what the fuck
so sometimes you don't know where to go..sometimes you don't know what to do.
i really don't know what the fuck i'm doing. sometimes i pretend like i'm so sure of what's supposed to happen or what's going to happen, but i feel like i'm fooling myself. am i really though? i mean, i know that shit's not going to get any better, but i still try. why? so i can know that i tried my hardest to make things a little bit better for every human and every living thing that exists on this earth.
i think it matters. i know that most people don't. i know that lately i have been feeling that it doesn't. i have been feeling quite nihilistic for the past few months.
i go downtown..i can't look at the buildings without feeling this intense thing in my chest. it's caving in and i feel like having a panic attack. how can i stop this? they're tearing up the last green area downtown just so they can have something to develop. it's not even close to being necessary. what about that huge homeless population of asheville that just needs some understanding? they don't need a fancier "urban park" to help their problems..hell, they probably won't even be allowed to hang out there when it's done in 2007.
i can't listen to anything anyone says anymore because it's all just shit we're told to think and feel. i'm not exempt from this. i talk like everyone else. i play games like everyone else. i'm emo like everyone else. there's no escaping this shit. even our radical communities are not so radical. that's not being negative to these communities though..it's almost impossible to imagine something unlike this monster civilization we're trapped in. instead, we just create these parallels and they laugh at us.
i dunno, maybe i just need to drink another forty. that's the ticket. that's what they tell me at least.
i really don't know what the fuck i'm doing. sometimes i pretend like i'm so sure of what's supposed to happen or what's going to happen, but i feel like i'm fooling myself. am i really though? i mean, i know that shit's not going to get any better, but i still try. why? so i can know that i tried my hardest to make things a little bit better for every human and every living thing that exists on this earth.
i think it matters. i know that most people don't. i know that lately i have been feeling that it doesn't. i have been feeling quite nihilistic for the past few months.
i go downtown..i can't look at the buildings without feeling this intense thing in my chest. it's caving in and i feel like having a panic attack. how can i stop this? they're tearing up the last green area downtown just so they can have something to develop. it's not even close to being necessary. what about that huge homeless population of asheville that just needs some understanding? they don't need a fancier "urban park" to help their problems..hell, they probably won't even be allowed to hang out there when it's done in 2007.
i can't listen to anything anyone says anymore because it's all just shit we're told to think and feel. i'm not exempt from this. i talk like everyone else. i play games like everyone else. i'm emo like everyone else. there's no escaping this shit. even our radical communities are not so radical. that's not being negative to these communities though..it's almost impossible to imagine something unlike this monster civilization we're trapped in. instead, we just create these parallels and they laugh at us.
i dunno, maybe i just need to drink another forty. that's the ticket. that's what they tell me at least.