(no subject)
I found this in a column by Miss Manners:
The comfort that others can offer to the immediately bereaved is the assurance that the life that has ended was of importance to them and that the person will not be forgotten.
About a year after my mom died, I reconnected with a friend from high school. We were catching up and she asked about my parents. I told her what my dad was up to and concluded that, sadly, my mom had passed away the year before.
"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I'm so sorry. Wow. I remember that your mom made rice for us that time I spent the night."
It seems like a totally random and funny thing to say, but it had been a very important moment for her. R's mom - who was Filipino - had died when she was only nine. One of the things that she remembered was eating rice with her mom. Doing the same with mine had been such a comfort that she remembered it even a decade later.
I have another friend who can bring up memories of my dad, right down to an impression of him for any given instance. It's hilarious, and important. It shows that my parents existed and that they mattered.
I realize that other people (COLD, HEARTLESS ONES. Just kidding) might feel differently, but it makes me happy when other people remember my folks. I guess it kind of feels like they'll never be completely gone if other people remember.
The comfort that others can offer to the immediately bereaved is the assurance that the life that has ended was of importance to them and that the person will not be forgotten.
About a year after my mom died, I reconnected with a friend from high school. We were catching up and she asked about my parents. I told her what my dad was up to and concluded that, sadly, my mom had passed away the year before.
"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I'm so sorry. Wow. I remember that your mom made rice for us that time I spent the night."
It seems like a totally random and funny thing to say, but it had been a very important moment for her. R's mom - who was Filipino - had died when she was only nine. One of the things that she remembered was eating rice with her mom. Doing the same with mine had been such a comfort that she remembered it even a decade later.
I have another friend who can bring up memories of my dad, right down to an impression of him for any given instance. It's hilarious, and important. It shows that my parents existed and that they mattered.
I realize that other people (COLD, HEARTLESS ONES. Just kidding) might feel differently, but it makes me happy when other people remember my folks. I guess it kind of feels like they'll never be completely gone if other people remember.