helped. She feels healthier without it, so I guess that's a good thing in a way.
Life in general is ok. Nothing exciting going on. My birthday is tomorrow. I am so NOT excited about that. I feel like this is a crappy birthday. 24 sucks. It's not exciting. I'm not a kid anymore but I am definitely not an adult. I still live at home. I barely make enough money to pay my bills. I'm not married or engaged. I don't have I don't even pay rent or do my own laundry. I cook dinner most nights but besides that I'm still a child. I don't have any real responsibilities besides to get up, go to work every morning, and pay my bills. I feel like such a failure. This particular birthday has brought with it so many terrible emotions. When I was a kid I used to think I'd be married or at least engaged and not living at home at this point in my life. On my way to starting my own life. Not stuck living at home constantly annoyed by my parents presence. I love them but at my age, I should not be living at home. I can't afford to move out, hell I can barely pay my bills living at home. I can't help being depressed about my situation. I mean, I do have a lot of good things going for me in my life. I love my jobs (though they don't pay much), I have awesome parents who don't make me pay rent, I have an absolutely loving and supportive boyfriend, I have great friends. I have my health. But I can't help but want more out of my pathetic existence.
Ugh. Here's to turning 24. Wish me luck, cause I'm going to need it to make it through this year.
This year seems to be starting off slightly depressing and stagnant.
I don't know why, but I just feel really depressed lately. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's because I'm pms-ing. Maybe it's both and other things combined.
I just feel so stuck in my life right now. Going nowhere, spinning my wheels. I need to go back to school, I'm pretty sure that's part of my problem. I have no direction and nothing to work on or feel excited about. No goal to move towards. Hopefully I'll be able to crash and get into a bio class in spring, to start my pre-req's for the nursing program. As of now the class and waitlist are both full. But so many people drop it, I'm hoping if I stick it out until the add date they'll be nice and let me in. I hope. Otherwise I'll be screwed again and another semester behind.
Work is good I suppose. My boss finally came back to work last week. We really needed him sooner but he took the time he needed to heal from his wife's death and that's what really matters. I've been pretty much working 8-9 hours a day there plus babysitting on Wednesdays and Sundays for my aunt. My financial issues are starting to look up, but I'm still drowning in debt. I just paid $150 in student loans today. And I have another $70 in student loans that's due on Friday, hope I can figure out some way to pay it before it's late...And I need to make some credit card payments...
Things with family are good. My grandmother seems to be healthy, but I don't talk to her as often as I should so I don't really know how she is. I wish she would have sucked it up and finished chemo, but I guess it's her decision and no one can force her to do it. And who knows if it would even have helped. She feels healthier without it, so I guess that's a good thing in a way.
Life in general is ok. Nothing exciting going on. My birthday is tomorrow. I am so NOT excited about that. I feel like this is a crappy birthday. 24 sucks. It's not exciting. I'm not a kid anymore but I am definitely not an adult. I still live at home. I barely make enough money to pay my bills. I'm not married or engaged. I don't have I don't even pay rent or do my own laundry. I cook dinner most nights but besides that I'm still a child. I don't have any real responsibilities besides to get up, go to work every morning, and pay my bills. I feel like such a failure. This particular birthday has brought with it so many terrible emotions. When I was a kid I used to think I'd be married or at least engaged and not living at home at this point in my life. On my way to starting my own life. Not stuck living at home constantly annoyed by my parents presence. I love them but at my age, I should not be living at home. I can't afford to move out, hell I can barely pay my bills living at home. I can't help being depressed about my situation. I mean, I do have a lot of good things going for me in my life. I love my jobs (though they don't pay much), I have awesome parents who don't make me pay rent, I have an absolutely loving and supportive boyfriend, I have great friends. I have my health. But I can't help but want more out of my pathetic existence.
Ugh. Here's to turning 24. Wish me luck, cause I'm going to need it to make it through this year.